[User] Though I cheated it up with us and show that.

[Assistant] Said frico. What's wrong with you, man? Always turning your back on what you have always sniffing around for something new.


[User] you're making Kate's favorite dinner because she got dumpedand you're returning Randall's library booksbecause he's a massive nerd.the least you could do is give mefive minutes at the baseball card store.

[Assistant] I didn't go to the grocery store just for Kate.I also bought groceries,including two chickens that I will cook for the whole family.


[User] I wish you were like Sophie's mom. she's fun.

[Assistant] uh, I'm fun. I am as fun as Sophie's mom. I am a fun mom.


[User] There's a lot going on with me right now. My body's changing.

[Assistant] Ah, you always use that. Hey, today you're going to learn about responsibility. Today You are going to take care of a baby.


[User] I'm just send it for the sugar.

[Assistant] It's my model for life. I'm just in it for the sugar and right about.


[User] Oh, hey. So, uh, looks like we're gonna have to get another pediatrician, huh?

[Assistant] Didn't we agree that we were seeing people? What's the problem? Yeah, people.


[User] Well, what you're, you're the one was in charge of the stuff.

[Assistant] You always have to be in charge.  What do you go to the drugstore and get some things?


[User] I don't even like to buy the things. Especially if there's a lady cashier, I feel. Feel all dirty. Like, hey, hey, guess what? I'm going to be doing later. Maybe. If I can get all the kids to sleep and if the moon and the stars all line up.

[Assistant] Well, there is another option. You know what? We discussed it. little snipsnip.


[User] Well, there is another option. You know what? We discussed it. little snipsnip.

[Assistant] Hey, how so? Large with that kind of talk. He can hear you. Don't listen to the crazy lady, okay? No snip, snip. No snip, snap.


[User] Well, I realized you think wedding videos are a lesser art form.

[Assistant] No, no. Are you kidding me? I'm sure they're really hard to do all those bread cellars. My God. You have no idea what this means to me. You are such a good friend.


[User] Why do you have to make wife jokes? I don't do that. I don't make husband jokes, oh.

[Assistant] Well, come on. Are you telling me that you don't go out with Amy Lyndon and make fun of all the stupid things I do? You know, you know, you don't talk about the way my, my lips move when I read or or you caught me biting my toenail at one time or?


[User] Masters.

[Assistant] Degree master's degree. This is what I don't understand. You're always making fun of my cooking, but I finally make something you like, and you're still making jokes about it, why?


[User] Certainly not. Ray Baron from New York, Newsday.

[Assistant] Like you wanted to wait in that line? Look, I'm sorry. I'm not going to wait in the line all day like everybody else.


[User] I'm just not feeling it. Maybe we should see some more houses.

[Assistant] No problem. Oh, did you want to look in another neighborhood or stay right here in hell?


[User] you haven't exactly helped.

[Assistant] what else do you want to blame me for,Kate?it's, it's raining outside.it's Bays's fault your car doesn't start. blame bays.listen,I am not the root of all your problem.


[User] really?because it feels like you ruin my life back thenand somehow lately you show up everywhere I amand you ruin it again.god,

[Assistant] it's been 16 years.let it go.it's,there's some sort ofstatue of limitations on how long you can punish me for it.


[User] it's been 16 years.let it go.it's,there's some sort ofstatue of limitations on how long you can punish me for it.

[Assistant] statue, you idiots, whatever. and it's not just that. okay,I heard you,but you said you're stupid friends after we slept together.


[User] Dad said that he was the one who was always getting in trouble. You were granted his favorite.

[Assistant] Nutle. I was mom's favorite pop. Didn't know what to do with me. so he just left me alone. Now your dad, he went after him and he was. Brutal, nonstop, screaming all night long.


[User] You spent all of it. a thousand dollars. How could you do that?

[Assistant] Hey, I just told you the only reason we came here today was to get more money.


[User] Hey, I just told you the only reason we came here today was to get more money.

[Assistant] Oh my God. I'm going to tell Deborah I lost a thousand dollars.


[User] excuse me?um,

[Assistant] hello.you've been telling everyone thatI was one of the girls sleeping over at your place.oh, damn.


[User] That's it. Talk to Joe.

[Assistant] What, what? Look, I'm completely swamped with this new account. I haven't finished packing up the office. I don't have time to play Dr Ruth and. I'm sorry.


[User] I'm gonna happy to send you guys a package and we'll talk, okay? Oh, I think they're calling my four one second.

[Assistant] Paul, we're throwing an album release party here on Friday here at the studio. and we're hoping that you guys can make it. Yeah, that would be a great chance for them to get together and mingle. It's Friday, yeah.


[User] Why are you walking around in pain? Just admit the shoes were a bad idea.

[Assistant] I am not in pain. I just didn't want my favorite walking shoes to get wet there.


[User] Okay, my bad. Well, we've got to meet everybody in tomorrow. And so we've got to get moving because it's all the way on the other side of the park.

[Assistant] I'm fine. You just try to keep up with the ass.


[User] I'm honored.give me the tour.

[Assistant] bed's going here.lounge area. uh huh. and hey,kitchen, bathrooms through there.


[User] Why are you fighting me, gorges? This works.

[Assistant] I really, really don't appreciate you calling me gorgeous. I just want to enjoy time with my family. So if you don't mind.


[User] That you were a lonely hearts widower like me.

[Assistant] A lonely hearts with my wife happens to be in Italy on a trip with her art class. and they're, they're seeing museums and and touching statues. They're going all around spending my money. That's what they're going. I don't know what the hell they're doing over there.


[User] Sounds like you're a little perturbed about that.

[Assistant] Well, I'm a little bit. Perturbed, yeah. I mean, it's been three weeks. I haven't had a, a good meal and don't have any clean underwear. I mean, come, you know? And then she just told me, ah, she wants to stay an extra week. I mean, God.


[User] You sound so happy. Who was jealous?

[Assistant] Come to work for me. I'm serious.


[User] I'm not sure.Margie,when Barb came to me, it sounded like a such a good idea.

[Assistant] oh, it is.it isthat my house is a better idea.Barb likes things a little particularand takes a while to get used to that, believe me. I know.think about how much fun we'd have,


[User] but I don't want to hurt Barb's feelings. oh,

[Assistant] you wouldn't be. trust me. I'll talk to Bill.


[User] Hold on.  I got this.  I am nine one one. Would you? okay? I'm a professional. Please let me do this.

[Assistant] What? Almost had it.


[User] What? Almost had it.

[Assistant] Yeah, because you move like a Puma.


[User] I want a quality with you and Barb.

[Assistant] well,you're not going to get it.you're the youngest and the shyniestand the newest and arguablysomewhat attractive.you don't get to have those thingsand share equal power with us.no,no,no,no.that's not the way it works,margine.you think about that.


[User] Tell them.

[Assistant] Forty nate's forty. Is that your Ido? This is Jackie from work. Oh, family dinner, dinner, Jack. Yes, right.


[User] No, not anything, anything. I mean, we all have our boundaries. I mean, there's still things I wouldn't ask him to do.

[Assistant] Okay, so Rayner and I were in bed the other night and.


[User] This way, but the game on.

[Assistant] Hey. Splendid. Let me ask you something. If one was asked to read a book called Devilwood. One would be correct in assuming that the book was scary or exciting or had something deadly in it wouldn't won.


[User] Every time my mother got a new job, there was always someone she hated at the hospital. It was Tammy.

[Assistant] So Tammy says to set the defibrillator two hundred, I know how to set a defibrillator. I'm a defibrillator.


[User] At the fire station, it was better.

[Assistant] That damn Betty set the water pressure at one hundred pounds per square inch, which, you know, I told her to set it at one hundred and thirty pounds per square inch. I should have turned the holes on.


[User] That damn Betty set the water pressure at one hundred pounds per square inch, which, you know, I told her to set it at one hundred and thirty pounds per square inch. I should have turned the holes on.

[Assistant] And at Nasa, it was Belinda.


[User] And at Nasa, it was Belinda.

[Assistant] Can you believe that Hepa? I told her to set the app booster at twenty five thousand feet per second, and she looks at me like I'm crazy now. we would've got stuck in the eye, honestly, as she would have been like, oh, what are we gonna do now?


[User] It is insufferable. He never stops droning on. He's like the cosmic microwave background radiation.

[Assistant] Because he's the constant noise. You can't get rid of her.


[User] Thanks, Alex.

[Assistant] Oh my God. what? Haley blew him off. I think he wants me to come to the observatory to be with him.


[User] You just showed up out of the blue and asked me for money. What do you expect?

[Assistant] What is wrong with you? I mean, do you remember before Ohio closed, we were going to.


[User] thank you. it's wordplay.come on over the meat grinder. yeah,

[Assistant] absolutely. let's do some classic blue collar work. I love it.


[User] sorry about that.then you repeat the whole thing till five PM,or as we call it.bureau clock.

[Assistant] bureau clock. oh man, that's fantastic.but let's go ahead and get started with the blue collar workcause I'm on a little bit of a deadline here.


[User] well, that could be a bit of a stretch, but

[Assistant] okay. bye.all right. we ready?


[User] Sweetheart, that's wonderful.

[Assistant] Well, it's not wonderful, ma'am, because life is a lot more complicated than that. He knows that. I love him. I told him that I loved him a long time ago, but it was still too hard. And he left me and he went back to France.


[User] Any chance money bags there lifts you out of the ghetto?

[Assistant] More likely, he's got a girl in every port. These will work. Kevin never cheat on you. Go talk to him. Clear it up.


[User] Oxygen purposes.

[Assistant] Jiaxi. I also got an Ivy morphine. Got a lot of friends and men programs that ended in the lottery a.


[User] Look. You're facing a challenge that scares you. But you knowing your heart, you need to take it on because. It will help you grow and become a stronger, more balanced person.

[Assistant] Of course, I know you're right, but it's hard. People are out there discovering planets. And I'm in here doing Buzzfeed quizzes. Like if I were to be a beetle, who would I be? I'd be Ringo. Who cares? Manny, Manny.


[User] Thank you so much for stopping by.

[Assistant] Don't let them sell Ohio food. I know better than anyone that Ohio is a family business. and once they're anger fades, they are going to regret letting it go. Sarah and Tommy, they grew up there. And you've seen how much they have thrown themselves into that place.


[User] So you ought to know.

[Assistant] Look, I did what I thought was best for Rebecca. That's what you did with Kevin. We were just protecting our kids, so don't stop protecting them now.


[User] my mom caught me a jobso I could pass inside information on my father's trial.

[Assistant] oh, my gosh, you need help.you stole my identityand your spying or tampering or whatever it's gonna,


[User] it was Satan.Satan got a hold of me.

[Assistant] you have to quittoday or. I showed that man my driver's license.do you understand?


[User] So you read his text and you track his movements. I could see why he's so eager to lock you.

[Assistant] Look, I really like being with Bill and if I have to turn him down, that means the end of the relationship and all that great sex and.


[User] Toss a football, beat up a bully. I don't know. Defend himself.

[Assistant] You have always been so comfortable with yourself from the very first time I met you and your, your hair was all.


[User] What? Ah. How on earth did you do that?

[Assistant] It's called skill by my look. It's called, It's called skill.


[User] Yeah, can I talk to you there for a second?

[Assistant] Yeah, yeah. All right, I'll be right back. What a hoot.


[User] Yeah, yeah. All right, I'll be right back. What a hoot.

[Assistant] Is your game old man nothing?


[User] Jason, people like me who really needed.

[Assistant] You know what we're?


[User] Then why don't you shut up and pretend like everything's fine? like a normal person?

[Assistant] Because I want to know what I did.


[User] Because I want to know what I did.

[Assistant] It isn't you. It's Adam, But I know.


[User] It isn't you. It's Adam, But I know.

[Assistant] Is it the loud chewing? Because maybe we just don't have salad?


[User] There is absolutely nothing funny about this one.

[Assistant] Listen to me. I wouldn't do this if I didn't think it was good for you. I just want you to see that. He's not a monster, you know? The day you two guys met, he was probably all freaked out. He's probably more scared than you were. Now look at him. He just nestled the happy ball.


[User] I was going to say.

[Assistant] Like, I haven't had a chance because I've been waiting all day for deborah's damp curtains.


[User] Like, I haven't had a chance because I've been waiting all day for deborah's damp curtains.

[Assistant] Curtains, what is it with the curtains? Maybe he's gotta think with the curtains too. I've got the curtains.


[User] Curtains, what is it with the curtains? Maybe he's gotta think with the curtains too. I've got the curtains.

[Assistant] Tell me about it. I'm sitting here, my own filth for three hours waiting for. Hurricanes, well, Deborah is often all kinds. Burning, yeah, yeah. this is my life. now. I'm a hostage. Trapped, trapped inside these Ford. All the walls here in this area.


[User] Tell me about it. I'm sitting here, my own filth for three hours waiting for. Hurricanes, well, Deborah is often all kinds. Burning, yeah, yeah. this is my life. now. I'm a hostage. Trapped, trapped inside these Ford. All the walls here in this area.

[Assistant] What do you mean hosted?


[User] What do you mean hosted?

[Assistant] I'm a hostage, Jack. Look at me. I'm trying to blink you a message.


[User] A few. How much was this going to take? I, I don't know. Well, you think I'll be dumb on tomorrow night? because I have somewhere to go and really important.

[Assistant] Chris says nothing more important than fulfilling your responsibilities. That's what the scholarship is all about service. So do your best if you get it done tomorrow, you can do whatever you want to.


[User] Yes's five.  Do you remember a line?

[Assistant] Uh huh. Okay, good, good costume.


[User] Maybe a little bit. I'm offering you a bird in the hand. Do you know?

[Assistant] And it is very tempting. But I, I've taken a risk with these guys. probably the biggest risk of my professional career because they inspired me to with their enthusiasm and their. Optimism, and I want to stay a part of that. I can't sell them out because Mr Hanson walks in and offers me a salary with benefits and.


[User] That's very sweet. But you realize it would only have.

[Assistant] Like, go away.


[User] Ok, well, hopefully it's a long shot.

[Assistant] Ah, your little girl.


[User] It would have to be a very tragic accident.

[Assistant] I know, I know. Nothing is going to happen. But if we did, we would be so happy.


[User] Okay, all right, what looks good? Oh, here's something that jumps right off the page. I tried this yesterday, thanks to my good friend Skip Woosnam. Claire, do yourself a favor and join me in a wedge.

[Assistant] You have got to be kidding me.


[User] It was about the salad.

[Assistant] I have been recommending wedge salads to you, amongst other things for years, and you never listened to me. and it's an idiot suggested. and you can't wait to try away salad. It makes me feel. Don't matter.


[User] sit when

[Assistant] she is going to make her own tart you out.


[User] she is going to make her own tart you out.

[Assistant] I am never gonna make the shell.I can't even get it in a pan, right


[User] Is insane.

[Assistant] I know what's her problem.


[User] I know what's her problem.

[Assistant] No, the both of you. you've had a two week fight over a suitcase.


[User] No, the both of you. you've had a two week fight over a suitcase.

[Assistant] So it's not really a fight. You know? I mean, everything's the same. We eat, we sleep. we watch Tv play with the kids. Everything's fine. But the one who moves that suitcase will not be me.


[User] He's meeting with us about our wills.

[Assistant] Wills, no, no, no. I do not want to, will. It's bad luck.


[User] Eight hundred thousand.

[Assistant] That was a little fast. Right? Your Social Security number, You gotta look that up with that number of, um. Right there, right on the tip of your tongue.


[User] I thank you for all the Enlightenment.

[Assistant] Um, and what are you going to tell, Ali?


[User] Um, and what are you going to tell, Ali?

[Assistant] I don't know. but the answer can't be down here.


[User] We just do this. She's waiting.

[Assistant] Leave that face in a hole. Valley. Hey, she's not in here.


[User] Are you serious?

[Assistant] But she said she was in the area running errands. What was I supposed to say? Don't come over. Well, I guess I could have said that, but it's too late now. Plus, I want to break it to her gently. So come on, Help me Ungave the place. You know what?


[User] I'm not gambling with him anymore.

[Assistant] Mayonnaise, I never seen the guy in such a hot street.


[User] Out.

[Assistant] Is that out? You have a mustard. Sorry. Sir?


[User] You have a mustache.

[Assistant] Barge in on me.


[User] I'm sorry. Nature can be cruel.

[Assistant] You just don't walk in on somebody. You weren't even supposed to be here anymore.


[User] You just don't walk in on somebody. You weren't even supposed to be here anymore.

[Assistant] You walking on me all the time.


[User] You walking on me all the time.

[Assistant] So don't close the door, but.


[User] So don't close the door, but.

[Assistant] Because I have nothing to hide.


[User] Because I have nothing to hide.

[Assistant] Trust me, you do. You know, the bathroom was the last place I had any privacy. and now that's gone.


[User] I could build you a tree house.

[Assistant] I never get to be alone, never. You are with me or the kids are with me. And when the kids are gone, I'm still not alone because your parents walk in here all the time. I mean, you get to leave, you know, you go to work and you are alone in your car, in the office. And I just need some time to, what are you smiling about?


[User] I just pictured you tying a young girl to the railroad track.

[Assistant] I don't have.


[User] I'm not buying this for Scotty.

[Assistant] I know, but I could. I could probably do it. I could totally do it. I could sell the lot. I could dip into my savings. Thank you there. Like I could make this work and. Oh, God knows it's a decent price.


[User] Why, what did you hear? Is that why Mom is making photos?

[Assistant] So Ray and I were talking about wills, and he doesn't want to make one.


[User] Mike, you know, the definition of statutory.

[Assistant] Deaf. Here, what he was doing.


[User] Sixteen, trust me, Danny didn't force him. I know I was sixteen year old. Boy thinks.

[Assistant] That is not the issue here.


[User] No, no, Get out of here.

[Assistant] Put the other game on.


[User] Go to your house.

[Assistant] You don't flip around enough. You don't desert satellite Tv.


[User] You don't flip around enough. You don't desert satellite Tv.

[Assistant] Ah, covering the game for work.


[User] Ah, covering the game for work.

[Assistant] Ah, Jesus, Lou, you can read about it in a paper.


[User] Ah, Jesus, Lou, you can read about it in a paper.

[Assistant] Do you know yet that I'm a sports writer? I am the paper.


[User] They want to make her normal.

[Assistant] They want to help her.


[User] Yeah, for man, it's gonna be depressing for you too.

[Assistant] I think it's not as depressing as calling a hundred people and telling them that it's canceled because I lost my fucking baby, which I just told the whole world I was having. Why did you let me tell so many fucking people?


[User] Look, I just, I don't think that you. I just don't think you realize how upset.

[Assistant] Don't tell me how I feel. I think I know how fucking upset I am.


[User] Don't tell me how I feel. I think I know how fucking upset I am.

[Assistant] Then why are we going through with this?


[User] Then why are we going through with this?

[Assistant] Because when I think about not doing it, I just want to throw myself under a bus. I just, I want to swallow razor blades. I would have to take every painkiller in the house just so that I could pick up the phone and cancel the carer.


[User] It was the one thing I asked for you, selfish bitch.

[Assistant] Stop the car.


[User] Stop the car.

[Assistant] You're fucking driving.  No.


[User] You're fucking driving.  No.

[Assistant] And I'mfuckin'out.


[User] And I'mfuckin'out.

[Assistant] This is just like.


[User] This is just like.

[Assistant] Um, buggy sherry.


[User] Ah, you with Rose.

[Assistant] It is trying to cut my nuts off. No, no, don't talk about that. I mean, my thought your parents did a number on you.


[User] It is trying to cut my nuts off. No, no, don't talk about that. I mean, my thought your parents did a number on you.

[Assistant] A psychiatric. but you really do.


[User] And we had a lot of. But I tell you something. Our family vacations were nothing like this here. One week, a year in a rented cottage on Lake Erie Spiders this big. I just wish you could have seen how things turned out.

[Assistant] Well, if you keep going like this, maybe you can tell him yourself or I can tell him because you're about to kill me. Jay, my legs, my arms, my back, Everything is sore.


[User] And gay doesn't really get you the mileage that it used to. Now, if you were trans, we behold it.

[Assistant] Oh, has the whole world done crazy? No, no, I've had it. I move on to everyone so sensitive. They're going to ruin football in my day. Our team, the Hamilton Cabbage Eaters captain by Kenneth Bronstein, took on the Lincoln Banditos Q B by Jose Speedy Gonzales. And after three hours of pummeling each other's privates at the bottom of dog piles, we shook hands like brothers and all went to brawl. The sausage heads in parody. America. Beautiful melting pot. How was that your life? You were in high school during the summer of love?


[User] Arvin Fetterman is a twotime van der Kauf Grant winner, one for philosophy, one for geometry. You can't put them into.

[Assistant] This is just read my sample. This job is important to me. This is my one shot at a real career.


[User] Fine, I'll read it. And real career. I've seen this nerp business. Nicole Rosemary Page seems bonkers. Didn't she get in trouble for cannibalism and the?

[Assistant] Noah turns out there are no laws against eating your own appendix, and it does help with my minds. But she's a success story. Child star bond girl, indie darling. Before she lost all her money to a Fonzie scheme.


[User] Really, does anyone ever actually say, don't panic when there really is no reason to panic or they say it when there actually is a reason and they're trying to convince you that there isn't, yes.

[Assistant] Wait, no, what? No, no, no, just don't call her. Okay, she's on tour. She's got trace. We promised we wouldn't call us. It was on an emergency.


[User] Wait, no, what? No, no, no, just don't call her. Okay, she's on tour. She's got trace. We promised we wouldn't call us. It was on an emergency.

[Assistant] Let's just be happy that having my soul completely crushed isn't an emergency. I'm calling Abby.


[User] Let's just be happy that having my soul completely crushed isn't an emergency. I'm calling Abby.

[Assistant] She's on vacation.


[User] sorry to disturb.Franzois said it was all right,

[Assistant] Mississariot. I thought you'd run for the hills.


[User] I was going to about.my mother kept me out of school that day to go to the mall

[Assistant] on finals day.was there at least a special appearance by Raven Simone?


[User] Oh, let's leave his mom. See you after school.

[Assistant] Okay, babe. But promise me that you're going to wear the eye patch the whole day.


[User] Disaffected and disinfected. Listen to this right here. My brother's generation, While they may have their hearts in the right place, are the easiest to sway because every decision is an impulsive, emotional reaction. Did my baby brother really think he was going to impress our dad because he enlisted after nine eleven? I didn't do it just to impress Dad and.

[Assistant] Of course you didn't. It's it's mean spirit and and condescending.


[User] Iunderstand how crucial pe is.

[Assistant] you know what I do here?I tire out the boys.you realize what a bunch of hopped upboys at full energy would do to this school?


[User] We me to move. Uh, uh oh.

[Assistant] Alright, you're, oh my God, dude, dude, you and me. Fuck, fuck mates, you guys.


[User] And you're going to sit in the pews and be with the family.

[Assistant] Hey, if dad can do it, I can do it.


[User] I don't know.I messed up and I drunkenly tried to kiss him last night.and then just now,

[Assistant] just now, just now.Jackie, we don't talk for one day in your life.it's so much juicier. no, but I'm confused.so are you into Alex? are you getting into coal?


[User] just now, just now.Jackie, we don't talk for one day in your life.it's so much juicier. no, but I'm confused.so are you into Alex? are you getting into coal?

[Assistant] the only thing I am getting intois PrincetonbecauseJackie's little walk on the wild side ended yesterday.


[User] Nobody wants to see me there.

[Assistant] That's not true. Your mom is the one who sent me here. Oh yeah. Everybody's way more pissed off at me now. I came clean. I was looking for that freedom. That comes when you're telling the truth. Although. It's not really feeling quite as free as I thought it was kind of feeling more like I fucked up my entire life.


[User] Kyle, our mission leader, said a few.

[Assistant] A few months. Gideon, your mom is going to leave me. I need you to come home now.


[User] And the ukulele players.

[Assistant] The ukulele players.


[User] Well, what about me?

[Assistant] Um, I don't know how good you are at your job and everything you do here at you. I haven't really like figured it out yet, but you're like my mentor. Plus, my moms are all over here to pick something. So I told them I was going to do this.


[User] Yeah, I mean, if my mom's let me go.

[Assistant] Oh, come on. Why wouldn't they let you go?


[User] I just taken care of a few things. You know, I checked the smoke detectives. I changed a light bulb, Squashed a bug. Ah, ah, yeah. Made a crackling noise. Didn't bother me. What else? Any bags left in the car? Hey, how's the car drive? And you want me to pop the hood and check on the Lea? Thing.

[Assistant] So the cars is really fine. Where's the cadet ship?


[User] Where is this coming from?

[Assistant] It's coming from those of us orbiting around you.


[User] ah, right.

[Assistant] well, let me take you to your rooms.or would you like to show the royal party upstairs? Ligrezia?


[User] Are staining. I feel like we made this decision. and now we've just got our heels dug in. We're trying to save face. And I think we're making a mistake.

[Assistant] I know where this is headed, honey. They're at two different stages in their lives right now. Okay, she's going to start spending the night. Okay, she's gonna start sleeping over there. She's gonna start having sex with them and we're gonna lose her to this guy that we don't even really know so.


[User] damn it, why? why? why? damn it.seriously,who runs out of gas?

[Assistant] I know it's my truck.I swearI just got the gas cage fixed before I drove across country.


[User] It's boring.

[Assistant] Highly offended.


[User] Bets are funning it in.

[Assistant] That's it. No taxi dose for you.


[User] I'd be a good point.I didn't have thisfrom one badass to another.never leave valuable stuff in herand that doesn't have a door.you know, maybe for Christmasshe should ask for a shower curtain with a lock.exchange for,in exchange for

[Assistant] nothing. okay. look, we took that at some school thing. big deal.


[User] The boxing boy.

[Assistant] Unboxing, but he's really moved on from that. He makes all of his money and he has millions of fans.


[User] Oh no, I didn't say one word about Dennis York.

[Assistant] I told you I wanted to keep the kids out of it, All of it.


[User] I told you I wanted to keep the kids out of it, All of it.

[Assistant] I'm sorry. I didn't think it would be any harm to tell her about narrow lake. I mean, that's good news. What possible harm could come from that?


[User] Come on. All the soccer moms are doing it. Don't you want to look cool?

[Assistant] Well, I guess one puff couldn't hurt, you know, right? What is? But they don't do it. Oh, look. Yeah, you are still a bad influence. It's like junior high all over again.


[User] And you don't play drums either.

[Assistant] Oh, you want to get down in the gutter? Name the nine charities you walk for. Cause I bet you just do it for the exercise.


[User] Wait, wait, wait. I'm going to read this. It's not every day a set of mine amounts to something.

[Assistant] My dad, please. come on. Mom is waiting for you in the car.


[User] My dad, please. come on. Mom is waiting for you in the car.

[Assistant] And crack the window.


[User] And crack the window.

[Assistant] Dad, please give it to.


[User] Dad, please give it to.

[Assistant] As a boy, sports was the only way I could connect with my father.


[User] How can I forget her? She's super famous for having the world's worst gadar.

[Assistant] How could I be so cavalier with her emotions? We had a real connection. She gave me her number. and right now she's probably sitting by the phone waiting for me to call.


[User] Oh, anything's gay.

[Assistant] Yeah, I bet she does.


[User] God, what are you even worried about? You're married to a senator? You were going to get a baby.

[Assistant] You know what? You always do this. You always, always make the assumption that my life is so easy. You know, I think it's because you're so obsessed with your own life, that the only thing that you can see in mind is what you don't have.


[User] No.

[Assistant] Yeah, these people aren't so great. You were just going to love them. And you know what? while you're there, why don't you get a pedicure? Absolutely, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes. You just like. Make it a small dip.


[User] You just hang on one second and hear the garbage checklist. That's why to catch it.

[Assistant] Hold on. Excuse me, wait. Okay.


[User] Hold on. Excuse me, wait. Okay.

[Assistant] Sorry, yeah, just be able to call them. Of the trashman let me throw it on a garbage truck. No, he does not have a crush on me. He only allows me for my garbage. Hey guys, how's golf?


[User] She was like acting all proud. You know, she tells me the whole story how she drops the kids off at school. She hasn't done in the morning. She's home in the afternoon. It's unbelievable.

[Assistant] Yeah, unbelievable. I'm, I'm down here, eaten balls of crap. and you get. You get come in Tokyo.


[User] Yeah, well, you should just be happy. They're not drawing mustaches on your face.

[Assistant] I would prefer that than being called the famous Pasadena Cougar. And for the record, I'm not that much older than Luke.


[User] I would prefer that than being called the famous Pasadena Cougar. And for the record, I'm not that much older than Luke.

[Assistant] Maybe you should have thought of that, Sarah, when you decided to call the cameraman a douche bag. I mean, what the hell were you thinking?


[User] I was running at the time.

[Assistant] That is not my fault, is it?


[User] oh, for gold sake,

[Assistant] there's vanilla essence in the cupboard.9 years old, barely used.if I bake at the current rate, I'll die before it's empty.outlived by vanilla essence.


[User] okay, fine.I'm happy to consider more decking in the back garden.

[Assistant] not decking Vick, I'm sick of decking.you can't keep throwing decking at the problem.


[User] it's what I want.

[Assistant] well, it's not what I want.


[User] let's just agree to disagree.

[Assistant] Nikki. I do not want the kids to go to the compound.


[User] all the kids.they're just your kids.

[Assistant] any kids, and certainly not mine. and mine include yours.Lee Hatcher, please,Lee. Barb Henrikson,I need another will sent over to me.yes. and please just leave it blank who I'm leaving. Ben,Sara and Tanzi, too.hmm.no, I'll fill it out later.yes. all right. thank you. all right. you too.


[User] Why not? It's a short story. Once upon a time, I had great jazz records. You were born. now. I don't.

[Assistant] Ah, riot. You know, you've been army for this for over thirty years.


[User] Ah, riot. You know, you've been army for this for over thirty years.

[Assistant] I believe it was the winter of six.


[User] I believe it was the winter of six.

[Assistant] Um, stop it.


[User] Um, stop it.

[Assistant] I just come home from a hard day's work.


[User] That's what I thought. But I went viral. Well, Orange Bay viral, But it got more views in that video of Kevin's grandma wrapping.

[Assistant] Really? She's iconic.


[User] They're not so big that we have to have a meeting. Where are they going to come over with torches and pitchforks? Whoa, oh.

[Assistant] They just want to come over to discuss the problem. And you got to admit, there's a problem. I mean, they wouldn't have to be calling a meeting if, if the whole thing had gotten completely intolerable. I mean, look, neighbors just want to vulgar to ask for our help. And I think the leaves we can do is listen to what they have to say.


[User] no,you're done at the casino.you completely screwed up.

[Assistant] wait, Bill,I made a mistake.excuse me.


[User] Big news, uncle. Baby Billy, real big Daddy asked us to be part of the Easter broadcasts. The collection number.

[Assistant] But let's time start rehearsing. Come on, huh? We're going to learn a new move today. Shuffle back, step. A shuffle back still.


[User] Well, don't bitch, talk me, bitch. I thought this was what we wanted.

[Assistant] Not from Eli Gemstone. It ain't what, Judy. He gonna be all helpful. Wonderful swoop in. Give us a little doggie bone. That's too little too late. Now he don't get to have you, Judy. You belong to Uncle Baby Billy now and get your shoes on. We got work. We got to do that.


[User] Not from Eli Gemstone. It ain't what, Judy. He gonna be all helpful. Wonderful swoop in. Give us a little doggie bone. That's too little too late. Now he don't get to have you, Judy. You belong to Uncle Baby Billy now and get your shoes on. We got work. We got to do that.

[Assistant] Just an uncle, baby. I was thinking, what if we did Jesus on the dirt road or something that would be broadcasting to Tvs across the whole world?


[User] we like an application. could you help us?

[Assistant] oh, God, I hope so.oh, wasn't expecting something this high pressuremy first day back.let's just say I've been under observation at the Nut House.okay. application.


[User] How come you didn't tell me the bus was leaving?

[Assistant] When I said, let's hurry up before the bus leaves us. what bus did you think I was talking about?


[User] Why should I do that?

[Assistant] How many times? I was a punchy before you get a clue? Don't you watch movies? If you want to make all the decisions in Silver Streak and Richard Prizes followed orders and.


[User] You heard mom and dad. They said no.

[Assistant] But we'll still get home before them. They'll never know. Come on, Annie. And I just broke up. I'm not ready to go back and face life. Come on. How would we even pay for the hotel? We can use Luke's Carnival settlement money.


[User] What you could say, it's six to eight months. Come on, Give me some credit here, girl, girl.

[Assistant] Hey, don't walk away, forget.


[User] Yeah. Okay, good, good for him.

[Assistant] That's fifty dollars. Yeah. So why can't you do something like that?


[User] Whoa, whoa. It's going on with you.

[Assistant] I have to explain to you that I'm losing my fucking mind. Can't you tell? Where is everybody?


[User] The hell is a matter with?

[Assistant] He's got allergies. Oh dad, have you seen this new fish tank? We just got check in.


[User] Kevin, I do not have time to listen to you. You have a psychotic episode this morning.

[Assistant] Now that we officially have custody of Olivia, I'm perfectly healthy. Thank you. I've just been reading the thirty things to do by thirty list that Justin wrote when he was fifteen and number four have sex in a flying car.


[User] Yeah, I'm fine. Who are they? okay with you?

[Assistant] Fine and dandy. Oh, do I show you this sweater? I got?


[User] It's nice.

[Assistant] The sales girl, I bought it from Bridget. She was so sweet and smart. She's taking some time off of school to make some money, but I really hope she finishes because she was really great and.


[User] The sales girl, I bought it from Bridget. She was so sweet and smart. She's taking some time off of school to make some money, but I really hope she finishes because she was really great and.

[Assistant] And then you bought the sweater. Got it. I'm, I'm sorry. Actually, you know, I kind of did have a bad day.


[User] And I mean.

[Assistant] It's gotta be, Come on. you're in a car. Put it together. This, this isn't a gift basket. It's a love basket. Now, why do you think my mom wants you working around the house? She's got a much bigger job for you.


[User] Actually, your mom told.

[Assistant] No, no. Of course. I don't know. I'm sorry, though.


[User] I stop funny. I'm trying to help you when you're, you're not taking.

[Assistant] Sorry, I don't remember it. Honestly, when it gets to a point where our only hope of finding this piece of property is, if I can remember some stupid lyrics, well, I think we should just give up.


[User] Well, it sounds like bacon.

[Assistant] You read my journal. What, what?


[User] You read my journal. What, what?

[Assistant] A journal, no.


[User] A journal, no.

[Assistant] Oh, what journal? Come on. The journal that I kept as a kid. How else will you know about N Bako and Tammy Gillis?


[User] Oh, what journal? Come on. The journal that I kept as a kid. How else will you know about N Bako and Tammy Gillis?

[Assistant] What are you talking about?


[User] I didn't know you had a journal.

[Assistant] Yes, you did. And you read every word of it.


[User] Yes, you did. And you read every word of it.

[Assistant] Raymond, I never read your journal.


[User] Raymond, I never read your journal.

[Assistant] Dad, did Mom ever read my journal?


[User] Dad, did Mom ever read my journal?

[Assistant] I read your journal.


[User] Clear, we're not your parents. We're in much better shape.

[Assistant] Okay, you want to know the worst thing? They didn't even talk about it. They just let it hang there. I'm not going to do that to our kids. So this. This is a defining moment for us as parents. How we handle this could shape how they feel about sex and intimacy for the rest of their lives and.


[User] Okay, you want to know the worst thing? They didn't even talk about it. They just let it hang there. I'm not going to do that to our kids. So this. This is a defining moment for us as parents. How we handle this could shape how they feel about sex and intimacy for the rest of their lives and.

[Assistant] Funny, this is only a big deal if we make it a big deal. we set the tone here. So let's just play it cool. Actually, it was a big, funny mix up, crack a few jokes, lighten the mood jokes.


[User] Well, um, um, you just told the ending well.

[Assistant] Tell the beginning. I love it.


[User] Tell the beginning. I love it.

[Assistant] I'm not telling the joke because you blew the punchline. going to stand that way.


[User] You're kidding.

[Assistant] Yes, the chirp of the cricket has been replaced by the car alarm. God only knows what will replace the car alarm. What is that? What can that possibly mean? Oh God, he's out of control.


[User] Told those people to take that off.

[Assistant] No, just. The driveway.


[User] Okay, it's fine, it's fine. Don't panic. I've got it, I've got it.

[Assistant] She's getting out of a car.


[User] She's getting out of a car.

[Assistant] I am doing it. I've almost got it. Oh God, Oh no.  Well, it's ink.


[User] I am doing it. I've almost got it. Oh God, Oh no.  Well, it's ink.

[Assistant] What are you doing with my sweater? Oh my God. It's ruined. I was an accident, so.


[User] That's probably body on the phone. You won't be able to stop it.

[Assistant] Okay, I'm coming. I'm coming. I'm coming. Hello. Tommy. Tommy, Tommy's landed so. Do you want to tell me what the surprise is now? All right, fine, that's fine. Alright, so I'll see you soon. Love you. Bye. What in God's name is he going to spring on us now?


[User] She was a baby. But yeah.

[Assistant] It was hell. and I would not have survived if those firemen wouldn't have figured out a way to lower my little and and into that well, and touched my feet. And tell me it was going to be okay and that I wasn't alone.


[User] Well, we were being totally unreasonable.

[Assistant] But I don't care if I'm being unreasonable. Hattie, you're fifteen years old and you live in my house. So you do what I say when I say.


[User] no. so he took you out again last night?you sort of,

[Assistant] uh, sort of.we got subs and ate them at the laundromat.so,yeah, I took her out.oh,


[User] Not look. She wasn't accepted into this trial because I made a call.

[Assistant] You don't know that you would only know that. Had you not made the call?


[User] Of clinical trial. and I know the politics of this family. And you don't want her in Boston because you want to hear with you.

[Assistant] Do you think I would jeopardize the health of my daughter for geography?


[User] Can't tell moms.

[Assistant] Well, you know what? I'm, I'm actually trying to go on tour anyway. It's probably best. I don't know anything about. Oh, what? Ah, please tell me that's not real wish. What were you thinking?


[User] Is great. Where is Nora?

[Assistant] Nor is on this lower plan plan. Yes, upstairs he is sulking.


[User] no, I swear this is exactly why I didn't want to tell you.don't you? you're gonna hurt your fish to break the wall.we help me to chance we just need

[Assistant] don't understand Wanda.okay,you just don't get it.


[User] don't understand Wanda.okay,you just don't get it.

[Assistant] who cares,Joey?who cares? let them dig him up. why does that matter?


[User] Yeah, for about three seconds.

[Assistant] You gotta learn to accept praise. So. Do you want to run with me tomorrow?


[User] Luke never mentioned anything to me about. a film is Dr Karl hadn't brought it up. I would never have known. I think he's attracted to her.

[Assistant] It's just my luck. I finally find a man I'm interested in. and the Rhapsody of the Flesh shows.


[User] scared, scared of what?

[Assistant] you're getting older, dad.and if you weren't so pig eddied,you might just admit you could do with an Amdopia.


[User] he's not as simplest as that.

[Assistant] it really is.I came up here to helpyet, and that's exactly what I'm gonna do. do what she told.


[User] Hell does I can't marry a womanary decisions me what? I was away from that.

[Assistant] I'm trying to be honest with you. I can't hold it any long.


[User] I'm trying to be honest with you. I can't hold it any long.

[Assistant] You unload this washer.


[User] You unload this washer.

[Assistant] Is that about that? This one? Sure, it's that you don't let me make any decision.


[User] Is that about that? This one? Sure, it's that you don't let me make any decision.

[Assistant] Don't let you or you just don't do.


[User] You don't let me.

[Assistant] You know what? If I didn't take the lead on things? Nothing, nothing will get done.  Call whatever you want. call, call it being controlling, whatever it's called, being responsive, something you never.


[User] You know what? If I didn't take the lead on things? Nothing, nothing will get done.  Call whatever you want. call, call it being controlling, whatever it's called, being responsive, something you never.

[Assistant] Cause you found me in a ditch. I couldn't do anything. I couldn't show up to work or brush my teeth. Are you crazy? You couldn't compromise to save your life.


[User] Cause you found me in a ditch. I couldn't do anything. I couldn't show up to work or brush my teeth. Are you crazy? You couldn't compromise to save your life.

[Assistant] Compromise every day. Really, really.


[User] Compromise every day. Really, really.

[Assistant] When you don't compromise, when were you gonna tell me about having three more kids?


[User] When you don't compromise, when were you gonna tell me about having three more kids?

[Assistant] That was a workbook exercise. And, you know, I'm sorry that my vision for our family so terrible.


[User] That was a workbook exercise. And, you know, I'm sorry that my vision for our family so terrible.

[Assistant] Just gonna drop those three kids on my lap. like you did your bar.


[User] Where you sure had something to say when you were spreading lies about us?

[Assistant] I do not lie, sir, You or one of your boys or someone from your church came to my high house. With weapons, but tons. my wife was at home.


[User] Remember me beating the crap out here? But they got the bracelets on him. He ain't going nowhere.

[Assistant] Of course, he's not going anywhere to show. It's called cops. It's fixed. You never see the bad guy get.


[User] Who's marathon?

[Assistant] My naming. And now I am totally going to be late. So I gotta. Do you like it?


[User] That's just what you said when we were on the trail together.

[Assistant] You know what? I thought of something fabulous we can do tomorrow, oh.


[User] You know what? I thought of something fabulous we can do tomorrow, oh.

[Assistant] Do I want to hear this? Colonics, colonics?


[User] But just trying to help you, yeah.

[Assistant] Like you help all the people on your radio show with your three minute sound bite.


[User] I think I really do help a lot of people.

[Assistant] Until they hang up. and then reality crashes in. And I am not one of your cases. Whatever problems I have, you're not going to solve them by teaching me how to make a zesty marinara sauce or sticking a garden hose out of Harley.


[User] Until they hang up. and then reality crashes in. And I am not one of your cases. Whatever problems I have, you're not going to solve them by teaching me how to make a zesty marinara sauce or sticking a garden hose out of Harley.

[Assistant] Holly. Oh God, I'm not trying to fix you or solve your honesty. I'm just, I'm enjoying your company and think of how much fun it would be if we got to spend every day together like this. Okay, okay.


[User] Holly. Oh God, I'm not trying to fix you or solve your honesty. I'm just, I'm enjoying your company and think of how much fun it would be if we got to spend every day together like this. Okay, okay.

[Assistant] I, I, I get what you're doing. Nora, you're not trying to help me or cheer me up. You're trying to drive me crazy. So I'll go screaming to New York.


[User] No, no, you take my bed.

[Assistant] Oh no, you don't have to do that.


[User] Oh no, you don't have to do that.

[Assistant] Oh, it's fine. I'll bunk with Christie.


[User] Oh, okay. Listen, before you go, there was something I wanted to ask you.

[Assistant] Oh no. time packing up.


[User] Since the spot opened up at Billingsley Academy.

[Assistant] But I like wagon wheel. It had all the duckies and it reminded me of where I went, Missouri.


[User] Who knows?

[Assistant] It's probably some bored housewife who hates her husband and hates her life. So she takes it on the rest of us.


[User] I'm a good dancer. They will come for me.

[Assistant] They will break all your buttons and say you brought it in that way.


[User] All right, now you're grasping, yeah.

[Assistant] How about that? How about that? laugh right there, huh? That's annoying.


[User] With a passionate plea like that, how can I say no? Ah, yeah, that's, that's great. That's fantastic. So I guess the next step is we are formatting tomorrow after school in the computer lab. So just cool. go there.

[Assistant] Formatting in computer labs in here? I thought it would be nerdy and lame.


[User] Oh, yeah, sir. Occupational hazard. I put it there on purpose.

[Assistant] Okay, bye.


[User] I know she doesn't like to talk about my work.

[Assistant] I can't believe she agreed to date you. I could go home for Christmas one year. Please mark that. Oh, come on. It's a weird story. My dad's a hunter. Oh no. Made us go to the shooting range. Lena got one shot up, burst into the.


[User] Tommy, I thought you were coming down. Who to reconnect? I barely talk to you in two months.

[Assistant] Well, it's not like you've been calling me.


[User] No, no. I was going to say congratulation.

[Assistant] Why can't they just be happy for me?


[User] Why can't they just be happy for me?

[Assistant] I am. I'm happy, Rob, But I really am. That's, it's great.


[User] Other I? I really wish you wouldn't freak out.

[Assistant] How do you expect me to rehack to stopping keyboard at this time would be the worst possible thing you could do.


[User] Kitty, stop, please. You're frightening me before you say another word.

[Assistant] Mom, remember that you weren't the one sitting there with a bag full of poison dripping into your arm, shivering and trying to get warm from the chills. And you weren't the one who was so jacked up on pretzel that you got up at three o'clock in the morning and cleaned up the kitchen.


[User] I was hoping to get in. not that I live long enough now to go.

[Assistant] Well, if you know, you want to be in the army where you waste your time with school, joined up.


[User] Let me through. Let me through.

[Assistant] You're the spoiler. I didn't do it on purpose.


[User] You're the spoiler. I didn't do it on purpose.

[Assistant] It was the fool maker.


[User] What do you want to do about it?

[Assistant] Well. What is the book saying? Which book? I don't know how to grow a kid.


[User] You might like them, Ray. Some of them have pictures of breast.

[Assistant] And just drawings. You know? The twins can sleep. Hawk are not afraid of monsters.


[User] What you don't have to work.

[Assistant] What's that, Ray? I don't have to what?


[User] What's that, Ray? I don't have to what?

[Assistant] You see, I, I can't think clearly with the no sleeve. I'm talking nonsense here. Of course you want.


[User] Well, that's enough then, right?

[Assistant] Ya. It's more than. Didn't get into this to be dragged into dirty politics. It sure Stephanie did good during her term, but at what cost? If anyone should be sacrificing something, it should be me, not my brother.


[User] You ever think about maybe not being a jerk to me so much?

[Assistant] So you got to stop taking that stuff personally. I'm like that with everybody. I'm tough.


[User] And mean.

[Assistant] I don't like to take off.


[User] That's because your family's insane.

[Assistant] It's. One holiday that we have where there isn't any family drama. I would like my son to be a part of it. Shanting him out of the.


[User] Ah, read. And that's your answer forever.

[Assistant] You know how to read.


[User] You know how to read.

[Assistant] All right, weed, I dance and I.


[User] Yeah, you want me to clean on my only day off?

[Assistant] Consider it the first fundraiser for my charity while I pledged your support. Now is your chance.


[User] Congratulations, Kitty. Oh, mother.

[Assistant] Everyone wants to celebrate with you. She came to a cave with a little candle on it.


[User] Max, that's the nicest thing you've ever said to me.

[Assistant] don't get all wet.you're still the bottom of the Three Way list.my point is I can't let Deek give up his money.


[User] don't get all wet.you're still the bottom of the Three Way list.my point is I can't let Deek give up his money.

[Assistant] it's his decisionand it's the most romantic thing I've ever heard. it's crap.


[User] pushing it to the Upper East Side.

[Assistant] yes.he's totally knocked out on Earl's weed.he will not feel a thing.help me push right nowbefore I realize what I'm losing and changed my mind.go,you take that side,I'll take this. and we won't stop til we're thereor one of us falls off the Brooklyn Bridge.


[User] we can never get it there,Max.

[Assistant] then we'll get it as far as we can.and then at least when Deek wakes up,he won't be stuck here with me in the morningand he can have a life.


[User] But Gray, they told us that Ali was going to get a lot more homework in the fifth grade. I'm going to need more help from humans.

[Assistant] Are you kidding? Come on. I was down there all night.


[User] Are you kidding? Come on. I was down there all night.

[Assistant] Well, this is what we do is called being a parent.


[User] So your concern for Ali is truly heartwarming. But this is what Miss Purcell gives them so.

[Assistant] Miss Priscilla, I know the type. My life is miserable children. So guess what? I'm taking it down with me.


[User] what?I do not clam up. you do.

[Assistant] you clam. I get it.she's terrifying.I bet she's driving you crazy about losing your job, right?


[User] Oregon. The state legislature ratified a a bill that from now on it is a crime to have sex and organ with a format. How ugly are the women in the organism?

[Assistant] Blowing you.


[User] Not for me, Frank. Why did you make fish stick?

[Assistant] I first came out.


[User] You're taking this too personally. And I was Haley's age. I love my grandfather. I still wanted to go to parties and be with boys, you know?

[Assistant] I know, So declare. And Mitchell, but you know what? You're trying to put something over on me. You're going to lose.


[User] Just a second word. I warned him about this adamantly from the very beginning. Tell me, what else was I supposed to do? Tell me.

[Assistant] Tell me the minute you knew he was thinking of heading down that path. You should have told me.


[User] Tell me the minute you knew he was thinking of heading down that path. You should have told me.

[Assistant] Should have told you. I didn't think it was my place to involve you.


[User] Should have told you. I didn't think it was my place to involve you.

[Assistant] He's my son. He's my son. Damn it. Hello. Oh, I know why he came to you. The same reason William did. because you're comfortable dealing in lies. All you always have been so.


[User] Ok, but don't you think we should wait until Sarah gets back to work? I mean, she needs to weigh in on the possibility of a low budget or a second line plan. And who knows? You might have found something in France.

[Assistant] We need the revenue Now. We need to put this deal into motion with the broker today.


[User] That's the way you want to leave, no.

[Assistant] I want is to generate new revenue. Now. we have no idea how long it's going to be before people are willing to buy high end products again. And quite frankly, we can't afford to wait.


[User] No, she just wanted to open the conversation. So we're still waiting to see. I don't know.

[Assistant] Hi, when school say crap like that because it's either do it or don't do it. But every second that you, you keep waiting, the poor kid is getting more settled than the fifth grade, it's. Still it. Wow, that is so not my place to say.


[User] Ok, I guess it's still funny. And you're saying this is a cool thing that cool people would do.

[Assistant] Lily, I can't lie to you. It's not cool. neither am I. Food trucks make me nervous. I leave voice mails. I prefer the Weather Channel to Mtv. Is Mtv still cool?


[User] we're going to Dillards.get ready now.well, if I got a nice new sweater for Bill.

[Assistant] no,I know I embarrassed youbecause I was loud and you had a book thing.we should have gone inside.I'll be stricter.I want Benny to get into the academy, too. I do.I'm sorry.therethe end.


[User] nothing. I. I'm not gonna go.I'm not going.is it the sprinkler thing?

[Assistant] no,that's not it either.go put on some pants and get in the car.


[User] Surprise, my friend that my old firm called me and she needs a new paralegal. and I told her about you. I'm.

[Assistant] Really have no idea what that. I don't know what a parole does. I don't even. I didn't. I don't know anything about the law.


[User] I have a little bit of polton.

[Assistant] We have connections, my friend.


[User] I'm sorry, but I got to have lunch with my wife today. I know, baby, but I had a merrier so she could stay in the country.

[Assistant] Oh no. Where am I gonna find another husband that wears sweatpants to?


[User] I'm trying to save money on a new alarm system. That's what I'm doing.

[Assistant] Yes, I know, But it's not just the windows, it's the drain in the guest bathroom and the screens on the side porch. Just the railing out here. You know, there's a new leak in the utility room telling you we're going to need new roof.


[User] He wants to start over, Holly, if he's charged with corporate sabotages, what do you want from him where?

[Assistant] What you're asking from me? they have already proven that this is not an accident. If we do not help them finish this investigation and we do not act accordingly, we will get no reimbursement for our loss and.


[User] Confused, are you really surprised? Ten minutes ago, you practically related?

[Assistant] We were never related. All right. And that was months ago. And we're over that. We're really over that.


[User] Holy cow. How come we haven't been talking about this? The whole?

[Assistant] Because I'm so excited about this project. I really think this could be a good investment.


[User] Hey, hi, join.

[Assistant] Bobby didn't tell me you were coming over.


[User] But that's because Bobby didn't even know, you know, it's a surprise.

[Assistant] You know how we love it? when you come over, Ray. But Bobby's got a lot of studying to do. and, you know, you are not the best influence on him.


[User] because I'm here bringing the truth.

[Assistant] if he finds me, he'll lock me up.


[User] After you left, you're like a back of garbage.

[Assistant] I left her with you because it was the most responsible thing that I could think of doing at the time.


[User] I left her with you because it was the most responsible thing that I could think of doing at the time.

[Assistant] I never left my children, Brenda. I never left them for a second. I wouldn't, I couldn't.


[User] Your water is breaking.

[Assistant] No, no, no, no. It can. It's too early.


[User] No, no, no, no. It can. It's too early.

[Assistant] Sit down that I'll get you to the hospital. May I can stay here with George?


[User] You do, yeah.

[Assistant] The entire ritual is archaic, not to mention hetero normative. Of course, it was founded by Swansea, the face of misogyny. Who's like to see? I'm trying to abolish if my petition ever gets read by the school board and the. I should start saying them strongly worded letters. Seriously, you'd be surprised at the power of pen to paper. Now is usually the time when you call me in a knowing. no at all.


[User] are you finished?

[Assistant] what have I done? what have I done? I'm gonna be cast out.Frank is my husband. he's my priesthood holder.


[User] I've never seen you read an article. Also, you said you'd finally watch E T, my alltime favorite movie.

[Assistant] It just seems so stupid. What am I carrying about a wrinkling puppet with a Christmas light? at the end of his creepy finger? And really me saying I would watch some pandering Sat vest is the same as you saying I would someday be reunited with my family?


[User] it was it wastill I lost my balance mid nay nay felt on the stairs

[Assistant] oh no oh


[User] well, the thing is, he's married.

[Assistant] he's married.how do you know he's not wearing a ringand he doesn't seem dead inside?


[User] All right. it's not helping now, thanks.

[Assistant] That's okay. They're right. I am not interesting. I don't have flare. I mean, maybe I would have flare if I, ah, oh, barged into people's houses fifty times a day going to.


[User] What's that, dear? Oh, frosting in a can.

[Assistant] Oh. Ah, so much easier than homemade.


[User] Oh. Ah, so much easier than homemade.

[Assistant] Yeah, yeah. Or what about, Oh, I. Questionable in the refrigerator. Whoa, it's gotten.


[User] you're only wrestling with it because you got caught.

[Assistant] I didn't get caught. I just didn't tell you.you don't work for our VC arm.the foundation is the entity that you work for.


[User] Because I'd also be perfectly jealous, jealous.

[Assistant] There it is. You admit men are impossibly complicated and they cannot handle a woman.


[User] either I shut it down in the New York Department of healthwould have

[Assistant] max. you hired 50 new attendings. 50.you cut the balls off my residents, my training programs.


[User] Right from the S, it's an antique. I spoiled him about what the hell? I don't have children of my own. What can I do? That's true. When we were a little sauce, you take us with the most expensive restaurants. My mom would go nuts. Well, I obviously did something right. I taught you how to read a wine list tonight. Yeah, I was nine months.

[Assistant] Oh God, I have an aunt like that. And she doesn't have any kids either. Moa, you would really like her.


[User] Oh, your arms all scratched up. What happened?

[Assistant] Oh, um, it's probably from when I was trying to break that fight up with those. Um, those Blue Jays. Oh gosh. Oh God. Oh yeah. I am a little of a sudden feeling very tired.


[User] You got rid of hennifer.

[Assistant] Ok, I admit it. I hated that chicken and I was too ashamed to say anything because I made such a big stink out of you, shaming the country out of me. I'm sorry for.


[User] Why do you like Amy? more than Deborah? Yeah, dad told me that. told me that you.

[Assistant] He's lying.


[User] Your wife, your wife.

[Assistant] So is everyone turning against me? Is that what's going on? I don't make lasagna for three days. And all of a sudden, nobody cares about me. Everybody is Frank's friend.


[User] No, man, that's not it at all.

[Assistant] But what else could it be? Cooking is all I'm good for, isn't it? Oh, yes. I raised two boys with precious little help from your father. And yes, my charity work has benefited countless people within the community. But apparently, if anybody looks at this face, all they see is a frying pan.


[User] look, I'll help any other time,but this hunt is so important to me.Larry's left, so I'm the man of the house now.and for the first time I can, um,really? um,all right. my mother can look after you until I get back,can't she? hey,

[Assistant] everything you need is in there.okay? I will come back tomorrow.


[User] Would starting the program involve teaching?

[Assistant] Oh, yeah. Dr Wilson said that I could pretty much do whatever I wanted. I, I can shape the entire curriculum. I mean. Is this, is this crazy? well?


[User] I think she's just doing that because she wants you to call lowest mom.

[Assistant] No, no, no, no. I've said four knows it deserves even more.


[User] Well, then why all of a sudden, after twelve years and my sudden mom?

[Assistant] So maybe Deborah is the kind of person that takes a while to warm up. That's all. You know, she just started to call me honey, like two weeks ago. But come, just let her call your mom, huh? What's the big deal?


[User] I need them to be. Less selfish.

[Assistant] Now, hold on. Well done. I am not selfish. I am not selfish. There's anything you want anything I do. If you want me to be more flexible or flexing, you want me to talk in an accent? You got a governor who? Just tell me what you want. What do you want?


[User] So I will know.

[Assistant] But do you know how depressing that is? that? after twelve years, you don't know. Why do I have to say it out loud? Why am Jim in paying attention?


[User] What do you mean paying attention?

[Assistant] I mean, you only seem to pick up the signals that affect you. Like, you know what I'm tired means because it means no fun for Raymond. But if I give you the ghost signal, then you just stop paying attention. I could shoot off a flare in here. You wouldn't even notice.


[User] Right, that's all I'm saying.

[Assistant] And twelve years should you know me? I mean, you could've realized that I wasn't getting your signals. Which? I mean, you had to know that you were married to a guy who occasionally might miss a thing or two. and maybe you might have to. Speak up.


[User] No, I'm not. It's true. I was trying my best down there and. You skunk me.

[Assistant] I know it.


[User] Bill number one.

[Assistant] What about the tough life? Are you trying to make me better?


[User] Meant every word.

[Assistant] So another lesson, right?


[User] What more past?

[Assistant] No. No, it's a different fruit every month.


[User] Yes, yes. That's why they call it fruit of the month clothes.

[Assistant] It's a cub. Oh my God. Are we doing all this fruit?


[User] It's a cub. Oh my God. Are we doing all this fruit?

[Assistant] And most people like it. Mah, you share it, share it with all your friends.


[User] I don't know. Lean stair.

[Assistant] Williams, stand by their own fruit.


[User] oh,well, that's, no,that's not silly.I realized I was sitting in your chair.I'm sorry. you want to switch chairs?well,

[Assistant] stop yelling at me. why do you want to make me feel bad?I mean, it's your chair. now you're the guest.I'll just endure the back pain.


[User] well,um,here's a fix.why don't I take the cushions off this chair andput them on that chair? no,

[Assistant] but then your back will be hurting as much as mineas hurtingand then I am gonna feel bad about doing that to you.I would feel bad about that.oh,oh, God.oh,my back is hurting so bad.oh,it's hurting.uh,hey,oh,


[User] Yes, we work. That is indeed what we did do.

[Assistant] But why?


[User] You drove all the way up here to keep you from sitting on Julia and Tommy's port.

[Assistant] That is not. Here's nice way though. I have a thought about timing. one moment all day to day. No obsessing about him is not going to help. It's his life, not mine.


[User] Oh my God, oh my God. Oh my God. This is the best news I have ever heard. Okay, now tell me more. Is it completely romantic? Are you guys? What have you?

[Assistant] Yes, yes, but don't. Well, I can't tell you right now. There's a father coming this way.


[User] Hi, Tommy, you don't think Mom would really leave Page and Coop, do you?

[Assistant] Hello, what about Elizabeth? We'll get a grip. She never leave me.


[User] And have you seen how happy she looks with him?

[Assistant] Sarah, this is bomb. We're talking about. You never leave that house. Come on. It's impossible. All right. That's the same. I got to go on the other line. Alright, bye bye, bye. Bye bye. Yeah.


[User] We ditch the others and go home.

[Assistant] No, this is the weekend I start writing my book. I've been waiting for the perfect setting and some paper.


[User] Don't worry, I'll give it.

[Assistant] Three, twenty five, right over there. Thank you, sir. Three 21st. Look at three fifty three, fifty, anybody, three, fifty three, fifty. Okay, three, fifty.


[User] Robert told us about the help you gave him faking and competence so he wouldn't have to do anything for his own wedding. Amy's a mess.

[Assistant] The Robert, he didn't explain it right? Stupid, stupid. Robert. It's to make Amy's life easier.


[User] too, Bill. I'm running for office, State Senate.what I'm still trying to understand. why me?

[Assistant] no, no, Bill,it's no accident that I've come back home now.there's a reason.beyond a shadow of a doubt. you're meant to be the prophet.his grandpa's laws and doctrine.that's when he received his calling to be profit. take a pill.it's yours. nowhis calling is yours.


[User] What's happening?

[Assistant] And he's been living in Lily's castle. Hey, Mexico.


[User] And he's been living in Lily's castle. Hey, Mexico.

[Assistant] Oh my God. I thought he was living upstairs.


[User] Oh my God. I thought he was living upstairs.

[Assistant] Call the police. You want me to stop and give you the whole story? I never, I never sat upstairs. It's a call nine one. Ah, pigeon.


[User] Call the police. You want me to stop and give you the whole story? I never, I never sat upstairs. It's a call nine one. Ah, pigeon.

[Assistant] Just for the record, I was right.


[User] Just for the record, I was right.

[Assistant] I still don't think you should judge people. I said, Josh.


[User] No way. A hired hand. He was actually right about something.

[Assistant] Ok, let it go. Spartans afraid of the trailer. I know that he was traumatized by the accident, but maybe if we can show him, it's not a trap, not a jail cell. then maybe he'll want to go in. So I thought we could use it like a bridge.


[User] Hey, don't mess around back there unless you mean business.

[Assistant] Let me borrow it for a second. I like your hair too.


[User] But what's the question? Tell me.

[Assistant] What's the biggest obstacle you've ever had to overcome? Didn't my third grade teacher say I had like a D or something?


[User] Oh no, honey. she said you couldn't a D, D, And she put it that way because she also knew you couldn't. S, B, E, L, L.

[Assistant] Wait, so down, oh.


[User] And she's the one running around naked.

[Assistant] In our own apartment. No, I didn't turn away fast enough.


[User] Come on, Where is that written?

[Assistant] Remember when you first brought Cam home? And I privately said to you, you might want to move on from this one. And dad said, I thought you liked men. and then Cam thought he was picking up on us, not liking him. You told Cam he was crazy.


[User] I'm sorry to bother you. I talked to him. Glory for a second.

[Assistant] Oh, she's not dealing with a Manny situation. He sent a kid's bike on fire. Why, oh, I might have told him to get even with some kids. And he went all ramble with it. Not my best parenting moment, yeah.


[User] yeah,the sheriff's department. I gotta go.

[Assistant] no. what exactly do they know?


[User] Thinking about taking the day off.

[Assistant] Who's running the asylum, Monica?


[User] they've got no choice. I suppose that.

[Assistant] no, no,that's not right.that's just, I'm sorry.that's just not right, though, that that has to happen.I'd be devastated if they tried to separate me and Karen.and that's Karen. I didn't even like it till I was 31.


[User] well, we can help her,can't we? that's part of our job, isn't it? it sounds not fair.

[Assistant] so many things are not fair.honestly,Jay's people that need to start lookinginto all the unfairness because truthfullythere are people just going alongtrying to be a good person,enjoying some really nice eyes,screaming andGodjust think,oh,she looks like she'sfinally feeling happy.let's just throw a big headed boy and let's really mess that.oh,does that9 year old girl only haveone person in the whole entire world that she can trust?oh,well then let's just take him away from her then and nowsome people have more voice than theirneeds or does just do not have enough and how is that fair?


[User] okay,quite a lot to unpack there.

[Assistant] it's not is the answer. itSox. it


[User] I don't know my, I'm thinking of going cremation.

[Assistant] Oh, you want to go off on your own, too? Family is falling apart.


[User] She's such a good kid.

[Assistant] As she is. Did she just say she was going to do the best with what she was given?


[User] No, I don't. It'll just upset your father.

[Assistant] But wait, wait, wait a second. Dad still doesn't know about this, about what Nate called you.


[User] We just what would pretend like it never happened. He said horrible things to you. How can you even consider having a relationship with him without talking about it?

[Assistant] Because I just want to keep the past where it belongs and have a lovely family reunion. And I see no reason to punish a grown man for what he said. But twenty years ago, I got over it. It's time you got over.


[User] Fucking making that shit, man.

[Assistant] Scotty, don't. There's other stuff in there, man.


[User] Scotty, don't. There's other stuff in there, man.

[Assistant] That's stuff. I want money. Gosh. It's a lot of it that goes into that church, man. And I want to taste some of that fucking gemstone loot.


[User] that was the idea.well,

[Assistant] then I'm just doing my job.and at the most that they have to worry about his grab legs.


[User] I can't do that. That's, that's not how I do business. He's my business partner. He's my brother. I won't do that to.

[Assistant] Oh, geez. Braver man. Come on. You're such a good yacht. Calm down. We're in the same business. We're gonna go out, have a drink. Everybody's pants are gonna stay on, relax, alright?


[User] You just, you just couldn't stop, Could get ready.

[Assistant] I was killing them. I was killing them. It was great. That box four and five. That was the best thing that could happen that broke the ice.


[User] Well, you embarrassed me.

[Assistant] No, it was all fun. Come on. I told you, people thought that we did on purpose.


[User] I felt. Humiliated.

[Assistant] Oh, I don't feel your millions.


[User] Don't tell me how to feel.

[Assistant] But you're wrong.


[User] But you're wrong.

[Assistant] There's no right or wrong rate. This is how I feel. You cannot tell me not to be humiliated. I just am not.


[User] Well, this is Lemon Morang.

[Assistant] Why did you get yellow hope?


[User] Honey. She told me what Kelsey had said. It was, ah, an enormous lie. I couldn't play along.

[Assistant] She's gonna lie about it. She can't tell her the truth yet.


[User] I would have had to lie, too.

[Assistant] Sorry, I really needed you to not say anything, mom, because now she won't let me hang out with Kelsey anymore.


[User] Sorry, I really needed you to not say anything, mom, because now she won't let me hang out with Kelsey anymore.

[Assistant] What do you mean? She said that.


[User] What do you mean? She said that.

[Assistant] Everything is my fault. She said that I am the problem and that I'm a bad influence. and that Kelsey is not allowed to hang out any more. Yes, mom.


[User] Everything is my fault. She said that I am the problem and that I'm a bad influence. and that Kelsey is not allowed to hang out any more. Yes, mom.

[Assistant] Madison, I'll call her.


[User] I don't want you to ruin your appetite. Okay, okay.

[Assistant] Tommy, I'm hungry. And why can I have? What a mad. Having one.


[User] Tommy, I'm hungry. And why can I have? What a mad. Having one.

[Assistant] It doesn't matter what Max is doing. It's not fair.


[User] Yeah, we're neighbors. Let's go.

[Assistant] No way. I'm voting for that. Too much government already. And in fighting wars, there's some politician. And tell me war. I have to stop my car.


[User] That's cause that Barack Obama took my likings away.

[Assistant] I don't think he was involved in the decision. I left the house today to get fifty votes for my life. I'm not going home a zero The least you can do is walk right in there and punch a hole for the woman who drags your garbage can up your driveway every Tuesday night.


[User] You don't hit Ferrell. Hi, get off. I have an important matter to. Did off make?

[Assistant] Okay, sorry, sorry, I just attacked you, but. Hi, how are you? Had a couple drinks. Me too. I had a beer with your brothers.


[User] Oh, yes.

[Assistant] At the time, people, people didn't even know who I was dating. You are always together.


[User] No. I have a. Okay, I talk to Kevin like.

[Assistant] I mean, I, but I believed him. I actually believed that he was going to get here. I mean, look at him. a lot of work ahead of this is what he does. He, he turns on the charm and he just does whatever he wants. and I keep falling for it. I keep thinking that maybe he's going to change. And you know what? He's never gonna change. Did you? Did you know that he killed my article?


[User] Oh, man, That's thanks. Well, can I help you? A thirsty? You want some wine?

[Assistant] You know, she just sets me off and then she leaves, but it stays with me. and I just get angrier and angrier, huh?


[User] Yeah, you've found the one class we don't have together. Very impressed through. Come on.

[Assistant] Here at eight, a M for peace talks. Eight a M? Seriously, seriously, who takes an eight A M class? It's absurd. But I'm here. At O Dark thirty, thirty. As I missed to you. What seriously? A shrug. That's all I'm going to get from. You're not even going to talk.


[User] I didn't have home economics. So you're going to talk me through?

[Assistant] Absolutely, well, you know, I have this fabulous tin in my office. This little red tin. It's perfect because presentation is really half of it is.


[User] Absolutely, well, you know, I have this fabulous tin in my office. This little red tin. It's perfect because presentation is really half of it is.

[Assistant] Oh, Nora. Oh my God, oh, Nora. Correct, something's wrong. I don't know if something's happening.


[User] is that what you think?

[Assistant] I think I lost two fathers.and I think about I had it my way,obviously, I wouldn't have lost either one of them.so answer your first question, yes.I'm fully aware that I'm just a cutelittle pawn on the universe's big giant chest board.I don't need an exercise from some overpriced therapist andcheap shoes to prove it to me.that was uncalled for.sorry.


[User] thenwhy would they think an 18 year old boy was your husband?did you tell them?

[Assistant] of course not.someone saw us and assumed you saw what?there was a little things work.


[User] I look, I didn't know that you were still interested in having fun.

[Assistant] And John. Of course I am, well.


[User] All right. Okay, you know what I am telling you right now? I want to have fun with you. Non-sexual fun.

[Assistant] There's this coming from. Will you read one of those magazines in the beauty parlor?


[User] But I did happen to get a postcard from Amy and Roberts today.

[Assistant] Oh, I mean, rapid. Ah, well, we're in Italy. Oh, oh. let's share a piece of spaghetti together. And then we could slurp until we meet in the middle.


[User] We're having such a great time together. It's absolutely magical.

[Assistant] They're on their honeymoon. Guess what? They're doing a lot of.


[User] I knew you felt that way.and it's not as if I don't have these misgivings myself.

[Assistant] no, I think I feel more than just misgivingseither. we are what we say we are,we're not. andyou accepting this award feels likewe're not what we say we are,a family.and that hurts me.


[User] I know French. I can help you.

[Assistant] you can help me with the keys you have to Nicholas's office.we're breaking in and stealing the test.


[User] can't argue with that.Max, please hurry. find the test and let's get out of herebecause we shouldn't be in here.and it smells like him and I like it.

[Assistant] okay. one of these papers has to be it.oh, no. everything's written in secret code.


[User] okay. one of these papers has to be it.oh, no. everything's written in secret code.

[Assistant] Max, that's French.how is it possiblehe's even better looking in photos than in real life.Max, hurry up. I can't be around his stuff.my vagina's trying to get out of my pants again.


[User] Max, that's French.how is it possiblehe's even better looking in photos than in real life.Max, hurry up. I can't be around his stuff.my vagina's trying to get out of my pants again.

[Assistant] well, get her out here.maybe she can help me look for the test cause you're useless.


[User] oh, no,it's Nicholas. I can smell them in the hall and I like it.Max, let's get out of here.

[Assistant] okay. well,you want to say and distract him so I can sneak out.just pretend you're not mad and you came in to see him.


[User] okay. well,you want to say and distract him so I can sneak out.just pretend you're not mad and you came in to see him.

[Assistant] I can't just turn it on like that.what am I, an actress at a cocktail party?


[User] but you did resent usfrom making you more mother and less wife.

[Assistant] are you deliberately not having babies?you are, aren't you?you were raised better than that.just


[User] and I stopped it.okay,it never even happened.I dodged her head like Neo in the matrix.but I also realized that I probablyshouldn't be spending any more time around her,so I switched gyms.

[Assistant] okay, well, then why didn't you just tell me?


[User] Well, it's tied.

[Assistant] Justin, get your butt over to your sisters. I have to go to work. I will see you here later this afternoon and.


[User] You know your father. He hates anything new.

[Assistant] But if he would just listen to the Cds and hear how great they sound, I know he would love them.


[User] she never came home after you stormed out,so I brought you your uniform. Max,

[Assistant] I live here now.my new roommates,the broom and the mob, don't sneak around looking at my stuff.I got everything I need. whiskey, toothbrush, toothpaste.


[User] I live here now.my new roommates,the broom and the mob, don't sneak around looking at my stuff.I got everything I need. whiskey, toothbrush, toothpaste.

[Assistant] well, maybe your new broommate.we'll hold back your hair when you drink too much,which from the looks of it will be in about an hour.max, we really need to talk about this for sure. look,


[User] well, maybe your new broommate.we'll hold back your hair when you drink too much,which from the looks of it will be in about an hour.max, we really need to talk about this for sure. look,

[Assistant] just because I have apastry school brochure doesn't mean I'm actually gonnago to pastry school.just like having those porn magazines doesn't mean I'mactually gonna ride around on a tigerperforming on speakable acts with sailors.probablyhistory school is the same as porn. it's just a dumb fantasy.


[User] just because I have apastry school brochure doesn't mean I'm actually gonnago to pastry school.just like having those porn magazines doesn't mean I'mactually gonna ride around on a tigerperforming on speakable acts with sailors.probablyhistory school is the same as porn. it's just a dumb fantasy.

[Assistant] history school is not like porn.there is nothing in this brochure about a girl on girlquesant.


[User] that's good. toothpaste.

[Assistant] please stop brushing your teeth. we have a shift to do later.okay. the Manhattan School of pastry.


[User] your face is a Manhattan school pastry.

[Assistant] you know it isn't,Max. you could go here for real.twishing is only $3,000 a year. a lot but doable.


[User] you know it isn't,Max. you could go here for real.twishing is only $3,000 a year. a lot but doable.

[Assistant] a lot but doable.are we talking about pastry school or fat guy? at last call


[User] yes,I said nine.

[Assistant] and when you said the border, I thought you meant two,sonor, Phoenix,not the actual border.


[User] Let me just stick with the stuff. We're good.

[Assistant] Oh my God. This bathroom is disgusting. The girls told me they would clean it days ago. I can't yell at them about one more time. Bill, you handle it.


[User] in the same world. you know, I've been thinking.I've been thinking. I got a couple of suits to my own.yeah,I want to sue that motel for a victiness. hey,they violated the 1964 Civil Rights Act.Hotels are public places.you can't discriminate it on a con of religion.

[Assistant] you were inevicted because you had 4 wives.you were evicted because of the lousy scotchtape you wrapped around Nina's cord on a crock pot,made it explode causing a fire that burnt down two rooms.


[User] for my house

[Assistant] that dump plywood tarpaper and use shag carpetings.not with the powder to blow it up.


[User] Oh, yeah, that too.

[Assistant] See Mrs Lopez. We love being parents and and we love babies and we just can't wait to start our new family. Hey, what's that behind here? Oh, look at this. It's a hundred dollar, dude.


[User] See Mrs Lopez. We love being parents and and we love babies and we just can't wait to start our new family. Hey, what's that behind here? Oh, look at this. It's a hundred dollar, dude.

[Assistant] You guys. I'm missing my big break. But, you know, maybe, maybe this is the universe telling me that this isn't meant to be.


[User] Screw you, Kevin.

[Assistant] Aha, tell her this is completely ridiculous. She is allowed to date whomever she wants. Type it, go type it. Yeah, and besides that, you know, Seth is really a nice boy. Man. What, what does she say?


[User] No, no, I'm dressed. You're free. we're going.

[Assistant] Okay, now the kids.


[User] Oh, come on. You hate her? No, come on. You know me in dancing. I'm no good.

[Assistant] I know you're no robber, but I'll take what I can get.


[User] Now I hear things. You don't have a partner anymore anymore, Mick.

[Assistant] Welcome. I would check my sources if I were you. Sometimes when you get information under the table, you don't know who dropped it.


[User] Welcome. I would check my sources if I were you. Sometimes when you get information under the table, you don't know who dropped it.

[Assistant] Sometimes you do know who dropped it. And sometimes, you know, it's true. As Connor spoken to you recently.


[User] I called and I left her some messages.

[Assistant] Messages, we've got to get me to the hospital. sir, can you take us to the hospital?


[User] Amy's really looking forward to.

[Assistant] Afternoon, so I'm going to have to cancel the planning for this afternoon. Oh, why? Well, the situation with Isabel, I guess.


[User] Oh, yeah. No, I heard what you said to my boyfriend.

[Assistant] You told Phil he was hysterical. You said he was this generations, Richard Prior, well.


[User] I am not the one that you need to apologize to.

[Assistant] What are you babbling about? You owe me a murder.


[User] We had a deal. I told Cam about the bike shorts.

[Assistant] No, no. The deal was to get camp to take off the bike shorts. But guess what? He is still in the stupid bike shorts. Can I call you back in? Turns out Cam was here the whole time, and he just heard everything I said.


[User] are we making Fresh Prince references now,huh?

[Assistant] how old do you actually think I am?hey,Polova,I wanna get some moresheriff when I'm left through a pancakes.might have it for dinner,


[User] you？you just said you were kind ofsad aboutgoing bagsi'm pretty sureone of the security cameras got

[Assistant] it Dreyou're missing the pointi love my jobi save livesif i'm not therepeople have to feeleverythingthat's happening to themduring surgeryand like to bite down on sticksit sticks or me Dre


[User] yeah. I wanted to do them last week,but then all these last minute things came up and,you know, I mean,I just need a few more minutes. cake.can you stall them, please?

[Assistant] okay.uh,yes, but a hurry.ooh,endeavor. what rhymes with forever? oh, yeah.


[User] Sure, and when I found out the deal was going south, I pulled the money out.

[Assistant] Okay, so you didn't get any cookies, but still get your hand caught in the cookie jar. Okay, clean through. Look, the Department of Justice is not going to let you skate on this.


[User] might your own stress level have to do with a certainregal yet intimidating individual who will be in attendance.

[Assistant] I am happy my mom is coming.I really am.but, you know, she always thought this was a crazy ideaand she's just so judgey.


[User] Uh, is not one of those talking alarm clocks. It's six o five. It's six 21st. Wake up, wake up and.

[Assistant] Even better, a Rosewood chess set. As a matter of fact, before I wrap this thing, let's say we take it for a spin. Come on, man. I'll teach you.


[User] I'm going to teach them real chess, not the Colombian version. We actually use the pieces to play the game, not smuggle stuff out of country and.

[Assistant] I know on Colombian peace, you won't be playing with later.


[User] are you okay?here, let me help.

[Assistant] no, Nicholas, I am not going to be the other woman.despite the fact that I'm literally lying in trash.I am not trashy


[User] I really don't see the need.

[Assistant] Right, I said help me.


[User] I don't say the name.

[Assistant] So you're just going to sit there while I do all the work.


[User] So you're just going to sit there while I do all the work.

[Assistant] I had the kids a whole morning.


[User] To me, too.

[Assistant] Need to stand there in front of everyone? And tell them that you wished your own mother was more like me. That that I'm the mother you wish you had. That is what you were trying to say.


[User] Well, I maybe.

[Assistant] And after all these years to find out where you. What you really think of me? You know, you were a little rude, dear. What when you can't talk to your mother like that? no matter what she's done, she's still your mother.


[User] And after all these years to find out where you. What you really think of me? You know, you were a little rude, dear. What when you can't talk to your mother like that? no matter what she's done, she's still your mother.

[Assistant] Yeah, but I just wanted her to be a part of the family. It's been one day and already she's.


[User] Yeah, but I just wanted her to be a part of the family. It's been one day and already she's.

[Assistant] She's not doing anything.


[User] She's not doing anything.

[Assistant] No, that's right. She's not doing anything, nothing, not a thing.


[User] What do you want to do?

[Assistant] I don't know. Just help me. Help the kids get involved. I mean, you know, she should know She's a mother and.


[User] Why do you insist on making every mistake I made?

[Assistant] You know, every time you talk about. Your life being a mistake. All I hear is that my whole existence is mistaken. you. Oh, no. Oh no, no. I don't want to talk to you right now.


[User] Honey, I don't wanna, we be so upset.

[Assistant] Please leave me alone. Okay, please ignore it. So, okay, okay.


[User] Do you want me to apologize for my name or change it?

[Assistant] Sarah, at first, since you got back, I have been trying to work with you, but every time we have a disagreement, suddenly I'm up against you and the board, because they will always defer to you and you know it.


[User] I got him. he's bringing him.

[Assistant] well, it's absolutely impossible.


[User] An artist and a lot of.

[Assistant] Margaret's a Max is not very destructive lives. Adam, Christine, I've seen autistic kids. A lesson is kidding.


[User] She didn't connect with them at all. You know how important it is to.

[Assistant] She said that if we get him the right tools to learn.


[User] It's Mother's Day, Mitchell. So you're bringing me breakfast in bed on Mother's Day.

[Assistant] No, no. This is not a Mother's Day breakfast. This is a breakfast that.


[User] No, no. This is not a Mother's Day breakfast. This is a breakfast that.

[Assistant] You think of me as Lily's mother? I'm your wife. I'm a woman.


[User] Rebecca, first of all, I do always give you space, but it's, it's not helping.

[Assistant] But you can help me. I have to do this on my own.


[User] You don't know that.

[Assistant] Come on, man. We still get to go to the Super Bowl, right? And is that what it's all about? Had a Super Bowl, right? The super bow.


[User] Nice to see you. Maybe sometime we play, but you're like in Italy.

[Assistant] Yeah, great. So how do you like living in America? How's the restaurant business?


[User] Is your wife are here?

[Assistant] Yeah, I mean, she won't bother us. Sit down, open your pants.


[User] the guard is my friend. your patient removed.

[Assistant] hey, hey, burl. burl, listen,take a few deep breaths for me, okay, buddy?deep breaths. we're all on this together.all right,Burl


[User] When you got on the wrong bus.

[Assistant] You got on it too.


[User] You got on it too.

[Assistant] I was just following you, stupid. Don't you know the difference between Coney Island and Long Island?


[User] Okay, all right, but.

[Assistant] Where are you gonna go? Where are you going to go? How about your health?


[User] I'm beginning to think you don't like Barkley that much. I mean, first, you hide him in the guest room. and now this.

[Assistant] It's ridiculous. I didn't mean to hurt it.


[User] What are you trying to say?

[Assistant] Nothing, but you have to admit that the dog bottler is a little ridiculous.


[User] But, you know, if I can put up with those, you can put up with a piece of art.

[Assistant] This is not art. This is an unholy mix between man and beast. Fine, if you love it so much, put it whatever you want.


[User] Ok, Roy Orbison, let me check your mic level. Say something.

[Assistant] What should I say?


[User] When they teach you that.

[Assistant] This morning, I also think you're scary, but he's not. We thought that my truck was Lego bricks and made it dump all over my ewalk village. It was so funny.


[User] Square. Get a little sick of the swing talk, you know? Jump and jive and cats pajamas. Yeah. Yeah, yeah, she's here. Today, hey.

[Assistant] Hey, Robert and. Yeah. Oh, that's terrible. Yeah, no, no, sure. Yeah, yeah, I understand. Okay. Yeah, well, good luck. Okay, bye.


[User] keep your voice down.

[Assistant] what is happening to you?


[User] this is not something that I have come too likely.

[Assistant] no, you listen to me.you want to be a modern or a liber,sipping wine, going to dance halls.well, this isn't that.this is something else altogether.what exactly do you plan on telling Bill?


[User] But it's a lie.

[Assistant] But it's not a lie. It is an act. but it's an act of something positive. It's an act of generosity. It's a gift.


[User] A gift? Yes, I was faking it. A gift because.

[Assistant] It says to you, thank you so much for trying. Please come again soon. Come again as soon as you possibly have.


[User] Oh, I see. Why?

[Assistant] Because you were a lesbian for about two home minutes. and then suddenly you weren't. On top of that, she said, you got all like grossed out by her pussy. Thou'st tolling now call.


[User] Okay, but I'm not going to be hungry for a very long time.

[Assistant] Good morning, Deborah, mom. Good morning, Laura.


[User] Sure seems very nice.

[Assistant] He is very nice of his father, Marie, and I'm interested in my son's friends and. What's your last name, Natasha?


[User] Well, on my father's side.

[Assistant] Good enough. Come on in here.


[User] We were right near Silvercup Studios and Queens, and I kept thinking I was going to get discovered and become a star.

[Assistant] Oh my gosh, just like Jessie.


[User] no one has ever said that to me before. there it goes. uh,Ms Steph, fair warning,I'm coming at you.I would very much like to buy you a drink sometime,maybe go bowling or something like it's friends. no, ma'am.that this would be a full on romantic date.perfect version of it ends in some kissing.

[Assistant] um,you know, actually, I just got this really expensive manicure,so I really should not be bowling.


[User] well,thensimply do me the courtesy of watching me throw a few framesand then we can adjore into the game room for somebig Buck Hunter and an appetizer sampler.and honestly,if bowling is the issue,I have other ideas.we can go to the movies.we can go to the zoo.I can show you the roof.

[Assistant] listen, Dale, I gotta be honest,I would, I will never go on a date with youbecause, um,my best friend Mary, she has a huge crush on you.


[User] I think I know you're talking about.didn't know she had a crush on me.

[Assistant] so it would violate girl code for me to date her crush. so, uh,it just can't happen. but thank you for your service.smells good in here.


[User] For close. Good day, sir.

[Assistant] Listen, listen to me, please. I just drove two hours in the rain and the traffic and my back is all sore. And the only thing I had to eat was cheer wheels on the seat of the time.


[User] Knows it all.

[Assistant] Come on. But you think I'll do all right on there?


[User] Cable, I. I just want to. Talk to him. you know, make sure that's what he wants.

[Assistant] What's a fit? I wanna talk to you. All these doctors and nurses, they want to talk to you. I'm his mother. Okay, you're not even his girlfriend. So why don't you let me take care of his affairs from now on?


[User] Were you really driving drug?

[Assistant] I was not driving drunk. I had a few drinks and I fell asleep. And there's some law that says if the key is in the ignition and you're behind the wheel, it doesn't matter if you're going or not. They just take you to jail. And where the hell were you? I caught you from the car.


[User] I took the kids to get pizza, and then we started playing Pacman and they wouldn't let me leave until I got the highest score and ideally beat it by a log.

[Assistant] I left you a message. Why didn't you check? Messages.


[User] Okay, okay. Now that I know you could be in jail, I will.

[Assistant] You know whose fault this really is? Your mother's? She was so mad at that genre. I started drinking. and here I am. God, she is. So listen, she could never know about this. Oh my God. You told her I was in jail.


[User] that was humiliating.

[Assistant] not at all.it's just a fun run.


[User] not at all.it's just a fun run.

[Assistant] that was opposite of fun.they weregenuinely worried they were gonna have to break out thefib glitter.


[User] You raised me.

[Assistant] You're overthinking this. I was thinking that it might be a hoot for you to see him again.


[User] I'm fine. Ohh, did you get the fruit basket?

[Assistant] I did. Thank you. That was very generous.


[User] What do you think is wrong with me? I'm starving.

[Assistant] Well, if you're starving to just eat something.