[User] Max,please stay.call Deacon, cancelor else you might come home to find me in a pool of blood.

[Assistant] I always want in a pool.


[User] I always want in a pool.

[Assistant] oh, no, it's them here to kill me.


[User] oh, no, it's them here to kill me.

[Assistant] it couldn't be.I haven't paid them all the money yet.


[User] for you today,I was thinking something like this.

[Assistant] oh,bold. I love it


[User] taking two children,that's a Mammoth undertaking.and I should know I have brought up toohappy,friendly,well adjusted childrenout of four.we,

[Assistant] we could do it.I know we could.


[User] not to mention the question of space.

[Assistant] oh, we have space, penny.we have space. do it.yeah, absolutely. I mean,penny, it's bigger than it looks. it's just messy.


[User] Well, your mom might think so, but a lot of people think I'm a catch.

[Assistant] The case, I was this close to nailing it. and then my client gets scared and settles.


[User] whose house?my house.

[Assistant] woo!haha


[User] yeah baby

[Assistant] haha.whoa that was fun.you


[User] You know, it is what it is. That's life, I guess. But I don't will have any regrets. You have to put out the bourbon, too, for the old. Is your woman of bidders?

[Assistant] Yes, positive. And if we do need more bitter. I'll just ask my mom to tell stories. But all the time she was passed over for ten years. I'm going to make sure the kids are ready.


[User] I don't remember.

[Assistant] Come on. I just want to know when I'm hosing off my windshield that the kissing was good.


[User] Come on. I just want to know when I'm hosing off my windshield that the kissing was good.

[Assistant] I really don't remember. None of these guys mean anything to me.


[User] I don't know. the pepper grinder.

[Assistant] The pepper grinder. Our pepper grinder. The grinder. I pepper my.


[User] Okay, so true. I hear that. But, uh, when do you ever go to any frat party? Like, okay?

[Assistant] For all right, thank you. That was rude. But the board continued. You frad parties are your zone. Okay, that's where you can go. Do whatever you wanna do. All right.


[User] I'm Ritchie. Set the tables.

[Assistant] When I set the table.


[User] I do not. No idea whatsoever. Oh, if I know, but. No.

[Assistant] Good, so let's pretend the whole thing never happened.


[User] Better my horse than your jackass.

[Assistant] My jackass happens to have a point. He's right. If Marc was going to be with anybody, it should be him, not her.


[User] What your mother's not allowed to have a friend?

[Assistant] Not a male friend. No, she's my mother, so. So she's a married woman. It's creepy.


[User] I was faking and no one's coming for us.

[Assistant] Well, then go and get them. Hurry, that was the most embarrassing moment of my life.


[User] Well, then go and get them. Hurry, that was the most embarrassing moment of my life.

[Assistant] Claire, fill.


[User] Couple times.

[Assistant] There you go. You know, sometimes I feel a little jealous of Hank's work.


[User] He's a high school principal.

[Assistant] Vice principal. But you think it was the principle, the way he always comes home with such interesting stories? And I just want to say, my gosh, what I would give to be a fly on the wall of that teacher's lounge. Skewed my language.


[User] Because you're annoying and you shouldn't be here.

[Assistant] Why isn't your annoying the way that you and your fiancee come here every week and smile and giggle at each other? When some of us don't have anyone to do that with?


[User] Why isn't your annoying the way that you and your fiancee come here every week and smile and giggle at each other? When some of us don't have anyone to do that with?

[Assistant] You have a guy that you vape with.


[User] You have a guy that you vape with.

[Assistant] His name is Terence. Andy probably won't last because you know what? Nobody I date never does.


[User] I don't want to hear it from.

[Assistant] You don't even know what it is.


[User] so, Duke, I'll get right to it.Fairfax Press loves the latest draft of your book,not to mention your Twitter in the Instagram following.and we'd like to publish in the fall.

[Assistant] that's fantastic.


[User] So from an environmental standpoint, I was thinking we need to do so.

[Assistant] I'm as green as the next person dead, but he's a fourteen year old boy. I don't know what to tell you.


[User] That's why I would like to talk to him. Mono a mono.

[Assistant] Oh no. I still bear the emotional scars of the little talk we had when I was a kid. and that was a long, long time ago. Don't say anything to him. Please do.


[User] Were you spinning it again?

[Assistant] No, no. Robert was spinning it. I went to the bathroom and Robert without even asking me. he takes my ring. He spins it right into the vent. The vent. Yeah, yeah.


[User] Of course. Yeah, we use Milky Ways, everything, yeah. But the maintenance guy at the hotel, he said that he was going to look. and I'm sure he'll come through. He looked like a very dependable guy and.

[Assistant] I don't understand. How did Robert get your wedding ring in the first place?


[User] Yeah, does California is cooked.

[Assistant] No, but it's crab. She shouldn't be eating crab in any form. You shouldn't roll raw, real, yeah. I think so. I don't know. I never ate it because of Little mermaid dancing. Crab killed it for me.


[User] How do you snag a pair of high heels?

[Assistant] I kick that stupid thing. How else? Oh, how are you?


[User] Um, so are you the only person that gets to decide when we discuss things?

[Assistant] All right. You want to talk fine? You shouldn't go. How are we supposed to have another kid when you're hundreds of miles away? We're not.


[User] Now you try to lift in this thing.

[Assistant] Oh, oh. The trophies too big. Is that the problem, right?


[User] I don't know, it's, it's. Doesn't feel right.

[Assistant] What's wrong with me? Lord.


[User] And it can't be that good.

[Assistant] You are such a pessimist.


[User] I'm not a pessimist.

[Assistant] So you are incapable of seeing the good in anything. What is that called?


[User] So you are incapable of seeing the good in anything. What is that called?

[Assistant] Ah, realist. And I can see the good in a lot of things. Okay, how about last year when we went skiing? and I didn't break anything?


[User] Ah, realist. And I can see the good in a lot of things. Okay, how about last year when we went skiing? and I didn't break anything?

[Assistant] That's because you sat in the lodge the whole time saying, I don't want to break anything.


[User] They all meant wife.

[Assistant] That you're not supposed to think before you say anything.


[User] I thought you were going to say love again. I was going to go.

[Assistant] With different words, right?


[User] Like I proved my point. I threw my point.

[Assistant] The twins are positive. All right, come on. Hey, maybe you're the one who's a little negative around here, oh.


[User] Face it, Ray, you're a total pessimist.

[Assistant] All right. I'm a little pessimistic, but I got it under control. Okay, I can be optimistic anytime I want to do.


[User] Yeah, can you believe it? That said, that's her whole reason.

[Assistant] Because Amy's a good girl.


[User] Good girl. That's what she's calling her a good girl.

[Assistant] Oh my God.


[User] It's so shallow.

[Assistant] What can I do? I can't exactly compete with Amy in that department, no. Can't unring a bell?


[User] Really, they look good from what I saw.

[Assistant] Actually, they no. They just kind of run around. and I can't seem to get them to follow the music.


[User] Well, it's a lot easier the second time.

[Assistant] I'm telling you, something is going on with her.


[User] And she's a woman.

[Assistant] What, but I never said that.


[User] And we will be this.

[Assistant] Then bleach you. Just watch.


[User] Do you want your daughter to have a double mistake to me when she really doesn't need one?

[Assistant] I can't really say that having my only child have a double messed up to me is at the top of my wish list. I'm just saying it's better to be safe than sorry. Get rid of them.


[User] But if we don't stick to my schedule, we won't see it. And we did stop for your other thing before.

[Assistant] My other thing before. Moving the bathroom. Forty minutes. First of all, you're timing me now. And second of all, I do not take forty minutes.


[User] My other thing before. Moving the bathroom. Forty minutes. First of all, you're timing me now. And second of all, I do not take forty minutes.

[Assistant] Yes, yeah. But when you go, everyone else has to go.


[User] Yes, yeah. But when you go, everyone else has to go.

[Assistant] Okay, you know, Marie, it's just that I need a little time to myself. That's all. I mean, we have been doing everything you wanted to do, right?


[User] It's great. Do we have chips?

[Assistant] Yeah, sure. Why, what's the matter?


[User] Yeah, sure. Why, what's the matter?

[Assistant] You know, and nothing. There's something new in him, some new.


[User] Oh, yeah. yeah, I made my own dressing yesterday. You like it?

[Assistant] You know, I think it's marvelous that you try in the new dressings.


[User] I, you know, that's not nice, right?

[Assistant] Come on, right? Don't patronize me. Okay, if you don't like my dressing, just say so. I am fine with honesty.


[User] I love all of that sentence.

[Assistant] I'm the one how to tap dance.cow gave me his old shoes,


[User] I'm the one how to tap dance.cow gave me his old shoes,

[Assistant] Jack. that's great. this is gonna be fun.


[User] that. I'm still not done.

[Assistant] wow.look how much sound your little feet can make.


[User] Today's been a lot.

[Assistant] Oh, same. You know, I don't say it enough, but I am so glad that you and I can talk about anything.


[User] But. Who's babies then?

[Assistant] Don't change the subject. I can't work for someone who doesn't trust me.


[User] Who doesn't trust you? Whose baby is that?

[Assistant] You don't trust me. You ban me from your office. I mean, I get it. Don't trust the ex con. We don't deserve a second chance. Why let us out at all?


[User] Let's talk about, you know, what? if Katy can't handle one novel from a family member, then God help the great state of California.

[Assistant] But it's not just one vote. I mean, come on. It's you guys. And look, there are a hundred senators.


[User] Maybe you should talk to Mr Lincoln.

[Assistant] A penny. Don't keep a penny, man. I don't know. Not the man. I have heard anything. No one told me anything.


[User] Yeah, right. Are you sure? I mean, maybe one talk to Mr Roosevelt.

[Assistant] So what? I would love to talk to Mr Roosevelt. Yes, Mr President. Yeah, Joyce is standing right here. Yeah, yeah, hit enough money. No, he's really short of money. Yeah, he's still standing in. I will tell him with the president. Okay, okay, I'll tell him. Bye bye. Um, he says the gold top kill moves because kill moves has his ear to the street.


[User] So what? I would love to talk to Mr Roosevelt. Yes, Mr President. Yeah, Joyce is standing right here. Yeah, yeah, hit enough money. No, he's really short of money. Yeah, he's still standing in. I will tell him with the president. Okay, okay, I'll tell him. Bye bye. Um, he says the gold top kill moves because kill moves has his ear to the street.

[Assistant] What do you hear? Kill moves. Four riders, two on ponies. No, about my place, Get Rob. I hear anything about that.


[User] Okay, well, then I'm telling you now, I've been invited. Brandon and Mike and Mike's new girlfriend over for dinner so that we should meet her.

[Assistant] No, I agree. I think that's great. But I invited Timothy over for dinner.


[User] Why should I reschedule?

[Assistant] Because we know that Timothy is not going to turn out to be a twenty year old Hussey, who might someday be our son's stepmother and.


[User] That's because I am sixteen. And that picture is in my high school yearbook photo.

[Assistant] Shut up. What was I thinking? Of course, this was going to blow up. I mean, I'm dating the Dean's son. This was, this was never going to be a secret, yeah.


[User] Aren't you pretty? But you got going on there.

[Assistant] I was feeling kind of tired, so I took extra admiral. Then I felt jumpy. So I ate a couple of pot gummies. Then I forgot I ate the gummies. so I ate more gummies. And shit. I just got that. I may not be able to handle this meeting.


[User] Do you have makeup remover or a hat with a veil?

[Assistant] This is my first gummy beer experience, and it's not good. Here are my takeaways. A don't eat nine. B, I'm going to die.


[User] Maybe I should reschedule the meeting, no.

[Assistant] We need this client because. This firm is in trouble. We are this close to bankruptcy and we just spent a lot of money on new chairs. It was so dumb.


[User] Veronica, this is a classic too high slash panic attack situation.

[Assistant] Yep, yep, that feels right. Open that window. I want to jump out.


[User] No, you are okay.

[Assistant] No, you are okay.


[User] I am trying to get you to say I am okay.

[Assistant] But I am so not Ok. and I'll never be okay.


[User] So I'm trying to eat. I think what's going on here is that for years, you felt abandoned by your mother. and then you finally got the relationship with her that he'd been waiting for. And now you're feeling abandoned again.

[Assistant] Yes, that's exactly what she's doing. She's abandoning me a gender.


[User] So how long have you and Ray been married?

[Assistant] Oh, gosh. Going on eleven years. Wow.


[User] really?oh, yeah, yeah.

[Assistant] no,if I wasn't an account,I would be a major league scout.I can tell you anything you want to knowjust by looking at somebody's numbers.for instance,slugging percentage verses strikeouts during spring.


[User] Karl has a friend who directs commercials. He's already talked to him and is gonna get back to me.

[Assistant] Loose, slow down. I've got work coming up. My ears. ties gone. Ben's not pulling his.


[User] you got a lawyer.you hired a lawyer to go against your own flesh and blood.

[Assistant] hold up.did you hire a lawyer?


[User] hold up.did you hire a lawyer?

[Assistant] of course not. go away, sir. no, I do not want to buy a rose.


[User] really dry. no, I don't think there's anything left to say.I'll see you in court.

[Assistant] jokes on you.that was your muffin.


[User] Deborah, where's the paper?

[Assistant] I don't know. Yeah, yeah. Put her in a bikini.


[User] He's irregular. It could get messy if we do it. As your boss, can you just do what I say?

[Assistant] Sure, you're the big boss, man. You tell me when to take my breaks. You forced me to shove my hair in a net, and now you're in charge of my vagina.


[User] I don't think I'm allowed to speak anymore.

[Assistant] Good, me and my vagina are taking a breath.


[User] Ok, wow. You said it again.

[Assistant] Um, Tammy. Hey, silly. Look what you left at home.


[User] All I got was most weirdest. All because one time I ate a sandwich with my feet.

[Assistant] Ah, look at this picture of me and Steve at Steve's prom. We had such big dreams and big hair.


[User] I like to have someone dependent on me.

[Assistant] But then pick out a stupid.


[User] It's going to piss everywhere.

[Assistant] We're not leaving here without something.


[User] Why would I say that? And I have no reason to say that you must have heard me wrong.

[Assistant] No, it's okay, right? And it's just funny. You said breast.


[User] I was a Girl Scout Scout and we went camp.

[Assistant] Oh, you win camping? Yeah, we did. Whereas super eight. Wait, um, there's on one pillow.


[User] Honey, you can't walk up to somebody you work with and say, excuse me, if you aren't using that baby, can we have it?

[Assistant] Why not?


[User] Ah, no matter what I do, you refuse to accept that I've accepted.

[Assistant] Manor, I'm sorry. I'm just so emotional today.


[User] Well, it turns out that, you know, the gal that cast your play at the Berkeley Theater Company. Yeah, well, she also cast local commercials. She called me and I got an audition, yeah.

[Assistant] Hi, do have a real addition.


[User] I just looked at what both candidates brought to the table. And I just thought that Bill Park.

[Assistant] Bill Parker, you hate Bill Parker.


[User] Bill Parker, you hate Bill Parker.

[Assistant] I hate Bill Parker, the man, but I just bought that Bill Parker. The candidate had an interesting platforms for.


[User] I hate Bill Parker, the man, but I just bought that Bill Parker. The candidate had an interesting platforms for.

[Assistant] I'm your wife. I don't care if my platform was. Anti puppy. You have to vote for me.


[User] But doesn't it say in the Constitution?

[Assistant] I don't care what it says in the Constitution. You vote for your wife. And since when do you know what it says in the Constitution and?


[User] I'm not going to stand here and let you bad mouth America.

[Assistant] You voted against me.


[User] You voted against me.

[Assistant] I didn't vote against you. I love you. I just voted not for you. I was protecting you.


[User] I didn't vote against you. I love you. I just voted not for you. I was protecting you.

[Assistant] Protecting me from what?


[User] Protecting me from what?

[Assistant] On political backstabbing, you don't realize it when you're a political figure, you're at the mercy of the people and the, the people that are horrible. They stare at your caboose.


[User] On political backstabbing, you don't realize it when you're a political figure, you're at the mercy of the people and the, the people that are horrible. They stare at your caboose.

[Assistant] You were against this all along. You can't support me for one minute.


[User] You were against this all along. You can't support me for one minute.

[Assistant] Come on. I support you. When you had fifteen meetings this week, who took care of the kids, put them to bed and running gallons of water upstairs like Dunga, Din and.


[User] That's why it's hard not to feel pretty damn good about ourselves today.

[Assistant] Because this afternoon, we are going to watch our daughter, Alex, graduate with honors from the world renowned Caltech win. the Caltech Beavers. Face you at sports. Prepare to relinquish the ball.


[User] I just can't stop smiling at this picture of Alex and her captain gown.

[Assistant] It's so surreal that one of our kids could do something so amazing. I love you both.


[User] Oh my God. This is a trap. It's oak. Emma and Mel. Oh, that Emma is so weird. and male is mean.

[Assistant] And weird, yeah. Listen here in an idea. Just cancel the fish. Go with the turkey. Then everything can still be arrived.


[User] And weird, yeah. Listen here in an idea. Just cancel the fish. Go with the turkey. Then everything can still be arrived.

[Assistant] And can't compete with your mother's turkey ray? The woman has giblets in her blood.


[User] Your eggs are ready, right?

[Assistant] You're in on it. This is, it's sick. Who else is in on it, huh? Amy and Johnny hit on the whole thing too.


[User] All I needed was Deborah.

[Assistant] It was your idea.


[User] It was your idea.

[Assistant] Yes, it was. It was a good one. Robert needed this to happen to him so he could realize while Amy mended him before it too late.


[User] We did take a camp.

[Assistant] Okay, okay, okay, okay, here. You know, when you're, you're crazy here because yeah, just. Okay, okay, three days. Your eyes a little wider, open than normal. You're doing. Oh, here.


[User] Ah, let's, let's say you're true.

[Assistant] Does that look better? We can. Yeah, too much. Let's say wait, open your eyes a little bit wider than feels natural. That's the good tip. Okay, okay, here we go. Take a you breath. Is this a somber acacia?


[User] I know you're over the pink thing, so I didn't get you any pink.

[Assistant] I don't like either of these boring, boring, boring. I wanna wear the outfit. Grandma bot.


[User] It was a sequined mini dress. It was completely inappropriate for a growing.

[Assistant] Yeah, you. Around and then. Are you just ruin?


[User] It's not even the thought of actual sex.

[Assistant] It's just. It's that, um. That young.


[User] Well, the fact that Christine and Heather sent us here, you know? We knew the only black person they know. And they said, you know, the black neighborhood, I just think.

[Assistant] No white.


[User] On the spectrum, right of black and white atoms here, ferracons here. Oh, mind here.

[Assistant] I'm like, well, I guess it's a sweet that we.


[User] Just go in there, act all heartsick and tell her you want to have high tea.

[Assistant] Hey mom, why girls?  Such a mystery. Have a Sloan.


[User] Some students feel like it could be a trigger for teen suicide. and we have to be sensitive to that.

[Assistant] A trigger, really. Are you kidding me? It's Shakespeare. I mean, it's not like he's endorsing suicide. It's called tragedy for a reason.


[User] Ah, mom. Hmm, is it me or do all of these places?

[Assistant] Oh, you're right. None of these places have been right for you ingesting. So let's just take a step back, Ryan. Okay, so now when you think about your wedding, what do you picture?


[User] I don't have a picture. I mean, where was I when all of these little girls were staging fake weddings in their bedrooms?

[Assistant] Outside in the backyard, splashing in the mud and begging me to let you stay out for five more minutes, please. Mom, remember you would stay out as long as I would let you you. and that stuffed dolphin that I got you at Seaworld running to the firms.


[User] I don't mind. come in.

[Assistant] sorry, Ellen.honestly, I think you were dragged up.not being a nuisance, is he?


[User] Please lie. Please lie. I would prefer you to lie.

[Assistant] I want you to protect the woman that you are, Kitty, I see you struggle with Robert's career in his ambition. I don't want to collect and mold you back.


[User] Start adding like my mother. Mom, I am getting married tomorrow. I am. I am really, really nervous. I have to write my vows and I don't need you to give me cold feet and.

[Assistant] I have some things I want. I know.


[User] I have some things I want. I know.

[Assistant] Like you, I mean. Silence is golden.


[User] You called some guyA.h., or in here?

[Assistant] Wait, wait a minute, wait a minute. Wait a minute. I don't, I don't want to play a whore in my book, ah.


[User] Yes, you do. Lou Garrick was the iron horror H O R A?

[Assistant] Horse, I forgot the S, He was the iron horse.


[User] No, I said I just moved in. I'm, I'm sorry.

[Assistant] I thought it was implied that you're living in a doll house.


[User] that's enough, Bill.

[Assistant] dad told me all about it and I didn't believe it.I said, no, that can't possibly exist.that can't possibly be real. but he was right. it is.that's really funny because it's,well, it's kind of embarrassing.confirms that the church never intended to abolish polygamy.


[User] Are you guys going out? Because I just need a few more things for the party to let me get the list.

[Assistant] Christ in heaven. I thought I was going to have to shoot myself. Are you sticking it in? That bitch just took ten years off my life. Let's get out of here before that nut job comes back.


[User] I took some of the extra money and got new hair expansions.and I also got you a surprise. I put it in your room. go look.

[Assistant] I'm not interested unless it's a pop belly pigor a pop belly pig in a pilgrim costumeor a pilgrim in a pop belly pig costume or just pot.


[User] I'm not interested unless it's a pop belly pigor a pop belly pig in a pilgrim costumeor a pilgrim in a pop belly pig costume or just pot.

[Assistant] hint, hint. I put it on your bed. what do you think? do you love?


[User] hint, hint. I put it on your bed. what do you think? do you love?

[Assistant] okay.why is all this crap on my bed? and what the hell is it?


[User] that's a bed skirt.

[Assistant] my bed doesn't wear skirts. it's a dude.I know because it pokes me in the back while I'm asleep.


[User] my bed doesn't wear skirts. it's a dude.I know because it pokes me in the back while I'm asleep.

[Assistant] I got you new bedding and me some cute new flannel jammies.they have Eiffel Towers on them.they were marked down because everybody hates French people.


[User] I got you new bedding and me some cute new flannel jammies.they have Eiffel Towers on them.they were marked down because everybody hates French people.

[Assistant] these don't even have stains.how am I gonna know which is the top? now,


[User] these don't even have stains.how am I gonna know which is the top? now,

[Assistant] next,what's the problem? you've had those old sheets forever.you don't even have a spare set.


[User] next,what's the problem? you've had those old sheets forever.you don't even have a spare set.

[Assistant] a spare set of sheets. who am I? the Queen of England.


[User] a spare set of sheets. who am I? the Queen of England.

[Assistant] you're so frustrating.I pull my hair out, but I'm not sure which of it is mine.


[User] I love these pants. Who the hell are you to give him a good will?

[Assistant] Holes in the seat You won through them.


[User] Holes in the seat You won through them.

[Assistant] Then you can't give them the goodwill. That's bad will.


[User] Then you can't give them the goodwill. That's bad will.

[Assistant] The pants in the dryer put on one of those, no.


[User] You are not wearing those pants, Frank. you're just like an animal.

[Assistant] Animals don't even like pandas.


[User] Oh, you're just dangerous now. Living life when I.

[Assistant] Why do you want me to tell you things so you can like make fun?


[User] He said it was going to be a quiet dinner.

[Assistant] I know. How was I supposed to know that Jack was going to turn it into an engagement party for Mallory and Jake?


[User] Ah, no, no. Actually, I'm just a, she's visiting a friend.

[Assistant] Uh, on my chair. Hey, I hear you're at Bennett, Beachem and Finley now.


[User] You there?

[Assistant] This car.


[User] Right, she would love that. Come on.

[Assistant] No, that wouldn't feel right. Hi, how was your trip? Um. Um.


[User] All I'm saying is from now on, if Ali asks you something about religious stuff or government or minorities, please refer to me as.

[Assistant] How do you think I feel? It's embarrassing. I'm in church. People who are saying how come raise never here. Didn't you raise him, right?


[User] we've done a commendable job with Lucas for 17 years.a couple hours gets undone by those two goobers.

[Assistant] you know, he's almost an adult.we only have a little bit of time tomold our son into our respectable human.


[User] Ah, shell.

[Assistant] I guess is getting here.


[User] Hello, Raymond.

[Assistant] Listen to my about the journal. I want to apologize for what? You saw in there. Um. Could you not look at me while I say this?


[User] When you're fourteen, the world is a very confusing and. Sexy place. Um, ah, come on. So I just, I just want you to know that I outgrew all that stuff. Okay? and I don't do that stuff anymore, hardly. So I'm, I'm sorry that you had to see. Then I just want you to know that I'm not still some kind of weirdo. All right, so I'm, I'm going to go take a shower or maybe you want to do the same.

[Assistant] Raymond, do you think about fruit?


[User] Just send zip it.

[Assistant] Unbelievable, I'm so sorry, but thank you, bye. Kids gather around.


[User] Where are you taking him?

[Assistant] The bike clock ten. if it's good enough for us, it's good enough for him. Best seafood plateau in Australia.


[User] I'll take that as a yes. I get it now. Last week, your portfolio was obliterated, But now you're feeling optimistic because of your new one.

[Assistant] Yeah, wine that saw loved Saul and Sarah is being completely supportive of me, which is something I never thought I would be able to say. They are giving me a lot of support, a lot of leeway.


[User] Judge agreed to send her to a group home what?

[Assistant] Once you're in a group home, you're considered like high risk. She told me no one will ever want her again.


[User] It's natural for you once in a while to do, Oh, those lower middle class baroques.

[Assistant] Really?


[User] Really?

[Assistant] It's okay there. You can't help it. It's in your blood.


[User] It's okay there. You can't help it. It's in your blood.

[Assistant] I grew up in Connecticut, for God's sake, not Buckingham Palace.


[User] I grew up in Connecticut, for God's sake, not Buckingham Palace.

[Assistant] You see now why you'd even think to refer to Buckingham Palace.


[User] And drink this milk. Like, um, why did you have to order that spicy dish?

[Assistant] Because I'm a beginner and I wanted to have this awesome night between the two of us where we end up best friends having lunch, buying shoes.


[User] Because I'm a beginner and I wanted to have this awesome night between the two of us where we end up best friends having lunch, buying shoes.

[Assistant] Okay, let's go up launch. Let's go. My shoes.


[User] I don't know. I guess I just always feel like I blow it with you, Gloria, because it was a Colombian comment or. Pick at the wrong restaurant.

[Assistant] The restaurant had nothing to do with you. It was just not in the mood to go anywhere that fancy after the stupid thing I did this morning.


[User] You monster.

[Assistant] He was a very expensive dress that I don't need. It was so stupid that when I got home, I couldn't even bring it inside the house and left it in the car.


[User] No.

[Assistant] A janitor was mean to her. Shut up. But what the generator is at? Ramona needs our help and it's going to require serious meddling.


[User] Oh, I think he's got bigger things than this plate.

[Assistant] So you're not worried about hell.


[User] Let me let you in a little secret kid. There is no hell.

[Assistant] Seriously, no hell. That's fantastic. So everyone just goes to heaven, yep.


[User] Is this about that, Davis again? Okay, we had just watched ruthless people. You're thinking middler you got to let it go.

[Assistant] I know I'm, I'm going to try, but. As scared as I wasn't there, I kept thinking about how you're the one person who makes me feel safe. and it, it made me want to be a better husband to be more present, to be more understanding to. Why so? Why is your face red?


[User] But oh, my. That that's why you're burned. You went royal watching.

[Assistant] I was only going to stay for a second with George, Brett, George, George, Brett cornered me. And you know how I am with famous people? I can't say no. Remember when I spent the entire day at the pool at downtown Julie Browne?


[User] Okay, well, but what happened about being more understanding?

[Assistant] I can't believe you're turning the sense of my fault. This is so like you can.


[User] When you give your speech. You knew you had to give a speech, right? Great, when they give you an honorary diploma, you give a speech.

[Assistant] In front of people.


[User] Big foot down from a guy who just got kicked out of a hole of fame by someone with a flashlight and a whistle.

[Assistant] Hey, look, I did it for you.


[User] What Roman?

[Assistant] Oh, yeah. Yeah, I ruined it looks, I don't need to take this crap. All right.


[User] I don't know. Are you sure this is a good watch? Timex has a slogan. I never heard of a slogan for Rolex.

[Assistant] How about it takes a licking? And then you buy a new one because you are rich. Trust me, it's good.


[User] Feels like an attack.

[Assistant] Hi, that's as gentle as I can go. I am Colombia, not Canadian.


[User] Hi, that's as gentle as I can go. I am Colombia, not Canadian.

[Assistant] I get an email from the club. The older players have taken over the driving range for botchy weekday mornings.


[User] So what? You can play golf later.

[Assistant] No, we get a whole group, the sunrise swingers. we meet there at six in a bucket. One of the gals was making up tank top. Oh yeah.


[User] No, we get a whole group, the sunrise swingers. we meet there at six in a bucket. One of the gals was making up tank top. Oh yeah.

[Assistant] Yeah, more casual glove.


[User] I'm going down there. Get the support of some of the other golfers. Maybe I can fight this thing.

[Assistant] Okay, good idea. But don't forget that there is a dress code at the.


[User] Okay, good idea. But don't forget that there is a dress code at the.

[Assistant] I probably already overturned it. and the whole place went to hell when they stopped putting nice in the urinals. There's just something about destroying a thing while you're taking a pee that makes a man feel like a man and.


[User] God, I do not like where this is going.

[Assistant] So one day I go out and I see snorkels. But he's doing this weird twisting thing in the water.


[User] We shoot them out.

[Assistant] So don't you there right now. You're there. Right about that.


[User] Ah, no, no, no.

[Assistant] What don't you write in the book?


[User] What don't you write in the book?

[Assistant] Mike.


[User] It's not deeper. That's just doubling down on the same disturbing thing.

[Assistant] Disturbing when money was five years old, he told me that he would forever be. My Valentine's promises were made. I will not be ignored. Okay, yeah, that sounded weird. The point is that I know that you're not good at romantic things. and I find with it.


[User] Don't let me off the hook. If I did more, you won't depend on your kids for those things. And if I learned anything from trying to pick you up tonight, it's how lucky I was to get you in the first place. I've got to do better than.

[Assistant] And I didn't think anyone could get any sex here than Raoul Motor.


[User] I want to remember the exact moment I fell in love with you all over again.

[Assistant] What the hell have you done? That was my father's watch.


[User] If you're in a hurry, go by yourself.

[Assistant] No, okay. Oh wait, we will. We will. Okay.


[User] I got to try something else.

[Assistant] No, wait, wait.


[User] Who invented the cotton gin?

[Assistant] I don't see the Eli. With me, with me. I do my best. You know what? I bet with me.  Robinson.


[User] Had a masked dust of baby since.

[Assistant] Yeah, but my gosh, this is a big night for Adam and Crosby. We've got to be there to support him.


[User] This is Hate Ashbury. You know, you're stomping grounds. You are hate Ashbury. Can't they find somebody else?

[Assistant] Well, you know, it's christina's first night away from the baby, so. That's why they asked us. And I think we have to be helpful. So see you.


[User] I was afraid this was going to happen.

[Assistant] What an interview. I mean, interview. I forgot what a tough guy you are that you punched that guy out. and then the way they remixed, they really captured the sweet spot of your voice.


[User] You are legit crazy. You are losing your marbles.

[Assistant] Maybe I'm crazy for defending my damn family. You know, if this tape comes out, you know what's gonna happen? Amber's gonna leave me.


[User] I don't want one. Yeah, well, I got you one. I'll watch you. give me the pink.

[Assistant] For no particular reason. He don't know. We know that gives us a slight advantage. Okay, the drop office tonight at ten p M, he ain't expecting to see me. Till then. we're going to ambush him at his house, Get him while his guards down overpowering. Get him to give us that damn take.


[User] Just you talk about breaking the log and with a weapon, that's like a higher charge. I don't want it.

[Assistant] Nowadays, they're not a higher charge. I mean, if it's a gun, yeah, you bring a gun, you're going down Cuba. Tons are legal and.


[User] are you one of my leaked surgeons?

[Assistant] um, no, no,here, come on here.no, I'm a, I'm a psychiatrist.I'm on Malik's trauma support team on Miggy from.


[User] oh,it's not?

[Assistant] yes, it is.my liability insurance won't cover any of this.he's gonna sue us and take everything.we have it stupid motherfucker.


[User] What are you talking about?

[Assistant] I had it all planned out. It was supposed to be special. Someone with a high Gpa and a bright future, Not a Mario brother.


[User] Well, they clean out half the house.

[Assistant] Well, the important thing is you got your health of the material. Things don't matter. cause after all, you can't take it with you.


[User] Jingling bill.

[Assistant] Let me show you something over here, okay? Sure. Well, see if anybody tries to get through the window. Ah. Blacked barbarian.


[User] But do you really think they try to come to a second story? One of my people can see him from the street.

[Assistant] Well, if they do, they can't get in. Oh, and and and we got a guard dog. So if anybody comes in this house, they're going to leave in a casket.


[User] Well, if they do, they can't get in. Oh, and and and we got a guard dog. So if anybody comes in this house, they're going to leave in a casket.

[Assistant] Ask it now. That's the type of talk I like to hear. Well, keep on your soul.


[User] And you do as long as.

[Assistant] See you. Oh.


[User] who's watching him tonight?

[Assistant] he doesn't need round the clock. he just,I feel like I'm boring you guys with this talk.I'm boring myself.


[User] I just figured that maybe you want to.

[Assistant] No, it's not me. It's this big, clunky George Washington thing. I want it light and airy in here. Not a book line, too. Can we get rid of this packaging?


[User] Oh, let's take a look why they'll wave. Ooh, I had no idea your foot was so tiny.

[Assistant] I am so big in the top and small in the bottom like South America herself, ah.


[User] Yes, miss. I feel like I am Cinderella.

[Assistant] Come on, let's see. you strike your stop. Pretty shoes.


[User] Come on, let's see. you strike your stop. Pretty shoes.

[Assistant] I've never felt more beautiful.


[User] Well, that's not cool.

[Assistant] Oh, that's not cool. Uh, what is cool? Adam? putting a price tag on my dream. Oh, come on. You can't just throw your dream out there. This is a business and we're business partners. And I would like to discuss that. You want to talk about? You want to sell? You want to sell a place we just built with our own hands.


[User] yes,I wanna know at all.

[Assistant] okay.so, you know,every beach is not a new beach.so as we lay there together,Stevie Wonders said he could see.so apparentlyyou're not allowed to punch a policeman's horse either.so then I put my gunand fill Spector's mouth so they look like a little balloon.and what I had to do was swallow them holeand just pray they didn't burst inside meor else it would have been night, night, grandma.so that was the 80s,


[User] thanks for the honesty.

[Assistant] anytime, baby.


[User] Oh, come on. That was probably cute ten years ago.

[Assistant] No, no, it never was. And, you know, I'm the exact same way about my clothes most of the time. great, but every now and again, there's that one outfit. I just wish somebody would be honest with me and say what you're wearing isn't appropriate. Do you know what I mean?


[User] Should probably just show yourself out. I hear. I hear some crying down the hallway.

[Assistant] Look at that. That's a good dad because you've got a baby and you hear every little sound. I wouldn't have even noticed. Crying.


[User] Pig headed. You can be. You want to take another lap?

[Assistant] Dad. I am right about this. Eventually, Nick is going to figure out how to keep up with demand. And then where are we going to be? I know your style has always been just tough it out and and beat back every threat. That's not it.


[User] On Claire, Yes, honey, why don't you like me?

[Assistant] I like you. I love you. In fact, I told everyone I was watching you tonight. So they, they all know where I am.


[User] Why you want another good laugh?

[Assistant] I didn't laugh. I'm sorry, I, I'm sorry. Come on. I'm sorry about your parents. It's very bad. But I'm sorry. All right, we have to. We got to talk about theirs. I want to talk about this with you. Come on. We have to discuss this. So your parents, boy.


[User] Kristen, and why you so surprised?

[Assistant] Because they're my parents. They're splitting up. What I can't believe is that they're the ones getting a divorce. It should be your parents.


[User] I never said that.

[Assistant] Then what did you say?


[User] I mean, what is he now? He's like sixty six Rayman.

[Assistant] The man is gonna live for many, many more years. And you'll feel much better once you make your peace with it.


[User] Sake, in what world is going to Oregon now? A good choice, ah.

[Assistant] Pete's sake. Millie, my gosh. Uh, you can't find these grills anywhere. This is a golden fleece like grills. And we start now.


[User] Yes, dad, I am quite sure she rifled through my bag when I was in the bathroom.

[Assistant] I went to the bathroom. Why don't you just give her the company? Oh God. Bingo, ketchup.


[User] She had this French fries.

[Assistant] There's your smoking gun, Margaret. I'm going to need fries and catch up to getting shrills.


[User] Well, to be a fair kitty, you didn't really seem like you wanted to talk about it.

[Assistant] Well, no, no. Of course I didn't. I still don't. It's painful. And all of you scheming to keep me occupied isn't gonna change that. And just for the record, your plan didn't work the whole time that I was revising your stupid proposal. and I was beating myself up about Trish. It doesn't matter how much I tried to keep myself busy. It's not going to stop me from going through what I am going through. I screwed up. Plain and simplest. It's just something I'm going to have to deal with.


[User] Embrace, try.

[Assistant] Do you wanna know how, how much this guitar is worth? Do I know?


[User] The past is not important to me. I just want to be here. In the present. With you.

[Assistant] Yes, but there was a time when you wanted to be in the present with that woman at the party. She had no idea you were going to leave her. She went from being in the present to being in the past without even realizing it.


[User] Doesn't matter.

[Assistant] It does matter. Why would you leave so many?


[User] Mom, please don't worry, it's fine.

[Assistant] We've had money problems before, and we'll have him again. What I care about is that your father doesn't respect me enough to tell me what's going on that.


[User] backer secondary Capstrol Capstro on a hustle.

[Assistant] come on and leave


[User] come on and leave

[Assistant] work it come on.


[User] work it come on.

[Assistant] can you say it? effort.


[User] can you say it? effort.

[Assistant] hey, we got fast feed. okay, eyes up


[User] hey, we got fast feed. okay, eyes up

[Assistant] huh?


[User] Don't sweat it deeds. Hey, I didn't get into any of my top college picks and look at me. I live in your attic.

[Assistant] Oh, hey. These aren't all from the East Coast. This one is from California University, my alma mater.


[User] Oh, hey. These aren't all from the East Coast. This one is from California University, my alma mater.

[Assistant] Oh. Ceo was my first rejection letter. And I got that before I even applied.


[User] Oh. Ceo was my first rejection letter. And I got that before I even applied.

[Assistant] Hey, wait a minute. Why don't we take Jackson in a remote on a campus tour? Give him a glimpse of real college life.


[User] How, how, how?

[Assistant] Don't struggle. So struggling. Sarah.


[User] You know? Popular.

[Assistant] What's the matter? What are you mad at me for having a good time? You could have had a good time. I asked you to dance.


[User] But I do.

[Assistant] Yeah, I know that. I know the whole old class is seventy seven, knows that.


[User] On our couch at home.

[Assistant] And you're wondering why you weren't one of the popular kids, right? This is why I wanted to go to your reunion because you never want to go anywhere.


[User] And you're wondering why you weren't one of the popular kids, right? This is why I wanted to go to your reunion because you never want to go anywhere.

[Assistant] Well, you know something really wrong with somebody who has to be popular at somebody else's reunion and.


[User] You are such a nerd.

[Assistant] Ah ha ha ha. I knew it. You think I'm a nerd? Yeah, yeah. You know what? You are a cheerleader cheerleader.


[User] Ah ha ha ha. I knew it. You think I'm a nerd? Yeah, yeah. You know what? You are a cheerleader cheerleader.

[Assistant] What did your retainer come?


[User] Dig the helmet car.

[Assistant] Plenty of ball grown up, Karl.


[User] So white wide receiver.

[Assistant] Hey, you doing anything this afternoon? Carl? What we need a coach.


[User] O.k now I do see what's going on. Come here. A pretty girl. You are, You know, you don't hear it enough. The other night, when you put on Mecca. I was like. There she is.

[Assistant] Oh my God. You think I'm making this up as some part of a, an ego boost? You realize how insulting that is to.


[User] oh, I don't think so.

[Assistant] I saw them kissing, all that so called praying.I could tell it was something about Bill.something too good to be true.


[User] ginger, don't assume things based on what you think. you saw

[Assistant] poor Marchie.she's just a simple child,always drawn to losers and oddballs.


[User] Come on. or because. You're planning to knock on a perfect stranger's door and inform him that his dead wife was unfaithful and that his son, Ryan, is not his biological son. Why in the world would I want to go with you and?

[Assistant] Because I don't want to go by myself. So, you know, I wouldn't do this if I had a choice. But if I don't talk to them, then Hollywell and you and I both know that if she does, she'll find a way to inflict maximum damage on our family. Just out of spite. Please come with me. We'll find a way to talk to them and break the news to them gently and with compassion.


[User] You have no free time today. Ok? the boards here for their annual report and then specified bikes is coming in at three.

[Assistant] Wah, wah, wah. Could you maybe run some interviews? Maybe I could just give you a list. Oh, but you're here in a ponytail. You can just sort of act a little more.


[User] Yeah, I would love to help you. I would. It's just. I have thatco.Posco B today you call whatco.Posco, you know? Because I have that. Abnormal path.

[Assistant] Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, no, no, I got it. Um, you go get yourself called Puffs coupon. Yeah, and I will figure this out. Good luck. Thank you. You good luck. Good luck with you.


[User] Rose found your marriage certificate online and not on purpose. She was googling you for the family tree stuff and then. She found out that.

[Assistant] That. What? That I was pregnant when I got married. There I said it. How's that? But now it's out there. You can all just have at my sordid past, like a bunch of vultures.


[User] Good, I didn't know where I was going with that.

[Assistant] Tonight is a fundraiser at Lily's School where, you know, raising money for the kids a night of song and sketch. All the dads are performing well. Most of the dance.


[User] Oh, I got him plugged in. Barney's in charge for the next half hour.

[Assistant] Well, enjoy your break. You deserve it. I remember before a television, we actually had to be with the kids. The. Not done. How are you doing?


[User] I'm fine, why?

[Assistant] Have you been getting enough rest? Because you look a little tired?


[User] Mom, we own a produce company.

[Assistant] How do you think I found out about this? Only chefs and insiders know about this one. Well, you look at those melons are.


[User] No, Holly threatened to talk to Ryan Lafferty and his family about his paternity. I have to talk to them.

[Assistant] Bakersfield, why didn't you tell?


[User] I was put in an untenable position. I don't know.

[Assistant] It was unbelievable.


[User] It was unbelievable.

[Assistant] I just didn't want to do this by myself. And then you offer Kitty. You said you'd like to solve problems. Hit on. Did you even know that?


[User] You said that already.

[Assistant] How on earth are we even going to tell them? I mean, what are we possibly going to say?


[User] You are so naive.

[Assistant] I worked a lot and it's on our way home. It's totally innocent.


[User] I worked a lot and it's on our way home. It's totally innocent.

[Assistant] You're totally innocent. This is exactly like two years ago with the thing when I was right.


[User] Wait, don't you meet Marjorie at the bistro?

[Assistant] Yes, where we sip soup loudly in a brightly lit setting. Marjorie's got a napkin tucked into a collar like a bib. Is that what Sam is doing? She's got a bib tucked in there. or she sipping a piano and second on her cigarette. Not a cigarette.


[User] I can't believe you don't trust me.

[Assistant] I trust you. I don't trust her. I thought you don't even know her. I know her. I am her or I was her. and I can still be her. But because you, I mean, she's her.


[User] Really? At a diner of a banana cream pie.

[Assistant] It's funny how the mind works.


[User] Justin invited Rebel.

[Assistant] Actually, mom did. and she has every right to be here. Well, man, Well, I really appreciate the support. You know what to do, Don't, because maybe you're the one that shouldn't be your right, you.


[User] Yeah, my wanted me to get an olive plate for dad's.

[Assistant] Wow, wow, that's. This thing's gonna rock. Hey, so how's it going? Were you in America?


[User] Why, what is this?

[Assistant] Things I'm coming over there. She can sit there all smut till hell freezes over.


[User] Whoa, this is a complete turnaround.

[Assistant] All right, now I'm not going to be able to sleep again. She is killing me. Your mother is killing me.


[User] your polygamous.

[Assistant] I hope you're taping this word for word.I've known this woman her whole life.I was born in Juniper Creek.I had her come and nursed my wife back from cancer.we helped her out and we care for her deeply.and I will not see her abused or her rights violated


[User] Hear that? Now he's messing around with my remote control.

[Assistant] You can hear that from here.


[User] Yeah, so I see.

[Assistant] Hey, okay, okay, Cats out of me. What do you think of our interest? C S S?


[User] you always do.I don't know why this time would be any different.

[Assistant] why would it? getting straight ace means everything to meand she knows it means everything to me.it's okay. breathe


[User] It's two piggies, right?

[Assistant] This little peas and roast sneak. And this little piggy had not, Oh God, but.


[User] He's not twentyvenui me, oh.

[Assistant] Yeah, well, it feels like that. and it just makes me feel sad.


[User] We were practically homeless. And in my defense, I had no idea we were going to like her as much as we do.

[Assistant] Why didn't you tell me?


[User] You forgot.

[Assistant] You know that thing I do when I'm ashamed of something I've done, I shove it way down until I forget about it. I did that with this.


[User] Well, you gotta tell you.

[Assistant] You're right, you're right, you're right. I'm thinking a sealed letter she can open after I die. Maybe a series of cryptic clues. That could be fun for all ages at my feeling.


[User] I know you did. Okay, okay. But I hate to point it out to your kids are gonna have sex no matter if it's promade or not. No, no.

[Assistant] Honey, it's, it's different. No, it's not. You don't understand. You know, when I remember about my prom night. What, nothing, Absolutely nothing. I don't remember what her dress looked like. I don't remember what color it was. I don't remember what her parents looked like. I don't remember where I put the corsile.


[User] I know. I remember. I saw the pictures. I know.

[Assistant] Down on my knees, taken off. or I don't want to garter bell. No, I don't want to hear what you're, I'm sorry. I'm just stuck. I wanna make a point. I want you to really talk to our dog.


[User] It's just hard if you happen to be a person who hates to hear another person suffer.

[Assistant] Or two people suffer. No, no, You got up to comfort her, which only teaches her that every time she cries, her daddy will come in and cuddle her and put on her fate. What are we watching?


[User] Drink this. Listen, guys, Your mom is taking on more responsibilities outside of the house. But don't you worry? Good old. Oh my goodness. Oh, I'm so sorry.

[Assistant] You punched me, dad. You gave me the drowsy kinds.


[User] There is a drowsy.

[Assistant] Oh, really?


[User] Well, I'll get you some eye.

[Assistant] No, no, no, I'll get it.


[User] Hey, we should go golfing.

[Assistant] Yeah, tomorrow. No, no, I just got back from the road. I want to be home. Oh. Good to be home.


[User] Yeah, tomorrow. No, no, I just got back from the road. I want to be home. Oh. Good to be home.

[Assistant] Oh, go to Westchester. They just recited.


[User] Did they? Did they resign?

[Assistant] Ah, do brass.


[User] Um, I want something cool.

[Assistant] Cooling in a leather hair. Okay, okay, okay, uh, uh huh, yeah. How about Olympic torch? Olympic torch right here? And that's when this year's Summer Olympics.


[User] get out of the hole.

[Assistant] your poor father. we've got to protect him from himself.he's got an obsession with that girland it's not a healthy obsession.Rhonda is dangerous. we need this money.it's the only thing she cares about.


[User] I didn't want to get married the first time.

[Assistant] how can you say that? you don't mean that?you were so proud that day.you look so pretty in that pink dress.we sang together all day while we sowed that dress.honey,if we don't find this stash,you're gonna have to give me what'sleft of what you pinch from the UEB.no,


[User] I am. But somebody left us a hundred dollar tip. What a hundred dollars, yo.

[Assistant] Oh my God. when you really think it was.


[User] After we agreed not to fuck anybody outside the relationship.

[Assistant] So why would you ask me not to fuck anybody outside the relationship? if you were just gonna turn right the fuck around and fuck them out of yourself?


[User] So why would you ask me not to fuck anybody outside the relationship? if you were just gonna turn right the fuck around and fuck them out of yourself?

[Assistant] I don't know because I didn't want you to fuck anybody else. Now I wasn't planning on fucking anybody else either.


[User] So how is that fair?

[Assistant] Because I knew that I could do it without it, meaning anything.


[User] honey. you've become a lightning rod.keeping you out of the casino mattersand what's become an uncomfortably tight race.

[Assistant] we open this placeand then you turned it over to meso you could run for office.just shuffle me here,there.I'm just a moving part.but I've kept it going on my own.and I've been in over my head,but I did it for us.


[User] She does what? I never know.

[Assistant] Oh, you are so. But all of it, I'm not even dead yet. You're already fantasizing about having sex with Lynn.


[User] Oh, you are so. But all of it, I'm not even dead yet. You're already fantasizing about having sex with Lynn.

[Assistant] I am not. Come on. How can you say that?


[User] I am not. Come on. How can you say that?

[Assistant] Because I know that dorky face. you're so typical. You care about her boobs and but.


[User] Because I know that dorky face. you're so typical. You care about her boobs and but.

[Assistant] I couldn't care less about butts.


[User] I couldn't care less about butts.

[Assistant] Look at you. You know, we're supposed to go to the movies with them tomorrow night. Is that the face you're going to have?


[User] Look at you. You know, we're supposed to go to the movies with them tomorrow night. Is that the face you're going to have?

[Assistant] I'm not going to make that face. I'm going to make this face.


[User] I'm not going to make that face. I'm going to make this face.

[Assistant] And thinking about Linda like this.


[User] And thinking about Linda like this.

[Assistant] I haven't been thinking about her. You are the one who brought her up. Come on, leave me alone and.


[User] A gun. A gun. I mean, a gun. The thing that used to rob things.

[Assistant] What are you doing with a gun?


[User] What are you doing with a gun?

[Assistant] Nothing, I didn't have the gun. I mean.


[User] Nothing, I didn't have the gun. I mean.

[Assistant] Near a gun. Who told you to go out and be with guns?


[User] I did not. And I said, you could ride in the back of Robert's police car. I never said you should get out of the way.

[Assistant] Um, okay, I'm okay, I'm okay.


[User] China, a basketball.

[Assistant] You shut a spark of the whole neighborhood.


[User] You shut a spark of the whole neighborhood.

[Assistant] That small. Are you in here?


[User] That small. Are you in here?

[Assistant] I know it's funny, yeah.


[User] That's right. Read the sash.

[Assistant] Listen, lady, when you came on to my street and so to my family, you crossed a line.


[User] I'm going to stop at the stop signs.

[Assistant] Relax, I'm just talking, right? You're not listening to.


[User] Relax, I'm just talking, right? You're not listening to.

[Assistant] I'm know.


[User] Damnic flavors. What are you doing? That was my coon's kitty.

[Assistant] For ten. Got your fuck. it didn't. Where's my cock suck at?


[User] For ten. Got your fuck. it didn't. Where's my cock suck at?

[Assistant] I had to call in a lot of favors to get you. That part is not my fault. They fired you out at a table ring.


[User] I had to call in a lot of favors to get you. That part is not my fault. They fired you out at a table ring.

[Assistant] Marking day. But didn't you tell me I have the Charles? I'm cool. It's a.


[User] Marking day. But didn't you tell me I have the Charles? I'm cool. It's a.

[Assistant] A comic genius. You think I wasn't embarrassed when they told me you stunk up the place?


[User] A comic genius. You think I wasn't embarrassed when they told me you stunk up the place?

[Assistant] You didn't fight for me. Everyone sells me out. My what fucking likes every?


[User] zip that lip.

[Assistant] you hate me when your family hates me.papa was the one who exposed us. bite your tongue.


[User] your father would never do that.

[Assistant] he exposed, barbed me and my family.he put us in harm's way.


[User] Make me stick.

[Assistant] God, what do I do?


[User] God, what do I do?

[Assistant] Oh, stop. I told all about you and your past and Lisa Constantine. and oh, you make me sick right now.


[User] Robert told me.

[Assistant] Oh. Well, wait a minute. I told you about Lisa Constantine years ago.


[User] Oh. Well, wait a minute. I told you about Lisa Constantine years ago.

[Assistant] You didn't tell me where you didn't tell me. She's the reason you wanted to keep this car. And what's worse, I'm the one stuck driving this piece of crap.


[User] We were massed all that I'm all about. I'm all about taking it to the next level.

[Assistant] Really? That's all about keeping it real.


[User] make sure you seal the envelopeso people think it's all quarters.Max or next. I'm afraid. hold my hand.

[Assistant] hold hands. what are we on? a Christian mingle? fifth date,


[User] I know that that's the way you feel, Chloe. You've no mamma.

[Assistant] It's not the way that I feel. It's the truth.


[User] Vulgar, sure is a dead giveaway too. Obviously, we're all for marriage equality, but it's supposed to be a surprise.

[Assistant] Like they wanted it to be a surprise. It would have made dinner reservations anywhere with Salvatore. Is there a more obvious place for them to break the news? Also, the shirts vintage my dads.


[User] What are you saying? Do you want to sell no?

[Assistant] So I was thinking more of a merger. I did some digging. and they are two years behind our production. They need our manufacturing. And frankly, we need their technology.


[User] Oh, I get it because you're not very good with partners. I mean, you put me in charge like nine times. But if it's an important decision, I should just shut up.

[Assistant] Well, I can't help it if I have a six sense about this business. closets chose me.


[User] Mom. It's just a building.

[Assistant] It's not just a building, it's our history. It's. It's my. History. God, Sarah was just a baby. She wasn't even walking yet. And your father and I worked on those plans together for months and months and months. Wait a minute, Wait a minute. Plans. The designer of those plans was Roger Grant.


[User] Yeah, and he lives in London.

[Assistant] No, he's here now. I read it in the. Maybe he'll buy the building. You never, but.


[User] Barb struck up a friendship with her,and his ass says to meet her.

[Assistant] not with Renee Clayton. why? that woman's a,she's a flake now. she's,she's dangerous.


[User] I don't know, but that's not it.

[Assistant] Oh, you just don't like me being right, right? You're allowed to analyze me up and down. But I hit on a psychological undercoating. and and you can't give me my doo.


[User] Truly, I know we're just really, um, sorry for everything that's been going on with you.

[Assistant] Nothing's really going on with me. I'm not having an affair. I'm not getting a divorce. so you can get a life if you want to talk about name or something else. And don't tell me that you're sorry because you're not.


[User] So. On it. Friday with him. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

[Assistant] I'm excited too. I know.  Let's celebrate. How about?


[User] You're in love with him. You're not even faithful to him.

[Assistant] Wow. Really, yeah.


[User] No, but I mean, you.

[Assistant] And drive a car without an adult present. Okay, you are a minor. You are liable, which makes me liable. and they consume us. and we won't have a house. and we will have to sleep in the car you so desperately want to drive. Do you understand me?


[User] You just like controlling me.

[Assistant] Roberto Cabrera read you. watch your tone.


[User] And the last thing he probably never worked in a French brothel.

[Assistant] This is a character assassination.


[User] So why don't you live in the moment? instead of constantly focusing on the past?

[Assistant] Really look who's talking. Why don't you put away your high school year book?


[User] Really look who's talking. Why don't you put away your high school year book?

[Assistant] I was cleaning out a closet and there it was out there. Well, what's that doing?


[User] I know I am just as shocked as you are just. Not as blown away as he is. He's acting like it's the end of the world or something.

[Assistant] Oh, well, I'm sorry to hear that, but don't let it take away from this ninety five percent. You've got to be proud about that.


[User] So we could write a better letter than Saint Teresa will make us both look good. Maybe you can even come up with a little dirt on her.

[Assistant] She does have x amount of rates. What are we going to write about me?


[User] She does have x amount of rates. What are we going to write about me?

[Assistant] About all your trips to the botanical gardens? Don't get up.


[User] About all your trips to the botanical gardens? Don't get up.

[Assistant] What about the garden?


[User] What about the garden?

[Assistant] Know more about that place than most of the guides. Marie is the best guide at the Botanical Gardens. Will put that right in there. We would. Yeah, of course. Let's start right now. Oh, yeah.


[User] Know more about that place than most of the guides. Marie is the best guide at the Botanical Gardens. Will put that right in there. We would. Yeah, of course. Let's start right now. Oh, yeah.

[Assistant] Yes, the sooner we write it, the sooner we can wipe that smug grin off a dry, itchy.


[User] okay. I mean, it's here somewhere. I just have to.you and I just got to

[Assistant] Jimmy my money.


[User] We could be crack at, and she knows nothing about us.

[Assistant] Well, you can't meet her. I can easily range.


[User] It's just not how it's done.

[Assistant] What can you think outside the box here? This is falling in our laps dot.


[User] Tony, what are you doing? You're aware of the only way to kill you is where the silver stake. The other thing I'm not aware of, uh.

[Assistant] Where was it? Just make belief.


[User] Where was it? Just make belief.

[Assistant] You don't play with me. Are you aware?


[User] So tying out promise I'm not aware of. Please don't kill me.

[Assistant] Ah, so yeah, No, no, no. Is that? No, I swear. are you?


[User] Yeah, well.

[Assistant] I like the tile in the bathroom. And look at the crown molding. So fabulous.


[User] It is kind of fabulous.

[Assistant] This is so fun. This is what you're using for a plate. Go buy plates and whatever else you need.


[User] Honey, it's not just about that. I'm acknowledging is that you're growing up.

[Assistant] You can't just bribe me and make everything okay. By painting my room, you can't try exit.


[User] I am, I'm mad at.

[Assistant] Yeah, you can be mad at me. Be so mad at me. We're going to have fun doing it. I'll smile. and you can be mad. You can pick out a color. I've got Bleeker Beige and these patterns of these Chinese chestnut walnuts, okay?


[User] I couldn't say no. The kids on the team practically begged me. It's an amazing thing to matter so much and inspire so many people.

[Assistant] Oh, no. I think they just wanted to hear so they can prank you. Yeah, the football team has something all worked out. I don't know what it is because I checked out after they kept my salary, but there's usually a mess. So you might want to throw a poncho over all that finery.


[User] What do you mean it doesn't work?

[Assistant] What do I mean? Um, I mean that I remember specifically how things were at home when you were just a baby and didn't kill what was going.


[User] I was there too. You weren't the only one there.

[Assistant] You were barely there. You were basically a fetus.


[User] I remember I'm.

[Assistant] Hey, well, so do I, I have memories of him too. No, half. This is, that's irrelevant. And that's not what I'm trying to say. I'm not trying to forgive him for the past. I'm just saying that he's changed now.


[User] Well, I envy you getting to watch us perform.

[Assistant] Daily sweetheart, get in here. The rehearsal is not over.


[User] Daily sweetheart, get in here. The rehearsal is not over.

[Assistant] Yeah, times are wasting my little thrush.


[User] And hurry, The party starts real soon.

[Assistant] Okay, you know what? you win. You know, I'm never taking the stage with that screech owl. Just saying it would be very important for you.


[User] They do not, yes.

[Assistant] They do. And just once I would love to watch your talent soar in front of your family and shut them up for good. But you don't wanna, you know what?


[User] It's nice. Straight is Nick La.

[Assistant] Actually, I, I don't think just take these, put it there, See, this is not gonna work. It doesn't, you know what? Fine, let's just go.


[User] Actually, I, I don't think just take these, put it there, See, this is not gonna work. It doesn't, you know what? Fine, let's just go.

[Assistant] So here's what I've been thinking. I feel like the design team is not thinking big enough, just not thinking modern enough and hip enough. And I, I just wanna keep brainstorming like, no, no, no, but listen. So what if it had a, a personalized, strong, right? And and it like on those greeting cards where you can make your own recording. I'm just saying. we think so.


[User] Okay. So.

[Assistant] How are you? terrific? That was so, so funny yesterday.


[User] I want to see the old gang.

[Assistant] Do you want to see them? or you want to show off to them? The private plane, the fancy watch. You still want to feel that you're the big kahuna on the campuses.


[User] That's not it. That's not even a thing.

[Assistant] You know what? I'm taking money home. If you want to go in the ticket, okay, go into paperwork by yourself.


[User] Funny, why do you have to get tall now?

[Assistant] Love mom. Why else? I lost Bella to Dirk is because in her words, he's talk. Everybody else is getting taller, but me, he thinks coffee, no.


[User] Love mom. Why else? I lost Bella to Dirk is because in her words, he's talk. Everybody else is getting taller, but me, he thinks coffee, no.

[Assistant] Maybe, but, but hanging downside up is not gonna help you.


[User] The website said it will.

[Assistant] And money. You are already intelligent and beautiful and funny. If you get tall, you're going to have everything. Those poor boys are not gonna have anything to compete with you. Look at this. You have a marking your head now. I don't know. Go get you some ice, okay?


[User] Oh, no, it's okay, Gloria.

[Assistant] Gives you flowers on a very good okay?


[User] Gives you flowers on a very good okay?

[Assistant] I mean, sure.


[User] I mean, sure.

[Assistant] What you scared? You scared to check your face and.


[User] What you scared? You scared to check your face and.

[Assistant] No, it's all right. Gotta.


[User] Look, don't tell me how to have a midlife crisis. Okay, what would you know about it?

[Assistant] Because I've already had mine.


[User] Look, I have friends whose husbands are mean or drink too much or don't come home at all. And in that moment, I envied those friends. Fine, I will change the label in the kitchen. You can put away this nice, soft, fluffy laundry. Don't worry, there's not even any zippers or buttons. Nothing sharp in there. We want you to lose a finger in a tragic folding incident.

[Assistant] Oh, hey. I was putting away that harmless laundry when I stepped on, Luke's skateboard rolled out the screenless window and landed in the hedge. But you're right. I'm sure it had nothing to do with the underwear.


[User] Oh, she did, yeah. Yeah, is that nice? So she mentions things to you. Listen. Mom, I appreciate the offer, but I don't, I don't need it.

[Assistant] Um, no, it's not me, Raymond, although I'd be a terrific alphabet. So it's, I was thinking about your cousin Gerard.


[User] Um, no, it's not me, Raymond, although I'd be a terrific alphabet. So it's, I was thinking about your cousin Gerard.

[Assistant] Gerard, oh, I don't like Gerrard.


[User] Sounds like she's having fun. Navy used to make us watch films about girls like that.

[Assistant] Her husband never really gave her what she needed.


[User] Look, it's just that. That mean pregnant lady was taken on crib. I just wanted to stop and think about it for a second. That's all.

[Assistant] Okay. Let's think about it. Another baby. We have three.


[User] You gotta do shots.

[Assistant] We are having fun to have with Joe. Paris, such a cliche. Anyway, what are you looking at? what?  Not Scotty.


[User] You still don't walk out of an evening that your son's planned for you.

[Assistant] Tom, Trevor, yeah, got a tribute that lasted thirty seven minutes. The guys made a whole video on his life and and with big speeches and laughs and how much they love them. And they did a big, wonderful music team where they all dressed up like brides.


[User] But Robbie was ready to dress.

[Assistant] That stunk what they did. All right. I know what tribute. They're not welcome in this house anymore.


[User] That stunk what they did. All right. I know what tribute. They're not welcome in this house anymore.

[Assistant] Oh, really?


[User] mom,you don't understand.it was mutual.

[Assistant] it is never mutual.she just said that to save face. that poor girl.my god, you must be devastated. you took her flower. Jr,


[User] just thank God this wound is gonna heal for all our sakes.

[Assistant] so what kind of disable person do you think I'd be?


[User] No, no, That will take them to know what I mean. business because business is what I mean.

[Assistant] Right, are you insane? You're not going over there. You're going to have a hardest.


[User] Right, are you insane? You're not going over there. You're going to have a hardest.

[Assistant] I don't care. How come you didn't?


[User] I don't care. How come you didn't?

[Assistant] Um, so when they drop them. The house.


[User] Um, so when they drop them. The house.

[Assistant] Why are you siding with the?


[User] Why are you siding with the?

[Assistant] Um, not. Like them, I'm worried.


[User] Um, not. Like them, I'm worried.

[Assistant] Don't worry about me since the girl. Okay? because my eyes are open for the first time.  No, I'm not Ok. They have to know. All right.


[User] So you read the paper.

[Assistant] I only wish I didn't have to read it again. Loose day's own Ray Barrow.


[User] Listen, the reason I called the paper.

[Assistant] The reason, Raymond, I think I know the region. It's called self promotion.


[User] Two minutes ago, I was on the back of a snowmobile with Daniel Craig that.

[Assistant] I sang that song my entire childhood. If I can't remember the lyrics, that means I've lost complete touch with my roots. How could I let this happen?


[User] So apparently there is no legal reason why we can't have a chicken in our backyard. And I did a real deep dive.

[Assistant] So this is the kitchen, which we recently remodel. Get used to that.


[User] What made you sign up for that one?

[Assistant] I said, so that's a surprise. It's really so hard to believe. It's a surprise that I'm an angel, no. Fine. Joel signed me up.


[User] It told you not to see me.

[Assistant] Didn't they're crazy, Alex. They're they like you as a person. They freaked out because, you know, you're not in school and you live on your own and Blet.


[User] I would not be mad hattty you know about the programs? You know how hard I work to be an honest person. And you just took that away from me without even thinking.

[Assistant] I'm sorry. I'm so sorry. Look, look, look at me. We can fix this. I know we can get past this, but I need you to help me.


[User] Yeah, you're the baby of the family. Dad, don't care if you spend money.

[Assistant] Yes, he does. Remember when I tried to get that fiat just because I wanted something small to toot around and get groceries. And what I have you, he said absolutely not, yeah.


[User] Yes, he does. Remember when I tried to get that fiat just because I wanted something small to toot around and get groceries. And what I have you, he said absolutely not, yeah.

[Assistant] But I am beating blackmail. This is a very serious situation. All right. I mean, lives are at stake here. Personal reputations and.


[User] But I am beating blackmail. This is a very serious situation. All right. I mean, lives are at stake here. Personal reputations and.

[Assistant] Well, maybe you all should have thought about that before you were hanging out with your Dongs out and doing cocaine.


[User] Thing on the opposite of that. No bigger than chads.

[Assistant] Everybody in this family might play paddy cake with you, buddy, but I ain't going to. You're a shitty minister and you aren't even shitty, your brother.


[User] Well, good luck when daddy finds out.

[Assistant] You ain't got hell. All right. well, you ain't got hell. That's on you, But you better not tell. Don't tell. mother fucker. Please stop crying chair. Make me feel odd. and here.


[User] Well, there it is.

[Assistant] Oh god. I just thinking about my childhood. And then? Plaintiffs in Big Bank.


[User] Oh yeah, your calendar from, Come on, let's go back upstairs.

[Assistant] Well, who's going to play first base?


[User] Simon Vaco. To go with my s pancake.

[Assistant] Why are you talking gibberish?


[User] Is it gibberish?

[Assistant] I certainly don't understand this.


[User] I'm up here.

[Assistant] I use me on your time was too short.


[User] I'm on the roof.

[Assistant] Ah, oh, okay. So come down because the T V is working already.


[User] Good girl. Come on. Just set me up, Gloria, why are you acting so crazy? It's just a little dog.

[Assistant] He's not the little dog that is making me crazy. User is making me crazy me. Yeah, you used to put me first. You used to want me in that shower.


[User] All right, I'll set it up.

[Assistant] Great, meanwhile, I warm up the crowd with a magic trick. Excuse me. I need everyone to put their wallets in this pillow case and turn and face the wall.


[User] I think she really likes it. Oh, have you heard from Dawn? Cool, the closet and storm cellar door were locked from the outside, which means we are basically trapped.

[Assistant] Hey, you want to play a game? you never have I ever.


[User] Except now you have, you see us listening things that you haven't done. Look done. It's going to be okay. There's still plenty of oxygen in here.  And Sharon and my dad will be back from their hike in a couple of hours. My dad can't be outside longer than that. before his call analogy starts at two.

[Assistant] We can't believe this right now. The most fearful person in the universe. And you came in here without your phone and.


[User] I didn't know you were coming in after me. You were supposed to wait in the bedroom, why?

[Assistant] Bedroom, which I didn't even know how to stoop a tunnel until you came in here and started moving all the stuff around in my closet.


[User] Bedroom, which I didn't even know how to stoop a tunnel until you came in here and started moving all the stuff around in my closet.

[Assistant] Hi. Room for my clothes. And you made this whole big thing about what's mine is yours. socialism, blah, blah, blah.


[User] Hi. Room for my clothes. And you made this whole big thing about what's mine is yours. socialism, blah, blah, blah.

[Assistant] That's right, my room.


[User] They're out having fun playing football. Sweat, do you see more grumpy? Did you get any sleep last night?

[Assistant] Well, not much. I mean, Tommy was crying. Stephanie was snoring. There were six kids getting up to pee. and the one kid who didn't.


[User] Let's go. Wow, a suit. I love a guy that's got reverence for the game.

[Assistant] I don't like you to open that door. Crosby, I wasn't expecting you, oh.


[User] could be a yeast infection.

[Assistant] I don't think it's a yeast infection. I think it's worseand there's some kind ofdischarge.


[User] I'm not nice, mom, as you are.

[Assistant] Why do you think they always confide in you?


[User] no, of course not.

[Assistant] no, don't. I just, I don't want your pity,so I refuse to accept this.my childhood was taken. free me.and I refuse to let my womanhood be taken to.I will have a child.I will.


[User] You are really crazy, no.

[Assistant] No, no, no. How do I know? How do I know that? I'm the one you wanted to end up with?


[User] What if they didn't turn out anything? What if they were just great to begin with? Don't you ever think about that? Think about what? Maybe we didn't do that much math. With tests self soothed from two weeks old, Annie was sleeping ten hours a night from infancy. Remember how other parents would talk about their sleepless nights and their terrible babies? Remember how we used to have to fake it? What parents pretend to be able? And now we're going to potentially introduce a kid with these kind of issues into our homes. And ridiculous. I think you're being reckless.

[Assistant] Randall. You wanted to adopt. and now you're Randall out on me like this.


[User] Stop making my name a thing. And yes, I wanted to adopt. Got my head around that month ago, adopting a newborn clean slate baby like I was when my parents found me. but I'm worried about.

[Assistant] So that's what you do, Randall. You worry, babe. But we have talked about this a lot. and we discussed how difficult it could be. And we came to a decision. And now I'm jet lagged. You got me out here sweating. And I traveled across country to miss the taping of a sitcom that I didn't want to come to see in the first place and. So can we please? Just table the combo until we get home. Please.


[User] Can't you look into my eyes?

[Assistant] Because they're too beautiful. Well, the game's obviously rigged or right. There's twice as many pink romantic squares. There's naughty blue.


[User] Because they're too beautiful. Well, the game's obviously rigged or right. There's twice as many pink romantic squares. There's naughty blue.

[Assistant] Why did you buy the game? Right, huh? That's why I really don't understand. Why did you buy it? If you didn't want to play?


[User] And you're the poor put upon wife who doesn't get any romance.

[Assistant] So I'm not talking about romantic. I wanted to play this game for other things too.


[User] So I'm not talking about romantic. I wanted to play this game for other things too.

[Assistant] And I know, I know, I know. I don't hold your hand enough. Watch you sleep. Listen to your heartbeat, my mom. Well, and let me tell you what you call romance. It's always changing. Sometimes it's that you want flowers. and then other times, all the times. How about the time you got excited? Because I brought on the bucket of chicken. Why, what is romance? Tell me what it is. I'll do it every time you want.


[User] And I know, I know, I know. I don't hold your hand enough. Watch you sleep. Listen to your heartbeat, my mom. Well, and let me tell you what you call romance. It's always changing. Sometimes it's that you want flowers. and then other times, all the times. How about the time you got excited? Because I brought on the bucket of chicken. Why, what is romance? Tell me what it is. I'll do it every time you want.

[Assistant] This and Ray, I am not talking about you and the romance I'm talking about you. The blue squares.


[User] What would be so terrible about?

[Assistant] Thing, what do you think is going to happen? We're going to go. And the next day we're going to grow wings and fly around, giving each other foot massages.


[User] Why don't we let Pamela decide that?

[Assistant] Yeah, and then there's that. Hmm, Pamela, wonder who's like she's gonna be on?


[User] well, I've got a handed to you. the place looks great.when do you open?

[Assistant] next week. we're gonna have a big grand opening.you know, food, dancing, you know what?you should come by.


[User] she can make her own choices, Carl.

[Assistant] now, when her choices involve putting usthousands of dollars in the hole,hood winking other idiots,


[User] she's quitting right now.

[Assistant] no, she's not.you put too much pressure on her.she's a loving,sweet,capable woman.


[User] Oh, Ed won't. No, but his wife probably will. She happens to be the biggest blabber mouth in the P T A?

[Assistant] Doesn't relax. She's not even around the scorn. More Ed hardly sees her. She's not.


[User] Well, it looks thick. That's good, right?

[Assistant] You don't want to call you if it was skinny. No, no, no, no, no, no, no, no. I can't. I can't. I can't. I can't. I don't know. Seriously, I can't believe. Okay, okay, okay.


[User] No, no. Now here's the rule. Put your stuff away.

[Assistant] You, you just, you love throwing my stuff out. You'd be happy if the mailman delivered my magazine right into the garbage, you know?


[User] You got me there.

[Assistant] Come on. This is my house, too. If I put something there, I should be able to get to it when I get to it. You know, I'm a slow reader and.


[User] There's a very simple solution to this. Put your stuff away.

[Assistant] No, no, don't touch my stuff.


[User] No, no, don't touch my stuff.

[Assistant] Put it away.


[User] Put it away.

[Assistant] Don't touch it. Don't have it, don't.


[User] Well, here's something you might try. Take it on me when we're having sex.

[Assistant] This is awful, Ray. We lied to him. and now he has a broken rib. We broke his rib. We may as well have rolled off that bet. and on to him.


[User] This is awful, Ray. We lied to him. and now he has a broken rib. We broke his rib. We may as well have rolled off that bet. and on to him.

[Assistant] Are you trying to put images in my head? Because we may never have sex again? Hello, hi. Look, this is not our fault.


[User] Are you trying to put images in my head? Because we may never have sex again? Hello, hi. Look, this is not our fault.

[Assistant] Serious. This is thirty percent my fault and seventy percent yours.


[User] Roger, you know, the one, the architect with the wife. You don't know why it's Ok if you want to be upset that you broke up with.

[Assistant] I'm not upset about Roger.


[User] She was going to go on tour without me. Okay, so why am I the bad guy for wanting to go to Idaho?

[Assistant] Because you slept with it. What does that have to do with anything you slept with her? Then you said you didn't want to go onto.


[User] you doing?you know, I'm the one who should be mad. you betrayed me.

[Assistant] you ruined everything.


[User] you ruined everything.

[Assistant] hell are you talking about? you wrote the note?by the way, this is Michelle's car mines across the lot.


[User] hell are you talking about? you wrote the note?by the way, this is Michelle's car mines across the lot.

[Assistant] God, you don't get it. you ruined my shot with Dan. wait,


[User] Dan Decker.

[Assistant] before you canceled the lab,me and Dan were partnered up.we were gonna spend the whole weekcarving up pigs and falling for each other.oh,


[User] No, no. No, I just want it to be like before.

[Assistant] Where you didn't talk to me at all? No. oh, come on. Admit it, Raymond. You never wanted to be.


[User] Where you didn't talk to me at all? No. oh, come on. Admit it, Raymond. You never wanted to be.

[Assistant] Close, you grew up in the same room as me. You live right across the street. You're over my house every day. How much closer can we be sure?


[User] Close, you grew up in the same room as me. You live right across the street. You're over my house every day. How much closer can we be sure?

[Assistant] Well, I don't know you, Ok? I want to know you.


[User] what does the matter with you? why are you so anti Catholic?

[Assistant] it's a gutter religion, margine.all those women and their crucifixes,you might as well wear an electric chair around your neck.


[User] What Marie?

[Assistant] And I think it's just that sometimes if you have to spend an entire day with a person that you've. You, you need to make an effort.


[User] oh hey, um, Jackson Sitter is here so I gotta go.

[Assistant] okay, welllisten, keep me posted and tell the birth mother I saidhappy pushing.


[User] This is so cool.

[Assistant] Have a think about this. There is a theory that suggests the universe is so large that everything that can happen is happening all the time.


[User] You did something, didn't you? You did.

[Assistant] I didn't do anything. I'm loving this, okay? It takes practice.


[User] yeah. well, no fucking way.maybe just part time. but are you people crazy?no,

[Assistant] but apparently you are.the last time I came here,you said some psychic told you Lisa was still alive.you know what?


[User] I was still in shock, I think. okay. anyway, I was high.

[Assistant] look,you know, what you did with Lisa was wrongand I hate to contact our lawyer.God,what does it take?


[User] look,you know, what you did with Lisa was wrongand I hate to contact our lawyer.God,what does it take?

[Assistant] saying get the hell out of here.go get the fuck off my proper. calm down now, Nate.we're just trying to do what's best.oh, please. you don't care about Miami.


[User] saying get the hell out of here.go get the fuck off my proper. calm down now, Nate.we're just trying to do what's best.oh, please. you don't care about Miami.

[Assistant] get the fuck out of here. you're not gonna get away with this,Nate. you're not.


[User] how can you live within 100 miles of that woman?

[Assistant] couldn't care less.


[User] do you know where dad is? yeah,

[Assistant] he's in a rat hole.cause us where the rats live with all the other rats.


[User] not these days, mom.

[Assistant] anyone who takes up,out or in, refuses to grab this opportunity to getrid of all grants is no son of mine.and I'm not saying one thing everyone's not thinking already,


[User] What was the big deal?

[Assistant] The big deal is that I am a married man and you had a picnic in my backyard.


[User] The big deal is that I am a married man and you had a picnic in my backyard.

[Assistant] You think I was coming on? In your dreams, pal.


[User] You think I was coming on? In your dreams, pal.

[Assistant] Now in your dreams. Okay, why else would you go at me like dad?


[User] Now in your dreams. Okay, why else would you go at me like dad?

[Assistant] Oh, because I am so attracted to you, Captain. Flat pants.


[User] Yeah, and why did do it?

[Assistant] So why just did it?


[User] Oh, yeah. yeah, that's just your little thank you gift for anybody who helps you out.

[Assistant] Hey, I told you I didn't need your help. You just had to show me what a big, strong man you were like, like, I couldn't have figured out that tent on my own website.


[User] I wasn't trying to show you anything. I was doing it for the kid.

[Assistant] Give me a break. It was striding around, gloating, maybe. Oh, I should go to merit bitch. Yeah, okay. I didn't kick your butt. To matter, scared.


[User] You gotta understand it. I've always wondered what it would be like to be Raymond. And it was even better than I thought it would be. Because I met you.

[Assistant] I can't believe this. You didn't have to do that. I liked you.


[User] look,Michelle,this is coming from above.really?okay?and I think it's good thatstudents feel how hard it is to have a baby.you know,I don't have any babies,but I've been in a restaurant where one is screamingand it's like,noRalph,you know, these robot babies,they suck.

[Assistant] Ding, ding, ding.exactly.


[User] or come on, I need to give these kids condoms. Ralph, they work.otherwise, Keith and I would have100 or so kids,maybe 200.

[Assistant] okay,Michelle,thank you for being so open.but the only thing that we're allowed to say aboutcondoms is that they are 2%ineffectiveand everybody is watching you while you buy them.so our only optionis to scare these kids off of sex entirely.Ralph,Ralph,my kids are in no danger of getting late.okay?they do not need a sex to turn.trust me,anybody needs a sex to turns.wrinkly old jigolos who travel from town to townseducing innocentold moms who just want to enjoy nice day at the Rodeothat that that's all they want.


[User] I don't know. It's you wouldn't understand.

[Assistant] Oh, yeah. that's right. I'm too stupid. I would understand. It's not like you're so complicated. You know, you're mad at her. and it's so obvious why.


[User] across the street. Garris, yes.drink a date with Kate and Ryan sponsored by K 100.

[Assistant] Kate and Lion.Kate and Ryan.why so?whywould they go to a place across the street when they knowmother, my place is right here.sothat guy gets to Rake it ina drink a date.


[User] Sweat in the holy name and crap. Are you talking about?

[Assistant] That you just, you always rack me about practice in the piano. And I think that's maybe why I quit.


[User] Excuse me.

[Assistant] I don't care what her problem is. Your sister in law isn't the only one that knows that Ali likes Tommy Sanders. Everybody knows Ali likes Tommy and Susie likes Tommy and blah, blah, blah likes Bucky. And who likes baby and not? I'm going to have anything to do with man's land. Their, their, their, their home lives and their love lives and and their social lives are not my problem. That is my problem. And the answer is pi. You say nobody cares about the work. Even though that is the business of this classroom.


[User] I understand. I just thought it might help. It doesn't.

[Assistant] Anything else? I have thirty distracted chatterboxes on their way in here to get this wrong. If you, if you really want to help be a parent at home and let me be the teacher here.


[User] Oh, you poor blind fat lady. This is not the house for us. That's all we have to keep looking. And I don't want to keep looking. why, why? we can find something else just like this.

[Assistant] But this house is right by your parents.


[User] But this house is right by your parents.

[Assistant] Oh my God. Do you hear what you're saying? It's the hormones that's, that's, tell me it's the hormones. You got twice the hormones going. Now I know. What would you say?


[User] All right, I'll quit softball.

[Assistant] Gray, your parents living across the street is the big selling point here. You know, I, I know that you don't see it now, but in time you will come to realize what a blessing it is to have your family so close.


[User] I'm still getting a hint of elephant. Get out. Well, I'm just being honest.

[Assistant] No, we have to push the car the last fifty feet to the house so that they don't hear us coming.


[User] Like some of the Oprah strength must have rubbed off on me. I bet I could carry this car. Are you sure this is?

[Assistant] What is this? Do you steal this candy dish from Opera House? It has her initials engraved.


[User] I couldn't help it. I wanted a souvenir.

[Assistant] But you said that we couldn't bring any evidence in here. and you didn't even let me take the party napkin that had a cartoon of her hugging children of many color.


[User] Like if we get a three, we get to write each other a poem.

[Assistant] Go, go, please, go, please. These are in the cat house. The doctor ain't.


[User] Alright, I'll move it for you. One, two, three, four, five, six, seven, eight, nine. A blue one.

[Assistant] No, no, You kind of did square twenty.


[User] Two, three, four, five, six, seven, eight, nine.

[Assistant] I don't think you're getting into the spirit of the game, dear.


[User] Ah, you're kidding me.

[Assistant] Three minutes.


[User] Three minutes.

[Assistant] Do you know how long? Three minutes. It's long. Ask an egg.


[User] Oh, maybe that's the problem right there. This play isn't about you. The last dress is about men on their quest to find a well working relationships.

[Assistant] Interesting, well, right now, it reads as though men don't need women. Or at least not independent women.


[User] Interesting, well, right now, it reads as though men don't need women. Or at least not independent women.

[Assistant] Listen, when women Wright contacted me to produce your play, it was, it was unfinished. I finished it.


[User] I'm not saying that you couldn't have a good time.

[Assistant] You just say I did not.


[User] You just say I did not.

[Assistant] I'm just saying it's funny. I don't remember her name as the one of these. He funny about. What do you remember? what?


[User] Um, I remember his name. It was twenty.

[Assistant] I mean, it was just having a lot of moment.


[User] Why are you mad at Roger?

[Assistant] Cause I, I look at him. And I see this pathetic, insecure woman that I was. and I hate her. and I hate that. That's how he remembered me.


[User] Thank God those days are behind us. Yeah, but it's twelve years old. There's no warranty. Breaks down or right back in the same exact position we are right now.

[Assistant] Minus fifty to two hundred dollars. So here's a mini van. Two thousand nine, a little above our price range.


[User] yeah, sure.Helen, why don't you just take over the whole production?

[Assistant] I can't take this anymore. what is this about, Ralph?


[User] Dennis, a moment.you really don't know what this is about, do you?morning announcements were my chance to be the cool guy, to,to connect with the students.and you took them for me.

[Assistant] oh, Ralph,I, would I ever do anything to hurt you?you pulled me up from the gutter. you're an amazing man.I would never take the announcements from you.


[User] oh, Ralph,I, would I ever do anything to hurt you?you pulled me up from the gutter. you're an amazing man.I would never take the announcements from you.

[Assistant] well, it's too late.I'm awake now, Helen.I thought I had this game cornered,and then you came in and did it awaythat I didn't know was possible.I'm a fraud.you should do them. oh,


[User] well, it's too late.I'm awake now, Helen.I thought I had this game cornered,and then you came in and did it awaythat I didn't know was possible.I'm a fraud.you should do them. oh,

[Assistant] I should do them. ha!you think that's what people wantme running around like a big dumb goof?I do that crap for my nephewand he's 5 forever, if you know what I mean.


[User] I should do them. ha!you think that's what people wantme running around like a big dumb goof?I do that crap for my nephewand he's 5 forever, if you know what I mean.

[Assistant] holy crap. is that thing on? oh,


[User] Oh no, no, stand, stand.

[Assistant] What the hell your joy is?


[User] What the hell your joy is?

[Assistant] Why you stupid old shit? You scared the hell out of me one.


[User] No, no, I'm just taking it back.

[Assistant] But why was it overflowing?


[User] Please, I'm fine, I'm fine.

[Assistant] Okay, well, you left the stove on, too.


[User] Okay, well, you left the stove on, too.

[Assistant] Yeah, I know that I get on purpose Now get that A lot of hair get up.


[User] So you can stay up to read, but you can't spend two minutes for six.

[Assistant] Look, I'm sorry, Ray. Okay, it's not like I'm trying to trick you. I am tired and I thought I would do a little reading before I fell asleep.


[User] Yeah, build up Ferrari you bought? Is that really you, dad?

[Assistant] Well done. Tell you the truth. It's a rental. And to be totally honest, I miss my Honda chord. I hate cigars. Why am I doing this?


[User] Well done. Tell you the truth. It's a rental. And to be totally honest, I miss my Honda chord. I hate cigars. Why am I doing this?

[Assistant] I am glad to hear you say that because I miss my sweater wearing Honda loving nerd bomber dad.


[User] I'm a little insulted by that.

[Assistant] You're insulting. I'm just this thing in your stupid sibling rival.


[User] There is no rivalry.

[Assistant] Oh no, Robby's got the better girl, Ray. we're behind.


[User] wait,so you tell me that there's some kind ofcommon strategy that I don't know about.right.

[Assistant] sometimes having sex,you know, if you just want to get someone out the door,it's just a lot faster.otherwise, it's a lot of talking.it's a bottle of wine, it's another bottle of wine.it's empty calories.wow.


[User] Yes, it was fine.

[Assistant] Then act angry like you're sick of taking orders from the white man.


[User] Walk along that wall. Read from your script, go.

[Assistant] Ola, welcome to the streets I call home. It's tough out here, so I've had to be tougher because in a place where violence is currency and pain is your best friend. Hey, this is embarrassing. Please don't shoot this.