[User] And telling a boy to figure out what he wants to do by telling him to do Nothing is like telling him to learn how to swim by drowning.

[Assistant] What are you talking about?


[User] What are you talking about?

[Assistant] I don't know. But you've started.


[User] Not that was just. I don't think you should be danced with that because. You know, she's holding you back.

[Assistant] Hold me back.


[User] Hold me back.

[Assistant] On the meeting, the, the women.


[User] how's just questioning things.

[Assistant] well, honey, I know there's been somemoral ambiguity in the houses and there's been somecompound influence.


[User] Is that what this is to you? Pomp and circumstance?

[Assistant] Well, I guess I'm just not as traditional as you are.


[User] Well, I guess I'm just not as traditional as you are.

[Assistant] Well, there you are. That's the problem. I'm just too traditional. Why should anyone listen to? society's rules are just a bunch of out-dated, prudish man.


[User] What, what does that have to do with any?

[Assistant] Anything, nothing. You know, I'm done. I'm done trying. Obviously, I'm just a dithering old fuddy duddy standing in the way of everyone's funds. Go ahead, Make your phone calls. Just pretend this baby isn't coming.


[User] I knew you wouldn't approve. I don't approve.

[Assistant] That woman has lied and threatened and manipulated my family. She almost landed you in jail. She used our son to try and extort us, Mike.


[User] oh my God. you guys, your shop is so adorbs.I'm clear. by the way,I owned a Storm Betford Fa dress shop called get the Frock Out.

[Assistant] oh, I remember that place,wasn't it right next to the hair salon? unbelievable.


[User] I totally get it.our first shot failed, but we got up, dusted ourselves off.well, Max went on a 4 day Bender, but I found her,dusted her off and we started again.good thing you downloaded the Finder Drunk Roommate app.

[Assistant] oh. so you guys kept going even though you failed.why did you have boyfriends? hahaha.


[User] oh. so you guys kept going even though you failed.why did you have boyfriends? hahaha.

[Assistant] so why are you two getting married?


[User] oh, in 3 days.

[Assistant] three days. you're so calm.


[User] so you want an obnoxious cake on a trust fundwearing an ironic T-shirt with HPV.

[Assistant] but wait, now I'm thinking pastels for spring.oh, but wait, now I'm thinking colors. I love clowns.


[User] Hey. Yeah, day with my parents.

[Assistant] I know you think it's corny, but it would be fun, really. I'm due date night.


[User] don't blaspheme. nope.

[Assistant] sorry.do you still drink wine?


[User] I'm born again,not dead yet.

[Assistant] okay. do you want a glass? yes. okay. wine it is.okay. so what are you doing here?


[User] I am in town for the LA Divinity Expo and I'mand I am gathering funds so that I can start my ownmega church.

[Assistant] mega church. yeah. okay. why not just like a churchor like I don't know Bible studying.have you been read the Bible?


[User] hi.oh my God, what happened to you?and I should tell you my doctorsays I'm not allowed to hear bad news for another month.

[Assistant] I apologize for my appearance.we got robbed in the subwayand then someone hit me with hot coffeeand I went to wash cold water on the stain and somehowwound up entering myself in a wet T-shirt contest.


[User] I apologize for my appearance.we got robbed in the subwayand then someone hit me with hot coffeeand I went to wash cold water on the stain and somehowwound up entering myself in a wet T-shirt contest.

[Assistant] um, that's a lot of energy for me, soI'm just gonna need to sit here for a second and be quiet.


[User] I know we're being quiet, which I'm all about, but cute dogs.

[Assistant] oh, thanks. they're cocker spaniels. I rescue them. you know,people rescue greyhounds and pitbulls,but everyone ignores the cocker spaniel.they're like, Ew, IGU, shoot it.I have three cockers. do you have any pets?


[User] oh, thanks. they're cocker spaniels. I rescue them. you know,people rescue greyhounds and pitbulls,but everyone ignores the cocker spaniel.they're like, Ew, IGU, shoot it.I have three cockers. do you have any pets?

[Assistant] I have a horse Chestnut. he's the thoroughbred.well, what can I do first?what's this? why am I holding a juice menu?


[User] every day we get freshpressed juice for the students and the staff.

[Assistant] what a treat.a fresh juice is such a scam. unless someone else was paying.I'll take the greens, No. 3.


[User] uh huh. well, put it on the list when you get the other ones.

[Assistant] wait, I'm supposed to get the juice?


[User] oh, boy. it's like I'm a bad news machine.

[Assistant] oh, okay. happy to do it. surprise that? happy.maybe I could change into one of those cute chef jackets.


[User] oh, Chef Nicholas only permits pastry chefs to wear these.

[Assistant] but I can't meet everyone on my first day looking like this.I mean, it's already bad enough. I'm the juice girl.


[User] Aha, very funny. No, I, I just thought they needed some time alone.

[Assistant] Oh, well, then you know what? I might swing by. I'll bring Scottie. Evan is kind of irresistible.


[User] Oh, well, then you know what? I might swing by. I'll bring Scottie. Evan is kind of irresistible.

[Assistant] Whenever you want to do, that's just fine. Kevin, how's Robert? He's not working late tonight, is he?


[User] Ah, no, it's pretty calm here for change.

[Assistant] Oh, good. Look, don't get him all riled up before he goes home.


[User] It was another woman's purse.

[Assistant] The silver lining is cow is benefiting from our parenting experience. Mitchell is molding young cow's brain. while I handle the young boy's body.


[User] It's America. We're nonprison.

[Assistant] Okay, let's sing the alphabet for mommy.


[User] Okay, let's sing the alphabet for mommy.

[Assistant] Come on. you and I worked on this a, B six. You know, I think I put so much information and they're getting jumbled up on the way out. But let's, let's see some of your stuff. Throw him a ball or something.


[User] Come on. you and I worked on this a, B six. You know, I think I put so much information and they're getting jumbled up on the way out. But let's, let's see some of your stuff. Throw him a ball or something.

[Assistant] Okay, yeah, that's a great idea. Okay, on the count of three cow, are you ready? One, two, three. Okay, okay, okay. All right. Um, well, hugs. Hey, how about a hug? Oh, he's such a good hug. Okay, here's the thing. Football camp started when cow came, then I was laid up because of that dinner and absolutely fabulous.


[User] Grizzly because otherwise, when the bartender.

[Assistant] I'm working. You're embarrassing. Both of us, please. You gotta go.


[User] and I'm sorry your early sex life was so rough.

[Assistant] I don't want to talk about my sex life with you.not my current sex life,not my early sex life. and here's the huge reason.I was a victim of that system and you were a perpetrator.


[User] I don't want to talk about my sex life with you.not my current sex life,not my early sex life. and here's the huge reason.I was a victim of that system and you were a perpetrator.

[Assistant] why does everyone have to beeither a perpetrator or a victim?why can't it be the Bill and I were in love.your abuse is not my abuse, Nikki.I was a normal person.so you really,really need to get off my back.


[User] totally. totally.but I think we should,we should take it just in case one of us has adebilitating mood disorder.okay.so I'll go first.do you feel sad, hopeless, overwhelmed, empty?that's a noop for me.how about you?

[Assistant] uh, well, I did. I feel sad. mm hmm.and I feel hopeless. I feel overwhelmed,but I don't feel empty. so I guess it's a no for me. okay,


[User] Oh, okay, well. I'll tell you. I don't think you're going to make it in the cupcake business.

[Assistant] Not with the psychic. And the subway told me, but duly noted. Actually, it's more of a personal question.


[User] Not with the psychic. And the subway told me, but duly noted. Actually, it's more of a personal question.

[Assistant] Okay, well, I personally don't think you're gonna make it in the cupcake.


[User] no, no, no, no. I like that.

[Assistant] not that way, Mrs. Daddy.whoop.


[User] not that way, Mrs. Daddy.whoop.

[Assistant] lastly. no,not like that. you're jumping. not too late.


[User] lastly. no,not like that. you're jumping. not too late.

[Assistant] no, sorry. your foot. sorry.


[User] please, Beverly, please,

[Assistant] please. the fact of the matter, as you liednot once but 3 times more, Jane,your brand is trashed and so were you.you have no credibility.


[User] please. the fact of the matter, as you liednot once but 3 times more, Jane,your brand is trashed and so were you.you have no credibility.

[Assistant] no. maybe my fans will identify with my story.


[User] But apologize and tell him the next round is on the house.

[Assistant] You cannot be serious. I'm running a business and you should support your employees.


[User] Yeah, oh my God, how was it?

[Assistant] It was fine. Good if it's all right with you. I invited him to your wedding. Is that all right? Yeah, of course. you're kidding.


[User] I like this guy.

[Assistant] I do. do, I mean, yes, we'll have to cut back a little bit, but isn't it worth it? if you feel like you are living your life for the first time?


[User] Singly.

[Assistant] I am too. It's like my heart is full for the first time in forever. Oh my God. it's really pounding. So like, I feel the weight of endless possibilities just sitting on my chest. she is not doing anything.


[User] Don't panic if you panic.

[Assistant] I just quit my job. I got Mitchell.


[User] I just quit my job. I got Mitchell.

[Assistant] I am used to nice things. What are we going to do?


[User] I like to think of it as self preservation. Holly, I'm telling you, this is better left alone.

[Assistant] Right, the way Sarah left it alone when she told Rebecca that William was her father. after I begged her not to witch, by the way, turned out not even to be true.


[User] Right, the way Sarah left it alone when she told Rebecca that William was her father. after I begged her not to witch, by the way, turned out not even to be true.

[Assistant] And we have barely recovered from all of that. Why would you even consider doing this? Well, it might be fun.


[User] No, mom. if you dress Paul up in that uniform and put fake arms and legs on him and make it look like it all worked out.

[Assistant] What's so wrong with that?


[User] What's so wrong with that?

[Assistant] It's not real. I don't care what's real.


[User] It's not real. I don't care what's real.

[Assistant] I don't want to see him like that. Are we going to tell all the people to come to the funeral that he killed himself to?


[User] You don't think I'm gay? Then why was I outed at breakfast?

[Assistant] You know, mom and dad, you say one thing and they're often running.


[User] You know, mom and dad, you say one thing and they're often running.

[Assistant] And what was that one thing? Robert's man, crazy.


[User] Well, no, listen, I never considered it. Look at me. I'm divorced. Break-ups left and right. I don't know, Raymond, if the whole family thinks I am.

[Assistant] But you stop it. They don't think you're gay. They're just confused. Maybe you shouldn't have won that shirt.


[User] Oh, hey. I didn't buy the shit. Mom bought it for me.

[Assistant] This whole thing is debris, Florence. she put the idea in my head that if you were gay.


[User] Never think some day too.

[Assistant] No, no one thinks you're gay, except for maybe Amy.


[User] The woman I was sleeping with.

[Assistant] Amy's got nothing to compare with. She was a virgin when you met her. Come on. You're not going to worry about.


[User] Why not? It's never stopped our family before.

[Assistant] You know, get yourself a glass cabin. You look naked.


[User] you're gonna believe me out of this,right?Barb

[Assistant] valuesthe compound is a successful.


[User] you take children.

[Assistant] is she firm and able body?


[User] be strong, honey.you have to have a stomach for the fight.it's a huge thing you're doing.maybe the one thing havingyour father has called you here to do. it's that huge.does the two.

[Assistant] you're not listening to a word I've said.now I'm worried that Alby's trying to come after Bill.he thinks Bill tried to kill him.


[User] At the moment. But yes.

[Assistant] He's been here for weeks now. Why haven't you kicked him out, like I said?


[User] Because I don't do everything you tell me to do.

[Assistant] Since when? Am I supposed to trust you? If you don't keep your work?


[User] Since when? Am I supposed to trust you? If you don't keep your work?

[Assistant] I never said I would kick him out. In fact, I was doing you a favor by letting him stay here, really.


[User] What do you do with these pictures anyway?

[Assistant] Awesome, just awesome restaurants. Uh oh, okay, Arctic Ocean, Atlantic Ocean, Pacific Ocean videos. Yeah, video. Oh, shit. Thank you to it all. Okay, alright.


[User] Well, I don't remember any of that.

[Assistant] So you didn't tell her?


[User] So you didn't tell her?

[Assistant] But look, yeah, I vaguely remember they said something about Deborah, but as far as an apology, look, it certainly wasn't clear on. All right, look, let's just forget about it. All right, let's just forget about it. You'll have some cake that says, I'm sorry on it.


[User] I can't believe you made the whole thing up.

[Assistant] I didn't make anything up. Everyone else did.


[User] Oh, I'm sorry that I would like to have a nice 10th birthday party.

[Assistant] Well, you can't have it, Cam. You want to know why? Because you're forty. You're a forty year old man.


[User] But you knew there was a possibility he wasn't. I mean, mom, you were clearly hoarding it up with both of them. I asked you. I begged you to tell me if there was even a chance that David was my father. And you and you lied to my heart.

[Assistant] Already thought that William was your father.


[User] Already thought that William was your father.

[Assistant] I was trying to protect you or you were protecting your, your business and your money are.


[User] I was trying to protect you or you were protecting your, your business and your money are.

[Assistant] Money, that's right. I didn't want that threatened. I still don't. I want you to have all the things that I didn't have.


[User] Money, that's right. I didn't want that threatened. I still don't. I want you to have all the things that I didn't have.

[Assistant] Oh, that's why you let William Walker die, thinking that I was his kid. How could you do that? Up in this house, he put you in his. will you let his family believe you? Let me believe.


[User] Oh, that's why you let William Walker die, thinking that I was his kid. How could you do that? Up in this house, he put you in his. will you let his family believe you? Let me believe.

[Assistant] You wanted to believe.


[User] You wanted to believe.

[Assistant] How could you do that to someone that you love?


[User] Whatever of flyers and coupons?

[Assistant] Where are they? I, I phone out. You throw out coupons. That's money.


[User] Best job I ever had. Raising two dynamite ladies on the. Best buddy. a guy could ever ask for.

[Assistant] Oh, what is with this? No crazy bread this.


[User] We stayed in New York for five more days.

[Assistant] And I saw David Blaine in Java when I've been.


[User] Your uncles, but you don't even know your own family.

[Assistant] I know this is my father, Alberto. And his brother's Mario. And and in jincheon and fabrico and baby Serena. No twins.


[User] I'm beginning to understand why there's so much conflict on your continent. Here, check this out.

[Assistant] R J. Jay loves to make T-shirts for special occasions. Come on, baby show.


[User] I'm not going to lie seeing them out there, slicing those kids in the pieces. You know it, it gets to you, but.

[Assistant] You could ask you a lot more.


[User] He hates it when I cry. It reminds him of our wedding night.

[Assistant] Hey, this cuss. Yeah, he's good, Mckenna. Guys can say that now.


[User] Hey, this cuss. Yeah, he's good, Mckenna. Guys can say that now.

[Assistant] I loved him, whoa. Oh. Here we are in Coney Island.


[User] Hey, mom, maybe you should come to the funeral, you know, just to say goodbye to us.

[Assistant] Be in the same room with Alda. Uh, not even. it was your own father rotting in that basket? Fruit.


[User] Stop you going to use your heads to coat chicken.

[Assistant] Do you know what all used to do to me? She'd read my diary. She put my dolls in odd poses. She'd wear my clothes. She'd steal my boyfriend's.


[User] Yeah. What kind of poses?

[Assistant] You know what it's like to grow up with someone who's bossy, demanding and unreasonable.


[User] Well, it would make things a lot easier on you and other people who have eulogies to give. I'm just saying it.

[Assistant] So make things easy for everybody else. But does anybody ask me how I feel? Oh, I'm just a burden.


[User] What is your problem, man?

[Assistant] I'm sick of you. And that's my problem. Ever since you come over here, you've been trying to make me look bad. I go out of my way to make a dinner for you. and you go out there doing aspirin, Simpson about all these groceries and even use mild recipe. Well and.


[User] I'm sick of you. And that's my problem. Ever since you come over here, you've been trying to make me look bad. I go out of my way to make a dinner for you. and you go out there doing aspirin, Simpson about all these groceries and even use mild recipe. Well and.

[Assistant] Who told you to use mom's recipes? You know, Mamma can't cook. I didn't tell you to do any of this. All I said was that I'm coming over. And you're the one running around here looking like the Galloping Gourmet.


[User] Which is funny what Ohio clothes is. and you walk away with me.

[Assistant] I got what I did, Tommy, because I stayed here. I fought and I worked my ass off while you went down to Mexico to, I don't know, irrigate corn.


[User] What am I supposed to tell the guy?

[Assistant] Tell them we don't want our bodies inside these drawers where God cannot find that.


[User] So how's your music?

[Assistant] Um. I finally started taking lessons from Henry Marshal.


[User] I mean, it's not that big a deal.

[Assistant] Yes, it is. You were totally crushed when he didn't pick you last year.


[User] You know what? You're right. I, I can't ever imagine myself living on that farm. I'm sorry.

[Assistant] There it is. I'm just glad E T didn't land at your house.


[User] Why would I say I do something and not do it? That would make me a liar. Instead of a trusting widow who fell asleep in the warm embrace of a man who promised to make breakfast for.

[Assistant] Okay, there it is. Look, I'm so sorry. You were the first woman I'd been with besides my X thirty five years. I panicked. and it wasn't because you weren't pretty naked or anything like that. I had to run from Angie Dickinson.


[User] Okay, there it is. Look, I'm so sorry. You were the first woman I'd been with besides my X thirty five years. I panicked. and it wasn't because you weren't pretty naked or anything like that. I had to run from Angie Dickinson.

[Assistant] Lucky her goodbye.


[User] Oh, yeah, that sounds familiar.

[Assistant] But you don't have to do anything. Just let me put it in. Shouldn't I say it then?


[User] And thank you so much for lunch Yesterday, Marie is such a life saver, yes.

[Assistant] Stuff in a life saver.


[User] Stuff in a life saver.

[Assistant] You brought me lunch at work.


[User] And it was nothing.

[Assistant] It was nothing. You made your own master.


[User] It was nothing. You made your own master.

[Assistant] You deserve it.


[User] Is this like an apology? Thank you. kind of thing. Now watch. This is how one graciously accepts a gift. What the hell is this? Ah, width. Either that are you scalped a lesbian from the eighty S?

[Assistant] Up, I grabbed her bolo tie and climbed up on her shoulder path. You took away my security thing, the pillowcase. So now I'm taking away your security thing, your hair. You could wear that on your head tonight. and then tell me again how this is all in my head.


[User] What do you want for thirty seven cents?

[Assistant] Fine, I'll put this roadkill on my head just to prove to you that I am so much more than my hair. I am my attitude, my spirit, my brain, my bravery, maxim.


[User] Fine, I'll put this roadkill on my head just to prove to you that I am so much more than my hair. I am my attitude, my spirit, my brain, my bravery, maxim.

[Assistant] Go the bangs. go in the back.


[User] Ah, now.

[Assistant] Why I'm in here?


[User] My truck, I stole it.

[Assistant] What, oh no.


[User] What, oh no.

[Assistant] I could get fired this.


[User] I could get fired this.

[Assistant] Well, maybe. Are you sure it's stolen? Maybe you just forgot what you parked it.


[User] Well, maybe. Are you sure it's stolen? Maybe you just forgot what you parked it.

[Assistant] Oh shit. It's not keys. It's a truck. Even if I forgot where I parked it, you can still see because it's a truck.


[User] Oh shit. It's not keys. It's a truck. Even if I forgot where I parked it, you can still see because it's a truck.

[Assistant] Well, don't get mad at me. You act like I stole it. That's it. I'm starting a black watch.


[User] all right.no, that is not a shopping trip offense.it has to be something much, much worse.now, what did you do?

[Assistant] I don't know.she's never taking me shopping before. she's making me go.


[User] well, you have every right to be offended. they are horrible.just use that.it's difficult being 3rd wife. lunch. you can't stand it.

[Assistant] oh, Nikki, I don't know. just please come home. I don't wanna go.


[User] I didn't say that.

[Assistant] You know what? I am going to yell at you actually, because after what he did, he shouldn't be within a mile of this place. Are you still sleeping with them?


[User] come on,man. not this conversation again.okay. I didn't give up. I was just done.

[Assistant] so race,bro. you race to place


[User] the best time is winning time.

[Assistant] Duke winning. doesn't matter.if I'm happy and I'm making progress, which I am,


[User] I don't know. maybe, I mean, it's a law firm. What am I gonna talk to these people? What about, I mean, I'm completely out of my element.

[Assistant] Exactly, it's a whole new experience. You should thank Aunt Julia. Look at. I mean, look at you're, everything's happening. This is, ah, an internship that could turn into a job. You could do this during the summer to sleep up when you're off of Berkeley and you.


[User] Exactly, it's a whole new experience. You should thank Aunt Julia. Look at. I mean, look at you're, everything's happening. This is, ah, an internship that could turn into a job. You could do this during the summer to sleep up when you're off of Berkeley and you.

[Assistant] I'm off from Berkeley because I'm going to Berkeley. I mean, mom, we don't know yet. Oh, Abraham, I wish to ask you a quick question. What if I don't get into Berkeley?


[User] I'm off from Berkeley because I'm going to Berkeley. I mean, mom, we don't know yet. Oh, Abraham, I wish to ask you a quick question. What if I don't get into Berkeley?

[Assistant] Why don't you think about something positive? Why don't you imagine as it might be? What do you have in your pants, dad? oh.


[User] Stop listening to the static.

[Assistant] But the fuck does that mean?


[User] Once you have it.

[Assistant] Can't handle. Let me think.  Yeah, yeah. Listen, I screw up the uniforms. I gotta go do the uniforms. Then I got to make sure. The gyms open. For all the big important things that Captain's got to do. So I'll see you later. All right.


[User] I'm a team mom. It's a struggle, but she's worth it. And she wants to go to war, dance war.

[Assistant] Oh, it's on. Dance team, a symbol. One, two, three, four, five.


[User] she'll come around.and when did you sign off on a forth

[Assistant] Bill? the first time it snuck up on me on my death bed.the second time the babysitter bit me. now this timeI want to say,and if it's going to happen,it is going to happen on my watch.


[User] Oh, I'm sorry. I thought you asked me, how many homes do you have? See, you're here, Solo. I was good news. I'm flying solo.

[Assistant] Oh, good for you.


[User] How many did I get wrong?

[Assistant] It's a skills assessment test, crisp. And basically what it says is that you don't have the propensity for any skill.


[User] Propensity. I got propensity.

[Assistant] Do you even know what propensity means? No, okay. Maybe it's not that bad. I'm gonna have to help you. That's my job. I'm the guidance counselor, but I'm going to have to run some more test.


[User] One question, are these tests important?

[Assistant] Unless you want to start taking a little bus to school, they're very important. I'll see you tomorrow. While the Guidance Council worked on a plan for my future, my father had a plan for my present and.


[User] And Linda. We need to talk and privately.

[Assistant] No, no, no. Just give me a cat. Can I just have one second? I just got through it. Did you have them on my phone guidance? Let's go. What do you want?


[User] again, with it air quotes.

[Assistant] soyour answer to our debt issue is bartering.


[User] yeah.and who doesn't love a good flea market?sorry,I'm not seeing the problem.

[Assistant] the problem isyou're paying48 hundred dollars to Fran to fix 5 light fixtures.the only people who canjustify a cost like that are the military and the Mafia.on the books,this looks like money laundering will be audited.


[User] but if we just explain.

[Assistant] no, no explaining.this is not how you run a hospital. this is over. end it.


[User] But I understand it.

[Assistant] Second one day, you're awesome to get old. and one of us is going to be gone. and we're going to regret every single day. We didn't spend loving each other.


[User] and so now this kidwho's known since homecoming has a picture of us.and you weren't gonna say anything?

[Assistant] I was gonna try to fix it.


[User] I was gonna try to fix it.

[Assistant] it's bad enough that Kasha knows.great.I have to.I have to quit my job.I have to move to another state.I can get arrested. locks.can anyone


[User] Oh, sweetheart. I had no idea. Why didn't you tell me? I'm going to call the radio?

[Assistant] Um, come on. No, no, no. Look, look here, here, practice right? then I'm just some call in guest. All right, so I'll give you this practice. Shoot me.


[User] I'm fully made up.

[Assistant] you are.you know, maybe when you do your hair.


[User] you are.you know, maybe when you do your hair.

[Assistant] okay. I'm a little behind on my hair.my boobs were bigger project than I thought.and I like what I'm wearing and I don't have timeto change because he's already 20 minutes late.


[User] okay. I'm a little behind on my hair.my boobs were bigger project than I thought.and I like what I'm wearing and I don't have timeto change because he's already 20 minutes late.

[Assistant] 20 minutes late.that's a no show.you just got stood up. you got stood up. something awful.


[User] 20 minutes late.that's a no show.you just got stood up. you got stood up. something awful.

[Assistant] I did not get stood up.I've never been stood up.in fact, I wouldn't even know if I was being stood upbecause that's how little I know about being stood up.am I being stood up?no, you are not.guys are always late. I once waited 3 days for a guy,but he showed up with a Ransom moneyand you don't see me living in a fridge anymore.


[User] I did not get stood up.I've never been stood up.in fact, I wouldn't even know if I was being stood upbecause that's how little I know about being stood up.am I being stood up?no, you are not.guys are always late. I once waited 3 days for a guy,but he showed up with a Ransom moneyand you don't see me living in a fridge anymore.

[Assistant] okay, fine. nobody got stood up.so I'll just sit here and text while we wait,you know, forever.and then finally when it dawns on you,we can call our friend Oleg and he can go put a hit on him.


[User] Yeah, yes. Uh, it. I mean, it happened really fast that, you know, we, we just sort of. We wanted the same things we wanted. We both wanted to start a family and we just sort of both. New so. By when I? You know, I ran into Amber and I, um, just came to me that sooner or later, you would run into someone and they might tell you. and I didn't want you to just. I wanna hear it from someone I wanted to.

[Assistant] Thank you. That's so nice of you. That is so you. That is. I'm really happy for you. I really am. Base. That's so great. That's so great. Cheers, cheers.


[User] To rock a girlfriend. I cannot deny it anymore. I am turning into a white woman. Is there a problem, girl, friends?

[Assistant] Spend Christmas cancelled?


[User] Callings, you mean voices in your head?

[Assistant] Boys'visions, They lead us to uncover things. That's how Cal newer to find you and how I heard you find her.


[User] A pleasure to meet you, Irish. My name is Mike Foster.

[Assistant] Oh dear. Am I under arrest? No, no, no, no, I'm.


[User] I didn't, I didn't read him anything. I was just, I was making stuff up. That's all.

[Assistant] What, what? What was this advice that you gave him, Doctor Love?


[User] What, what? What was this advice that you gave him, Doctor Love?

[Assistant] Nothing, there was no advice. He didn't come to me for advice.


[User] Nothing, there was no advice. He didn't come to me for advice.

[Assistant] So you just volunteered these theories.


[User] So you just volunteered these theories.

[Assistant] I was just waiting for curtains.


[User] Chelsea is my sponsor and it's over now. It's got nothing to do with them.

[Assistant] I don't know. Justin, you're her boyfriend. She hasn't called you.


[User] You're calling me a liar now, yeah.

[Assistant] Because I know that you're hiding something. That might work with other people.


[User] Because I know that you're hiding something. That might work with other people.

[Assistant] Is that why you came here to blame me? Because I'm not the cause of Rebecca's problems. Ok? and I certainly did not drive her away. I hope not. You know, I'm sick. I'm putting up with your crap.


[User] You're seeing up hello.

[Assistant] Hi, look how big she is gone.


[User] Yeah, you get him a funny car. He laughs at the car. You get him a sentimental one that he laughs at you and.

[Assistant] Hey, here's a knee slapper. It's a guy walking over a hill. Get it over the hill. He's all your father.


[User] I look at this one. This one's funny. on the front. It looks like big breasts. Not so fast. Open it up. The butt of a chimpanzees. My father wins either way.

[Assistant] Well, they're all so good. Quite sure. just pick one.


[User] Nothing, just we're about to crash into a big blue dot. Talk, Come on, Roberts.

[Assistant] Ah, sorry. Just a little excited. The sixty nine bets. The amazing match, the miracle match. And I love those guys. One of the few bright spots of my childhood. Just wish Dad had taken us to a game.


[User] Charlotte is Kevin.

[Assistant] I left my dad's necklace. I need to come in for a few seconds to look for it. Okay, sure, let.  Charlotte.


[User] You feel God in church, which is great. I feel God out in nature amongst this.

[Assistant] Are you going to go to turn next week? We'll see. I know what we'll see means if you're done with churches saying.


[User] I don't tell you how you feel.

[Assistant] Which is another way you're letting me down. Anyway, I got so irritated the other night and I'm not proud of this. I threw a potato at him. A fingerling. I'm not an animal.


[User] I know you were terrified.

[Assistant] Well, I was. Bringing William's illegitimate son into the mix was not something I wanted to do. And ha ha, Too bad for Holly is not going to happen and.


[User] You just said that you don't want her.

[Assistant] Well, maybe I changed my mind. Maybe, maybe, maybe I want him out.


[User] Well, maybe I changed my mind. Maybe, maybe, maybe I want him out.

[Assistant] It's too late. I called.


[User] It's too late. I called.

[Assistant] Oh no, no, you can't. All in love. Really doing all those things I said before were just to annoy you. Besides, I'm going to move back in that house.


[User] Oh no, no, you can't. All in love. Really doing all those things I said before were just to annoy you. Besides, I'm going to move back in that house.

[Assistant] That doesn't even matter.


[User] That doesn't even matter.

[Assistant] She's better off with me. No, I'm tall and strong, and I could carry her up to her bet on my back.


[User] She's better off with me. No, I'm tall and strong, and I could carry her up to her bet on my back.

[Assistant] So. Would be a better provider for her than you would.


[User] So. Would be a better provider for her than you would.

[Assistant] Oh, oh, why? Because you make more money than me. How are you gonna throw that in my face?


[User] What's going on, Ray?

[Assistant] Okay, all right, here's the thing. Robyn and the guys want to go golfing tomorrow. And I said, no, no way. Because it's, it's the weekend and the weekend is for a family. But then.


[User] So that gives you the right to buckle your pants in front of people.

[Assistant] But people that sleeves. And Maxine thought that was hysterical.


[User] You're impossible.

[Assistant] What about you wanting to dance?


[User] What about you wanting to dance?

[Assistant] It was a party.


[User] Good, I mean, I was just joking when I said it sounded like Chinese, But hey, it sounds likechinese<period>. Mom, that sounds good. It sounds like Chinese.

[Assistant] What am I doing? Like, I'm ever going to learn to speak Mandarin.  What the doing? I'm ever going to speak Mandarin. You know why? I don't follow anything through. I've been painting for thirty years, right? Have I ever had a show? Not one show. I haven't had one show, not even a group show. Now, why do you think that is?


[User] This is not good. This is not good at all. I'd like to spend again. Would you please bring my balls back?

[Assistant] Too late for that. Hello, I'm your cohost, Kimmy Gibbler. Good morning, America.


[User] Wrong show.

[Assistant] Folks. World story. I grew up in the house next door to this string bean. My bedroom looked right into his, so I can tell you anything you want to know and plenty you don't. Let's take our first caller.


[User] De Gaulle phoning back out.

[Assistant] What, why?


[User] So good for her.

[Assistant] So she's going to beat us and everyone expects me. The both of us really to be best at everything.


[User] Lala Punk rock is not about winning. It's about expressing yourself and sticking it to the man in a respectful, always legal. No longterm effects on future success. kind of way.

[Assistant] The. Maybe we need less old punk rock and more trending on Tiktok. You know, bring the house down with some Lizzo and win.


[User] What? You are the most competitive person I know. I've seen you flip over a candy land board.

[Assistant] Yes, but this is the one area of my life where I let go of all of that. You said you were putting on this talent show for me so that I could reconnect with that other part of myself again.


[User] 30 minutes tops.I mean, fine. if you have a better idea,

[Assistant] it's better be worth it. ColeLee, you have the bridge one gone? really? yes.guys,please finish the cupcakes. okay,


[User] To keep this between us.

[Assistant] Yeah, and you also said that it sounded great. So I thought that we had it worked out. And I know, you know what?


[User] Put on a great open house this weekend. The listing jeers.

[Assistant] Bring it, Laura, you want to test me? I've been tested my whole life. They could never find anything. So Sunday, twelve to four for the Oakland House that works for you. Great, great. Oh, and and if you have any questions or you need anything, just call it When you work with me, you're working with a friend.


[User] no, Jesus, man.I didn't know you were trying to get a hold of me.

[Assistant] it happenedagain,okay?at my niece's birthday party,I had some kind of freakout and I fucking saw somethingand I fucking needed you there and you weren't there.so fuck you, man. all right. just strolling into my house andeating my gogger and using my bed like it's fucking nothing,man.all right.what you did? it just,it's fucking bullshit. what did I do?fucking left in the middle of the night.


[User] Your hand smells like fish. And by the way, I've told you a dozen times, I hate salmon.

[Assistant] I hate the way you say mature, but you gotta hit the hard tea, don't you? And touch me back. One, two. One, two. The point is you don't listen to me when.


[User] Two, three. You don't listen to me.

[Assistant] My neighbor said three. You don't even listen to how many numbers to use.


[User] My neighbor said three. You don't even listen to how many numbers to use.

[Assistant] Kind of pulling my hair a little bit. I kind of know.


[User] Oh my God. you're right. He'd never be with me.

[Assistant] No, that's not what I said. I said, you're afraid of that. You totally nailed it.


[User] No, that's not what I said. I said, you're afraid of that. You totally nailed it.

[Assistant] Walking Adam would be with perfect Cheryl lad, not Nutbag Bonnie Plunket.


[User] Cheryl Lad from Charlies Angels.

[Assistant] I was his last call. closing time pickup. I'm in a pity marriage.


[User] Again, not what I said.

[Assistant] I know just when I think you're a fraud, you have these amazing revelations.


[User] why should I have,it's my hair.it's my choice.

[Assistant] completely.and there's azale,just that she's planning for Anna's reception.I mean, what color did we want?white. what? barbone in magenta.


[User] she told me.and what's worse,Barb knew and she still planned a magenta.

[Assistant] I can't believe she planted magenta,Azalia's, when she knew Anna wanted white.


[User] That your brother is gay.

[Assistant] No, what? Just because he's not married. Why are we talking about this? Oh, you will do anything to avoid sex with me and.


[User] Oh, can't help you with that.

[Assistant] Yeah, you know that thing you wrote last week about the new stadium proposal that was really.


[User] Yeah, you know that thing you wrote last week about the new stadium proposal that was really.

[Assistant] Oh. Hey, thank you, man. Thanks. Thanks, man. It's nice to get out and and meet the readers, you know? Yeah, yeah. Yeah, it is.


[User] Happy Billy, I can't go on tour. I'm having a baby.

[Assistant] Well, ah. We can't cancel. This tour, Amy Lee, I mean, what are you talking about? We have people counting on us.


[User] Oh, that's a weird taste. That's not in a recipe, is it?

[Assistant] No. Aha, okay, ready, okay. Your mother.


[User] But, but just trying to help me.

[Assistant] Listen, why would she go to all that trouble? Isn't it easier to leave out an ingredient for an amateur?


[User] Listen, why would she go to all that trouble? Isn't it easier to leave out an ingredient for an amateur?

[Assistant] It even looks like basil. Look at the label. It fits perfectly on here. My God, that, you know, this is the work of an evil genius.


[User] As a G, D. That's like when I used to slash the tires of my opponents before each race.

[Assistant] Would be nice to win. I'm tired of coming in third. Dj is always first. Stephanie is the dark horse. And I'm the friendly Billy goat. Clap it on the sidelines.


[User] Would be nice to win. I'm tired of coming in third. Dj is always first. Stephanie is the dark horse. And I'm the friendly Billy goat. Clap it on the sidelines.

[Assistant] Kimberly, now you are no William. You are shining stars so bright that people think you're an airplane. Let's go out there and destroy, demolish, dehydrate, ah.


[User] Yeah, eight, so.

[Assistant] So, uh, so, so, no. so we can't try again. It's fine. You know, I had an appointment last week and everything looked fine.


[User] Why didn't you leave them in the car?

[Assistant] I don't want them to get stolen and I may have taken it out to impress a certain China with the why. I think she really liked me and.


[User] Is she another cap and gown?

[Assistant] That sash has been worn by every honorary for decades. I'm not going to be the one to lose it after it survived earthquakes and wars and the lunchroom gravy fire of sixty four years.


[User] what kind of danger?

[Assistant] threats. your authority. conspiracies,plots. my two sons, Bill trying to appoint her trustee.Joey's nutty wife trying to poison you.they discussed me. I could be your eyes and ears.just have to give me one thing.


[User] Why are you taking calls from chandro? We have to do my video.

[Assistant] I had to take her call. She gave me a bunch of free apps. Angry Birds Doodle, jump. You want to look like a dog? I could do that book. Here's me as a Saint Bernard. You see my neck keg.


[User] Okay, I've done some research and here's some things. other people want money for. One woman wants money for a new leg scrolling.

[Assistant] If she only has one leg, shouldn't she? Beyond can't Kickstarter?


[User] Oh, I'm no longer working with them. They denied my project. Apparently, I'm not artsy enough and have too many legs. Now I'm on go fund fund yourself.

[Assistant] Perfect, I've been telling you to go fund yourself for years.


[User] The future of my pants hinges on the video pitch. The tone needs to be sad and pathetic.

[Assistant] Ah, preparation done, done. What's sadder than former billionaire Caroline Channing asking for money for pants.


[User] Well, you're blaming us.

[Assistant] All right, fine, me. He shamed him in front of everyone I. I hit him.


[User] We're sorry, but we just.

[Assistant] You don't get to talk. You had a chance to be better people today. You to be more well rounded and you to be a better student. You could have elevated the dunfee name, but instead you chose to tarnish it. So congratulations, ladies. You brought this family to a new low.


[User] Cole.come on. I know things have sucked without football.

[Assistant] so you know howyou're smart.you could have got naughty here,gone to Northwestern and been something. but you chose,you chose to stay in this lame ass town.and now you don't know what it's like to have that choicetaken away from you.


[User] you don't think I know that it's like to not have choices?are you serious?besides,you know,mom tac couldn't afford it

[Assistant] yet. they spent all the money on my stupid leg thatstill doesn't work.


[User] I can't hold her. You got to come with me.

[Assistant] No way.


[User] No way.

[Assistant] Just just be in the way, ruin our evening and do it for you.


[User] No, um, I just thought. Maybe you took it wrong.

[Assistant] I took him wrong. She asked me if I just got my head done and then hands me a card to her hairdresser. That's like somebody asking you if you just took a shower and then handing you a boss up and.


[User] I was just trying to help.

[Assistant] Help who the woman has been messing with me since the day I got there. Now you're telling me I'm taking the wrong? Oh no, she didn't all take it wrong when I knock all the black head and.


[User] Ooh, I say his country. What the hell he's doing?

[Assistant] He's doing a missionary work. To pay off his debt, your debt. And it is exactly what happened to that Rockefeller boy who went to New Guinea because he thought he was doing good. But really, he got eaten by cannibals.


[User] If you want to fix things, then you get your ass to Haiti and you bring our son.

[Assistant] You want me to go to Haiti? I dare. You didn't put a hole in my asshole. I'm injured and I'm jobless.


[User] I don't know. I don't know, seventeen.

[Assistant] I told you number seventy.


[User] I told you number seventy.

[Assistant] All right, so what's the difference? oh?


[User] Yeah, yeah, she is. And, you know, she's black, so that's good.

[Assistant] Is that good?


[User] thanks. in the touch of farm yardhere, you're being driven mad by the royal welcoming to Missy.

[Assistant] yes. and I thought the Corefoot Lunar Society were tricky,but they tell me the king loves wildlife.


[User] All right, Frank, we don't sniff the guests.

[Assistant] I mean, a conversation. You're embarrassing yourself and you're embarrassing me. People think I am with you.


[User] You don't deserve my food.

[Assistant] What the hell do you think? I say around here? Before I go to the large?


[User] Alright, we should call the kids, I think.

[Assistant] Honey, you just called them from the car, but. One point of us being here so we can unplug.


[User] I guess this wouldn't be the best time to tell you about the couple's massage I order.

[Assistant] That's, that's fine. Sounds good. Can I get anything in particular? If it's fine? I want to, I want to. It will give me a chance to call the kids and I'll get those little crackery thingies that you love. Just, I'll be back before you know it. You just, you sit there and relax it.


[User] Uh. Now us. I got to tell you, that's between your mother and I and appreciate your asking, sweetheart. But really, they're kind of intruding.

[Assistant] She has a right to talk to you about whatever she wants to talk to you about. She is a voice in this, you know? Luck. I am so grateful for this car. This has been so good for Victor, but you have to talk to mom. And you have to listen to her. Because. She's your wife. And because she has a right to weigh in on on decisions that affect both of your lives, you know?


[User] So she's dropped. I'm not leaving.

[Assistant] This is my house. That's great. I don't know. I've never made this, So I'm asking.


[User] for the rest of this summer. he can live with us.

[Assistant] well,I don't know if I can do that. oh, well,


[User] Are you referring to the suitcase that you haven't moved in three weeks? Is that the suitcase to which you are referring?

[Assistant] Why couldn't you move it?


[User] Why couldn't you move it?

[Assistant] All right. You are not going to the airport with a grocery. Take the suitcase.


[User] you have the money.

[Assistant] I met emotionally help you. I don't have $2,000.you know,I have always trusted you.and now I don't. I don't know what to think.


[User] But you did. And everything that you do comes back on me or partners.

[Assistant] I was trying to protect you. and I was trying to protect Lexi. She needed help. She's been like a daughter to us, Mina.


[User] I was trying to protect you. and I was trying to protect Lexi. She needed help. She's been like a daughter to us, Mina.

[Assistant] But she's not our daughter, which is why we shouldn't have done it.


[User] I couldn't do anything.

[Assistant] I'm sorry you couldn't do anything. So I did. I did the right thing. Hi, honey, what's up?


[User] Which is?

[Assistant] You got to eat a bigger boat, Smith's.


[User] Right, Roy Scheider.

[Assistant] All right. What I do know is that dinner is right to go sit down, sit down. just do it, alright?


[User] Very sweet, Mike. I really do appreciate, but we can't accept us so.

[Assistant] I'm not taking that. If you don't take it, I'm going to be deeply offended. And you of all people should know. You don't want me deeply offended.


[User] This isn't a job that a monkey can do. You know, I have to be present. I have to make decisions and be mindful. You know, I need to be awake.

[Assistant] I know. And we're gonna get all this stuff done. Get a sound check in so you can get some rest before you gotta do your thing tomorrow. Okay, hey. Honey, how are you? It's everything. Okay, okay.


[User] Why is your father fixing our stairs?

[Assistant] The hook is the foot pops are melting. Let's go.


[User] That's what I told him. You don't want to know the truth, do you? He came in the other night. I was talking to the guy.

[Assistant] A minute. Wait a minute, Wait a minute. Wait a minute. Did you tell the guys?


[User] No, they just got it. They might wrist your shoulder. It is kind of obvious.

[Assistant] Oh my God, Ray, this is so embarrassing. How could you?


[User] Oh my God, Ray, this is so embarrassing. How could you?

[Assistant] Sky talk. Come on. That's what we do. I don't be embarrassed when we call it in there.


[User] Sky talk. Come on. That's what we do. I don't be embarrassed when we call it in there.

[Assistant] My. And everyone knows it.


[User] My. And everyone knows it.

[Assistant] All right.


[User] All right.

[Assistant] I don't want everyone to know it, Ray.


[User] I don't want everyone to know it, Ray.

[Assistant] I like the guys are already thinking wild and stuff anyway, so it doesn't matter.


[User] I like the guys are already thinking wild and stuff anyway, so it doesn't matter.

[Assistant] Well, I don't think. Wild.


[User] Just be honest with yourself, Tom. You've never gotten over the fact that dad brought me in over you.

[Assistant] Screw you. You just can't stomach the fact that you failed.


[User] He seems to be having a good time.

[Assistant] What this morning that's finished. I was, I had the nerve to tell him to wear a hat. I was thinking of this thing. I begged him fifty times. Please, please get someone to fix the garage door, right? You know, he says I could do it myself. And of course, you know what happens? He doesn't do it. It's been three months. Anybody could get into that garage if they wanted, please. What are you stopping for?


[User] No, no, I just never seen him like this before, pretty. You see the way around you. Look at these.

[Assistant] I've seen flowers. My point is, I can't talk to you. Oh, there's a butcher shop. And I got to run in there and get some meat for the barbecue lighter. You want to come in with? No, no, no, no.


[User] Off, you're not here for game. And guess he turned out just randomly walking along the beach.

[Assistant] Zab. I can't buy them. Tell you that it was nice to hear that you left Bennett Beachum in Finley.


[User] I've never written a play before.

[Assistant] You've been on the earth a long time without having ever written a play. No offense, what?


[User] Frank. What do you do?

[Assistant] Come on, Marie. We're going home. Are you talking about?


[User] also.I don't know what the hell we're talking about.

[Assistant] you had racial blind spots, Kevin?deep ones that affected me.not my prom dates. dad,


[User] What is Robert?

[Assistant] He's fine. He's, I've never seen him like that. He just took control. He's, you know, it's like one minute. He's my brother who who eats like this. And the next minute, he's like this.


[User] Fine, God, why didn't you just come out and say you hate my cooking?

[Assistant] No white tone. Come on, You're, you're very. Hey, since why do you care so much about cooking? I don't.


[User] But don't my mother cares about cooking? I don't care about it.

[Assistant] Ah, right. then why are we talking about? because?


[User] Ah, right. then why are we talking about? because?

[Assistant] I care about it. Okay, I don't want to care about it. It's just. The one thing that I was sensitive about.


[User] The one thing.

[Assistant] All right, the big thing, Look, all I'm saying is that, you know, given everything that I do around here, why do I care so much that I can't make spaghetti and meatballs for my husband as good as his mother?


[User] Uh. The judge can see us today at twelve thirty. Thank you.

[Assistant] As it has to. Really don't like Kelly having to put on a show.


[User] So he gets ten canoes and I get none.

[Assistant] He's having a life crisis.


[User] that's not it.I'm with Alex because he doesn't treat girls like you do.

[Assistant] like I do. okay. what is the cold effect?


[User] like I do. okay. what is the cold effect?

[Assistant] you sleeping with random girls,the way you treated Aaron what you did to page toOlivia to God knows who else and you just


[User] Cut up or what?

[Assistant] So we cut up, but we tore it up. What we did. We tore it up. We threw it away all over.


[User] I know you don't think much of me, Alex,but I hoped you'd know that I wouldnever do anything to deliberately hurt my own brother.oh,

[Assistant] seriously?well, that's exactly what you've been doing my whole life.


[User] ages ago. she was my first girlfriend.how could you.

[Assistant] I didn't know about you guys.why can't you just,just give me the benefit of it out for once instead ofalways assuming the worst?I didn't know. I was gone all


[User] I didn't know about you guys.why can't you just,just give me the benefit of it out for once instead ofalways assuming the worst?I didn't know. I was gone all

[Assistant] summer. I know. I know.


[User] you're with Jackie now, right?so then what does it matter? it's about

[Assistant] so much more than the page thing, and you know it.it's about how everything is effortless for you.it's about how every single time anything good happens to me,you destroy it.it's about how you just waltz in and conquer and plantyour flag without considering who the casualties are.I've lived my whole life in your shadow.do you know how hard that is?you get all the attention.you are the charming one everyone wants to hang out with,the football star,the most popular kid in the school.even my girlfriend leaves me to go help youwhen your dumbass is drunk and ruining mom's night.


[User] I would love the cash, Ok? but I'm not going to sign anything until I know the facts. And there's something wrong here.

[Assistant] Why would your mother try to cover it up? I mean, you guys all know he wasn't exactly the most outstanding businessman. And besides, he's dead.


[User] Why would your mother try to cover it up? I mean, you guys all know he wasn't exactly the most outstanding businessman. And besides, he's dead.

[Assistant] What if this is about Tommy? I'm serious. What if he convinced Mom to sell the company so he could pay off his debts? Not every.


[User] He told us that you broke up with Amy again.

[Assistant] Well, that means I'm not ready to get married right now. It doesn't mean I'm gay.


[User] All right, sweeter. Have some pancakes.

[Assistant] I'm not gay telemarketing.


[User] Nadia, sit down here.

[Assistant] You know, just this thing with Amy was I couldn't commit right now. I don't know what it is. Maybe she's not the one for me.


[User] Here's the directions. I've already read them.

[Assistant] I don't need directions. I mean, it's been a while, but I remember.


[User] It was a way to go.

[Assistant] On, look at this. It's amazing. That was an amazing day. I want up to that every day.


[User] Well, I can't celebrate something that you didn't say. it was a thing to celebrate. You don't think it was a good idea? then? I can't celebrate. and I'm with you.

[Assistant] Looks you, you're heading. It worked out. It worked out.


[User] stray,was that Omar? yep. why didn't you accept his call?

[Assistant] because this is the third time he's called this week,and he's constantly asking me who was at the club last night.I don't have the heart to tell him that the clubis a gymbare.now,


[User] because this is the third time he's called this week,and he's constantly asking me who was at the club last night.I don't have the heart to tell him that the clubis a gymbare.now,

[Assistant] gray, my goodness, you sound so cold.he just wants human contact.you can't just talk to him for a little bit.


[User] Hey. Charity begins at home.

[Assistant] Yeah, but I was was helping people, you know, I shouldn't let Robert spoil that for everybody. I mean, what I was doing in the hospital, it's important. and I was good at it and.


[User] Yeah, but you're quitting, right?

[Assistant] When I go in there to volunteer, you should see how happy everybody is to see me. Everybody, the nurses, the patience, you know, the old gimme stuff, even the, the sick people. when they get the gift baskets from people who don't want to visit them. There's always a cookie or a brownie or a nice piece of fruit for. You know, the, the cafeteria staff, they're always bringing me jello. And you know, that pimple on the back of my neck. That won't go away. Doctor's going to give me a cream for that for free.


[User] When I go in there to volunteer, you should see how happy everybody is to see me. Everybody, the nurses, the patience, you know, the old gimme stuff, even the, the sick people. when they get the gift baskets from people who don't want to visit them. There's always a cookie or a brownie or a nice piece of fruit for. You know, the, the cafeteria staff, they're always bringing me jello. And you know, that pimple on the back of my neck. That won't go away. Doctor's going to give me a cream for that for free.

[Assistant] Oh my God.


[User] Oh my God.

[Assistant] I know. it's amazing, right?


[User] You are so full of it. But I do want to be more open. and I would like to be closer.

[Assistant] What am I saying here?


[User] What you talking about?

[Assistant] Amelia and I stand together on that stage side by side. Nobody stands behind the other one. That's how it's supposed to be.


[User] Mrs.Michael Thwait already fed me at my lodgings, but thank you.

[Assistant] well,if Norbury's got an app or die, it was been at me. eggs,


[User] Well, you have to do the homework.

[Assistant] I was doing the homework. Come and dump.


[User] I was doing the homework. Come and dump.

[Assistant] No, you weren't doing it right. The blinder says to list our partner's positive qualities with examples. Now, have you done any of the fine?


[User] No, you weren't doing it right. The blinder says to list our partner's positive qualities with examples. Now, have you done any of the fine?

[Assistant] Warren is very, very good at being controlling.


[User] No, no, I embarrassed myself.

[Assistant] So you didn't? I fainted before, too.


[User] blasphemy.take it back.you take it back.

[Assistant] I will not. I will not.


[User] I know you're not jealous of me.

[Assistant] I kind of am actually. I mean. I had to go back to Honduras and got to stay here. I missed a whole year and. When I got back, you were different. More confident and prettier and. Running for junior class president. I felt like everyone had forgotten about me.


[User] That's the difference. No. Wrong. That's why. Incorrect. No anchor. No.

[Assistant] Six, one. does y equal x?


[User] Six, one. does y equal x?

[Assistant] Are you crazy?


[User] Are you crazy?

[Assistant] Does not equal why you carry the two?


[User] Does not equal why you carry the two?

[Assistant] But.


[User] But.

[Assistant] Yeah, Chris, what kind of answer is that?


[User] Charlie, you're kidding.

[Assistant] I never joke when it comes to the fruit. That miracle in your hand is a half plum, half apricot. There was a time they can only accomplish that in juice. Uh-huh. Jay, I'm sorry. You got a low strike of time. Hey, no worries. Who among us hasn't blown off his best friend he hasn't seen in four years to go. Fruit shopping. Sounds like somebody could use a pomegranate fruit plan.


[User] You know what you're doing, don't you? You're turning shorty into Maddie. Stop hugging my best friend, hey.

[Assistant] If you're so upset, then you can take him. But stop saying best friend. You're too old to be using that word. Hannah from Montana has a best friend, you.


[User] You don't need to fork to cut things.

[Assistant] It's not the cut to split what? Yeah, it says it right on the rapidly. look at it. fork, split the fork with the fork.


[User] If they split it at the factory, it would be open already. I wouldn't have to talk to you.

[Assistant] You want this or not?


[User] You want this or not?

[Assistant] Now, look what you've done with your knife. Not only have you killed the crannies, you smushed them into the nooks.


[User] That can't be right.

[Assistant] This is a legal document. She only has your last name. My name is just a middle name.


[User] But they call them, don't get upset.

[Assistant] Nobody knows anyone's middle name. Quick, What's my middle?


[User] You buried my name so your name could have top billing.

[Assistant] You know, I am not going to sit here and listen to you. accuse me of something.


[User] So horrible. It makes so much sense Now why you wanted to fill out all of these legal forms?

[Assistant] Okay, well, I'm a lawyer. I thought all of the legal forums ever since you signed up for a twelve year gym membership.


[User] And how exactly did you show your compassion?

[Assistant] With balloons.


[User] Did you tell him that you care about him?

[Assistant] It set it on the below your number one.


[User] It set it on the below your number one.

[Assistant] Why don't you try actually telling him that you care about?


[User] look at you.

[Assistant] have you lost your senses?


[User] I feel very scene, Mama. perhaps for the first time in my life.

[Assistant] you are making a completespectacle of yourself. please get a sheet to cover her up.and this hair,


[User] that's how I want it,

[Assistant] but it's ridiculous.it's on the side of your head.


[User] but it's ridiculous.it's on the side of your head.

[Assistant] it's me, Mama.so I've always been inside.


[User] you're talking yourself right into a straight jacket. no,

[Assistant] this hotelis the place where my soul was killed.when you should buy and let papa marry me offto a man who has twice my age.enough


[User] Yeah, I'm glad you here. Hey, after you.

[Assistant] Thank you all that worry for nothing. You know, I'll show you the pictures later.


[User] But what if they want their money back? Why don't we get it from?

[Assistant] Julius, you got better odds of being struck by lightning than the Irs wanting their money back.


[User] I mean. Okay, there. we'll give mom the money back.

[Assistant] You know?


[User] Oh, Ray.

[Assistant] Um, I know. Get out of here. No, go. Oh, if if you do it, don't make me turn the hose on you. But. Thanks.


[User] There will be pools at this thing.

[Assistant] Watch me, daddy.


[User] You're focusing on the wrong thing here. The point is it ended badly. I tried to let her down easy, but the. She didn't take it too well, actually, I don't know how she took it because I wasn't there. We dated a few weeks and after we, you know. I slipped out of her house before she woke up and never called her again. Put my pants on in a yard. Put the car in neutral. Let it roll down the driveway. Lights off. Hey, I can't talk about this anymore.

[Assistant] So because of this woman, you didn't vote for your daughter. It's clear we need her to win. I don't want to be around when something that tide comes on, Bravo.


[User] I'll figure out something. Maybe those poll workers take shifts.

[Assistant] Stop hiding in your little cave like a like, you know, like the, the, the.


[User] I really don't want to do this again, no.

[Assistant] The big ones I get the most fairy one. Why can't I remember any animal names?


[User] That's what people do.

[Assistant] Oh, yeah. Well, what am I supposed to do? It's just me and my parents, man. I can't take it.


[User] I got a crow nut. I waited in line for two whole days.

[Assistant] Sophie, you bought into the hype too.


[User] Sophie, you bought into the hype too.

[Assistant] Oh, come on. You know your girl, Sophie is always on trend. I was the first one wearing Crocs. I brought the Crocs craze to America.


[User] When I was rich, I sent ten thousand pairs of crops to children in Africa. Why to make them less cool?

[Assistant] Look, girls, here I am in the cronaut line. and here I am still in line. Oh, and when here I am writing a baby elephant. And here I am eating a crow, not.


[User] Look, girls, here I am in the cronaut line. and here I am still in line. Oh, and when here I am writing a baby elephant. And here I am eating a crow, not.

[Assistant] Max as stupid as it is, we've got to go over there. We need to figure out what they have that we don't.


[User] It's Adam's job. And if he wanted my help, he could add.

[Assistant] I have it. Or is he gonna know if you don't tell him you've got a time. you want to be involved.


[User] I have it. Or is he gonna know if you don't tell him you've got a time. you want to be involved.

[Assistant] I don't know, Dad. I don't think he would love it anyway. And I thank you for your advice, but I don't really need it. I'm a grown up and I will take care of it. And just, I'm sorry, I even brought it up.


[User] Are you sure you're not just?

[Assistant] Being paranoid. Because I'm crazy. You're not crazy. They're always whispering, okay? And when I walk into the room, they shut right down. There was a girl that I met in the hospital. Her parents sent her to one of those schools in Montana. And she said it was like a prison. Can you please talk to my mom?


[User] I'm a sports writer. I got a column in Newsday.

[Assistant] Ah, wait a minute. Gray Baron, now I know who you are. I used to throw you in a girl's room all the time.


[User] It was supposed to be a secret. I'm never going to talk to that man again.

[Assistant] Why don't you like Deborah?


[User] Why don't you like Deborah?

[Assistant] Honey, I love Deborah. You know, it's just that Amy and I get along so well. She's a very nice girl, you know?


[User] I can take this right now, Roman,or I can go get a cop and enforce our rights as shareholders.

[Assistant] this meeting is out of order.Article 4 requires changes and membershipbe submitted to the Executive Board10 days prior to the meetingwhere in the proposed new member is seated.that has not happened.meeting adjourned.youget out of that seat.


[User] Excuse me.

[Assistant] You're doing it again. Look, I'm sorry, but I thought you did that because of stress. Are you stressed? It's okay if you're stressed. I just want to know if you're stressed. Are you stressed?


[User] What I care about is you travel in the countryside going who has a cure for my husband? The loom?

[Assistant] I was just trying to hell.


[User] But wouldn't it be good to finally deal with your? Little chin problem.

[Assistant] Oh, problem. I see. So now I have a problem. Was that the verdict? And Ray and Deborah's kangaroo.


[User] It's a robber.

[Assistant] Like, look, you think I have a problem? Well, well, you know it maybe, maybe, maybe you have the problem. Ah, Missy. That's right. What about, what about, what about the way you eat, huh?


[User] Like that.

[Assistant] Yes, yes, you do it like that. And and and you walk funny.


[User] What do you mean? I don't have a life, Christina. I have a schedule.

[Assistant] You have a life. How do you think that makes me feel? you have a schedule?


[User] You have a life. How do you think that makes me feel? you have a schedule?

[Assistant] Christina, this isn't about you. I feel like everybody's treating me like a damn household appliance all the time. Oh, maybe, maybe it's about, I'd like to go for a walk with my wife, but I can't because Crosbie needs to consult with me about Jabar or Katie or Sarah. Her kids need a father figure. How am I supposed to say no to that?


[User] I don't have any more tanks at home.

[Assistant] Why that seems like bad planning.


[User] Why that seems like bad planning.

[Assistant] Now I forgot to order them. My pills make me forget things. Oh, shoot. I got to take my pill.


[User] Are you asking me?

[Assistant] Ah, yes, I do take them with food. I don't feel so well.


[User] Ah, yes, I do take them with food. I don't feel so well.

[Assistant] Okay, I'll get you whatever you want. I'll get you the bear. I'll get you the food.


[User] Print it upon your nerves. Yeah, the hell does that even mean?

[Assistant] Home, welcome. The nerve having a blanket upon.


[User] So this should be that big of a deal. Your father has always given you a hard time. We should be used to it by now.

[Assistant] I am. Look, the thing is this. I beat him. okay? and I always had that on him. If I didn't really win that game. If I didn't beat him, then I don't know. I'm just twelve years old crying in a basement.


[User] Thought a ball hit you in the eye. Ah. You want to talk about?

[Assistant] No, no, I would like you to support me on that. Oh, nothing I do is important, right? I, I'm just here to support you. Oh, Ray, you gotta stick up for me with your parents, Ray. Your parents are bothering me, right? Your parents are in my face. Yeah, okay. But the minute I need.


[User] I'd forget it.

[Assistant] Yeah, come on, come on. All right. You're pathetic, Nancy.


[User] Way to go, bro. by all the surprise.

[Assistant] You know that job she was up for. She got it at Maddox Thompson. Oh, yeah, Employment way up. I just spoke to Sergio Acosta to thank him for hiring Pedro and see if he had any more openings. Why don't you see him happy? Why don't you tell him, Sarah?


[User] It's not embezzlement. Come on.

[Assistant] Don't kid yourself just because you think it's a good cause. It doesn't make it right or legal a lot. What did you give away? She gave one hundred thousand dollars to Sergio Acosta in trucks. You just gave him company trucks.


[User] He assured me that he would hire our crew.

[Assistant] Are you nuts? They don't even belong to you.


[User] Are you nuts? They don't even belong to you.

[Assistant] No, they belong to the company and the company failed. And that's why these people are out of work. So the company can take the damn hit. I know what I'm doing.


[User] I was going to sell my house, okay?

[Assistant] Sarah, listen to yourself. I mean, you are so far over the line. You don't even see it.


[User] Sarah, listen to yourself. I mean, you are so far over the line. You don't even see it.

[Assistant] These people are my responsibility. When you were up in Seattle, I had to live with my inability to save this company every day. and it's not their fault. It is my fault. It is my fault. and I am trying to fix it and.


[User] That's what it says. Are you sure?

[Assistant] Suffer Lilly Rosen, you wrote that science fair. She brought that frog back to life. This is for our.


[User] Look at their suggestion that she skipped fifth grade and go right into middle school next year. Lily is testing far above her grade level and we feel she would benefit from a more challenging curricular.

[Assistant] I know.


[User] you're my wife,margin.you can't be seeing the girl I'm dating.

[Assistant] well, why do only you get to choose? I'd be marrying her too.and I love her.she loves you. she loves me. she'll love bark.she'll go to love Nikki.


[User] I don't care what they think. Okay, did you call the rehab where I sober?

[Assistant] Did you call my sponsor? And you got sober? I was there every day, and I worried about you every minute that I wasn't. Do you think I want to be standing here advocating you using drugs again for any?


[User] Then why are you doing, mom?

[Assistant] Because I'm old enough to know that when life does something that's horrible to you, there are no rules as to how to get over it. You'll just have to do whatever you can and anything you can to make it better.


[User] Oh, I am.

[Assistant] I hope so. I've been working, oh.


[User] I hope so. I've been working, oh.

[Assistant] And I just been laying around a household day. Is that what it is? Ask you to help that boy with one homework assignment. and what, fifteen years? And you can't even do that. All I ask you to do is take the boy and pick up some cans.


[User] But they be, but.

[Assistant] But, but what are you going to help them or not?


[User] Yeah, I've never really gotten to that boss.

[Assistant] Well, maybe you're going to the wrong bars. What do you hang?


[User] No tags. I have already committed to something else.

[Assistant] You did not.


[User] But talinsian years.

[Assistant] Hey, I think it's time for you to maybe go.


[User] F a four, two, nine. Uh, let me check that Schiffman S, C H, I, F, F, M A and Thursday for eight o'clock. Yes, it got you right here. Yes, that'll be great.

[Assistant] Have you got a vase? I can put this in. Any vase. Will do it. except that one. It's horrible. Any other?


[User] Laura, why are we having this dinner here?

[Assistant] Because I was working all day and I couldn't put it together and.


[User] Because I was working all day and I couldn't put it together and.

[Assistant] I see. I think it's because you're hoping that everybody is in public and it won't turn into Dday with entrees. You're also beginning. That restaurant is closed on Monday, Sil. This is the two top up. Laura, Laura, please. just relax. Come on. He's coming home safe and sound. It's a really good start.


[User] Well made, Sergeant. Hey, so you're taking pictures of the living, though, huh?

[Assistant] And mostly. It was not our last job together. What was it? The, the Bronx?


[User] Oh, so you're hiding in here because you know what you wanted.

[Assistant] What's what? I didn't want this exactly. I just thought it.


[User] you didn't have to come over here to tell me that.

[Assistant] yes, I did.you have to come home now.they think that you're still helping Sarah on Scott move.if they find out you're here,


[User] I don't want this for youand I don't want this for your father.you have to come home before something happens.if we can't take back

[Assistant] too late. no.


[User] too late. no.

[Assistant] why are you being this way?why are you trying to make things worse? margin?


[User] Doing look at him, outlook him. Um, because I'm superstitious about that. It's, it's tacky and stalkery. I'm gonna go try more dress.

[Assistant] A thousand dollars are played. Okay, so we have to look them up and see what's going on with the sky. and you should wear the black one. It's going to look amazing.


[User] But he, it doesn't have anything.

[Assistant] Well, yeah, it is because he is the chairman and executive director of it. He went to do Columbia Med school and he is board certified in neonatology.


[User] She's a siren. She seduced me with her bird, like.

[Assistant] I can't do this. I can't do this. I can't go up against her. I'm going to tell if I got sick. and let's just get out of here.


[User] No one wants to listen to you if you aren't famous and have a fancy tile and a string of letters behind your name.

[Assistant] Nor a walk snap out of it. right now. you're going to let our hoodie education intimidate you.


[User] Nor a walk snap out of it. right now. you're going to let our hoodie education intimidate you.

[Assistant] Yes, yes. It's a show of accomplishment. What the hell have I ever accomplished?


[User] Yes, yes. It's a show of accomplishment. What the hell have I ever accomplished?

[Assistant] Me, that's what you've accomplished. Me and Kitty and Sarah and Justin and Tom, you raised a family and you held it together in the face of remarkable odds, things that would have made an average mother crumble. And you did that without an entourage or fancy statistics or theories. You did that with love and with your heart and with your instincts. And if you'd seen what I have at work recently, you would know how rare that is. You have an amazing gift, mom, Amazing, maybe the most precious there is.


[User] You really think that?

[Assistant] No, I know that. And this is your chance to share that with people beyond our family. You said you wanted it.


[User] I do. I do. I do. I want it so much you can.

[Assistant] So prove it because the North Walker, I know, would pulverize that big hair windbags don't let her walk all over you. This is a fight you could win. and I could sure use a win right now. I can win. What do you say?


[User] So prove it because the North Walker, I know, would pulverize that big hair windbags don't let her walk all over you. This is a fight you could win. and I could sure use a win right now. I can win. What do you say?

[Assistant] I'm going to win this.


[User] In Deborah, you want me to drive you over there?

[Assistant] Yes, Robert will drive you over there. Come on, Damn, let this room in your big night out. Um, get you all dressed up. You're like a beauty queen. Isn't she like a beauty queen?


[User] Twenty second. You're going dancing with Shorty and Darlene.

[Assistant] Yes, because even though he's all like you, he still likes to have fun.


[User] How about coconut?

[Assistant] Who doesn't like the coconut? Oh. And anyways, I'm going dancing with or without.


[User] I hope you have a good time with Shorty.

[Assistant] I don't need Jordi. I won't have any problem finding a partner on my own.


[User] Are you sure they were doing that?

[Assistant] Well, why don't you ask the hairs on my neck?


[User] Well, why don't you ask the hairs on my neck?

[Assistant] No, I knew it. I could tell that there was something between them.


[User] No, I knew it. I could tell that there was something between them.

[Assistant] Yes, my pillow.


[User] Yes, my pillow.

[Assistant] She must have snuck over here. How can?


[User] She must have snuck over here. How can?

[Assistant] It's not cute.


[User] It's not cute.

[Assistant] Listen, you don't understand. You don't understand because your parents are still married.


[User] Listen, you don't understand. You don't understand because your parents are still married.

[Assistant] I understand that.


[User] I understand that.

[Assistant] Oh no, you take it for granted. These are my parents. and it really hurt when they got divorced. That's why this is so. Right?


[User] Mom, you said that you would take care of it.

[Assistant] I did. I was great. It was. My brother was the disaster. He came in and saw me working in his office and he had an absolute hissy fit. Yeah, he called me a dilettante and said I was a housewife in need of a hobby.


[User] Now it's true. We're going to travel town later, Aren't we miss Pumpkin?

[Assistant] With the trains. Oh, I love them. They're so little. Can I come with you?


[User] Well, you need someone to work on that.

[Assistant] Oh, I would love that. Just it's really ceased to just put your fingers all over my fanny. your magic fingers.


[User] I for one, will not be returning any time soon.

[Assistant] Johnson, wait, wait, please. Come on, please. It was so stupid and childish and thoughtless. This whole thing. I, I think that I literally lost my mind.


[User] that doesn't mean anything.

[Assistant] it doesn't mean anything. yeah,but what if it meansin 5 months my girlfriend is gonna be in a different state?the only time he gonna see her is on holiday.so what's the point of even being a couple?


[User] Yes, you are. We just got it.

[Assistant] No, I'm not the mother one.


[User] No, I'm not the mother one.

[Assistant] Look, you're not the boss. You okay? You want that? when you go get it?


[User] Look, you're not the boss. You okay? You want that? when you go get it?

[Assistant] I don't know where it is. Would you put it?


[User] I don't know where it is. Would you put it?

[Assistant] I didn't put it anywhere Shut yet.


[User] Wait, you're all in the same store already.

[Assistant] Only the best are already cap the cap of theta. Oh, I'm.


[User] coryax? wait, what me?

[Assistant] don't go acting all innocent.you're talking about black consciousness poetsan hour before we go to have dinner with youronly black student and his wife parents.you'll have to be Sherlock Homes to crack this case.well,


[User] She has a precancerous condition that may not turn into cancer.

[Assistant] Right, well, you know, when the doctor told me I had Precancer cells in my uterus, I didn't mess around. I got to historically be like that, Ok, but.


[User] Well, there are studies now that are saying that most hysterectomies are probably unnecessary.

[Assistant] You know, they, they haven't even studied every five minutes. I mean, at first, they say that, oh, red wine is the fountain of youth. And the next it's, oh, it's liquid death. Come on, Stephanie. When you have cancer, you just cut it out. I really think we need to be proactive.


[User] Okay, so I, I just sense that there's this connection, even though, you know, I.

[Assistant] Whatever I fall asleep when you try to count to.


[User] It's not just love us to borrow them on the L A, A, I got a woman in labor. I need an ambulance on the wood heaven X and all that.

[Assistant] What are you doing? What are you going? What are you doing?


[User] What are you doing? What are you going? What are you doing?

[Assistant] If need be, I'm delivering this baby.


[User] If need be, I'm delivering this baby.

[Assistant] So you're not a doctor.


[User] So you're not a doctor.

[Assistant] Raymond, I've had training and emergency child delivery.


[User] Raymond, I've had training and emergency child delivery.

[Assistant] Oh, I don't care. I don't care. You don't talk anymore.


[User] pulling you in.do you believe that? yes. do you?

[Assistant] no, I don't know.


[User] ridiculous juice have on you?

[Assistant] it's not about the juice.it's not about the juice.it's about feeling needed and valuedand building bridges at Guatemala.I mean, that juice has given me my faith.that juice has given me the whole


[User] I just feel like, yeah.

[Assistant] You're laughing at what your hoop earrings on. Let's see if your mother's giggling when you bring it home, babies. Who is laughing now, huh? It ain't funny No more. Come on over here, girl, boss. I'm lemonade. It's good. My baby.


[User] Can I do that? Of course.

[Assistant] Yeah, so it's your lucky day, sure.


[User] Don't speak. So I just wanted to make sure that you got the notes on the speech.

[Assistant] Yeah, I have a right in front of me Feel, let me ask you, which is better? English is a right. All students are entitled to or English is something all students should inspire.


[User] Okay, but I mean, this is just, it's one thing you fired her for one thing.

[Assistant] I really didn't want a fire to have bread, but she just wouldn't let go of it. I mean, I told her, I said, I don't really think that this is what the clients want. And she argued with me now. I really hate to say this, but I think she's a little stubborn and.


[User] Like it. Don't worry about it. It's fine, right?

[Assistant] We mean, of course, I'm coming back. This is your special night.


[User] You would somebody kill me?

[Assistant] And look, by the way, you don't have to call the mom. We got a system. You can pick any day.


[User] Then what happened?

[Assistant] That's super brief. I did a killer set and I got a standing ovation. Of course, the crowd was already standing up. but had they been sitting down? I know they would have stood. And now I bestow it upon you. Da, da, da. Are you feeling it? I?


[User] I think I am.

[Assistant] All right. Blow that horn cat. Ah. Wow, that was, that was just. Four, but braver thing.


[User] I suppose to keep that a secret.

[Assistant] Amy is a. Good girl. But she's thirty three years old. My, she can't be.


[User] She can't.

[Assistant] I mean, yeah, y'all, she can, but it's so refreshing. Wow, I don't believe this. So Amy's never let anybody cook in her kitchen eating.


[User] I don't like that, Raymond.

[Assistant] And why is Amy's goodness such a big deal?


[User] and so now this kidwho's known since homecoming has a picture of us.and you weren't gonna say anything?

[Assistant] I was gonna try to fix it.


[User] I was gonna try to fix it.

[Assistant] it's bad enough that Kasha knows.great. I have to. I have to quit my job.I have to move to another state. I can get arrested.


[User] So I hope not, because if you mean.

[Assistant] I don't feel safe in my own home.


[User] Hey, Kevin, you can't be scratching like that where you're of and.

[Assistant] They were too hot. Everything's too hot. You said the medicine would help.


[User] Yeah, well, it's only been seven minutes since you took it, pal. You got to give it time is going to kick in and help, I promise.

[Assistant] No, well, I feel worse than I did before.


[User] Amy was going to give me one thing.

[Assistant] A little bit of a. Oh.


[User] A little bit of a. Oh.

[Assistant] But make it.  I can't do this anymore. I can't. You want to kill me because you're killing me.


[User] Let me call.

[Assistant] It's a breaking of my ears.


[User] It's a breaking of my ears.

[Assistant] We believe, um. Has this not greater? What, of course, in fact. Got chilly dogs. Beautiful day.


[User] Right now, five of the blasts of yours, Kevin and three Escada.

[Assistant] Bob, I'm sorry. out of five.


[User] I was willing to wait and see how many of these blasts become advanced blast. I'll call you in the morning with progress report.

[Assistant] Wow, I can't believe this is actually a hatch. I know we actually gonna meet the ads because it's freaking me out. Wow, don't be weird and.


[User] Claire, you don't have to do that.

[Assistant] No, I know, but I want to that way On your birthday. you'll wake up and you'll have your brand new toy.


[User] okay.I may have gone outside of official supplylines to get a discount,but when the guy sold him to me,he said they were slightly irregular. I assume that meantit was how theirtheir fingers look like tiny penis isI didn't know they were gonna malfunction

[Assistant] well they are Ralph what are we gonna do?


[User] Actually terrible. From pathetic. I'm a loser and everybody hates me. Could you make me something to eat?

[Assistant] Of course, Steve. There you go, bye bye.


[User] Of course, Steve. There you go, bye bye.

[Assistant] Um, um, um. The rizzes.


[User] Or don't you like potato chips any more?

[Assistant] No, I do. But couldn't you make me something? I'm really feeling down here.


[User] What do you think makes a guy cool?

[Assistant] Cool. Man, nothing makes you cool. You eat the cool, but you not.


[User] you should have asked,

[Assistant] Babe.come on. they're just toys.


[User] I don't know why you hurt yourself. She said we were normal.

[Assistant] She didn't say that. What room are you in?


[User] She didn't say that. What room are you in?

[Assistant] Instead of yelling at me, shouldn't you be worried about the deeper reasons behind how you are reacting?


[User] Instead of yelling at me, shouldn't you be worried about the deeper reasons behind how you are reacting?

[Assistant] I think you better worry about how I'm reacting.


[User] Oh my God, Mitchell, she's getting worse. I have turned her into a pushy little entitled monster on her way to a rap sheet and a bracelet on her angle. Oh, she has a bracelet on her ankle.

[Assistant] He am damn, this might not be entirely your phone. No, it is. I spoke with Lily's teacher and she thinks that she may have a problem with sharing which she might have gotten from you, yeah.


[User] Rolls like hot dogs we have in a.

[Assistant] Now it rolls like parts because we are throwing a murder mystery. But what theme? Masquerade, bomb, murder. Mystery party, Old West murder mystery party. Gangsters and mousse. murder, mystery.


[User] But I'd estimate around twelve grand twelve.

[Assistant] Twelve thousand dollars. That's your estimation. After everything I already spent on the mold removal twelve thousand dollars to get my family back in the house.


[User] Sweetheart, I've watched you all day, tying yourself up in knots about Robert. Where is he? What is he doing?

[Assistant] That is not true.


[User] I worry about you that you're headed down this dangerous path. He is obviously prioritizing career over family. Now he's lying to you.

[Assistant] You're getting very close to crossing a line here.


[User] You're getting very close to crossing a line here.

[Assistant] Kitty, I watched him. I'm afraid he's turning you against your family.


[User] Now, what's your point?

[Assistant] The wish fountain isn't about. My past is not about your past. It's for all the people who come here and toss in a coin to make a wish for a better future. It's about hopes. It's about dreams. It's a place of wishes, possibilities. And if we take it away from them, then what do they have left?


[User] So, hey, Oliver, your, your voice sounds awesome. There's yes, the, the labels asking if, maybe you could just do one just a little more pulled back this time on the next.

[Assistant] I'll pull it back. Hey, turn around. You want me to pull back? and I'll pull it all the way back into your as.


[User] You know what? Let's take five.

[Assistant] Yeah, let's take five, five. We're gonna take five riding. That's, we're gonna.


[User] Yeah, let's take five, five. We're gonna take five riding. That's, we're gonna.

[Assistant] We're gonna. well, okay, so, but it, listen, if this is.


[User] We're gonna. well, okay, so, but it, listen, if this is.

[Assistant] I don't care. I don't even care. I don't care about us. I don't care about that. Go ahead. I'm done with this crab.


[User] you sure you don't need anything down there? a ceiling fan,whatever.

[Assistant] ah, we're great.yeah, we're happy.uh, Wanda says big things are happening up there, though.


[User] Okay, so people are just going to pee all over mom's flowers. Is that what you?

[Assistant] Now, what I want is to prevent this house, our house from being. I don't know, vandalized.


[User] Listen, it is not ideal for a patient to get such a revealing view behind the curtain of their therapists life. It's affecting our dynamics. So I have put together a list of referrals.

[Assistant] Oh, whoa. Pump the break. Shrinky dink.


[User] Welding, I'm just trying to learn the skills that can make me a productive member of the working class Mr H. You, as my guidance counselor should appreciate that.

[Assistant] Do you have any idea what it's like to be a guidance counselor in this shit? I get one National merit scholar every nine years. so it is not a chance that you're not going to live up to your goddamn potential.


[User] What I should have seen it come.

[Assistant] Can't believe we're having this conversation. You can't just sit there and cry, yell at him or hit it. I'll come over there and hit him. I can't.


[User] This guy swore to me that you.

[Assistant] Know what I understand is that is my baby crying? So why don't you tell me where you are before you get into more trouble than you're already in, Michelle, don't you?


[User] Your tape is.

[Assistant] I want you guys to be the best fairies. All right, so here's, here's what I want you to do because you're not gonna get buying your looks, right? It's not. Oh, look at the twins with the blind head. That doesn't cut it anymore. All right, so listen, instead of. Instead of instead of holding your arms out straight. Try flap on them. Flap on them. Yeah, okay. Not so hard though. Not so hard though, okay? Gentle, gentle, right? Yeah, see, that's it. This is how you fly. It's how you float. Feel the air. The air is under your wings. All right, good. Now, instead of running, once you guys skip.


[User] But lightly, lightly, like, you know, glove.

[Assistant] Fly.


[User] Fly.

[Assistant] Good, alright, now let's try it on our toes. All right.


[User] One, it's a mutual decision.

[Assistant] It is not mutual. I talk to him. He doesn't want to sell this place. You position this. So it's a choice between you and the house. Of course he's.


[User] Yeah, and who's going to stand up for me? Nobody standing up for me.

[Assistant] You don't need anyone to stand up for you. You're the one that's trying to sell this house out from under the entire family. We have an attachment to this place. It's very selfish.


[User] But doesn't it feel great to finally own who you really are?

[Assistant] Yeah, it does. I remember admitting to my dad, I was into magic. It's not the same dumpy. It's just not. I kind of have so many questions for you.


[User] six hours. you said you had this.

[Assistant] I thought I had this. turns out I don't.I haven't even finished a shell.I didn't know there was a shell.that you remember was a shell.


[User] I thought I had this. turns out I don't.I haven't even finished a shell.I didn't know there was a shell.that you remember was a shell.

[Assistant] everybody knows there's a shell.what the shell is wrong with you?


[User] everybody knows there's a shell.what the shell is wrong with you?

[Assistant] I'm a tart who can't make a tart?


[User] I'm a tart who can't make a tart?

[Assistant] you could have made nine shells by now.


[User] you could have made nine shells by now.

[Assistant] I did. they're all in here. look, it's like shell magetin.I'll screw it.this one's gonna be there in a minute.let's just get it over with.no,


[User] I did. they're all in here. look, it's like shell magetin.I'll screw it.this one's gonna be there in a minute.let's just get it over with.no,

[Assistant] no, you can do this. here, here. this stove looks ready to go.


[User] Why are we in trouble?

[Assistant] Oh, I'm in trouble. Today is just all about having fun. And you know what? Go crowding since the beginning of.


[User] What else are we doing?

[Assistant] Whatever you want.


[User] What do you think? I want to pretend you have your own morning show. Yeah, yeah. I'm gonna take a cough. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Are we gonna set?

[Assistant] I love people what you do with.


[User] Yes, he was.

[Assistant] I'm glad we agree on that. Now, I wanted your advice on a certain matter here that's happening at work. I have a coworker who always wants to eat lunch with me. And, uh, well, to be honest, I don't always want to eat with him. What, what do you reckon I should do?


[User] I got it, I got it. Six foot hero.

[Assistant] Six foot hero.


[User] I invite my girlfriend, Amy, couple guys from the station.

[Assistant] I can get Kevin and Anne.


[User] Maybe you're just using it wrong. My dad is great with tools. He can get the wheels off the car less than a minute.

[Assistant] Just get me to wine country. Just get me to wine. Sorry, Sig, my arm is broken. Relax, it's not broken.


[User] Just get me to wine country. Just get me to wine. Sorry, Sig, my arm is broken. Relax, it's not broken.

[Assistant] How do you know? You don't know anything? You have no concern for safety.


[User] Because it didn't hit you that hard.

[Assistant] Why don't you say it? You don't want me around.


[User] Can you just drive the cart?

[Assistant] I can drive the car. I just want to tell you, remind you, this is not a punishment. All you do is be thankful.  I don't get your cousin.


[User] I can drive the car. I just want to tell you, remind you, this is not a punishment. All you do is be thankful.  I don't get your cousin.

[Assistant] Okay, yeah, it's not was my fault. It wasn't. I'm serious. Listen to me, please. I didn't smoke pot and I didn't give any to her. and I didn't encourage her to smoke it. But you don't believe me ever? You didn't even listen. And as for the school, I'm really glad that you sent me here because they are holding me back from. What, yeah, I got held back. I'm going to have to do 10th grade all over again. So thanks a lot for making me go.


[User] I would give you one hundred dollars if you eat a spoonful of bath. But you don't even have a hundred dollars. Okay, fine, ten dollars. But it has to be cheap and fools. No, wait, why does the amount go up when the price goes down? No, that's pretty good. Eat it. No, eat it. No, you eat it. No, no, no.

[Assistant] That's nasty. Oh.


[User] I love this story. It's like a western.

[Assistant] It was a nightmare. tumbling stories, bad jokes. and they ate it up. I'd say they were being polite, but I've personally seen two of those guys hit pedestrians and not even slow down. No true story.  True story. one second. These guys are great.


[User] System principal Mrs Mccaffrey, right the moment the wooden.

[Assistant] Yeah. I used to try to sneak a look at the links and figure out which one it was.


[User] No hair on it.

[Assistant] I remember. I remember Mike Kimmel, man. He snuck into her office. He left her an apple and a can of lemon pledge.


[User] Don't be stupid. I am going to wrap it in a rag and I am going to let it soak into my head.

[Assistant] But you know what? Let's get you to bed. and I will bring it to you. I can follow a recipe.


[User] Oh, you can't do that. You cannot do that, Billy. This is our home.

[Assistant] Our home, Yes, our home live here. Mom and daddy left it in my name. My name, baby Billy Freeman. This is my house.


[User] Our home, Yes, our home live here. Mom and daddy left it in my name. My name, baby Billy Freeman. This is my house.

[Assistant] Yeah, you're right. They did leave it in your name. And you know what? You promised them that you would never sell it. Freemans have lived on this land over two hundred years.


[User] Yeah, you're right. They did leave it in your name. And you know what? You promised them that you would never sell it. Freemans have lived on this land over two hundred years.

[Assistant] One selfish woman made the whole thing go away. This right here. This is on you, darling. It's on you.


[User] you knowthat is word for word you're offer before I got copcheating on your math test in the 3rd grade.

[Assistant] goddamn memory. stop.look, no one's gonna suspect you're a dealer.I mean, look at me.this is a two thousand dollar suit. Mike got like 12 oven.I take on real software projects. I have clientswho bring me briefcases filled with cashand I hand the identical briefcases with vacuum sealed bud.I'm telling you, man,I had in plain sight.


[User] okay. so what do you need me for it?

[Assistant] well, I have a clientcoming in from out of town and I can't meet himand I need someone I can trust to make the drop.it's totally safe.


[User] But I'm just going to be a few minutes and I'll get out of here.

[Assistant] F? Crystal, the world, no matter what. Oh. So look why to decrease the pain.


[User] Yeah, it's just some awards.

[Assistant] Ah, so no matter what your deed.


[User] Ah, so no matter what your deed.

[Assistant] Yeah, it's just a few awards that's.


[User] Yeah, it's just a few awards that's.

[Assistant] It's on a multi multi.


[User] How about those poems that don't even rhyme? That is this man's definition of lazy?

[Assistant] My job is done here.


[User] My job is done here.

[Assistant] Make up your mind, America. Is it often or often?


[User] Nice, every backyard could be its own town square.

[Assistant] I knew you'd get it. after all, once a gazebo, but an outdoor closet.


[User] I mean, I mean, you've had a lot going on.

[Assistant] so have you.a new mom stress has me a 10 pounds. a new dad stressmeans that you have Popeye arms. that doesn't make any sense.


[User] Mom, let's just take a breath. There is no need to be so judgmental.

[Assistant] I'm not being judgmental. I am trying to give you a beautiful day.