[User] 什么玩情调啊, 咱们学校宿舍那个, 二层高架床, 我

[Assistant] 哈哈哈哈哈哈


[User] 回来了就回来了, 回来你顶多, 水平不行你就别骑了呗, 哼什么哼什么

[Assistant] 别喝了


[User] 自己先练, 这事不是马虎的事，啊, 你吃个垃圾食品什么的, 上个网什么的我允许你, 骑自行车，万一

[Assistant] 哎呀，行行行，反正你让我练, 我就当你, 默许我可以骑了


[User] 你不去, 我也要跟你妈通个电话, 感谢你妈这段时间, 对你小姨的照顾

[Assistant] 别别别，小姨夫, 唐，唐老师, 求你了别给我妈打电话


[User] 不是， 这么着急啊？ 您儿子不是在国外吗？

[Assistant] 他，在，国外, 但是， 他明天就回来了呀！ 你说他, 马上就要拖家带口的, 不方便和我这个老太婆挤在一起, 你说对不啦！


[User] 唉，那个，张姨， 您是不是想涨房租啊？ 如果是的话，我们可以谈的

[Assistant] 哎哟！瞧你这话说的, 你看张姨我, 像是那么势利的人吗？


[User] 不是，张姨, 你看我这么多东西, 我来不及

[Assistant] 哎呀！ 东西多也可以慢慢收拾好的呀！ 就这样了， 你赶紧收拾啊！ 搬出去啊，好吧


[User] 恩，，如果有地铁的话, 远一点也无所谓

[Assistant] 铁艺床！ 大阳台！ 上海夜景！ 它全部都符合啊！


[User] 不过话说回来, 你咋了？

[Assistant] 呜呜呜，君君, 我感觉好像失恋了一样, 我的白马王子好像有女朋友了, 我的故事都还没开始就结束了


[User] 我觉得你也别想太多了, 万一这个人的网名就叫小甜心呢？ 她有可能正在追你男神, 还没追到

[Assistant] 可是, 他给我备注是便利店小妹诶， 你想想， 如果你真的对一个人有好感， 你会给他这么备注吗？


[User] 额，，袁帅，我，其实

[Assistant] 宝宝， 从今往后， 我们就是一家四口了， 我们就是一家四口了！ 我就要当爸爸了！ 我要当爸爸了！


[User] 我承认，我是着急了, 才给袁帅写了推荐信, 但是我们绝对没有做过, 帖子上说的其他乱七八糟的事情

[Assistant] 你觉得你现在摆出一副, 清者自清的样子, 别人能信吗？


[User] 我看你还是赶紧回去, 学学游泳吧！

[Assistant] 你不是说, 两个礼拜的时间就够了吗？ 怎么现在改口了，你骗我！


[User] 我突然反悔了

[Assistant] 你在这个时候反悔？ 你刚才下错那步棋, 把我之前的部署全都打乱了！ 你知不知道！


[User] 到时候实在没人, 你就自己上

[Assistant] 我？ 下围乙？ 围甲我都不去！


[User] 那屋留给你了

[Assistant] 那大屋？ 行啊你！ 你怎么那么好呢！ 来亲！


[User] 那沙发是干嘛用的啊

[Assistant] 你坐呀！我坐！ 那你朋友来你坐哪儿啊, 不是你不得有


[User] 不是，咱们家这么宽敞, 人多了也没事啊, 你说妈妈照顾你们多方便啊！

[Assistant] 是方便, 那时候人家一来一看, 时光有工作了还住家里, 什么事啊这叫！


[User] 等我复读个十次, 您就不会觉得, 这条路是最近的那条了

[Assistant] 贺今朝, 你以为你妈是在跟你开玩笑呢, 你这样, 怎么对你以后的人生负责呀


[User] 行了行了，你别瞎说了, 还不都是你玩什么泰坦尼克号, 这下好了, 真成泰坦尼克号了

[Assistant] 谈宋，我还不想死


[User] 你以为我想啊, 我还有好多愿望都没实现呢, 我还没去美国看篮球赛呢, 我还没考大学呢

[Assistant] 我还没有当上作家, 我的小说还没有出版, 我还没有赚钱去环游世界呢


[User] 非得把咱家那钱, 往那没用的地方花是不是

[Assistant] 哎呀妈，这奥运会可是国家大事, 错过了这次, 谁知道下一次要等到什么时候啊


[User] 哎呀妈，这奥运会可是国家大事, 错过了这次, 谁知道下一次要等到什么时候啊

[Assistant] 是啊, 那奥运会那是国家的大事, 这钱那是咱家的大事, 你告诉我, 你花出去了什么时候能攒回来，什么时候


[User] 是啊, 那奥运会那是国家的大事, 这钱那是咱家的大事, 你告诉我, 你花出去了什么时候能攒回来，什么时候

[Assistant] 妈妈, 额娘，美少女


[User] 怎么又没水了

[Assistant] 跟你说过多少次, 让你早点洗，早点洗, 咱们这儿楼层高, 到了八点钟它水压就小了


[User] 跟你说过多少次, 让你早点洗，早点洗, 咱们这儿楼层高, 到了八点钟它水压就小了

[Assistant] 那我怎么办啊


[User] 你这么着, 你到你那个陈叔那儿去洗去吧

[Assistant] 陈奶奶家过生日, 他们都下酒店去了


[User] 你说这大哥也太厉害了, 特种兵退伍不说, 还是狙击手, 要不咱们再把这东西, 再放个五米远

[Assistant] 你说怎么办吧！ 五十块钱没挣回来, 东西都没了, 谈叔送我的签名版小说, 我的台灯, 宵宵送我的生日礼物, 你不是说不要本金的吗


[User] 那我怎么知道, 会遇见个狙击手呢

[Assistant] 谈宋，你就是不靠谱


[User] 我把那五十块钱补给你还不行吗

[Assistant] 那，那剩下的东西怎么办啊


[User] 市里出了一个抢劫犯, 就穿我这一身, 就这个帽子，这个衣服, 你就不怕我下夜班直接进局子

[Assistant] 就你还抢劫犯呢


[User] 我，第二

[Assistant] 不像话, 第一名肯定是我们谈宋嘛, 他怎么能跟你比, 绝对不可能


[User] 我为什么不能提你妈, 你妈是个什么好东西啊？ 在你那么小的时候, 她就丢下你跑啦！

[Assistant] 那因为你在外面乱搞


[User] 赶论文啊！

[Assistant] 我天哪！ 你几天没洗头了？


[User] 那第二件就有关系了, 今年实习生都放寒假

[Assistant] 不是吧！ 真的假的？


[User] 你醒了？我的姑奶奶，你终于醒了, 起来，起来，快起来

[Assistant] 怎么是你呀？ 你个臭流氓，你干什么呢你！ 你把手放哪儿呢？


[User] 谁臭流氓，？你说谁是臭流氓啊

[Assistant] 我说你是臭流氓啊！ 你刚才手放哪儿了你？


[User] 我说你是臭流氓啊！ 你刚才手放哪儿了你？

[Assistant] 你醒了吧，，你酒醒了没有？ 你天晚上喝断片了, 你不知道吗？ 这是我朋友的店, 我们好心收留你, 要不然你就睡在大街上了


[User] 你，你刚才手放哪儿了？ 你摸什么呢你？

[Assistant] 你刚刚睡着，你差点摔地上, 我好心救你, 你怎么反咬我一口呢？


[User] 你刚刚睡着，你差点摔地上, 我好心救你, 你怎么反咬我一口呢？

[Assistant] 你怎么那么会编呢？ 我在这儿差点摔下去, 你恰巧从这儿经过, 把我接着了是吗？


[User] 这孩子, 谁说出了国的孩子就不孝顺了呀

[Assistant] 对嘛，他要真放心不下你, 可以带你一起去美国呀, 我们人多也热闹, 除非，你不想去


[User] 只要孩子们好，我，怎么都行

[Assistant] 这就对了, 我们要将心比心哪, 你想啊, 珊珊等袁浩等了十年, 我这个做妈的, 只要一想到, 女儿这十年要是空等了, 我这心里头就像有把刀啊, 这么剐呀剐呀剐的


[User] 你原来不吧叽嘴啊！

[Assistant] 这跟你有关系吗？


[User] 不是他们两个人感情, 要是好好的, 不是谁想插就能插得了的

[Assistant] 可你这刀不一样啊, 你这刀厉害啊, 你另有一功啊, 你一面诱惑着袁浩, 一面巴结着他爸爸, 现在好了，，我女儿走了, 你们两个人, 终于可以肆无忌弹地公开进出了, 在我眼里, 你就是个不折不扣的狐狸精, 破坏别人感情的第三者, 你太不要脸了, 你妈就是这样教你的！


[User] 可你这刀不一样啊, 你这刀厉害啊, 你另有一功啊, 你一面诱惑着袁浩, 一面巴结着他爸爸, 现在好了，，我女儿走了, 你们两个人, 终于可以肆无忌弹地公开进出了, 在我眼里, 你就是个不折不扣的狐狸精, 破坏别人感情的第三者, 你太不要脸了, 你妈就是这样教你的！

[Assistant] 阿姨您别以为你年纪大了, 你就可以恶语伤人了, 我就是因为我男朋友劈腿了, 我才跟他分的手, 我这辈子最痛恨的就是第三者, 我知道这种感觉有多痛, 我到现在都没有缓过来, 我怎么可能去当一个, 破坏别人感情的第三者呢？


[User] 阿姨您别以为你年纪大了, 你就可以恶语伤人了, 我就是因为我男朋友劈腿了, 我才跟他分的手, 我这辈子最痛恨的就是第三者, 我知道这种感觉有多痛, 我到现在都没有缓过来, 我怎么可能去当一个, 破坏别人感情的第三者呢？

[Assistant] 好，既然你信誓旦旦的, 我也愿意相信你, 只要你发个誓, 你永远不会跟袁浩在一起, 我就相信你


[User] 好，既然你信誓旦旦的, 我也愿意相信你, 只要你发个誓, 你永远不会跟袁浩在一起, 我就相信你

[Assistant] 不是我真的不明白了, 袁浩跟珊珊感情有问题, 是他们之间的问题, 你为什么一定认为是我呢？ 我问心无愧，为什么要发誓？


[User] 不是我真的不明白了, 袁浩跟珊珊感情有问题, 是他们之间的问题, 你为什么一定认为是我呢？ 我问心无愧，为什么要发誓？

[Assistant] 既然问心无愧，你为什么不敢发誓！


[User] 这些照片不是合成的, 但也不是您想象的那样, 那天在公司的感恩会上, 茅小春把我的上司给惹怒了, 我去提醒她让她小心一点, 当然我也忘了, 为什么她会对我做出这样的举动, 但是阿姨请你相信我, 我绝对没有出轨, 更没有背叛

[Assistant] 好, 我愿意相信你, 你马上买机票跟我到美国, 我摄合你们, 我不相信你跟珊珊十年的感情, 这么说没就没了


[User] 你懂不懂规矩呀, 你想约我男朋友, 跟我打声招呼有错吗？

[Assistant] 你听不懂人话吗？ 我跟你说没约就是没约, 滚出去！


[User] 算了, 我们先讲高压锅的事, 高压锅，高压锅

[Assistant] 我的锅, 快快快！ 喔唷，快快快！儿子


[User] 你注意安全啊

[Assistant] 哎呀，晓得了


[User] 你说的是什么事啊？

[Assistant] 你还在跟我装啊？ 你被别人泼了可乐, 这视频, 现在都晒在网上去了！


[User] 都过去很久了, 一个多月以前, 现在都没事了

[Assistant] 你为什么, 老跟我说你没事了？


[User] 啊！还真的是巧上加巧, 我的女儿也是属虎的

[Assistant] 啊！哈哈！那可真是太巧了, 等咱们回去, 一定要找个机会, 让这两个小孩子, 认识认识的


[User] 我退休以前, 是在高中教英语

[Assistant] 教英语啊！ 哎哟！才人，才人！ 我好崇拜你哟！


[User] 你怎么来了？

[Assistant] 你说你要去搬东西, 后来手机就打不通了, 外面风那么大, 你都不知道, 我快担心死了！


[User] 你说你要去搬东西, 后来手机就打不通了, 外面风那么大, 你都不知道, 我快担心死了！

[Assistant] 我手机没电了, 我着急把东西搬上来, 又没找到充电器, 我好不容易充上电, 公司停电了


[User] 我手机没电了, 我着急把东西搬上来, 又没找到充电器, 我好不容易充上电, 公司停电了

[Assistant] 我都说了，我去搬了, 你为什么不听话呀？ 为什么非要自己去搬？


[User] 我都说了，我去搬了, 你为什么不听话呀？ 为什么非要自己去搬？

[Assistant] 我不是着急嘛, 我就想台风来之前, 让搬家公司的人, 把那些物料赶紧搬进来, 要不然放外面多危险啊！


[User] 我不是着急嘛, 我就想台风来之前, 让搬家公司的人, 把那些物料赶紧搬进来, 要不然放外面多危险啊！

[Assistant] 东西危险，还是你危险呀？ 钱重要，还是命重要？


[User] 嘘，小点声

[Assistant] 我去把钱拿来, 你合同签了现在又还给我, 又要我给还回去, 你当我快递呀你, 我这给人家怎么说呀我, 我跟你说这钱, 你最少得用一年，拿着！


[User] 你看啊，我呢, 只不过是想让你换个角度，劝你吗, 不就是破工作吗, 大不了咱不干了有什么了不起的, 俗话说得好, 此处不留奶自有留奶处, 别生气了

[Assistant] 有你这么说话的吗


[User] 一会儿说我有事, 一会儿说我没事的, 不行, 我得去学学那个秋菊, 我去讨个说法

[Assistant] 行了行了行了, 装什么装啊, 也不知道前一个月是谁说, 一听见敲门声, 就像那个惊弓之鸟一样的, 就心里害怕啊现在, 刚拿着一张纸马上就神五神六了, 像你这种人啊，就应该关进去, 好好再收拾你的骨头


[User] 你怎么没人帮啊！ 你飞行员不谈着呢吗？ 前几次是怎么吹的, 怎么一点教训都不吸取

[Assistant] 我吸取什么教训, 他就是来帮我捡捡废铁！


[User] 我吸取什么教训, 他就是来帮我捡捡废铁！

[Assistant] 你这是被我看见, 你要被厂里的人看见怎么说你呀？


[User] 你老婆眼瞅着要生了, 你还出来瞎搞啊！ 你这要让淑贞知道了, 非出大事不可我跟你说！

[Assistant] 哎哎哎！啥叫瞎搞啊？啥叫瞎搞啊！


[User] 我帮着梅梅捡废铁，是吧, 大炼钢铁为国家做贡献, 怎么叫瞎搞呢？ 我告诉你啊，你别造谣生事, 我开你的批判会！

[Assistant] 行了吧你这个人, 我还不了解你，你假公济私你, 行行行，你就这么搞, 你就这么搞吧！ 我告诉你到时候你后悔都来不及！


[User] 有这么积极要求进步的吗？ 哦还说在什么团小组会上批评大庄, 你明显地是在包庇他纵容他！

[Assistant] 你看你看, 你这老毛病又犯了, 这说话要讲究事实, 要讲个道理，对不对？ 我怎么在包庇纵容他呀？ 他做什么事, 又不需要我来通过来批准, 再说了人家朋友之间一块帮帮忙, 这有什么不好呢？ 人家老婆都不急你急什么呀？


[User] 你看你看, 你这老毛病又犯了, 这说话要讲究事实, 要讲个道理，对不对？ 我怎么在包庇纵容他呀？ 他做什么事, 又不需要我来通过来批准, 再说了人家朋友之间一块帮帮忙, 这有什么不好呢？ 人家老婆都不急你急什么呀？

[Assistant] 你说我急什么！ 我告诉你，梅梅就是我亲妹妹, 她愣往火坑里跳我也管不着, 我急的是你！ 一天到晚跟那姓庄的混在一块, 近墨者黑你懂不懂？


[User] 你说那大庄, 他也有好的地方是不是, 你也看看他好的方面，是不是？

[Assistant] 好啥好啊, 哪有佟子对你好啊！


[User] 什么关心国家大事, 关心得了吗！ 你说她一笑到晚掺和这些事, 你不说，去劝劝她, 你还跟着一唱一和的！ 再说了，她一天到晚跟男孩在一块, 这要出事了怎么办！

[Assistant] 她能出什么事啊她！ 人家跟男同学在一块怎么了？ 你说咱们厂那小青年, 每天不是男男女女在一块, 打打闹闹的, 不也挺好的嘛！她才多大的年龄啊？


[User] 都怪你，这孩子现在是掉到沟里, 这要掉到井里怎么办, 我告诉你, 这小宝要是有个三长两短的, 我跟你没完！

[Assistant] 你怨得着我吗你！ 天快黑了, 没事你带着孩子出来干吗你？ 明明知道外头很乱, 这幸亏是磕着碰着没大事！ 我告诉你, 要是碰着坏人把孩子给我拐走了, 我跟你才没完呢！ 没脑子的你！


[User] 你怨得着我吗你！ 天快黑了, 没事你带着孩子出来干吗你？ 明明知道外头很乱, 这幸亏是磕着碰着没大事！ 我告诉你, 要是碰着坏人把孩子给我拐走了, 我跟你才没完呢！ 没脑子的你！

[Assistant] 你说我来干吗？你说我来干吗, 我从来没那么晚带孩子出来过！ 我干吗来找你来呀！ 你跟这个家有什么关系啊！


[User] 行了行了，说孩子的事别扯别的, 都成什么了你说！

[Assistant] 你说我成什么了？你说我成什么了？


[User] 你说我成什么了？你说我成什么了？

[Assistant] 你缠着我干吗呀！ 你一天到晚缠着我干吗！ 我有我的事呢！


[User] 你还有完没完？ 你再说一遍！

[Assistant] 怎么样，我再说一遍怎么样？ 你打我，你打呀！


[User] 行行行, 你去，去你妈那边住去吧！

[Assistant] 您还要跟我妈分居多长时间啊, 您真不要我妈啦！


[User] 你说你这人都这么大了, 怎么就不长脑子呢？

[Assistant] 我大不了一辈子不嫁人了我！ 有什么呀？ 看着你跟我爸成天到晚掐掐掐掐掐, 我够够的了我！


[User] 诶，这以后怎么办哪？你想过没有？ 孩子他爸到底是谁呀？ 你跟他有没有感情, 要差不多就赶紧结婚！ 多多，一个女孩子家不能这样！ 这传出去不好听, 你以后怎么做人哪！

[Assistant] 我根本都不爱他, 我怎么跟他结婚啊我！


[User] 你不爱他你怎么跟他这样呢！

[Assistant] 妈你为什么要跟我爸吵架呀！ 你们为什么要分开过呀！


[User] 有大半年多了, 那个时候我刚来没有多少日子, 就让我碰上这么倒霉的事情

[Assistant] 你是说，这个女房主, 她就在这个房间里自杀了？


[User] 是啊, 就在那浴室里割腕的, 死得老惨了

[Assistant] 那，那这个房子它一直是空的了？


[User] 我在想，你说树儿这孩子, 连招呼都不打就没影了

[Assistant] 哎呦，你心肠太好了！ 那种孩子收不了心的，随他去吧！ 我今天来找你啊, 我想问问你，搬不搬家


[User] 哎呦，你心肠太好了！ 那种孩子收不了心的，随他去吧！ 我今天来找你啊, 我想问问你，搬不搬家

[Assistant] 我搬家, 我往哪儿搬哪


[User] 我搬家, 我往哪儿搬哪

[Assistant] 做盗版磁带的那个小安徽夫妇, 搬走了, 那个房子老大的, 你这个小屋遭罪, 你弟弟两个人住在一起啊, 不方便


[User] 那房子贵了吧

[Assistant] 贵什么贵！ 你要想租，我去和宝根讲！ 不会贵哪里去的


[User] 什么我，我！我叫叶子，啊。。。。

[Assistant] 我叫叶子


[User] 不，你说啥呢？ 谁不要脸的，你谁啊你？

[Assistant] 我告诉你我是谁啊, 我叫山炮！ 我就专门轰你们这样不要脸的


[User] 不是，我是这个意思啊, 我出钱行, 你老陆出多少我就出多少

[Assistant] 你不要跟我比好不啦


[User] 我不跟你比我跟谁比啊

[Assistant] 你啊，哪怕去借钱, 也要比我老陆多出的了


[User] 我跟你说过了舅妈, 现在谢叔真的找不到, 不是我不找他

[Assistant] 叶子，舅妈知道, 你对舅妈有意见, 可是，你舅舅是你的亲舅舅哎！ 你能见死不救吗, 你忍心看他坐牢吗！


[User] 五毛，我两毛五买了几本旧书, 剩下的跟哥们搓了一顿

[Assistant] 败家的孩子, 这家里一下来了三口人, 光她们回去的路费就三块多, 我真发愁我下个月我怎么过啊？


[User] 春明，哥们向你道歉了你还要动手

[Assistant] 告诉你这是轻的，谁让你玩阴的了


[User] 凭什么？我也喜欢苏萌

[Assistant] 不许！


[User] 不许！

[Assistant] 你们三年没说话了


[User] 你们三年没说话了

[Assistant] 三年不说话我们感情还在呢, 我告诉你啊, 我早该想到是你在中间玩阴的


[User] 三年不说话我们感情还在呢, 我告诉你啊, 我早该想到是你在中间玩阴的

[Assistant] 我玩阴的你管不着, 你追苏萌的时候哥们掺和了吗？ 苏萌看不上你跟你掰了我才追的, 对不对？ 再说了我追苏萌又怎么了？


[User] 我玩阴的你管不着, 你追苏萌的时候哥们掺和了吗？ 苏萌看不上你跟你掰了我才追的, 对不对？ 再说了我追苏萌又怎么了？

[Assistant] 你是卑鄙小人，你不配！ 我告诉你苏萌是我的, 这一辈子都是我的, 谁要跟我抢，我就对他不客气


[User] 我跟她不在学历

[Assistant] 这门不当户不对的呀！


[User] 行不着急

[Assistant] 我着急，我能不着急吗，你说都快把我急死了


[User] 您放心只要您帮着我, 她就飞不出咱这五指山

[Assistant] 吹吧你，你就吹吧


[User] 行了行了，别生气了, 你看我都这样了是不是, 要不然

[Assistant] 你别动，韩春明你别动, 你给我蹲好了


[User] 老点儿行, 这老点儿有味道, 再说了, 我岁数比你大，要死也是我先死

[Assistant] 我跟你说，我跟你说实话, 你对我影响实在是太大了, 我现在不管认识谁, 我都拿你的优点跟人缺点比, 结果我比来比去, 我谁都没看上我


[User] 你自个儿数数吧，处了几个了？

[Assistant] 我处了几, 韩春明您这是吃醋了吗？ 您也有吃醋的时候啊！


[User] 我处了几, 韩春明您这是吃醋了吗？ 您也有吃醋的时候啊！

[Assistant] 多新鲜啊, 我当然吃醋了, 苏萌我告诉你, 我每次看见有小青年进你们家门, 我就恨不得一脚给他踹出去, 然后来一大背, 再来一仙人摘桃, 我彻底断了他的念想儿


[User] 还不是奶奶把春明给你叫来的

[Assistant] 真的？ 我的好奶奶你太好了太了解我了, 快请坐快请坐, 奶奶我打算正式跟我爸我妈, 说这件事了, 我要告诉他们我想结婚了


[User] 他们要不同意，奶奶就骂他们

[Assistant] 得这件事就这么定了, 他们要是敢不同意啊, 你必须好好教训教训, 你这儿子儿媳妇, 把什么三纲五常, 女儿经，孝顺经，封资修, 这些东西一股脑的全部打翻在地


[User] 对, 再踏上一只脚

[Assistant] 奶奶你真好


[User] 没有没有, 我一定想办法帮你澄清好不好

[Assistant] 澄清有什么用啊？澄清能让我进副科吗？


[User] 我冷面无情你离我远点儿啊！

[Assistant] 我想这样啊，但我不是做不到吗？ 要不春明老骂我没出息, 我要是喜欢一个人, 那我就是掩饰不住我自己


[User] 可我不喜欢你

[Assistant] 喜不喜欢我那是你的自由, 但你不能阻止我喜欢你, 再说了, 我也没对你干过什么


[User] 不成, 这这物件儿我喜欢, 那那玫瑰椅您搬走

[Assistant] 不，不，不带这样的！ 您是师父，您怎么能有失公道呢？ 您就答应我吧，行不行？


[User] 我骗你干什么呀？

[Assistant] 那苏萌不是说她就不认钱呀！


[User] 我就是不想再做那伤天害理的事了

[Assistant] 我伤什么天害什么理啊！ 是不是韩春明跟你说什么了？ 你不能听他胡说八道, 他是成心打击报复我, 我高仿个赝品就犯法了？ 那历朝历代的皇帝都仿前朝的呢, 康熙，喜欢元青花, 那仿制了有多少啊？ 乾隆他要不喜欢明成化斗彩, 哪来那么多斗彩鸡缸杯，还有明国, 仿制的青花瓷有多少啊


[User] 我伤什么天害什么理啊！ 是不是韩春明跟你说什么了？ 你不能听他胡说八道, 他是成心打击报复我, 我高仿个赝品就犯法了？ 那历朝历代的皇帝都仿前朝的呢, 康熙，喜欢元青花, 那仿制了有多少啊？ 乾隆他要不喜欢明成化斗彩, 哪来那么多斗彩鸡缸杯，还有明国, 仿制的青花瓷有多少啊

[Assistant] 那你又知不知道，就为了这事, 害得郭大爷他自杀了！ 那要不是抢救得快的话，你


[User] 不是人家为什么打他呀？

[Assistant] 那还能为什么呀, 他卖给人家的古董是假的, 可他就是个中间人, 他已经把中介费退给人家了, 人家不干, 非让他找货主


[User] 你不要钱他要钱，你知不知道？ 大哥让李跃进把东西卖给人家, 人家卖不出去反过头来找旧账, 现在李跃进, 已经让人打的几天不敢回家了, 他又不敢说东西是大哥的, 你妹妹家门口就有人等着呢

[Assistant] 不是，我可真不知道这件事啊, 不是我没想到大哥拿去卖钱了


[User] 我去找你妈拿去, 就当你不知道这事

[Assistant] 您别啊, 这事你要敢让我爸我妈知道, 你信不信我把东西全都砸了


[User] 那您不也看这书吗？ 您不也千方百计地, 想知道唐红想要什么吗？

[Assistant] 我起码跟他不一样的是, 我不贪唐红的钱


[User] 我那时候这么跟你说, 是有原因的，你知道吗？

[Assistant] 有原因就可以说瞎话吗？


[User] 爸，那我怎么才能让他, 对我真动心呢？

[Assistant] 哎呦，你为什么非要让他, 对你动真心呢吗！ 我真是不明白，你说你, 哎，你，没人喜欢你啊, 你还愁没人喜欢你吗？ 闺女


[User] 我觉得只有真爱才会哭

[Assistant] 我说你这都是什么逻辑嘛！啊？ 哎，你，你想想, 你好好走得好好的, 突然一个大石头, 绊了你一个大跟头, 你非说这石头是你最爱, 因为它让你疼，让你哭了, 这莫名其妙嘛，你


[User] 你跑到人家餐馆, 人家地盘，又喊又砸的, 人家怎么做生意嘛

[Assistant] 怎么了？ 我以后还天天去, 我雇几个人去, 我让他做生意，做个屁


[User] 你跟他分手了？ 那更好了, 我更没顾虑了

[Assistant] 爸，我真的跟他分手了, 你就别再折腾了，好吗


[User] 你求我行，他们不行, 我没工夫带他们

[Assistant] 我没有说让你带, 我我今天一晚上一个带字, 我都没有跟你讲, 我没说要让你带他们, 我说的意思就是, 你把这个东西从哪儿来的, 你告诉他们然后, 赚不赚钱是他们的事情嘛


[User] 你别着急，快把自己噎死了, 我问你突然多出来十几个摊位, 跟你卖一样的东西, 我还能挣着钱吗我？

[Assistant] 我跟你讲你不告诉他们, 这个东西从哪儿进的, 他们迟早要知道的, 我把话放在这儿你信不信？


[User] 你你究竟还知道多少你？

[Assistant] 我还知道你把她卖了, 你把你亲生的女儿卖了, 然后你今天跟她要钱, 你把你亲生的女儿卖了, 我还知道这些


[User] 她不可能嘛

[Assistant] 她爱的就是钱, 这骆玉珠谁不知道, 一分钱分成八半, 一分一厘她都要赚的


[User] 销售科没有问题, 所有的决定是我一个人做的, 我让他们专门每次, 都要留出一批货来, 就给义乌那些做袜子的人, 他们有错吗？ 他们没有错, 你要不然把我也重新组建了

[Assistant] 陈江河你是一个商人, 商人就应该利益至上, 你这样给老乡开口子, 很难服众你知道吗？ 一个现代企业, 是最怕在这方面有漏洞的


[User] 陈江河你是一个商人, 商人就应该利益至上, 你这样给老乡开口子, 很难服众你知道吗？ 一个现代企业, 是最怕在这方面有漏洞的

[Assistant] 我不跟你讲漏洞, 你知道过去这个厂什么样子, 别说漏洞了, 就像一条沉船一样, 马上就要沉下去了, 你知道那些人那个时候, 是怎么帮我们的？ 我们老家人做鸡毛换糖, 我们讲究的是进四出六, 我们讲究的是开四门, 拜四方的码头重情重义


[User] 我不跟你讲漏洞, 你知道过去这个厂什么样子, 别说漏洞了, 就像一条沉船一样, 马上就要沉下去了, 你知道那些人那个时候, 是怎么帮我们的？ 我们老家人做鸡毛换糖, 我们讲究的是进四出六, 我们讲究的是开四门, 拜四方的码头重情重义

[Assistant] 所以啊，所以做不大, 我爸常说, 就像你们这种没有商业精神的, 早晚要被市场淘汰


[User] 嗯

[Assistant] 不是，阿熠, 你能不能让我省点心？ 你这接下来, 马上要发布, 首张个人专辑, 你还要往, 实力派演员转型, 你这个时候, 要是让别人知道, 你放粉丝鸽子, 你不是自己给自己, 招黑吗？


[User] 公众场合, 能不能注意点自己形象？

[Assistant] 太好了，江熠！ 太好了！ 我们终于换回来了！ 感谢天，感谢地, 感谢我的爸爸妈妈, 感谢电梯, 我要是再不换回来, 我就要死在你身上了！


[User] 佟佟，真的对不起, 我不是故意要瞒你的, 这个事吧, 它太难以置信了, 不过我记得, 我跟你说过一次来着

[Assistant] 那前两天, 给我发福利的, 其实是你？ 而我莫名其妙的, 跟江熠同居了好几天？ 那我不洗头，不化妆, 捆脚，挖鼻屎的样子, 他全都看到了？


[User] 什么？艾莉回来又走了？ 为什么？

[Assistant] 哎哟，她说她有事要忙嘛！ 待会有空的时候, 就会回来, 你不要着急嘛！ 你等一等嘛你，哎呀


[User] 哎哟，她说她有事要忙嘛！ 待会有空的时候, 就会回来, 你不要着急嘛！ 你等一等嘛你，哎呀

[Assistant] 不是怎么会这样呢？ 艾莉回家, 看我都不看就走, 不是这说得过去吗？ 不是你们怎么不留她呢？


[User] 不是怎么会这样呢？ 艾莉回家, 看我都不看就走, 不是这说得过去吗？ 不是你们怎么不留她呢？

[Assistant] 儿子啊看你那么急, 我告诉你，你放心吧, 艾莉她还是我的女儿, 也还是你的女朋友, 没问题的，哈哈哈


[User] 我我忘了

[Assistant] 真的我快被你们气死了, 那那我现在, 只能在家傻等对吧, 我早晚得心脏病死掉


[User] 你是一个介入别人的, 婚姻的第三者！ 你怎么可以, 毫无羞愧之心, 大言不惭, 还理直气壮地跟我说, 这些可怕的话呢？

[Assistant] 我干嘛要羞愧啊！ 我说的一切都是事实, 都是我的心里话, 我干嘛不能说出来啊！


[User] 小偷！

[Assistant] 是啊，我是小偷, 我是小偷, 我偷走了你丈夫的心, 我也很想将他, 物归原主啊！ 是你老公他不愿意回去


[User] 是啊，我是小偷, 我是小偷, 我偷走了你丈夫的心, 我也很想将他, 物归原主啊！ 是你老公他不愿意回去

[Assistant] 我要听他亲口跟我说, 不然我不会相信的, 一定是你死缠着他


[User] 我要听他亲口跟我说, 不然我不会相信的, 一定是你死缠着他

[Assistant] 你的婚姻会走到这一步, 被小偷光顾, 你不能只怪那个小偷, 你要怪怪你这个主人, 你自己没关好窗户啊！


[User] 额，妈，我没有

[Assistant] 现在好了, 世贤被他爸赶出公司了, 你满意了？ 高兴了是不是啊！


[User] 现在好了, 世贤被他爸赶出公司了, 你满意了？ 高兴了是不是啊！

[Assistant] 妈是真的吗？


[User] 妈是真的吗？

[Assistant] 当然是真的了！ 没良心的媳妇, 你也不想一想, 要不是我们世贤心肠好, 不嫌弃你们家, 要死要活地, 把你娶进家门, 你能住上, 那么好的别墅吗？


[User] 世贤他现在在哪里啊？

[Assistant] 我怎么知道啊！ 哎哟，一想到我们世贤, 我就心疼, 昨天晚上, 在外面被外人打, 回到家里又被他爸打, 现在好了, 又被赶出了公司, 倒得什么霉呀！ 遇到什么煞星了这是！


[User] 你知不知道？ 你跟我生的孩子, 叫私生子, 这孩子, 一辈子都得背着, 这个私生子的骂名, 对孩子公平吗？

[Assistant] 如果你觉得不公平的话, 你就让尚恩回洪家, 认祖归宗啊！


[User] 我劝你，你还是乖乖地, 签字离婚吧！

[Assistant] 我已经说过, 我不会把洪太太的, 位置让给你的, 你要跟世贤在一起, 就必须像老鼠一样, 永远躲在阴暗处, 一辈子都见不得光, 也永远上不了台面


[User] 呵，是吗？ 原来你是这样想的, 我们尚恩, 现在在洪世贤家里, 早已进出自如, 至于爸爸那里, 我相信他很快, 就会接纳我们的

[Assistant] 不可能的！ 我很清楚我公公的个性, 他绝对不可能, 接受你和你的孩子


[User] 果然是你的名字, 听说，你还写好了遗书, 自杀是吗？ 你说有人要害你, 这些都是骗人的吧！

[Assistant] 对不起, 请你什么都不要说, 帮我隐瞒好吗？ 我一定要在这里工作, 而且我也需要, 高珊珊这个名字, 所以拜托你, 求求你不要告诉任何人, 可以吗？


[User] 哎呀！ 去什么医院？ 美国医院多贵啊！ 你开什么玩笑？

[Assistant] 我有钱！


[User] 你哭什么呀？ 省盐省醋省酱油，好养活, 别哭了

[Assistant] 是咱们， 分开之前，还是分开之后？


[User] 我早就死了

[Assistant] 哈哈哈！ 那谁在跟我说话？


[User] 想不起来啦！你看看！ 谁？ 谁呀！

[Assistant] 陆远， 你有完没完啦！ 你怎么比狗还粘人呐！


[User] 你就有机会可以保住这碗饭, 要不然的话你就自己看着办吧

[Assistant] 江总啊， 你也知道陆远这脾气, 您让我把他找回来, 我怎么给您找回来，我


[User] 怎么这么孩子气呢？

[Assistant] 我不是孩子！


[User] 走，走，出去说去

[Assistant] 我不走！ 我也不让你走


[User] 我出门的时候我家里都好好的, 等我回来之后, 我家里被砸得稀巴烂！ 中间这段时间只有你们去过, 那不是你们，能是谁砸的呀！

[Assistant] 你凭什么说是我砸的呀！ 保不齐你自己砸的！ 你多流氓啊！


[User] 这位小姐，我自己砸的？ 我没事喜欢在家砸自己电脑玩？ 那要是按你这么说的话, 我家那些东西, 就全部都是我自己砸的？

[Assistant] 你那些破烂玩意儿确实是我砸的, 我承认那是我砸的, 但是电脑跟iPad绝对不是我砸的


[User] 你那些破烂玩意儿确实是我砸的, 我承认那是我砸的, 但是电脑跟iPad绝对不是我砸的

[Assistant] 小姐你砸了，我又不追究你责任, 你赔偿就好了嘛


[User] 小姐你砸了，我又不追究你责任, 你赔偿就好了嘛

[Assistant] 赔偿？你想让讹我钱是不是？ 你穷疯了吧你！ 邱莹莹怎么能看上你这样的人啊！


[User] 难道是说？ 你今天去医院, 郑辉跟你表白了, 然后你发现, 郑辉才是你的真命天子

[Assistant] 什么郑辉啊？ 我怎么可能跟郑辉啊？


[User] 哎呦，一八六一一四五三八八五, 这真是我的电话号码, 要不你打打看, 看谁的电话响？

[Assistant] 你这人，谁能往电话号码上想啊？


[User] 不我说是要喝茶的, 是你非拉着我吃饭的呀？

[Assistant] 我是说我饿了, 我在路边对付一口就得了, 你带我来这么贵的地儿干嘛呀


[User] 那不是你电话吗？ 你那电话单子上全是她打的电话, 我当时我

[Assistant] 等等等等, 你查我电话？ 你还是文化人呢, 连个家庭妇女都不如, 最起码的尊重都没有信任都没有


[User] 等等等等, 你查我电话？ 你还是文化人呢, 连个家庭妇女都不如, 最起码的尊重都没有信任都没有

[Assistant] 老公你别生气你, 别生气别生气


[User] 那这不是犯罪吗？

[Assistant] 当然了尽给我添麻烦


[User] 阿姨这个才是您的, 刚才我打碎那镯子是在路边上, 花七块钱买的

[Assistant] 不是你几个意思啊你啊？


[User] 阿姨, 您今天对我这么好, 是不是有什么事啊？

[Assistant] 有这么说话的吗？ 好像阿姨有事才对你好, 才做好吃的


[User] 在外面跑单的吧我也搞不清楚

[Assistant] 那不就是那, 什么撒小广告那种, 就咱们有时候开车, 他在旁边咔咔给你往里头, 是那个意思吗？


[User] 起码是互相有好感吧我觉得

[Assistant] 那也不行啊这什么工作呀


[User] 被人气的

[Assistant] 谁惹我妈生气啊？ 站出来, 我抽死她我


[User] 你跟妈说句实话, 你跟那个姓吕的, 到底断是没断？

[Assistant] 妈您能换个新鲜的问题吗？ 这个我都说了八百回了, 一样


[User] 妈还是怀疑你没断, 你要不这样, 你把那个姓吕的电话你给我, 我给他打电话, 我跟他聊

[Assistant] 不是妈您要人家电话干嘛呀？ 这是我跟他的事, 您参和进来这成什么了？


[User] 不是妈您要人家电话干嘛呀？ 这是我跟他的事, 您参和进来这成什么了？

[Assistant] 我是你妈呀, 我怎么叫掺和呢


[User] 妈妈我喝不下

[Assistant] 不喝也得喝补补脑子, 要不脑子乱


[User] 不喝也得喝补补脑子, 要不脑子乱

[Assistant] 妈我不喝汤


[User] 我压根就没看上她, 手长脚长长得跟阿凡达似的

[Assistant] 你这说得怎么那么像, 吃不到葡萄说葡萄酸啊？


[User] 我也想相信你们之间没有什么, 你只不过是他女儿的, 家庭教师罢了, 他为什么每次都要亲自, 送你回家呢？

[Assistant] 那是因为他想跟我, 多说说他女儿的事, 他是一个单身父亲, 他可能没有办法跟别人, 多交流，他很苦闷


[User] 咋对啊？

[Assistant] 俺们老家都这么喂, 祖祖辈辈都这么喂, 那孩子没长牙的时候, 可不是就这么吃东西吗？


[User] 你还挺有理的？ 还你们老家，还祖祖辈辈？ 这儿是你们老家吗？

[Assistant] 提我们老家咋了？ 提我们老家犯王法了？ 你还不让俺提俺们老家了？ 没有俺们老家能有俺哥？ 没有俺哥能有你？能有这儿子？ 还不让俺提俺们老家了


[User] 提我们老家咋了？ 提我们老家犯王法了？ 你还不让俺提俺们老家了？ 没有俺们老家能有俺哥？ 没有俺哥能有你？能有这儿子？ 还不让俺提俺们老家了

[Assistant] 什么？你说什么？ 没有你哥哪有我, 你这哪儿来的逻辑


[User] 什么？你说什么？ 没有你哥哪有我, 你这哪儿来的逻辑

[Assistant] 什么罗鸡罗鸭的我不知道, 反正我就知道你沾我哥的光, 享我哥的福, 要是没有我哥当军官, 你能过上这么好的日子吗？


[User] 切，有意思, 你以为我现在过的什么好日子？

[Assistant] 当然了, 你现在过的不是什么好日子


[User] 娘的，这日子没法过了

[Assistant] 你心早空了, 你心早就不在俺娘几个身上了, 你还猪八戒倒打一把嘞你


[User] 有这么尝咸淡的吗？一尝一大口

[Assistant] 俺就这么尝你管得着吗？ 俺家的鸡蛋, 俺愿意咋尝就咋尝用不着你管


[User] 真是鱼找鱼虾找虾

[Assistant] 乌龟找王八, 哈哈哈哈哈, 快去吧别让人等急了


[User] 这不过年不过节的

[Assistant] 谁规定非得过年过节, 才能喝茅台呀？ 你啥时候变得这么抠门儿了？


[User] 谁呀？

[Assistant] 我哥, 你男人，你男人不是个东西


[User] 他怎么不是东西了？

[Assistant] 他说让老丁试一下, 还说不试怎么知道行不行, 还说万一行呢


[User] 我先走了

[Assistant] 你，你走什么呀？ 你，你干吗走啊？


[User] 你，你走什么呀？ 你，你干吗走啊？

[Assistant] 我家里有事我真的有事


[User] 不行，你不能走, 你不敢骂看着我骂也行啊

[Assistant] 我不想看一点也不想看


[User] 这哪是人家老婆呀, 这不是这不就油画吗？ 艺术品

[Assistant] 啥艺术品哪，这不就是俺嫂子吗？ 连傻子都能看得出来你骗谁呀？


[User] 你们家的人

[Assistant] 那得了那还是俺嫂子呀


[User] 俺又没跟外人说, 就跟老丁一个人说了

[Assistant] 那老丁不是外人哪？ 让他知道咱们家这点烂事, 你脸上有光啊你？


[User] 血压有点高

[Assistant] 血压有点，她不高血压呀？


[User] 这具体多少我不知道, 肯定不少, 要不然她老人家能血压高吗

[Assistant] 这个败家娘们, 这大手大脚也就罢了, 你说全算是自己花了, 自己用了, 你说这叫什么事啊, 我那点工资全让她去打水漂了


[User] 是真的

[Assistant] 你借给吕夫蒙是真的吗？ 你要给我买车是真的吗？


[User] 真的真的, 这都是真的，我发誓

[Assistant] 现在买不买车, 已经不重要了, 余欢水, 你别做俯卧撑了！


[User] 我说我给你发, 你不看嘛

[Assistant] 我不看你就不给我发是吗？ 你都拍了, 你为什么不发给我呢？


[User] 我不看你就不给我发是吗？ 你都拍了, 你为什么不发给我呢？

[Assistant] 我给你发你也骂我, 你说我发嘛还是不发呢？


[User] 我给你发你也骂我, 你说我发嘛还是不发呢？

[Assistant] 那你说你是干什么吃的？ 啊！我是怎么嘱附你的？ 怎么能让这么大一个活人, 随随便便就进厂房了呢？啊？ 起来！


[User] 那你说你是干什么吃的？ 啊！我是怎么嘱附你的？ 怎么能让这么大一个活人, 随随便便就进厂房了呢？啊？ 起来！

[Assistant] 这么大个厂子, 我总不能二十四小时, 在这儿蹲点吧？


[User] 这么大个厂子, 我总不能二十四小时, 在这儿蹲点吧？

[Assistant] 那我要你干什么用, 还不如多养条狗呢我


[User] 哎哟，哥咱不至于

[Assistant] 我让你干吗你就干吗！ 哪儿那么多废话呀！ 赶紧的


[User] 我让你干吗你就干吗！ 哪儿那么多废话呀！ 赶紧的

[Assistant] 你就吓我呢！这啥至？


[User] 为什么又不能啊？

[Assistant] 刚才呀，刘副台长, 亲自给我打了电话, 他说呀, 这个表彰大会, 办得非常成功, 特别是你那个发言, 情绪激荡，令人振奋，好！


[User] 谢谢, 所以全康公司决定, 再在全市办五场活动, 另外呢还要在他们, 全国各地的分公司, 再办十场, 十五场

[Assistant] 干什么呀你们？ 干什么！


[User] 这不挺好吗？ 但我也没想到, 会是这种结果, 但事已至此怎么办？ 咱也不能不管人家, 咬咬牙再坚持一下

[Assistant] 你谎撒那么大, 到时候你圆都圆不出去


[User] 他一定会对, 我们的儿子好的, 因为我了解他

[Assistant] 你了解他什么？ 我们才离婚几天, 他，他就可以搬到一个, 女人家里边去住, 这女人还带个孩子, 这个人人品有问题啊！


[User] 你了解他什么？ 我们才离婚几天, 他，他就可以搬到一个, 女人家里边去住, 这女人还带个孩子, 这个人人品有问题啊！

[Assistant] 我在没跟你结婚之前, 我就了解他, 他是我前男友, 行了吧！


[User] 就算我饶了你, 那个假电缆也早晚会出事, 你跑不掉的, 再说你想想, 因为那些假电缆, 到时候死去的人, 人家没有亲人吗？ 人家没有家人吗？

[Assistant] 咱不说这些, 只要你放过我, 我把所有的钱都给你


[User] 魏总我说了, 这不是钱的事

[Assistant] 余欢水, 只要你不举报我, 你知道吗？ 你要是举报我我就得坐牢！ 我要坐牢, 我们老魏家就全完了！ 余欢水！ 我是我们老魏家的独苗！ 我是我们老魏家的骄傲！


[User] 他怎么可能会对余晨好, 他是个后爹呀！ 我是亲爸, 就是因为他姓余, 他是我余欢水的后代, 我怎么能让他, 管别人叫爸爸呢？

[Assistant] 余欢水, 你根本就是不正常！


[User] 余欢水, 你根本就是不正常！

[Assistant] 我怎么会不正常呢？ 我正常得要命！


[User] 为什么不可能？ 那天歌厅, 一共就咱们四个人, 他们两个人都怀疑我, 只有你不相信, 原因很简单, 因为你拿了优盘

[Assistant] 不可能, 我根本就没拿这优盘


[User] 我猜的, 不行吗

[Assistant] 徐文昌, 徐文昌，你给我出来，徐文昌


[User] 啊，怎么了？ 徐文昌别又我下套！ 你不要再说话了！

[Assistant] 这次这个你一定会喜欢, 我向你保证, 是我一个朋友的孩子, 又漂亮又文静, 又有灵气, 特别特别适合你, 正好也是学小提琴的, 特别适合你


[User] 这次这个你一定会喜欢, 我向你保证, 是我一个朋友的孩子, 又漂亮又文静, 又有灵气, 特别特别适合你, 正好也是学小提琴的, 特别适合你

[Assistant] 我求你了, 别再蒙我了, 就是你客户的孩子对不对？对不对？


[User] 他居然不承认, 这个赠予书是真的, 说是假的, 我老耿要是能作假的话, 我把整个向公馆, 都说成是我的！ 隔了三代了, 他能怎么着！

[Assistant] 就是嘛, 我们要把钱看得那么重, 我早把这些空房子, 我都租出去了, 我能收多少钱啊？


[User] 我爷爷当年, 为了保护这个向公馆, 被造反派, 打折过腰

[Assistant] 你爷爷真不值得, 我早就说过了, 你们一家子都是死心眼, 你爷爷这样，你爸这样，到你还这样！


[User] 有酒都堵不住你的嘴吗？ 你就不能不要破坏, 这个美好的夜晚吗？

[Assistant] 你到底有没有想过回头啊？ 千万不要回头！ 自由哎！自由对一个男人多重要啊！ 一定要远离那些, 有可能伤及到你自由的群体, 说到孩子, 你想要吧？ 你想要我就打官司帮你要回来


[User] 你别胡说八道, 营养费我可以给, 但从这个月起, 房家栋的房贷, 我不管了

[Assistant] 你跟我还讨价还价！ 你弟弟的房贷, 千万要记得还呐


[User] 我忍心, 因为办法总比困难多, 两个人加在一起的力量, 一定比一个人的力量大

[Assistant] 你们这帮律师真的是靠嘴吃饭呐！ 怎么说都有理, 你刚刚不是说让我冷静吗？


[User] 你们这帮律师真的是靠嘴吃饭呐！ 怎么说都有理, 你刚刚不是说让我冷静吗？

[Assistant] 冷静？怎么冷静？你告诉我怎么冷静！ 与一个人遇到了真爱, 他怎么冷静的下来！


[User] 你说咱们俩这新婚之夜, 净干这点儿破事儿, 一点正经事儿也没干

[Assistant] 哎，你这只禽兽, 你跟我结婚是为了什么呀？


[User] 哈哈, 我们那院有一个大枣树, 一到秋天他们就拿杆打枣, 我还拿裙子接枣呢, 我跟你说我那裙子可漂亮了, 上面全是小碎花儿

[Assistant] 你知道吗？咱先拿那四合院做过渡房, 再合适不过了，一个月才六百块钱


[User] 我不饿，我能不能不去吃这顿饭啊？

[Assistant] 上我们家蹭顿饭吃还拿腔拿调的


[User] 上我们家蹭顿饭吃还拿腔拿调的

[Assistant] 要不然你先上楼，一会儿我来接你


[User] 不是那意思我

[Assistant] 爱去不去饿死你


[User] 我不想有黑眼圈上班去！

[Assistant] 向南你根本就不是对这孩子没准备！ 你是对我，对这个婚姻就没准备！


[User] 离就离，谁怕谁啊！

[Assistant] 你现在就滚立刻在我眼前消失, 越快越好


[User] 你干嘛呀？疯了吧，我是华子！

[Assistant] 我抽的就是你，我知道你是华子！


[User] 你还有脸问？！ 华子我告诉你, 从今天开始，咱俩谁也不认识谁, 我对你失去记忆, 以后我就是路人甲，你就是路人乙, 形同陌路，井水不犯河水

[Assistant] 你是不是想要赖呀？你还欠我钱呢！


[User] 你是不是想要赖呀？你还欠我钱呢！

[Assistant] 我还给你，我还给你，我还给你！


[User] 你再找找啊

[Assistant] 哦，我想起来了, 护照在我那阿迪达斯包里呢, 出门前看这包可爱就换了一包


[User] 那多不合适呀

[Assistant] 那他对我就合适吗？ 我千里迢迢地来给这个王八蛋送衣服, 他却跟我宣布那么不要脸的消息, 他怎么能这样了对我呢？！


[User] 人家在一起都好几个月了, 他们的每一个进展, 我不都向你汇报了吗？

[Assistant] 我我那我跟他白结婚了我, 我那人流白做了我


[User] 你怎么不早说啊这事儿？

[Assistant] 我在这儿等着, 你回去，把他们门端开, 把这些话再跟他们说一遍


[User] 啊

[Assistant] 哎哟，我跟您说, 昨儿晚上还拿申花跟他们打赌呢！ 结果怎么样赢了吧！


[User] 气话？！ 别人为什么不说气话

[Assistant] 信不信由你们，，我是恨吴天, 可我胆儿再大也知道, 杀人会掉脑袋的, 谁会拿自己的脑袋开玩笑呢！


[User] 我不是不想说, 这人命关天的事儿, 我哪儿敢瞎说呀

[Assistant] 那28号的晚上你干什么去了？ 我不管你说不说实话, 28号的晚上, 你或许参与了枪杀吴天, 或许是干什么别的坏事儿去了, 总之你向公安机关, 隐满了事实真相, 就已经具有明显的犯罪嫌疑


[User] 她不想和你说话

[Assistant] 你让梅子听电话


[User] 你脑子是不是有毛病啊你, 刘华强回来跟吴天死, 有什么关系呀？

[Assistant] 吴天就是刘华强给杀死的


[User] 哎，当年可是你把我, 从刘华文手里抢过来的, 为了这事儿，你们俩还打了一架呢！ 害的他在局子里呆了好几个月

[Assistant] 那都是什么时候的事儿了！ 老子早退隐江湖了！ 他能把我怎么样？


[User] 那都是什么时候的事儿了！ 老子早退隐江湖了！ 他能把我怎么样？

[Assistant] 怎么样？！吴天不就几年前跟他有点儿过节, 他不就把他给杀了吗？ 我告诉你, 你记得吗？他当着你面说过, 迟早要把咱们俩给杀了, 范东你怎么了？ 哎，你说话呀，你说话呀你


[User] 退出了, 那，那, 那你咋教我呀？

[Assistant] 我都跟你说了, 那么多遍了, 你还是不清楚, 再说我俩手机也不一样, 我怎么跟你说, 我说一百遍, 你还不清楚啊！


[User] 我都跟你说了, 那么多遍了, 你还是不清楚, 再说我俩手机也不一样, 我怎么跟你说, 我说一百遍, 你还不清楚啊！

[Assistant] 怎么跟你妈说话呢！ 这是干什么玩意！ 问你这么点事, 叽歪啥呀！


[User] 给我记住, 是我甩的你

[Assistant] 梁爽，梁爽，梁爽，你听我说呀！ 这是我爸给我安排的, 是我们家里安排的, 我没有办法, 你给我点时间好吧！ 我会处理好的, 我真的会解决的, 你不要闹脾气， 你不要！ 你够了！ 我告诉你, 你别来劲啊！ 你平时那些小脾气, 我全包容你了, 你好好想想, 你今天这日子怎么来的！ 你要是没有我的话, 你算什么？ 我好好跟你说, 你今天要是走了的话, 你一定会后悔的！


[User] 不是

[Assistant] 你头发特别的黑！


[User] 你头发特别的黑！

[Assistant] 这叫什么优点啊！ 这都给人家, 当小媳妇优点, 你说点真正的, 特别的那种


[User] 我清楚管什么用啊？ 你推我一把, 视频就录到那了, 让我现在怎么说呀？

[Assistant] 那我要是不推你, 你这张脸还想接广告啊！


[User] 那还是算了吧！ 爸妈的爱少点就少点, 我还是继续又帅, 智商又高, 又受人欢迎吧！ 你这不是拿来, 给我吃的吗？

[Assistant] 干吗？ 我就不明白了, 人家弟弟都是姐控, 怎么到你这儿, 你就天天骂我呢？


[User] 你有什么好控的？ 我都不知道, 大熊哥喜欢你什么！

[Assistant] 我怎么了？ 我这么可爱, 大熊说了, 我一百零八个优点


[User] 石头你别这样好不好？ 我和小米, 就是为了应付家里, 吃个饭, 我们俩什么事都没有, 而且人家也有男朋友, 我们两个都是, 迫不得已啊！

[Assistant] 迫不得已？ 你为什么现在才跟我说, 你迫不得已啊！ 我当初把一切都告诉你, 就是希望你不要勉强, 不要被逼迫, 你当初都接受了, 你为什么现在, 还要瞒着我, 在背后做这种事呢？


[User] 那是他舅舅

[Assistant] 我说呢这么年轻


[User] 多少？ 七千二, 那加上之前的三千就一万！

[Assistant] 一万块，表哥！ 发财了！ 什么时候告诉小姨？


[User] 这假吗这？

[Assistant] 你看这章都是糊的


[User] 为什么这么做？ 为了你的手艺呀

[Assistant] 我的手艺？ 是，我是个新人, 我手艺上肯定有很大上升空间, 但每天统计的时候, 所有人的作业我都看过了, 我比他们都强, 我绝对有能力在这个车间立足


[User] 庞机长已经成为过去式了, 我转行了, 我这次来呢, 就是想跟你道个别, 哎，不过啊, 咱们有缘分的话, 应该还能在蓝天重遇

[Assistant] 咱们不是说好的吗？ 你要开了我们造的飞机再退休, 庞一冰, 你作为中国的飞行员, 没有开过自己国家造的飞机, 将是你人生中最大的遗憾


[User] 我检查了一下, 然后做了简单的急救, 就没事了

[Assistant] 不后来又？ 没别的了？ 真的没别的了？ 那人家祝哥过来跟我说, 你们两个在诊所门口, 众目睽睽之下, 你们接吻了, 是不是？


[User] 奶奶, 咱们钱都交了, 就住一晚, 明天就走

[Assistant] 你别说一晚上了, 一分钟都不行, 你闻闻这满屋子的药水味, 跟你爷爷走的时候一模一样, 我都不敢闭眼, 我闭眼我都能看到他


[User] 您可以用嘴呼吸啊, 像鱼一样

[Assistant] 我让你, 用嘴呼吸, 呼你个冤大头啊呼, 啊你个小兔崽子, 我是指望不住你, 你把电话给我, 我给思齐打电话, 我让她过来


[User] 我忘了跟你说了啊, 那个, 图南回来了, 你最好, 躲着点走啊, 别撞见

[Assistant] 我凭什么躲着他呀我？


[User] 没有人跟我说过, 这不是我的错, 跟我有什么关系？

[Assistant] 不是你的错就跟你没有关系吗？


[User] 这怎么没关系啊？ 你没看见我正忙着, 给思齐发货呢吗？ 在这种关键的时候, 能让我少跑一趟, 节省一点时间, 快一点发货, 这不就等于是帮思齐了吗？

[Assistant] 等于什么呀？ 送货本身就是你份内的事


[User] 你是不是怕麻烦呀？ 来来来, 我帮你擦，我帮你擦

[Assistant] 别别别, 小夏同志, 谢谢你的好意, 为人民服务是我的光荣, 配合你工作是我的责任, 这么好的药膏, 你，你就自己留着用吧！


[User] 嗨，你刚才说, 米医生其实, 很盼着这顿饭, 来了之后就奇奇怪怪的, 然后呢？

[Assistant] 然后，然后螃蟹就上来了


[User] 是地震了, 但是是利南县地震了, 离我们这儿, 有一千多公里, 不会有事的，这儿

[Assistant] 可是大家都在跑


[User] 刚刚电视台发布的消息, 说我们这儿, 只是轻微震感, 不会有破坏性的, 你不要担心

[Assistant] 那么远, 震感那么强烈, 很，很严重的吧？


[User] 我那天值班

[Assistant] 值班？ 我信你才有鬼呢！ 全世界都知道, 我被他拒绝了, 我丢人都丢到太平洋去, 你什么意思？落井下石？ 你故意找我乐子是不是？


[User] 因为

[Assistant] 你说呀！


[User] 喜不喜欢小夏, 那是我的事, 跟你有什么关系？

[Assistant] 拿不起放不下, 得不到，你还不放手, 连一句喜欢, 你都不敢承认, 我真看不起你！


[User] 这应该, 足以证明永久性了吧

[Assistant] 不是，这个，这, 这个太能证明了这个, 只多不少啊, 我跟你说, 你早就应该见见她, 她特别想见你


[User] 我说的那都是真的, 怎么是造谣呢

[Assistant] 真的, 你！你不是精通这个, 易经八卦, 能算出相生相克吗？ 那奇怪了, 你怎么就算不出来, 谁能克你呀, 没错，就是我, 夏建国, 我告诉你, 我保留起诉你的权利


[User] 还要过两天, 那意思是你对家人的关心, 还跟上海的电表一样, 要分时分段计算的

[Assistant] 我说你要怎么样啊！ 我说这么半天, 你怎么情理不通呢你！ 你干吗，我跟你说了, 我，我必须要回一个, 特别重要的邮件, 五分钟之内必须得回人家, 不回就完蛋了, 你怎么听不明白话吗？ 你要不然在这好好待着, 要不然你上客厅跟满满, 安安静静玩一会儿, 行不行啊, 咱不揽和这些没有用的事, 行不行啊


[User] 没错我呢

[Assistant] 我呢, 我从上到下，由里到外, 我除了我的名字, 还叫夏冰以外, 我什么都变了, 我什么都没有了, 我现在稍稍想为, 自己的生活做些打算, 你就说我得寸进尺了, 如果这就叫得寸进尺的话, 姐姐我进了，怎么着吧！


[User] 拜托, 你到底是自己开车过来, 还是你老婆送你过来, 你一点都不记得了

[Assistant] 我开的，当然是我开的, 我，我记得清清楚楚的, 但，但木子说她已经, 把车送到4S店去保养了, 你说, 不要这样子看我, 我没有病！ 我记得清清楚楚！ 是我开的


[User] 我开的，当然是我开的, 我，我记得清清楚楚的, 但，但木子说她已经, 把车送到4S店去保养了, 你说, 不要这样子看我, 我没有病！ 我记得清清楚楚！ 是我开的

[Assistant] 哎呀，好吓人啊, 我下次徒步的时候, 要讲鬼故事, 我准讲你这一段


[User] 怎么搞的呀, 怎么掰不过来呀

[Assistant] 妈，妈，妈，别动, 你别动，你别动，你别动, 来来来，我回来了, 我回来了，妈, 陈阿姨, 陈阿姨


[User] 妈，妈，妈，别动, 你别动，你别动，你别动, 来来来，我回来了, 我回来了，妈, 陈阿姨, 陈阿姨

[Assistant] 我怎么会在这儿的呀？


[User] 我怎么会在这儿的呀？

[Assistant] 你怎么到这儿来的呀？ 陈阿姨, 别动，别动，不动，不动, 妈妈，妈妈，，不动, 不动，不动，不动, 不动啊, 你现在这样起不来, 不动啊


[User] 我要上厕所

[Assistant] 好，好，好, 我让你马上去啊, 别着急，妈, 你别着急，别着急, 来来来，快起来，妈, 疼死了，啊


[User] 怎么会在这儿啊？

[Assistant] 陈阿姨


[User] 后天礼拜五, 索性呢再住两天, 礼拜一再说

[Assistant] 嘿，你把医院当干吗, 当五星级大酒店了, 没事谁愿意住医院哪？


[User] 不不不, 到礼拜一呢, 我叫鲍帅找一个熟的医生, 再给我开张单子, 这上上下下再检查一次, 看看其他地方, 有没有囊肿啊

[Assistant] 你开刀开上瘾了你


[User] 明知是南墙， 还硬要往上撞，

[Assistant] 是真的蠢！ 换成是我， 肯定不会这样做呀！ 拿着人家纽非斯的钱, 去帮李静柔做事情, 你在跟我搞笑吗？


[User] 是真的蠢！ 换成是我， 肯定不会这样做呀！ 拿着人家纽非斯的钱, 去帮李静柔做事情, 你在跟我搞笑吗？

[Assistant] 你安慰我一句能死吗？


[User] 你安慰我一句能死吗？

[Assistant] 可你就是这样的人呀！ 唉， 你还记得, 咱们军训的时候吗？ 张晓丹, 钱包丢了， 硬要说是我偷的， 理由就是, 我是全寝室最穷的一个, 却买了条, 一千多块的裙子， 我记得当时, 没有一个人敢抗声, 就你站出来， 替我打抱不平


[User] 那巧了, 路易斯也是恰巧看见, 谭新凯在和肖雅见面

[Assistant] 见了又怎么样, 见了就可以, 随便评诬陷他吗？ 我刚才找了谭新凯, 问了他, 他确实跟肖雅见过面, 肖雅为了随赔他, 给了他三十万, 可是他没有收！ 不是你们想的那样！


[User] 他说你就信？ 江达琳, 麻烦你把脑子, 放清醒一点！

[Assistant] 我清醒得很！


[User] 你说实话, 你到底有没有碰她？

[Assistant] 我跟你说过几遍, 我是碰了她, 但我觉得她是自愿的, 自！愿！ 这就是个普通的约会


[User] 可是那个录音里头听着, 她不像是自愿的, 她是在拒绝你呀！

[Assistant] 她录了音了, 这说明她是有目的的！


[User] 你是我妈, 可你什么时候管过我呀？ 我这连读大学的学费, 都是我自己赚来的

[Assistant] 你又提这事, 你这死丫头, 还记仇了你, 当时咱家没钱, 你让我怎么办


[User] 你又提这事, 你这死丫头, 还记仇了你, 当时咱家没钱, 你让我怎么办

[Assistant] 没钱？ 没钱你能花两万块钱, 给马邦威, 交读高中的赞助费呀！


[User] 没钱？ 没钱你能花两万块钱, 给马邦威, 交读高中的赞助费呀！

[Assistant] 我不交赞助费, 他怎么上高中？ 他上不了高中， 怎么上大学？ 还说呢， 还不是你不懂事儿, 你一个女孩子, 上个技校, 学门手艺, 然后嫁人就得了, 跑到上海上什么大学, 你以为咱家的钱, 都多得花不了了


[User] 发传单？ 她发什么传单？ 她不会是想靠发传单, 挣那十万块钱吧！

[Assistant] 唉， 你这个时候是不是应该, 关心她的身体状况啊？ 她可是进医院了


[User] 什么叫已经没事情了, 你这什么态度啊？ 还好你妈妈, 今天只是中暑, 如果是心脏病呢？ 如果被车撞了呢？ 如果是要做手术， 等着人签字呢？ 你就这样不接电话, 不管不问的, 你是不是太狠心了

[Assistant] 对！ 我狠心， 我记仇， 我小心眼！ 反正你们都是好人, 你没错， 卫哲没错， 我妈更没错， 全世界就我一个人错了！ 行了吧！


[User] 对！ 我狠心， 我记仇， 我小心眼！ 反正你们都是好人, 你没错， 卫哲没错， 我妈更没错， 全世界就我一个人错了！ 行了吧！

[Assistant] 你讲点儿理好不好！


[User] 你讲点儿理好不好！

[Assistant] 我今天就不讲理了！ 江达琳， 我用不着你可怜我的, 你知道我最不想看见的, 是什么吗？ 就是你现在这样一副, 高高在上的样子, 你让我觉得, 我自己很可怜很可笑


[User] 我什么时候可怜你了？

[Assistant] 你可怜我了！ 我受够你了！


[User] 你疯了吧你呀

[Assistant] 干什么呀？你喊什么呀你？


[User] 干什么呀？你喊什么呀你？

[Assistant] 亏你是个女人, 你也是个当妈的, 那是什么呀？！ 那是一孩子一生命, 那是说做就做的吗？！


[User] 童佳倩我娶你是为了给你幸福, 如果因为我们的婚姻, 把你家弄成这样我宁愿不娶！

[Assistant] 我不管, 我要找到户口本, 我就是是要嫁给你


[User] 想不通想不通, 是！我理解，都理解啊, 来擦擦擦擦脸，哟，瞧瞧

[Assistant] 十月怀胎, 我生她就生了两天, 她怎么这么没良心哪


[User] 不难受了啊, 把身子哭坏了

[Assistant] 你说前两天吧, 我还因为打胎的事, 我觉得挺内疚的挺自责的, 觉得自己做得真是不对, 可她一这样一弄啊, 我这点内疚自责全都没有了


[User] 太不像话了这孩子

[Assistant] 你说她怎么不考虑我的感受啊, 你说我在单位我大小是个领导, 就是啊, 你说我今后我怎么去, 领导别人哪？ 我怎么跟人说话呀？ 谁还听我的呀？


[User] 亲爱的，言重了，言重了, 副科级, 领导不了几个人, 影响没那么大, 再说了过两年咱就退休了

[Assistant] 那明天怎么办呀, 我明天我怎么上班啊


[User] 那哪儿成啊？！ 我也好呆是一女婿你不能剥夺, 我见岳父岳母的这权利吧

[Assistant] 你跟我一回去, 我爸妈指定让我跟你回家, 你那点小心眼儿，我还不知道


[User] 不是您要没什么事我先走了

[Assistant] 我说了让你把电话给我看看


[User] 一种对他的事业有推助力的药

[Assistant] 你想嫁入豪门你疯了吧你


[User] 认真的是吧

[Assistant] 认真的，只要谁敢动我女儿的名字一下


[User] 认真的，只要谁敢动我女儿的名字一下

[Assistant] 没有谁我！我，我告诉你，我！ 我动！我改, 不就离婚吗明天咱就办, 谁不离谁他妈就是孙子


[User] 没有谁我！我，我告诉你，我！ 我动！我改, 不就离婚吗明天咱就办, 谁不离谁他妈就是孙子

[Assistant] 好！这话你说的啊, 我等着哪！ 谁他妈不离就是孙子


[User] 商场求婚怎么了？ 你不是说你爱我吗, 你爱我在哪儿求婚都行啊

[Assistant] 我是爱你可是这东西, 你得浪漫点，你得有氛围呀


[User] 我是爱你可是这东西, 你得浪漫点，你得有氛围呀

[Assistant] 我挺浪漫的呀, 人家老外不也冰天雪地, 在马路上求婚那多浪漫啊


[User] 你不能着急，你得慢慢酝酿啊

[Assistant] 酝酿什么啊酝酿！


[User] 你再这样我叫保安了

[Assistant] 你这是什么态度啊, 我在跟你好好说话呢, 那我不走了, 我要跟你好好说道说道


[User] 您不走，您待着, 我得去上课了啊

[Assistant] 钟老师，你别走, 我求求你


[User] 我就先把中午那家人家退了, 这样的话, 午饭之后我就有时间了, 在咱这儿可以照顾阿姨一个下午

[Assistant] 太好了！ 我们求之不得呀, 就是你时间能安排得开吗？


[User] 哎呀，就你这么躺着, 女婿伺候你方便吗, 不方便

[Assistant] 你白痴啊你！ 谁敢欺负我, 我现在是干吗, 是植物人啊, 我没有嘴巴的, 我不能喊的


[User] 我打给警察叔叔好不好, 让他们带你回去吼

[Assistant] 不要警察


[User] 好好好好好, 你先不要哭你先不要哭, 我没打了我没打了

[Assistant] 警察不来我就不哭


[User] 我们在一起的第一天

[Assistant] 真的假的，真的假的啦！真的假的，真的假的！ 黄雨萱我爱你


[User] 你要真能考上清华北大, 我会不让你去吗？

[Assistant] 我真的后悔了, 我这件事, 在我心里压了很久了, 但是我没有办法跟你说, 我现在无时无刻, 我都想回到过去, 给自己一巴掌


[User] 我真的后悔了, 我这件事, 在我心里压了很久了, 但是我没有办法跟你说, 我现在无时无刻, 我都想回到过去, 给自己一巴掌

[Assistant] 我现在就给你一巴掌！


[User] 我现在就给你一巴掌！

[Assistant] 妈！ 妈, 你不要打自己, 不要打自己


[User] 妈！ 妈, 你不要打自己, 不要打自己

[Assistant] 你们为什么那么讨厌我？ 为什么这么对我？


[User] 我不想考公务员, 我根本就没打算, 考公务员

[Assistant] 你问问她, 从小到大, 我舍得动你？ 一根手指头吗？ 这就是我养大的眼珠子, 这么大的事, 你都敢骗我了！


[User] 你还想去北京哪！

[Assistant] 妈，是我在高中的时候, 你告诉我, 您想让我去北京, 你说北京有很多机会


[User] 妈，是我在高中的时候, 你告诉我, 您想让我去北京, 你说北京有很多机会

[Assistant] 机会是留给, 有准备的人的, 你会什么呀！


[User] 那我妈就很喜欢你啊！ 你可是她心目中的, 明星呢

[Assistant] 你才是明星！ 你们全家都是明星！ 我最讨厌别人说, 我是明星了


[User] 说一套做一套, 你以前不也是在心里, 嫌弃我的工作

[Assistant] 我什么时候嫌弃过？ 妈呀冤枉死我了


[User] 不是！

[Assistant] 等一下，等一下，等等等, 诶呀！什么意思？ 那那你开店的钱谁给的？


[User] 不是谁给的，是我自己的

[Assistant] 你自己的是什么意思啊？ 你哪有那么多钱？


[User] 你自己的是什么意思啊？ 你哪有那么多钱？

[Assistant] 我自己赚的呀！ 我从开店到现在, 用的每一分钱, 都是我在国外, 一分一分自己赞的, 跟赵华光, 一点关系都没有！


[User] 不过你想啊, 她就让家教辅导了一回, 然后英语成绩就从38, 一下升到100了, 这提高太快了呀！不正常啊

[Assistant] 你才不正常呢！ 提高快怎么了？ 那说明我们家璐路聪明, 我们家璐璐智商高


[User] 怪不得呢！ 我说这速度怎么比兔子还快, 嗖一下子冲我就撞上了

[Assistant] 是啊您瞧这多危险呐？


[User] 您看您怎么穿帮穿这么快啊？ 哪有您这样的呀？ 好不容易想出这招，真成

[Assistant] 不是你听听孩子跟那嚷, 我以为出什么事了呢, 你要是真摔着真烫着的, 再说了你说这事以前我也没干过, 我不是没经验嘛


[User] 行了吧，您这都不叫疼, 您要疼他就得好好教育他, 干点活怎么着累死他呀？ 不就干了那点活嘛, 干了多少活啊吃什么苦了？

[Assistant] 哟要我说人孩子又不赖, 你瞧你让孩子伺候我那会儿, 人孩子多尽心尽力的呀, 凉的热的这通端, 我都不知道喝什么的好了, 哎哟喂得了，孩子不错呀


[User] 云云她, 她她她

[Assistant] 她怎么了啊？


[User] 她怎么了啊？

[Assistant] 她跟她男朋友私奔了


[User] 她跟她男朋友私奔了

[Assistant] 这么点儿孩子就跟男朋友私奔了？ 她私奔到哪儿去了？


[User] 倒也是

[Assistant] 就留下一封信, 说要跟她男朋友吧, 携手闯天涯, 我说这电话怎么打不通呢


[User] 什么意思你还得离开我点儿？ 什么消息倒是？

[Assistant] 我在花园的另一个角落, 看见另一个人


[User] 啊！他们干嘛呢？

[Assistant] 嘀嘀咕咕，唧唧歪歪, 鬼鬼崇崇，像是约会


[User] 那男的长什么样啊？

[Assistant] 戴这么大的墨镜, 披肩长发，这么大的耳环, 还有一个金项链


[User] 戴这么大的墨镜, 披肩长发，这么大的耳环, 还有一个金项链

[Assistant] 摇滚青年？


[User] 摇滚青年？

[Assistant] 搁您那年代这么讲, 我们现在都管他叫飞车党


[User] 太阳镜啊？ 你看这是什么？

[Assistant] 太阳镜！ 爸太谢谢你了, 这是您给我买的？


[User] 哎那您刚才怎么没早说啊？

[Assistant] 刚才我不是想给你, 一个意外的惊喜吗


[User] 刚才我不是想给你, 一个意外的惊喜吗

[Assistant] 哎呀老爸你现在越来越有情调


[User] 随便反正也没电了, 到时候你还去充电吧啊

[Assistant] 哎呀，我更郁闷了


[User] 我真的没事, 谢谢你的好意，我先走了

[Assistant] 唉，对，对不起啊, 我忘了我哥以前追过你, 你好像还挺烦他的, 没事，你跟我说呀！ 我帮你！ 哪个不要脸的, 敢欺负我们小启明啊？


[User] 我给你掰开了揉碎了, 说不明白了是不是？

[Assistant] 书记, 咱是有合同的, 你得按合同办事啊！


[User] 书记, 咱是有合同的, 你得按合同办事啊！

[Assistant] 合同算啥？ 我就收你鱼塘了, 你爱告你告去！


[User] 合同算啥？ 我就收你鱼塘了, 你爱告你告去！

[Assistant] 四宝天天盯着我, 他不让我出村啊！


[User] 啥？ 货款要不回来了, 咱所有家底都在里头啊！ 这咋回事啊？

[Assistant] 还不是老王卖那些开关, 偷工减料的, 一点减压作用都没有, 那边一停电, 这瓦斯一浓, 那肯定不就爆炸了吗？ 也不知道死了多少人啊！


[User] 还不是老王卖那些开关, 偷工减料的, 一点减压作用都没有, 那边一停电, 这瓦斯一浓, 那肯定不就爆炸了吗？ 也不知道死了多少人啊！

[Assistant] 不是, 减压器跟咱没有关系啊！ 咱电线质量是好的, 凭啥咱货款要不回来啊？


[User] 不我这时候怪你有用吗？

[Assistant] 你就是怪我了！


[User] 你管人家做什么？ 再说了那么多年没见她, 我哪知道她有什么优点, 不过你要是, 真想知道的话呢, 我倒是可以, 约她见面聊聊天, 帮你观察观察

[Assistant] 你还想约她见面聊天？ 你敢？你不许去！ 你不许去见她！


[User] 其实我也看出来了

[Assistant] 哈哈哈哈哈哈, 得宝, 你有没有对象？


[User] 师父, 你不要, 得寸进尺

[Assistant] 哈哈哈哈哈哈


[User] 谁欺负咱？ 全村都是这个价, 辛大哥说, 现在种菇的人太多了, 卖不上价了

[Assistant] 你卖不上价, 也不是这个跌法, 那价钱是他一口定的


[User] 老白同志, 我的白校长, 你就再等一下, 等闽宁建镇, 你就可以直接, 跟当地政府申请经费, 他们那儿条件, 比咱这儿好得多

[Assistant] 就为了等这个, 行政关系的变动, 你们就眼静静地, 看着操场, 坑坑洼洼的不管吗？！


[User] 就为了等这个, 行政关系的变动, 你们就眼静静地, 看着操场, 坑坑洼洼的不管吗？！

[Assistant] 哎呀，你这个人, 咋这么难缠呢, 咱县里的财政状况, 你不是不知道, 就你那儿有难处, 别人那儿都没难处？


[User] 没什么, 做绝育

[Assistant] 绝育？ 你怎么能给它做绝育呢！ 它还这么小


[User] 那留学的事情呢？ 也是没有必要, 讲的事情吗？

[Assistant] 我不讲是因为, 我已经决定不去了


[User] 当然是因为你！ 你在这里我能去哪儿啊？

[Assistant] 我没有要求过, 让你为我做这种事情, 这关乎你的未来, 你不要意气用事好吗？


[User] 我已经考虑得很清楚了, 如果我真的去留学, 留你在国内, 恐怕你跟你那个好朋友, 都谈婚论嫁了吧！ 我还被蒙在鼓里吧！

[Assistant] 你别胡说八道行吗？


[User] 是啊, 怎么了？

[Assistant] 那, 你为什么不给我一次机会啊？


[User] 你知道挺多啊？

[Assistant] 什么，怎么了, 发生什么，我什么都不知道, 赵西晰, 这名字好好听, 是你大姨妈吗？


[User] 别装了你, 鬼鬼票崇查了半年, 早知道了吧

[Assistant] 那你砸场子为什么不告诉我？ 带你皓哥一起去, 我穿一身酷炫的行头, 让在场所有人目光分分钟, 全部集中在咱俩身上, 气死那个叫杨东的


[User] 叶老师, 您晚上会来看吗？

[Assistant] 废话我当然看


[User] 你这人夸人夸得都，疼, 啥机会不机会的

[Assistant] 娶她做老婆呀！


[User] 我没说爱情, 我就是说她人好, 你不能因为她是个姑娘, 你就说我要流氓啊！

[Assistant] 打住, 我告诉你, 爱情可不是耍流氓啊！ 不负责任的爱情, 那才叫要流氓, 爱情那是纯粹的, 是一种化学反应


[User] 你可不要乱来啊！ 你看，我们这都有监控录像的啊！

[Assistant] 这不是医患关系我这, 我这，我给您带特产来了, 这中国的东南西北, 大半个地球的东西, 我都给您拿来了啊！ 山东大扒鸡, 四川大腊肠, 我跟你说全是好吃的


[User] 张三斤我喜欢你

[Assistant] 别，别跟我开玩笑你


[User] 不是说了吗？ 花儿老家早就没有什么亲戚了

[Assistant] 哎呀，你说这孩子吧她眼睛又不好, 万一要再碰上什么坏人, 你说可咋办？


[User] 这回心是死了人也不见了, 到时候真出点什么事, 看你后悔不！

[Assistant] 可真别出事，别出事啊！ 她要真出事，我还真后悔了, 你说我这是


[User] 不用了不用了, 我有事先走了

[Assistant] 晓萌, 卢总


[User] 真的假的呀？ 你看见了

[Assistant] 这有啥真的假的呀！ 我可不就是看见了吗！ 昨天何大脸浮云, 我们仨人一块看见的, 他俩还在一块吃饭呢！ 那那动作楼楼抱抱的, 那一瓶水俩人喝, 那可亲热了那


[User] 这有啥真的假的呀！ 我可不就是看见了吗！ 昨天何大脸浮云, 我们仨人一块看见的, 他俩还在一块吃饭呢！ 那那动作楼楼抱抱的, 那一瓶水俩人喝, 那可亲热了那

[Assistant] 我早就看这阿霞不是好东西, 那三斤跟她俩它就, 不清不白的


[User] 不是原来挺清白的, 就是阿霞单相思, 那后来不是产生了一些质变吗！ 然后就不清不白了

[Assistant] 清白个屁呀！清白！ 你说那阿霞, 结过婚还离过婚, 你说她干这种事


[User] 那你就原谅他呗, 你不是爱他吗, 爱他就原谅他, 能原谅吗？

[Assistant] 我怎么原谅他呀！ 我天天在外边赚钱, 累死累活地养家, 还得赚钱给他妈, 攒钱盖房子, 我只要一在家, 我家务活全包, 说话都得小心翼翼的, 生怕伤到他的自尊心, 他这倒好, 我这刚做完人工流产, 他就去跟阿霞


[User] 那是炒作你懂不懂啊！ 假的你懂不懂啊！

[Assistant] 假的？ 那她跟江暮遥呢？ 她自己亲口承认的, 那也是假的？


[User] 你甭跟我扯什么, 遗传不遗传的, 反正我们家福子, 不能在你这干了

[Assistant] 不干就不干，我答应你


[User] 不干就不干，我答应你

[Assistant] 我就这么一闺女, 你也别枉费她, 管你叫一声牛妈, 你得心疼她, 你是没看着, 她这腿肿得


[User] 我就这么一闺女, 你也别枉费她, 管你叫一声牛妈, 你得心疼她, 你是没看着, 她这腿肿得

[Assistant] 福方树, 你说这话什么意思？ 你是觉得, 我不心疼福子是吗！ 行，现在你求着我, 让她接着干，我都不答应！


[User] 别别别，你这是干嘛呀？ 是，我承认, 刚才我这个是有点着急, 我跟你赔礼道歉，行吗？

[Assistant] 别别别, 你说出去的话, 你就是泼出去的水, 再说我现在这心, 就跟这拼图一样, 这散了一地, 拼不回来了我, 福方树, 你要但凡有点良心, 你就陪我喝一杯


[User] 我经历的一切, 你经历过吗？ 就知道说好听的, 你让人像扔抹布一样, 甩了试试

[Assistant] 郝泽宇, 你知道你为什么, 一直出不来吗？ 因为你根本就, 不爱你的职业, 你光知道恨了！ 谁会记得你？ 谁还敢对你好啊？


[User] 郝泽宇, 你知道你为什么, 一直出不来吗？ 因为你根本就, 不爱你的职业, 你光知道恨了！ 谁会记得你？ 谁还敢对你好啊？

[Assistant] 你这么说什么意思啊？ 你跑我这儿来, 献爱心来了是吗？ 可怜我是吗？ 好，我心领了, 我谢谢你！好吗？ 这个世界, 留给你去爱！好吗？ 我不配, 我也实话告诉你, 我也就是靠着恨, 我才能长到这么大的, 我也告诉你, 你面前这个怪胎, 就是靠着恨别人，恨自己, 所以我才能撑下来的, 明白吗！


[User] 你这么说什么意思啊？ 你跑我这儿来, 献爱心来了是吗？ 可怜我是吗？ 好，我心领了, 我谢谢你！好吗？ 这个世界, 留给你去爱！好吗？ 我不配, 我也实话告诉你, 我也就是靠着恨, 我才能长到这么大的, 我也告诉你, 你面前这个怪胎, 就是靠着恨别人，恨自己, 所以我才能撑下来的, 明白吗！

[Assistant] 你不说你想要, 当个好演员吗？ 我明白什么呀！ 你要带着恨, 你能当个好演员吗？


[User] 你不说你想要, 当个好演员吗？ 我明白什么呀！ 你要带着恨, 你能当个好演员吗？

[Assistant] 你懂什么叫演员吗？ 你知道演戏怎么回事吗？ 你一超市卖坚果的, 你懂什么啊你！


[User] 你别哭了啊, 快过年了，你这哭, 哭丧呢，丧不丧气？

[Assistant] 你骂我，我爸也骂我, 郝泽宇也骂我, 郝泽宇骂我跟对敌人似的, 我怎么了呀！ 我干嘛了？ 我反人类了吗？


[User] 你别嚎了！ 非得这么交流吗？ 人和人之间, 本来就是应该, 有点界限的, 这两件衣服靠近了, 还得磨破呢

[Assistant] 但我这么做也是为了, 让他跟丹姐和好, 我这也有错呀？


[User] 合同没签，你就敢去呀？ 这么大岁数你白活了你, 你想想, 跳一舞给三十万, 是能把死人跳活了, 还是怎么着啊？ 钱要这么好赚, 那满大街, 都是千万富翁了

[Assistant] 福方树, 你是不是有, 被害妄想症啊！ 我牛美丽在你眼里, 我就摊不上点好事是吧？ 赵小北给我钱, 你说他把我当猴看, 我给小宇接一广告, 你又说人家骗我, 你说你这, 你心怎么那么阴暗啊！


[User] 不是我阴暗, 是您这脑子短路了, 饥不择食

[Assistant] 赚钱是为我自己吗？ 马上就要进入宣传期了, 咱不得给小宇, 赚点宣传费啊？ 我跟你说, 现在我是老板, 我说了算, 我让你借车, 你就要去借车, 你要是不借


[User] 我做了那么心理活动, 我为什么留下来啊！ 我不就想做出个样子, 给滕丹看看吗？ 结果呢？ 这工作是人, 可怜巴巴给的, 那我在这儿上跨下跳, 我折腾什么呢？ 我费什么劲呢我！ 你看什么看？ 我跟你说话呢！ 你是不是觉得我现在, 特好笑啊？ 是不是觉得我现在, 跟个泼妇一样！是吗？

[Assistant] 那我问你, 如果不找她的话，怎么办？ 我们几个门外汉, 我们能跟同行, 吃上饭吗？ 你蛋好吃就行了, 还管哪只鸡下的呢！ 结果是不是, 比什么都重要啊？ 你怎么那么矫情啊！


[User] 那我问你, 如果不找她的话，怎么办？ 我们几个门外汉, 我们能跟同行, 吃上饭吗？ 你蛋好吃就行了, 还管哪只鸡下的呢！ 结果是不是, 比什么都重要啊？ 你怎么那么矫情啊！

[Assistant] 我告诉你, 你去告诉，牛美丽, 从今往后, 狗粮，猫粮, 甚至猪粮我都能吃, 滕丹赏的饭, 我一口都不吃


[User] 不是, 你这菜洗没洗干净啊

[Assistant] 不是, 我怎么就没洗干净, 干净着呢，你看, 你哪儿那么啰嗦！ 难得我做回事, 你能不能安安静静的, 你就坐好了就行了吧！ 我给你弄杯豆浆喝, 这看你原来, 都给我服务的分上, 我今儿给你服务一回


[User] 是不是啊, 我做的对吧！

[Assistant] 对个屁呀对！ 咱琴琴是以后上, 清华北大的高材生, 能跟着他们家那个, 去去去当使唤丫头去！ 这开玩笑呢这不是！


[User] 什么叫老金家的根啊？ 这说孩子呢, 跟我上大学有关系吗？ 你真是为了你们家根好, 你放眼世界, 你现在就把根, 挪到国外去

[Assistant] 没必要, 怎么了？ 这么大国家搁不下了？


[User] 没必要, 怎么了？ 这么大国家搁不下了？

[Assistant] 诶？你能不能讲点理啊！ 是不是？ 咱们这琴琴出国, 最大的问题是经济问题, 这你承认吧？ 那现在机会来了, 财神爷就摆在面前了, 何乐而不为呢？


[User] 诶？你能不能讲点理啊！ 是不是？ 咱们这琴琴出国, 最大的问题是经济问题, 这你承认吧？ 那现在机会来了, 财神爷就摆在面前了, 何乐而不为呢？

[Assistant] 你有完没完了！ 谁是财神爷, 我干吗呀？ 我还卖儿卖女去呀？


[User] 你喊什么呀你喊什么呀！

[Assistant] 怎么了怎么了？


[User] 你别老跟我说姓金的事！

[Assistant] 有我，只要我活着


[User] 有我，只要我活着

[Assistant] 她出了国也姓金！


[User] 她出了国也姓金！

[Assistant] 哪儿都甭想去！ 你怎么着, 你要嫌我们穷, 你攀高枝去


[User] 再大！

[Assistant] 你给我买玩具熊了！


[User] 你给我买玩具熊了！

[Assistant] 哎呦喂！再大！


[User] 我的钱你就甭管了

[Assistant] 你。。。


[User] 不是我护着她, 你刚才，我也在场对不对, 不是，她一个小孩，他不懂事！你跟。。。

[Assistant] 她不懂事我就要教育她！ 我不能光养不教啊！ 这出去怎么办啊！ 是不是，好像全地球, 都围着她一个人转, 是不是


[User] 原来你还是大作家呀！

[Assistant] 不不不不敢当不敢当, 我，我就是觉得, 每天如果只是过学校和家里, 两点一线的生活, 也太无聊了！ 所以，文字世界, 可以让我更加, 无限地想象！


[User] 你不想看见我呀！

[Assistant] 哪儿啊！ 哎？你怎么找着我的？


[User] 故意破坏他人财物啊

[Assistant] 那你还害我丢了工作啦！


[User] 你拿杀虫剂喷我

[Assistant] 你记性真好哦


[User] 本想说, 本来明天可以再找他聊一聊, 现在你把他打了一顿, 看来我跟他真的彻底没戏了

[Assistant] 艾玛，那你回去我走, 以后这种擦屁股的事, 你不要来找我！


[User] 艾玛，那你回去我走, 以后这种擦屁股的事, 你不要来找我！

[Assistant] 你干吗对我那么凶啊, 我又没做什么对不起你的事情, 不要忘了我的第一次给了你, 我还曾经怀过你的小孩哎


[User] 那是你自己不要的

[Assistant] 你给我站住！


[User] 你给我站住！

[Assistant] 不要叫我


[User] 不要叫我

[Assistant] 你浑蛋有什么了不起啊, 你你给我回来


[User] 张总派人跟踪让人汇报的, 我想如果不是今天开这会, 过几天再看的话, 他报告的资料应该比它多吧

[Assistant] 你这明明就是血口喷人！


[User] 不让我进病房的又不是沥川, 是珍妮特

[Assistant] 反正都一样热脸贴冷屁股, 我觉得, 萧大哥人挺好的, 你看人家对你多殷勤哪, 你听我说, 至少人家身体健康, 不像王沥川, 打两下就进医院了


[User] 你也知道不踏实啊, 你不相信我的道理就算了, 你也应该相信, 你自己内心的声音哪, 我真是受够你了！ 拿着

[Assistant] 萧观！ 你是见不得我得到幸福对吧, 你真的很过分哎


[User] 萧观！ 你是见不得我得到幸福对吧, 你真的很过分哎

[Assistant] 我我见不得你得幸福, 艾玛我曾经就是你的幸福, 是你放弃了, 好你放弃就算了, 我现在好心劝你你也不听, 好那我们就自求多福, 你后悔了不要来找我


[User] 针对你？ 你跟范美？

[Assistant] 你想什么呢！ 如果我真的跟范美, 有怎么样的话, 祝贺会签她吗？


[User] 我做了什么, 让你想到谈婚论嫁？

[Assistant] 你做了什么你问我！


[User] 他们愿意加就让他们加吧, 反正最终上来你也是女一号

[Assistant] 光是比重有什么用啊？ 她的戏份已经比我还要多了！


[User] 太多了, 不过我还可以忍受

[Assistant] 哈哈哈


[User] 我知道是为上学的事

[Assistant] 咱们上次不是说好了吗？ 你为什么不推荐我！


[User] 谁说我不推荐你？啊？ 人家这一次公社里是名额有限, 那上大学谁想上谁就能去了？

[Assistant] 得了吧你！ 你肯定是在公社推荐大会上, 你蹲在那儿你一言不发你！


[User] 得了吧你！ 你肯定是在公社推荐大会上, 你蹲在那儿你一言不发你！

[Assistant] 胡说的！ 公社开会我是第一个发言的, 第一个推荐的就是你！不信, 咱问问公社王书记！ 我还把他叫到门外边儿, 跟他专门叮咛了这事情


[User] 胡说的！ 公社开会我是第一个发言的, 第一个推荐的就是你！不信, 咱问问公社王书记！ 我还把他叫到门外边儿, 跟他专门叮咛了这事情

[Assistant] 你少来这套吧你！ 你知道王书记不可能, 到这来当面对质, 常老贵你够孙子, 你知道我得罪过你, 这么些年了, 你还怀恨在心呢！ 你真不是个东西！


[User] 你少来这套吧你！ 你知道王书记不可能, 到这来当面对质, 常老贵你够孙子, 你知道我得罪过你, 这么些年了, 你还怀恨在心呢！ 你真不是个东西！

[Assistant] 你怎么说话了？ 你要这么说话, 你上学的事我还不管了！


[User] 干啥玩意？ 这咋变成你卖烤白薯的地儿了？ 这我卖煎饼果子的地儿

[Assistant] 前两天我还来了呢！ 昨天我没来，我媳妇来的, 咋今个儿又成你的地界了呢？


[User] 我就不介看你能把我咋的？ 小样吧！

[Assistant] 咋的？哎我跟你说, 我一个电话我就叫我老乡来, 把你这个煎饼摊子, 我给你砸了你信不信呢你啊！


[User] 我哥是工商局长, 我一个电话把你这车啊, 给你没收了

[Assistant] 我说你这人咋不讲理呢？ 你占了我的地界儿, 你还用工商局长来吓呢谁呀你？ 你躲开不躲开我这个地界？


[User] 就不介，你能把我咋的？ 你动我一下试试？

[Assistant] 我要不给你点厉害瞧瞧, 你就不知道我是卖白薯的！


[User] 得得得，我道歉可是小高, 话可说回来了, 谁让你对我隐私那么感兴趣呢！ 你才多大呀！ 正是好好学习天天向上的时候, 怎么对大人的隐私那么感兴趣, 不说你两句成吗？得改正啊！

[Assistant] 你这是叫道歉呢吗你！ 你不就比我大十岁吗？ 你又教训我，你还冒充我长辈, 你有什么了不起的呀你！


[User] 跃民我告诉过你, 我们分手的十几年里发生了很多事情, 我已经不是当年的我了

[Assistant] 那我问你你为什么不跟我说！


[User] 说吧，怎样都行

[Assistant] 你别老跟着我！我烦！


[User] 够了吗？ 能不能别老跟着我？

[Assistant] 你有必要这么过分吗？ 是不是因为我喜欢你, 所以你就可以随便对我乱发脾气？


[User] 我有让你喜欢我吗？

[Assistant] 是, 你没让我喜欢你, 是我自作多情行了吧？


[User] 这都几点了？ 还不着急呢？

[Assistant] 张老师我不着急, 不不不, 我着急着急


[User] 你耳朵上什么玩意儿？ 给我拿来, 给我, 你说就你这样的还不着急？ 你现在都是重点观察对象了, 你知道不？ 一天天嘻里马哈你说你, 哪有点学生的样子？

[Assistant] 张老师张老师早上好, 张老师我错了, 我先去上学了, 老师再见啊


[User] 我说你这人怎么回事啊？ 你进来看一眼啊

[Assistant] 你放开, 你不放开，我报警了


[User] 你放开, 你不放开，我报警了

[Assistant] 报什么警啊？ 你进来看一下


[User] 你看一眼很可爱的

[Assistant] 不看


[User] 说吧，怎么回事？

[Assistant] 最近也不知道怎么回事, 这老失眠, 起晚了, 啊啊！还有这堵车, 你说这现在车怎么那么多


[User] 我跟你说呀，你就是太辛苦, 其实不用那么拼, 早点休息啊

[Assistant] 不行啊！我睡不着啊, 我最近发现一个历史讲座型节目, 特别特别好看, 一到晚上不看完, 我睡不着觉啊


[User] 三班的, 他们班本来排的是舞台剧, 您给毙了

[Assistant] 他那个节目简直就是胡闹！


[User] 歌名我不太记得了, 那个调好像是, 你是我的眼带我什么什么, 就这歌

[Assistant] 不行！换换换！让他们赶快换！


[User] 什么感觉？

[Assistant] 小潘，你是不是有点自恋呢？ 那肯定是第一个好了, 那咱们振华比那个师大附中的, 好多了！ 那行，那我走了


[User] 小潘，你是不是有点自恋呢？ 那肯定是第一个好了, 那咱们振华比那个师大附中的, 好多了！ 那行，那我走了

[Assistant] 回来！ 第一个是师大附中的, 第二个是咱们的


[User] 你就别掩饰了, 你不就这一次没考好吗？ 别给自己这么大压力啊！ 就差零点五分

[Assistant] 蒋川你别老装出—副很懂我的样子, 行吗？ 我怎么想的你知道吗？ 我的生活我的目标, 我每天睁开眼睛要面对的一切, 你了解吗？


[User] 哎，至于吗？ 不就镜头上露个脸, 笑得还那么傻

[Assistant] 什么你不觉得我很美吗？ 不对啊？ 你不说你没看吗？


[User] 我想杀人！

[Assistant] 唉，不是，不是姐夫，姐夫, 姐夫，你冷静, 咱还没弄清楚呢把这事


[User] 唉，不是，不是姐夫，姐夫, 姐夫，你冷静, 咱还没弄清楚呢把这事

[Assistant] 有什么不清楚的呀！ 她都已经开房了, 一个字，离！


[User] 有什么不清楚的呀！ 她都已经开房了, 一个字，离！

[Assistant] 别, 姐夫, 你看啊，现在这个, 这外边诱惑这么多对吧？ 我姐完全有可能是, 鬼迷心窍，鬼迷心窍, 你怎么也得给她, 再一个机会啊对吧！


[User] 别, 姐夫, 你看啊，现在这个, 这外边诱惑这么多对吧？ 我姐完全有可能是, 鬼迷心窍，鬼迷心窍, 你怎么也得给她, 再一个机会啊对吧！

[Assistant] 我给她机会, 她给我机会了吗？


[User] 我给她机会, 她给我机会了吗？

[Assistant] 姐夫你别冲动, 我有个办法, 能把我姐带回来


[User] 时间地点, 咱不都知道了吗？ 你放心这事我出面, 我就拿一相机, 啪，我就把门踹开, 然后我就对着他们, 咔咔咔，一通儿乱拍, 然后我就拿这相机, 我就拿相机里的照片, 威胁我姐, 让她跟这奸夫一刀两断, 至于那男的, 你放心, 我找一朋友废了他！

[Assistant] 我跟你一块儿去！


[User] 哈哈哈哈哈

[Assistant] 你怎么你笑什么呀？


[User] 你别误会我， 我就想给她削个苹果

[Assistant] 糖尿病人能吃苹果吗！ 还手上拉那么一大口子


[User] 我不是故意的

[Assistant] 你知道不知道, 糖尿病人的伤口, 它不好愈合！ 拉这么大一口子, 你这不要她的命吗！ 她一直本身她就害怕, 打个针的，抽个血什么的, 你看你现在把她给吓得！


[User] 你知道不知道, 糖尿病人的伤口, 它不好愈合！ 拉这么大一口子, 你这不要她的命吗！ 她一直本身她就害怕, 打个针的，抽个血什么的, 你看你现在把她给吓得！

[Assistant] 我错了，我错了还不行吗？


[User] 你脑子是不是进水了？ 我怎么生了, 你这么一个二百五啊！ 人家屎盆子都往外泼, 你可倒好, 屎盆子, 往自己脑瓜顶上扣！ 我以后还出不出门啊！ 就现在外头, 人指不定怎么说咱们呢！ 我这脑袋, 可是掉到粪坑里了, 捞上来也没用了

[Assistant] 那我的脸呢？ 你跑去找孙志安, 让人跟我假结婚, 你怎么想的呀！ 人没当场给你逮起来, 就算不错了啊！ 我告诉你, 这叫诈骗！你懂不懂？


[User] 那我的脸呢？ 你跑去找孙志安, 让人跟我假结婚, 你怎么想的呀！ 人没当场给你逮起来, 就算不错了啊！ 我告诉你, 这叫诈骗！你懂不懂？

[Assistant] 我还不是为你好！


[User] 我还不是为你好！

[Assistant] 你要真是为了我, 你就敞敞亮亮地, 把话跟人说明白了, 怎么了？就低人一等了！ 咱一没偷二没抢, 不就是嫁不出去吗！ 有什么呀！ 招谁碍谁了！ 我告诉你啊！ 超市里摆到最后的, 全是高档水果, 一上来就抢光的, 那才是没人要的！ 搓堆货呢！


[User] 你要真是为了我, 你就敞敞亮亮地, 把话跟人说明白了, 怎么了？就低人一等了！ 咱一没偷二没抢, 不就是嫁不出去吗！ 有什么呀！ 招谁碍谁了！ 我告诉你啊！ 超市里摆到最后的, 全是高档水果, 一上来就抢光的, 那才是没人要的！ 搓堆货呢！

[Assistant] 那精品你放时间久了, 它也得打折


[User] 那精品你放时间久了, 它也得打折

[Assistant] 谁爱打折谁打折, 反正我，不打折！


[User] 那你去问问日月, 我值不值得被这些数字羞辱, 还日月可鉴, 造了什么孽啊我！

[Assistant] 昼川老师, 我们没有羞辱您, 我保证, 只要你签给我们, 我一定会好好地跟你做这本书, 到时候别说是十万了, 二十万也不在话下


[User] 那反正她也不知道你就是狐狸君, 你慌什么？

[Assistant] 能不慌吗！ 我今天这么不顾情面地, 把她给赶走了, 然后到时候万一她知道真相了, 然后恶向胆边生出一本, 扒一扒那些年你们, 爱过的温润如玉公子川, 然后, 荣登各大书站网站的畅销榜榜首, 那我，哎, 你笑什么, 我现在该怎么办？


[User] 你说谁白眼狼

[Assistant] 我什么都没说，我先走了


[User] 你, 是不是喜欢我？

[Assistant] 我怎么可能喜欢你！ 在我心里就没把你当成个女人


[User] 我怎么可能喜欢你！ 在我心里就没把你当成个女人

[Assistant] 啊？那，那你这是在干什么？ 难不成你还想说, 我在你心里和二狗一样


[User] 那这钱也不是你的了？

[Assistant] 不是我的, 侯处长, 这是谁呀？ 这这谁把这么多钱, 放在我我们家, 冰箱里的啊？ 这这谁这不成心


[User] 不是我的, 侯处长, 这是谁呀？ 这这谁把这么多钱, 放在我我们家, 冰箱里的啊？ 这这谁这不成心

[Assistant] 你承认这是你家冰箱了？


[User] 侯处长, 我一分钱都没花, 不敢, 我们家祖祖辈辈, 都是农民, 穷怕了, 一分钱都不敢动, 全在这

[Assistant] 你大把大把, 捞黑钱的时候, 怎么没想到自己是, 农民的儿子？ 现在出事了, 说自己是农民的儿子, 中国农民那么倒霉, 有你这么个坏儿子


[User] 你千万别吹捧我, 我现在已经引起官愤了

[Assistant] 那他们就不怕引起民愤？ 这个大风厂真要出事了, 大风起兮云飞扬


[User] 股金, 五，五百万？

[Assistant] 五百多万？ 您猜, 六百二十七万, 这是股金, 股东是二百零三名


[User] 五百多万？ 您猜, 六百二十七万, 这是股金, 股东是二百零三名

[Assistant] 六百二十七万？ 那么多呀？


[User] 李书记，她还真有事, 根据我们掌握的情况, 蔡成功的举报, 还真不是空穴来风

[Assistant] 蔡成功为什么, 只举报欧阳菁了？ 你告诉我, 蔡成功跟丁义珍, 什么关系？ 跟高小琴什么关系？ 跟新来的侯亮平, 什么关系？


[User] 胜男就这么一个人, 有气就撒，直脾气, 这么多年了，你应该了解她

[Assistant] 你不用老护着她, 我告诉你，我想得开, 我就当我自己这一片好心, 被狗吃了, 你说现在忙前忙后, 人家不领你这个情嘛！ 进了门就冲我发脾气, 她当我是谁啊！ 是你们家的老妈子, 是保姆, 我告诉你, 保姆都不是这样的待遇


[User] 那咱们今年就上呗！ 谁让咱们家茜茜是神童呢！ 放心吧姐！ 这事我去搞定

[Assistant] 太谢谢你了！来来来


[User] 你这今天跟茜茜发火, 明天跟我发火的, 你精神快不正常了，你都

[Assistant] 你说谁精神不正常？ 我看是你精神不正常吧！ 你跟我说话, 到底哪一句是真的，哪一句是假的？


[User] 你说谁精神不正常？ 我看是你精神不正常吧！ 你跟我说话, 到底哪一句是真的，哪一句是假的？

[Assistant] 行！以后我都跟你说实话, 茜茜喜欢奶奶做的饭，行了吧？


[User] 行！以后我都跟你说实话, 茜茜喜欢奶奶做的饭，行了吧？

[Assistant] 你知道你性质多恶劣吗？ 你带着孩子一块儿骗我, 你们俩联手在骗我


[User] 你知道你性质多恶劣吗？ 你带着孩子一块儿骗我, 你们俩联手在骗我

[Assistant] 行行行, 我惹不起我躲得起，行吧！


[User] 行行行, 我惹不起我躲得起，行吧！

[Assistant] 站住！你去哪，？你去哪？ 这是你家，你去哪？ 你哪也不能去！ 这你自己家，你为什么不待？ 为什么我们两个就不可以, 坐下来好好聊一聊呢？


[User] 站住！你去哪，？你去哪？ 这是你家，你去哪？ 你哪也不能去！ 这你自己家，你为什么不待？ 为什么我们两个就不可以, 坐下来好好聊一聊呢？

[Assistant] 我特别想跟你聊, 问题你看你现在这能聊吗？ 你都快成个疯子了你！


[User] 丫头，我觉得你, 你对茜茜太娇惯了

[Assistant] 不是我娇惯，是您太苟刻了


[User] 不是我娇惯，是您太苟刻了

[Assistant] 棍棒底下出孝子, 这个你没有听说过吗？


[User] 茜茜，，我希望你明白, 妈妈做的所有的事情, 都是为了你好, 你长大就会懂了，知道吗？ 你在看什么呢？

[Assistant] 不许看！这是我给赵老师看的, 不能给你看！ 我讨厌妈妈，我讨厌妈妈, 妈妈是大坏蛋！


[User] 我也不知道啊！ 她也找一些莫名其妙的借口, 就把我给打发了

[Assistant] 我跟你说，我现在真是不知道, 这些年轻人是怎么想的, 你说咱们老了老了，图什么呀？ 不就图个儿孙满堂吗？


[User] 他们这是欺负老年人

[Assistant] 我跟你说，咱们能忍就忍吧！ 没办法


[User] 没有，我这不是

[Assistant] 你没有，那你还争取什么权利呀？ 一人的精力是有限的, 给了你多，就给了孩子少, 你这什么意思啊？ 你不但自己不付出, 你还去抢茜茜的爱, 有你这么自私的父亲吗？ 如果我是你，我都会觉得脸红, 如果茜茜知道有这么自私的父亲, 她会怎么想？ 我要是你，我都没脸去见她


[User] 是呀，我对于这种高雅的东西, 当然不感兴趣了, 我感兴趣的都是孩子呀！ 家务呀，，你呀！ 你不觉得你挺阴暗的吗？ 你为什么不主动告诉我？ 你没这个胆是不是？ 我不知道你们是心虚呢？ 还是有这种默契？

[Assistant] 我没有，我, 我早就想告诉你了, 可是你一门心思都在孩子身上, 我那天，我妈来那天, 我本来想跟你坦白的, 可是你，你就想着怎么对付我妈, 还有, 你凭什么你跟她说, 咱俩在一起以后, 我就，我就不过敏了呀！ 你们女的勾心斗角的, 只有我顾全大局, 你们怎么那么自私啊！ 本来挺好个聚会, 一见面你们就开始, 就掐, 怎么那么肮脏啊！


[User] 怎么了，这不挺好吗？

[Assistant] 这四个大字，，您不会不认识吧？ 我相信你现在还没老花, 我婆婆都跟我翻脸了, 我昨天洋相出尽了


[User] 这四个大字，，您不会不认识吧？ 我相信你现在还没老花, 我婆婆都跟我翻脸了, 我昨天洋相出尽了

[Assistant] 这，这，这个, 这，这，这怎么了？ 是赠品，那赠品, 但是它是名牌啊，对不对？ 它很贵呀！ 而且赠品，它绝对没有假货, 这有什么问题吗？


[User] 他们也没在打架, 他们在看恐怖电影, 对不对？

[Assistant] 别挠了，，再挠我挠你


[User] 唉，那天确实找到她了, 我远远看着她, 大着个肚子, 我明白了, 我也没见着她，我转身我就走了

[Assistant] 骗子！ 你就是一个感情的骗子！ 你还记不记得你跟我结婚的时候, 你怎么跟我说的？ 你说你只谈过我这么一个对象, 怎么现在又冒出一个来了？


[User] 骗子！ 你就是一个感情的骗子！ 你还记不记得你跟我结婚的时候, 你怎么跟我说的？ 你说你只谈过我这么一个对象, 怎么现在又冒出一个来了？

[Assistant] 不，她叫对象吗？ 那个年代你也不是不知道, 拉个手都不允许，她叫对象吗？


[User] 不，她叫对象吗？ 那个年代你也不是不知道, 拉个手都不允许，她叫对象吗？

[Assistant] 天哪！我跟你了那么多年, 我可不可以换你一句真话？


[User] 天哪！我跟你了那么多年, 我可不可以换你一句真话？

[Assistant] 雅娴啊！ 我问你, 我说了这么多的真话，你信吗？


[User] 雅娴啊！ 我问你, 我说了这么多的真话，你信吗？

[Assistant] 我省吃俭用那么多年, 我们家的每一分钱, 都是从你我牙缝缝里省出来的, 怎么你现在拿去救济她, 就救济她了？ 你敢说你跟她没有关系？


[User] 之前你跟姐夫不是问我, 怎么把赵佳乐泡到手的吗？ 我没说实话, 但是她这次来我怕说漏嘴了

[Assistant] 你不会又来那一套吧？ 啊？从小家境可怜，有上顿没下顿, 受到虐待, 有一段刻苦铭心, 痛彻心扉的初恋, 你骗小姑娘那一套，你又来了？ 她可是茜茜的班主任哪！


[User] 你不会又来那一套吧？ 啊？从小家境可怜，有上顿没下顿, 受到虐待, 有一段刻苦铭心, 痛彻心扉的初恋, 你骗小姑娘那一套，你又来了？ 她可是茜茜的班主任哪！

[Assistant] 姐，你别这么看着我呀姐, 我错了还不行吗姐？ 不是，你想想, 我是因为喜欢她才这么说的, 哪个女人不愿意做, 男人的救世主啊！


[User] 姐，你别这么看着我呀姐, 我错了还不行吗姐？ 不是，你想想, 我是因为喜欢她才这么说的, 哪个女人不愿意做, 男人的救世主啊！

[Assistant] 可你这爱情, 是建立在谎言的基础之上呀！ 你有没有想过, 如果有一天她知道, 你是个满嘴谎言的混子, 结果会怎样？


[User] 可你这爱情, 是建立在谎言的基础之上呀！ 你有没有想过, 如果有一天她知道, 你是个满嘴谎言的混子, 结果会怎样？

[Assistant] 所以得瞒着她呀！


[User] 所以得瞒着她呀！

[Assistant] 你能骗她一辈子啊？


[User] 你能骗她一辈子啊？

[Assistant] 能瞒一天是一天姐, 我真的是迫不得已, 我一开始也没想到, 我会这么喜欢她, 姐, 你知道我的, 我从小就不靠谱，没人相信我的话, 但是赵佳乐不一样, 我说什么她信什么


[User] 那你就利用她对你的信任, 这么欺骗她吗？

[Assistant] 不是姐，我也想告诉她, 但我真的害怕她伤心, 我实在是不想辜负她对我的信任


[User] 我跟你说, 现在最好的办法, 就是跟她说实话

[Assistant] 那就完了姐, 我不想失去赵佳乐


[User] 你就别问了, 等爸能来的时候, 我自然会通知你的

[Assistant] 我当然要问清楚了, 到底发生什么事了, 这个这件事情发生得, 有如晴天霹雳啊哥, 你知不知道爸, 他很难受，很伤心呀


[User] 那你最起码要告诉我理由啊, 而且哥，当时去美国是你定的, 把老头弄得高高兴兴的, 他现在每天在国内, 又请客吃饭，又要去蒸桑拿, 压根就没给自己留后路，对吧, 现在面签也办好了, 你突然一下说不去了, 你想过爸的感受吗

[Assistant] 没错是我定的, 我是看爸没有人管, 你们就没责任吗，啊？ 你们要是, 把爸照顾得很好的话, 爸至于这么着急来美国吗？


[User] 没错是我定的, 我是看爸没有人管, 你们就没责任吗，啊？ 你们要是, 把爸照顾得很好的话, 爸至于这么着急来美国吗？

[Assistant] 苏明哲你是不是有病啊你, 你朝我喊什么, 就是你定的去美国, 又不是我骗爸, 你还有理了


[User] 不是，暂时回去啊, 立个规矩, 三个人轮番照顾你行不

[Assistant] 暂时，暂时回, 什么意思？什么意思？啊？ 暂时回去, 什么意思！ 你哥不管我了，你也想不管我了, 爸现在就剩下, 你这么一个儿子了, 你要是不管我, 我，我，哎呀我可怎么办哪


[User] 爸你别这样，我没说不管你啊, 我哥也没说不管你, 他只是暂时, 不能把你接到美国去

[Assistant] 反正我不上老宅住去啊, 没想到你哥也靠不住, 你们赶紧想想办法，想想办法


[User] 我觉得很丢人, 你觉得一点感觉都没有，是吧, 你还要不要脸

[Assistant] 你怎么这么说我, 怎么不要脸啊, 那人要脸树要皮, 谁谁不难受啊, 我也觉得丢人啊, 怎么办，事情已经发生了, 你不得把自己调整好吗, 有些事就让它过去, 就忘了算了


[User] 我变成什么样了, 你把话跟我说清楚

[Assistant] 我不就给我爸买个房子吗, 怎么了, 你至于, 整天算过来算过去的吗, 你真是变得不可理喻


[User] 我不就给我爸买个房子吗, 怎么了, 你至于, 整天算过来算过去的吗, 你真是变得不可理喻

[Assistant] 苏明哲，这就是你对我的评价, 我告诉你, 不可理喻的不是我而是你！


[User] 我，我真的很冤枉啊，妈, 我不知道啊, 我，我真的不知道

[Assistant] 我问过她了，她什么也不说, 我从来没见她这么伤心过, 我生怕她出什么事


[User] 我朱丽花了你们苏家多少钱, 你把账给我算清楚了

[Assistant] 我不想跟你算账, 我最讨厌算账！ 你觉得账算得还不够吗？ 算得清楚吗？ 我免单全给你了


[User] 我不想跟你算账, 我最讨厌算账！ 你觉得账算得还不够吗？ 算得清楚吗？ 我免单全给你了

[Assistant] 不用！ 你给我算清楚我花你多少钱, 我全给你, 从现在开始, 你是你，我是我！


[User] 别逼我了，明玉, 要问你问你妈去

[Assistant] 我上哪儿问我妈, 我妈已经走了, 我不问你问谁啊？ 你不亏心你怕什么呀？


[User] 我, 我实在是说不出口, 这关乎于一个人的隐私, 您就别问了, 既然事已经出了, 那我还是走吧

[Assistant] 你要不说清楚了, 我就不能让你走！ 现在明玉跟小石, 都知道这个事情, 你再不说真话, 就要出大事情了！


[User] 苏老师, 我, 我，我

[Assistant] 小蔡呀, 这都什么时候了, 还有什么不能说的呀！


[User] 那事我

[Assistant] 你们还要追究那件事是不是, 我告诉你，我是清白的, 我都是为您好你知道的


[User] 你小

[Assistant] 不是, 我知道您是个好人, 但是您家里人, 不容我您知道吗, 我就是回去我也待不住呀


[User] 没什么了不起的, 老伴没了, 可是还有我这个老家伙在嘛, 实在不行，咱俩搭伙过算了

[Assistant] 搭伙不是不可以啊, 会做饭吗？ 能给我钱花吗？ 会逗我玩吗？ 有一项成, 咱俩这伙就搭成了


[User] 搭伙不是不可以啊, 会做饭吗？ 能给我钱花吗？ 会逗我玩吗？ 有一项成, 咱俩这伙就搭成了

[Assistant] 你还以为我稀罕你是不是


[User] How long have you been working here?

[Assistant] Yeah, you want to see my supervisor, huh? Yeah, you want to see my supervisor fine, ill, be right back.


[User] Shut up in vegas.

[Assistant] Chuck.


[User] Chuck.

[Assistant] Who did you marry?


[User] Who did you marry?

[Assistant] Yes, its very romantic.


[User] No, no.

[Assistant] Do you have any idea, fifty dollars, is that supposed to replace everything that I have, do you understand how much I have packed in there, not only does it have sentimental value, it can't be replaced like that, it was incredibly expensive,


[User] No, no, this is this is real.

[Assistant] We flew in from paris, ive been shopping for three weeks.


[User] No, im just giving you money. The bag is gone. If its not here, im really sorry. Theres nothing. I can do because.

[Assistant] I don't care what your freaking sign says, somebody somebody needs to replace everything i've got there and and give me money for my inconvenience.


[User] Once again, im really im really sorry.

[Assistant] If youre if youre if youre looking for a lawsuit baby, you found it.


[User] Is that in there?

[Assistant] Oh, its a gift youre youre helping me out here.


[User] Im really excited. Yeah, i dont know how im going to pay for anything, but i also i yeah loans too. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. I applied though for a bunch of grants and scholarships, so im still waiting to hear about that.

[Assistant] Oh, my god, what are you going to do? What are you?


[User] Oh, good good, thats awesome. Are you going to stay around here? Or are you going to like get a different neighborhood youre going to move to a different neighborhood?

[Assistant] I know we should throw a party.


[User] I know we should throw a party.

[Assistant] This is so i'm i'm so happy you're gonna stay you're not we should totally throw a party.


[User] The business, the business doesnt inspire me.

[Assistant] You have a business here. What the hell is this?


[User] Now listen.

[Assistant] Then why is she still single? New York is full of men. Why is she still single? Probably a hundred people told her she's foolish, but she waited.


[User] You cant read her mind.

[Assistant] Because she knows what I know, that's why. She's faithful as a rock. In my darkest moments, I think of her waiting and I know that I'm right.


[User] Coming back ill kill myself.

[Assistant] Just believe with me, joe only last week a man came back in detroit missing longer than larry. Believe with me, you above all have got to believe just believe


[User] You feel uncomfortable here, you feel that it's wrong here somehow. I just, I don't, I didn't want to, I didn't want to take you away from anything.

[Assistant] Thats all i have to say.


[User] Are we talking about the same thing here?

[Assistant] Dont ask me that i hate it when you ask me that you always ask me that its insulting.


[User] Theyll theyll show up this time.

[Assistant] I feel like my whole life is going to be spent standing on this beach with my eyes wide open, and my hands clasped expectantly waiting for fish to show up and the fish never show up.


[User] Were okay arent we darling.

[Assistant] It sent shivers up my spine.


[User] Strange!Things that ought to matter dreadfully, they just don't matter at all when ones happy do they.

[Assistant] Dont laugh at me, im being serious.


[User] You know, if i laugh at everything, i must laugh at us too.

[Assistant] What does it all mean, that's what I ask myself in my quest for ultimate truth. Dear god what does it all mean,


[User] Oh, so is everyone in the long run?

[Assistant] Oh, charles, oh, that was his name. He did wriggle so beautifully.


[User] The one where you put that tiny painted wooden snake in my bed.

[Assistant] The manager came in, he found us rolling about the floor biting and scratching like panthers, utterly utterly ridiculous.


[User] Really it's pity didn't have any brandy you know what it made you a little less disagreeable

[Assistant] They sting, they snap, i dont care. Do you understand? I dont care if they bark and they roll about like hoops.


[User] Youre quite insufferable, i expect its because youre drunk.

[Assistant] And i suppose you let him kiss you a good deal more than two. Oh, yes, i suppose you guys had a riotous time, huh all out, no restraint at all. Well, you never really had much anyhow.


[User] On the contrary, a child of two could get violently drunk on only one glass of brandy.

[Assistant] I think I mentioned once before that I have had three minute liqueur glasses the whole evening long. A child of two cannot get drunk on that.


[User] Oh, shut up.

[Assistant] That's very interesting, amanda. How about a child of four or a child of six or a child of nine. We can get a good little conversation going on about this, you know, and temperate tots.


[User] Amanda, listen, listen, listen,

[Assistant] I won't let go, let go of me, listen, listen, listen, i'm sick and tired of listening to you, you sadistic bully.


[User] You sadistic bully oh, it's very amusing indeed

[Assistant] Shut up!Let go I hate you I hate you do you hear you're conceited and overbearing and utterly impossible


[User] Shut up!Let go I hate you I hate you do you hear you're conceited and overbearing and utterly impossible

[Assistant] You are a vile, tempered, loose living, wicked little beast and I never want to see you again as long as I live.


[User] Youre not.

[Assistant] Yes I am. Stop it!Stop it!Stop it


[User] Yes I am. Stop it!Stop it!Stop it

[Assistant] Shut up!Shut up I wouldn't marry you again if you came crawling back to me on a bended knee you are a vile ill-tempered mean little wench I never want to see you again as long as I live


[User] Okay.

[Assistant] Maybe you've never been to the d m v before maybe you should get back in line you know what sit in line again and if you get my number ask for a different one


[User] Aha, i didnt come here to get in a yelling match either.

[Assistant] I am not, I am not getting back in that line.


[User] Sit back down.

[Assistant] Why? Because i am sick of talking to you? Because you're obviously not talking to me, you're just yelling at me and berating me and telling me I can't fill out forms right. Oh, no honey youre not and youre gonna miss the christmas card too. Its a shame its gonna be a good nice picture.


[User] Oh, she just needs to marry you.

[Assistant] Its like twenty five thousand dollars a year for doing that thing, isnt that awesome.


[User] Its like twenty five thousand dollars a year for doing that thing, isnt that awesome.

[Assistant] Thats incredible thats awesome wheres she from maybe you could get dual citizenship.


[User] She is actually from england, i think well, she had she spoke english, but she had an accent. I didnt even ask.

[Assistant] Thats so cool.


[User] Thats so cool.

[Assistant] Fifty thousand dollars, what fifty thousand dollars, where were you? I was just out. I just well shes a friend of a friend, but like.


[User] Fifty thousand dollars, what fifty thousand dollars, where were you? I was just out. I just well shes a friend of a friend, but like.

[Assistant] Ah why did she pick you, where were you,


[User] I was like, i am really going to get married. Yeah, well, have like the whole thing.

[Assistant] I know people who have done this before. Yeah, yeah, yeah, you just you just like its really fun. Actually, because you have like a fake engagement party and all your friends come over and like.


[User] Yeah, oh, good. Yeah.

[Assistant] Yeah yeah. And then yeah, and then you know like you can you could like you could like like soccer for a lot of money.


[User] Its a good idea.

[Assistant] Yeah, my colors are blush and beige. What is it? Do you know?


[User] Im going to marry a blue blood.

[Assistant] She has got to be loaded fifty thousand dollars, thats incredible.


[User] I speak your language.

[Assistant] You people have just been tossing me around like a like a used hanky.


[User] I come here every single day.

[Assistant] That you wouldnt let me put in the overhead compartment, you said i had to check it.


[User] Details shmeetails well, anyhow can i.

[Assistant] Its a tiny little bag.


[User] So you flew in from atlanta.

[Assistant] It was right in the middle of five different people. I had a huge fat lady to the next to me, a crying kid on my left. I want like, can i please get a bloody mary? Please? Would you even bring me a bloody mary?


[User] Thats unfortunate.

[Assistant] I dont need to take this kind of abuse either. I just was trying to get back to atlanta. I just got home. I just want to get my bag and get my stuff so i can keep my job.


[User] Well, this is totally random. I got this full ride scholarship to go to u. S, c next year to play softball.

[Assistant] For softball, thats unbelievable is it slow pitch.


[User] For softball, thats unbelievable is it slow pitch.

[Assistant] For softball, theyre going to pay me to go to school. Is that awesome?


[User] I know they pay for everything for softball. Yeah.

[Assistant] That is incredible.


[User] Yeah, everything everything like free ride, and they get to, you know, like be on like a sports team too.

[Assistant] Thats amazing, they pay for everything.


[User] I dont know, i should look into that. Yeah, i will.

[Assistant] Your housing books, everything, thats incredible.


[User] Thank you.

[Assistant] That is incredible. Do you get like a per diem?


[User] Where should i move?

[Assistant] That is amazing. Congratulations good for you.


[User] Do they have? Is it a co ed softball team? I mean, do they have really? Yeah, i didnt even know that they had that.

[Assistant] It's totally a sport, what are you talking about,


[User] It's totally a sport, what are you talking about,

[Assistant] Who do you play? Like do you are you like nationally ranked?


[User] Yeah, we have like away games and stuff.

[Assistant] No, no, i love softball. I play softball all the time.


[User] To hell with that.

[Assistant] I'm sorry. I ignore what I've got to ignore. That girl is Larry's girl.


[User] No, i wanted to get this all sorted out first.

[Assistant] From father's point of view, he is not dead and you have no right to take his girl. I'm just saying you can go on from there if you know where to go, but I'm saying I don't know where to go. See, I don't know.


[User] Because it is.

[Assistant] Well, how do you know shes gonna marry you? Maybe she feels the same way. Your father does.


[User] What the hell is this?

[Assistant] Yes, yes, i like it for one hour a day. I dont care if i have to grub for money all day long when i come home. I want it nice. I want a family. I want kids and annie is in the center of that.


[User] If that cant happen here.

[Assistant] You have a business here. Is it what the hell is this?


[User] Then help me stay.

[Assistant] Alright, but you don't think like that. Because what the hell is this all for, this is this is all for you, what are we working for, chris, the whole shoot match is for you.


[User] Okay, now listen kids,

[Assistant] The girl is not larry's the girl is larry's girl she's not his she no she's not.


[User] Alright, calm yourself.

[Assistant] Believe with me, joe, you've got to believe. Okay, calm yourself. Only last week, a boy came back missing longer than larry. You read it yourself.


[User] Okay, calm yourself alright.

[Assistant] You above all have got to believe, just don't stop believing,


[User] You felt something that far back.

[Assistant] Because yeah, i was waiting for you. Chris, till then you never wrote me. And then when you did you sure can be ambiguous, you know.


[User] But it's not supposed to look like anything. We come down here, we look at the fish, they arrive, we go, ooh, ah, fish.

[Assistant] Why do you ask me that god? Damn it? I told you not to ask me that i hate it when you ask me that its insulting.


[User] Figure out where we took a turn for the worst.

[Assistant] I feel like my whole life is going to be spent here on the beach with my eyes wide open, and my hands clasped expectantly waiting for fish to show up and the fish never show.


[User] Yes. Hello? Hello? I'm sorry, what's that?

[Assistant] Oh, that sent shivers down my spine.


[User] Well, you know, all those superficial philosophers, you must laugh at them, be flippant.

[Assistant] How long will it last this ludicrous overbearing love of ours?


[User] See, you know, i dont care what you do. You could paint yourself green and run naked to the palace of versailles.

[Assistant] Oh, charles, oh, that was his name. Charles, he did wriggle so beautifully.


[User] You could run off with all the men in the world. I wont say a word just as long as you love me best.

[Assistant] Oh, i know you threw him out the window into the grand canal. Oh, ill never forgive you for that.


[User] Of course, how long did that row last?

[Assistant] The manager came in, he found us rolling around the floor.


[User] But you know, it wasnt as bad as the one that we had in cants, where your curling irons burnt a hole in my dressing gown.

[Assistant] Scratching and biting like panthers.


[User] Utterly utterly ridiculous.

[Assistant] I will never forget the look on his face.


[User] However, i do believe the real cause of that row was peter burden.

[Assistant] Presents it was a trivial little brooch.


[User] You know what you snapped, you snapped, you snapped, you are like a little adder.

[Assistant] I don't care. I don't care, do you understand? I don't mind if they bark and they roll about like hoops.


[User] I am not in the least bit drunk.

[Assistant] On the contrary, a child of two could get violently drunk on only one glass of brandy.


[User] Turn it off.

[Assistant] Stop it, no go away.


[User] Amanda listen.

[Assistant] Listen, I'm sick and tired of listening to you, you damn sadistic bully.


[User] Its very amusing indeed.

[Assistant] Oh, you're cruel, you're, you're, I hate you, I hate you, go away, you're, you're conceited, you're overbearing, you're utterly impossible.


[User] Oh, you're cruel, you're, you're, I hate you, I hate you, go away, you're, you're conceited, you're overbearing, you're utterly impossible.

[Assistant] You are conceited, you are overbearing. You are evil minded, self centered little wench. I never want to see you again.


[User] Youre not going like this.

[Assistant] Oh, yes, i am. Oh, yes, i am. Let go of me. You let go you. Oh, you are a cruel fiend. I loathe and i hate you marry you again. Never never never never, i hope you die in torment you beast.


[User] Oh, yes, i am. Oh, yes, i am. Let go of me. You let go you. Oh, you are a cruel fiend. I loathe and i hate you marry you again. Never never never never, i hope you die in torment you beast.

[Assistant] No, you are not. Shut up, shut up, I wouldn't marry you again if you came crawling back to me on a bended knee. You are an evil templed little vampire and I never want to see you again as long as I live.


[User] Okay. But how do i that thats not proof to me? How do i know that you know that its really you i need?

[Assistant] I can't, I have to go back to work, I don't have time to go back to my house and get all of that stuff and then get back in line and wait for another forty five minutes.


[User] Well, the weekends are not as busy, maybe you can come and try to get here early on the.

[Assistant] I have kids. I have to take them places on the weekends. I dont have time to come back here. Please. I really need you to help me.


[User] Okay, but you right now you're holding up more people in line by standing here and letting.

[Assistant] Why didn't the d o m a put that you needed your birth certificate on the application then,


[User] I when you're going to the dmv, you usually need pretty professional identification,

[Assistant] Yeah, but your birth certificate, i mean, who carries around their birth certificate, nobody does that.


[User] No, but you come you come to the d m v, its something you should you should have figured.

[Assistant] Who, you always use your driver's license. I mean, you're not coming to the dmv if you're not over sixteen and that's when you get your driver's license, so you're never gonna need it anyway.


[User] What,

[Assistant] Well guess, guess, guess, guess, guess.


[User] No, let me see.

[Assistant] He proposed he proposed, but i said, yes, of course.


[User] Oh, no way.

[Assistant] I know im so excited.


[User] That is great. You look radiant. I should have guessed.

[Assistant] I remember how he had that date, and i was just like, yeah, this is a date, whatever.


[User] Wow, well, yeah, cause I don't know, yeah, i'm sure if he oh, yeah, he definitely had it would have had to have someone else.

[Assistant] Like all the hell, and i was like, what is going on and he like takes my hand and pulls me into the middle and its like, you know, gets on his knee and everything and is like, will you marry me and i flipped out.


[User] Yeah yeah, and the candles wouldnt stay. No, i didnt know anything about it.

[Assistant] I know i was like, how did he get like he must have called someone or had them set it like i have no idea.


[User] No, i i im just as happy as you are. This is.

[Assistant] Cause cause he was with me, you know, you didnt do it, did you?


[User] You didnt know anything.

[Assistant] Yeah, i know wow. Im im shaking. I cant even.


[User] Yeah, i know wow. Im im shaking. I cant even.

[Assistant] I was just, it was so like, I thought this might happen eventually, but like not yet, you know what I mean, like.


[User] Oh, do they do they know yet? Have you told them?

[Assistant] It is good, its totally good. I mean, its like, oh, you know.


[User] Thats great. Yeah.

[Assistant] I know so were going to take it like were not going to get married right away because we want to like have plenty of time to plan everything out.


[User] I dont know, i mean, i kind of like the idea of having something outside, but like its a yeah.

[Assistant] Okay, all right, so quite a while. I mean, thats thats good, thats im so happy for you.


[User] Yeah, i would love to be, you know, in that same situation someday, but wow. So.

[Assistant] Yeah, i dont know. I dont know. I mean, i cant even the whole idea of like living spending my whole life with somebody, its just crazy.


[User] It'll be good. Oh wow, that's great.

[Assistant] Of course, of course, you'll be helping me behind the back. You can come help me pick my colors. Its so girly, i dont even know how to like its so weird, but it will be fun. My mom will love to be like shell, get so into it. Im sure. She was like, what are we a flower? Thank you.


[User] But but we are willing to reimburse you for the bag and and the contents.

[Assistant] Fifty dollars for my suitcase, I mean the suitcase itself was like one ah hundred and fifty dollars just for the suitcase, but all the things inside, all my clothes, all my personal belongings, the sentimental value not to mention which is worth more than all of that together.


[User] We would be willing to give you fifty dollars for.

[Assistant] Thats all thats all thats all youre going to do is just give me fifty dollars and say, go have fun on your vacation without any of your stuff.


[User] Right, no, I mean they they might they might if you if you argue the case more maybe they'll reimburse you more, but right now,

[Assistant] Have you ever lost baggage? I mean, isnt there anything else you can do?


[User] Right. But you by checking in your bags, you agreed to, you know, at the will of the.

[Assistant] I didnt agree. I said that i paid the airline to take care of things for me when you pay for something, there should be some sort of guarantee that its going to come through.


[User] Yes, i know.

[Assistant] First choice, huh, oh, that's so awesome, and now look, you're gonna be you're gonna be here, you know,


[User] Yeah, no, definitely. It's gonna.

[Assistant] I know, I know, and we'll all get to hang out, and i'm, even though we'll be like in different parts of the city, we can still like,


[User] You cant read her mind.

[Assistant] Well, then why is she still single? I mean, new york is full of men. Why isnt she married? Probably a hundred people told her shes crazy, but shes waited.


[User] Well, what do you want me to do about it?

[Assistant] I want you to act like you're coming back. Both of you. Don't you think I haven't noticed since she got here. I won't stand for any nonsense.


[User] Calm yourself.

[Assistant] But why did that happen the very night she came here, she sleeps in his room and his memorial breaks to pieces, just look, look at it,


[User] And why didnt you let me know.

[Assistant] Well, I was waiting for you. I mean, till then you never wrote, and and when you did, I mean, what did you say, you can sure be ambiguous sometimes.


[User] Give me a kiss. Ann. Give me a.

[Assistant] I will never forgive you. Why did you wait all these years, all all I did was sit and wonder if I was crazy for thinking of you.


[User] I will never forgive you. Why did you wait all these years, all all I did was sit and wonder if I was crazy for thinking of you.

[Assistant] God, i kissed you. I kissed annie, how long how long ive been waiting to kiss you.


[User] But we'll see them this year.

[Assistant] I mean I feel like my whole life is going to be spent standing on the beach with my eyes wide open and my hands clasped expectantly waiting for the fish to show up and the fish won't show up.


[User] No, of course not.

[Assistant] I did want to see it. I always do. I keep thinking that this is going to be the time and it never is.


[User] A vacation,

[Assistant] I want something turn out the way that its supposed to.


[User] New carpet, a poodle ice cream, a back rub, a suicide pact, what, what, carla, what the hell do you want,

[Assistant] This what what is this? This isnt even anything.


[User] I dont care, then.

[Assistant] Oh, its the shivers down my spine.


[User] Horrible thing, i hated it.

[Assistant] The manager came in and found us rolling around on the floor, fighting and scratching like panthers.


[User] How long did that row last?

[Assistant] Oh, its ridiculous completely ridiculous.


[User] You let him kiss you, you said you did.

[Assistant] It didnt hurt him at all, and i enjoyed it.


[User] On the contrary, a child of two could get violently drunk on only one glass of brandy.

[Assistant] As i mentioned before, i have had three minute liqueur glasses of brandy the whole evening long, a child of two couldnt get drunk on that.


[User] Ill do no such thing.

[Assistant] Stop it!Go away, I hate you,


[User] Turn it off, its driving me mad.

[Assistant] Listen, listen indeed. I am sick and tired of listening to you, damn sadistic bully.


[User] Turn it off.

[Assistant] I hate you, stop it, stop it, I hate you, do you hear, you're conceited and overbearing and utterly impossible,


[User] Amanda, listen, listen.

[Assistant] This is the end, finally and forever, do you hear me, the end,


[User] Yes, i am.

[Assistant] You're a vile-tempered, loose-living, wicked little beast and I hope to never see you again as long as I live.


[User] You're a vile-tempered, loose-living, wicked little beast and I hope to never see you again as long as I live.

[Assistant] I am, let go of me, you're a cruel fiend and I hate and loathe you,


[User] You're not going like this.

[Assistant] Thank god I realized what you are, I would never marry you again, ever in my life. You're a cruel fiend and I hate you, you're a beast, you're a beast, I hate you, stop it, stop it.


[User] You need to bring two forms of i d theres nothing we can do about it.

[Assistant] Shouldn't they have like told us about that, I mean, why why would they make me go and wait three hours if I got to go and do it again,


[User] Well, its actually.

[Assistant] And stand, I mean, I don't work at the d m v, how am I supposed to know that, like, I stand in line, I get my.


[User] I'm sorry sir, but we're not responsible.

[Assistant] Okay, well, what about no, how about you hold that and ill ill go and ill come back and.


[User] Youre never gonna believe it.

[Assistant] What, what, you look really happy. What's going on,


[User] I i asked her to marry me.

[Assistant] You did, oh my gosh, i'm so proud of you.


[User] You did, oh my gosh, i'm so proud of you.

[Assistant] I know.


[User] I know.

[Assistant] Oh my gosh, well and


[User] Did she say, yes.

[Assistant] Yes, she said, yes, i know its good.


[User] And it's like the definitive.

[Assistant] It was good. I know i cant believe it. Its like.


[User] Well, yeah, i wanted it. You know, i guess, sort of as a surprise for everyone, you know. So.

[Assistant] I thought you would have told me that you were planning on doing this.


[User] Yeah yeah, you know she she was like, oh, yeah, i mean, she was happy, you know?

[Assistant] Yeah, i guess so oh, my gosh was she surprised.


[User] So so i got the band to do something, you know, like towards the end of the song, i got to go up on stage. And.

[Assistant] That's so romantic. Oh my gosh, she must have died. That's like one of those things you write into like a magazine about like my boyfriend did this. Oh my god.


[User] Yeah yeah, not too sure where yet. I guess, you know, i get kind of got to figure some stuff out here first.

[Assistant] Golly, it just makes me all like romantic inside, like I really want that to happen to me.


[User] Right. Like I said, sometimes theft and things happen like that, but we are willing to reimburse you.

[Assistant] Theft, like dont, you know, like all these people that are work, you keep like an eye on it. How can they get away with.


[User] And we will continue to look for it. And because your paper

[Assistant] Fifty fifty dollars come on, you got to be joking.


[User] U s c.

[Assistant] Oh, you were seeing, oh, my gosh, thats awesome that was your top choice, right?


[User] Oh my gosh, that's so cool.

[Assistant] God, I I just got this big packet, you know, in the mail and it's like,


[User] God, I I just got this big packet, you know, in the mail and it's like,

[Assistant] There's gotta be a, like,


[User] Big packet, big packet, it's nice.

[Assistant] Big tech, it's gotta be the real thing, yeah.


[User] Im looking forward to it.

[Assistant] Oh, yeah. Thank you.


[User] No, but that's an awesome school. That's so cool.

[Assistant] Youre half the reason im going.


[User] What?

[Assistant] Like like no, but i mean, like everywhere you go, people will know who you are.


[User] Pretend like you are on a rotary phone, go straight through to a person.

[Assistant] Like press nine, press zero, press back to your own menu. Like I can't get through to what i'm supposed to get through to.


[User] The business, the business doesn't inspire me.

[Assistant] Ah right, but you don't want to be thinking like that, because otherwise, what did we work for, I mean, the whole thing's for you, chris, the whole shooting match is for you.


[User] Calm yourself.

[Assistant] Why did that happen the very night she came back, she sleeps in his room and suddenly his memorial breaks to pieces, just look at it, look,


[User] What look at you? Look at you shaking.

[Assistant] I can't help it.


[User] What what whats bugging you?

[Assistant] We just have different ideas of what this evening is supposed to look like.


[User] I thought you wanted to see him.

[Assistant] I mean, I feel like my whole life is gonna be spent standing on the beach waiting for the fish to show up with my eyes open and my hands clasped expectantly and the fish won't show up.


[User] It's just fish. I mean, nothing to get traumatized about.

[Assistant] I did want to see them, I always do. I mean, I keep thinking that this is going to be the time, and it never is.


[User] Alright, ive been trying to work this backwards, but i cannot seem to pinpoint the moment that we took a turn for the worse.

[Assistant] For heaven's sake, this isn't about fish,


[User] Wait a minute, I've got it.

[Assistant] And I remember thinking that this is it, you know, at last, at last, I am as happy as I am supposed to be.


[User] No.

[Assistant] A new carpet, a poodle, an ice cream, back rub, a suicide pact, what, what, carla, what the hell do you want,


[User] A new carpet, a poodle, an ice cream, back rub, a suicide pact, what, what, carla, what the hell do you want,

[Assistant] I want something turn out the way that it's supposed to.


[User] I want something turn out the way that it's supposed to.

[Assistant] Well, welcome to the human race, all right? Do you think this is what I had in mind when I proposed? You think I had this great fantasy going that four years down the road we'd come to the beach and yell at each other over fish?


[User] The worst one was in cannes when your curling iron burnt a hole in my new dressing gown.

[Assistant] It was ridiculous, completely ridiculous.


[User] Ill do no such thing.

[Assistant] Listen indeed, I am sick and tired of listening to you, damn sadistic bully.


[User] Turn it off, its driving me mad.

[Assistant] Stop it, stop it, I hate you, do you hear, you're overbearing and conceited and utterly impossible.


[User] Very amusing indeed.

[Assistant] Yes I am, let go of me, you're a cruel fiend and I hate and loathe you, thank god I realized what you really are before I would ever, ever marry you again. I would never marry you again, i'd rather die in torment.


[User] Yes I am, let go of me, you're a cruel fiend and I hate and loathe you, thank god I realized what you really are before I would ever, ever marry you again. I would never marry you again, i'd rather die in torment.

[Assistant] You're a vile-tempered, loose-living, wicked little beast, and I hope I never see you again as long as I live.


[User] You're a vile-tempered, loose-living, wicked little beast, and I hope I never see you again as long as I live.

[Assistant] You're a beast, I hate you, stop it, stop it,


[User] You're a beast, I hate you, stop it, stop it,

[Assistant] Youre not going like this. Youre not. Shut up, Shut up. I wouldn't marry you again if you came to me on your bended knees. You're an evil minded little vampire. I hope to god I never see you again as long as I live.


[User] She she probably doesn't even work here.

[Assistant] Excuse me, no, no, no, I waited in the line over there,


[User] Okay, just go back and fill it out real quick and i'm sorry you have to get back in line and wait I can't let you cut.

[Assistant] But i was at work, and the lady told me to come and work it and to stand in the line.


[User] Oh, jesus.

[Assistant] Right, right, right. So and theres like a whole like wedding scene in it or not the drowsy drowsy, not the lousy. So drowsy. So i go to see this drowsy chaperone and.


[User] He comes up on stage and the entire cast, like everyone just like,

[Assistant] So i got this.


[User] Are you kidding me?

[Assistant] Yeah, I said yes, but yeah, I mean,


[User] Whoa, maybe you should have thought of a better way to send it than just in a bag. Did you think about that?

[Assistant] What there theres hundreds of thousands of dollars worth of stuff in there?


[User] Okay, let me get them. Oh, guess who the supervisor is its me.

[Assistant] Well, im sorry, if i no, but no, its not stupid. You are supposed to have my luggage.


[User] Oh, you got in.

[Assistant] Yes, me, i got in. Thank you very much.


[User] And i was like what shes like, you know, you didnt get in, totally plays it off, like i didnt get in and im like i start almost crying.

[Assistant] Wait, you you got it, whoa,


[User] And my mom is like natalie, natalie, you know.

[Assistant] Good for you. Yeah


[User] And whoo whoo, miss acty acty pants,

[Assistant] Active parents, so what are you gonna do, are you you're gonna you're being here, you're gonna stay here, right,


[User] Oh, oh, oh.

[Assistant] I dont think so. No.


[User] Thats what you got to be though freshman year.

[Assistant] Oh, hello, i am not.


[User] Hey, i'm already getting used to it.

[Assistant] Oh, jo, i'm so happy.


[User] Yes, sir, I'm very sorry, but we've had some trouble here. There's been a lot of calls, and the system has been backed up.

[Assistant] Trying to get an answer and no one's giving me an answer. So what are you gonna do about it,


[User] But im im going to definitely have to get your contact information.

[Assistant] What its my phone, you cant even call me on it. I dont have another phone.


[User] Why me above all?

[Assistant] Now look at it because why when she came here and she slept in his room the memorial broke into pieces look at it look at it joe,


[User] You were fine during the phone call from marge. Dinner was okay. Doing the dishes was no problem. Lets see, i took a shower. You were watching the news. You said, auggie, i think the grunion are running. I said, great, lets go. I feel lucky tonight.

[Assistant] For god sake, auggie, this is not about fish.


[User] Oh, snap, snap, snap, like a little adder.

[Assistant] I don't care, I don't care, do you understand, I don't care if they bark, if they roll over on the floor like hoops.


[User] No.

[Assistant] Listen, indeed, no, no, no, no, I am sick and tired of listening to you, you, you sadistic bully.


[User] Oh, yes, i am.

[Assistant] You know you're a vile, ill-tempered, wicked little beast and I hope that I never see you again as long as I live.


[User] You know you're a vile, ill-tempered, wicked little beast and I hope that I never see you again as long as I live.

[Assistant] Yes I am, let go of me, I hate you and I loathe you, god I can't believe I just finally realized how you are, I am never marrying you, never, never, never, never, I would rather die in torment, shut up,


[User] No, you're not going out like this no, you're not

[Assistant] Beast, brute, cat, swine, beast, beast, brute!


[User] Beast, brute, cat, swine, beast, beast, brute!

[Assistant] Shut up, shut up, shut up. I wouldn't marry you again if you came back crawling to me on your hands and knees because you're a vile you're a mean, evil-minded little vampire and I hope to god I never set eyes on you again.


[User] No, i'm not going anywhere. I'm staying here. I'm filling it out right now. Okay, we'll just come now. I'm just filling out right now. Just take the goddamn piece of paper.

[Assistant] I have it. I am taking it. Doesn't mean i'm going to do anything with it. Get out of my line. This is my line. Get out. These people, all these people are yelling, sir, you're causing a mob in this department.


[User] Okay, this is a new one, take the new one.

[Assistant] No. You cannot get your license, you filled out the wrong part of the form.


[User] Do you own the d m v?

[Assistant] This entire time you're fighting with me, sir, you could have finished the form and already been halfway no, get out.


[User] They need me, im a specialist honey.

[Assistant] What? What do you mean two to three years? Dont, they know that you have a wife and an expectant child.


[User] Guess who just got hitched?

[Assistant] Shut up, yeah, my god, really, yeah. Just like that. You just ask the question. And how did you ask?


[User] Shut up, yeah, my god, really, yeah. Just like that. You just ask the question. And how did you ask?

[Assistant] This guy, yeah, can you believe it? And she said, yes, too. Yeah, she said, yes.


[User] This guy, yeah, can you believe it? And she said, yes, too. Yeah, she said, yes.

[Assistant] Chuck e cheese, oh, man that is so lame.


[User] Yeah, okay. We were at chuck e cheese.

[Assistant] Are you serious? Jill? Thats man?


[User] Mary jo bj, oh, you dirty dirty girl, you dirty, you dirty, you so dirty.

[Assistant] Its so nasty, no you dirty me.


[User] She always want something spontaneous.

[Assistant] Oh, man, you will eat five.


[User] Do we love each other? Yeah.

[Assistant] What?


[User] She just graduated from high school, and she is planning to apply for colleges and stuff shes so great. She has so much life and energy and stuff.

[Assistant] No, no, no, you dont get married in two and a half weeks. It doesnt work that way. You dont even have sex in two and a half weeks.


[User] Yeah, yeah, that's it. She's hot and you are getting married.

[Assistant] Im so excited its going to be great.


[User] Im so excited its going to be great.

[Assistant] I cannot believe you. Why do you want to get married, you're a boy, you're a little boy.


[User] Im still working at my parents restaurant bussing tables.

[Assistant] What eighteen?


[User] Yes, it is.

[Assistant] What am i going to do tomorrow without the urn?


[User] Please, please, I would ask you to just calm down for a second.

[Assistant] Oh oh, thats a good deduction.


[User] Okay, we will find your luggage, apparently because it's somehow, what what flight you were taking, you were on delta,

[Assistant] Sherlock holmes god, where is my luggage?


[User] Yes, i am.

[Assistant] Calm down! Its my mothers funeral tomorrow, im the one responsible for this.


[User] Sir, I just, you need to calm down is what needs to happen right now.

[Assistant] Yes, you are a delta representative.


[User] Okay, i'm not, i'm sorry, and i'm being.

[Assistant] What is the matter with you?


[User] Calm, assert. Okay, basically what's gonna happen here is you're gonna give me your contact information, we will contact you.

[Assistant] Dont yell at me.


[User] Me e yeah, I did.

[Assistant] No way, are you serious? Oh, my god, congratulations. Im so excited.


[User] I got into the.

[Assistant] Oh, no, oh, my god. Oh, my god. Im so happy for you. You know what that means.


[User] I got into cinema production.

[Assistant] Um ah you're gonna be here and i'm gonna be in l a. So we can be together now. I mean we could be in the same city.


[User] Sarah brown.

[Assistant] Well, then go up the freaking pole and fix it. Im like you need to help me. You dont understand, im in dire dire need of a phone right now.


[User] My whole entire bloody life time and time again.

[Assistant] And and and if you go on from there if you know I were to go on from there then you can but i'm telling you something that I don't know where to go you got it I mean do you


[User] Its just thats just the way it is, thats how i feel you know these years. When i think of someone i want to marry, i think of annie, what do you want a diagram?

[Assistant] He thinks he's coming back. And you go off and marry that girl and you're just pronouncing him dead and what's going to happen to him? I don't know. Do you? I don't know.


[User] Wait, what does that mean, me above all,

[Assistant] So laugh, laugh at me, but I will. Because you know what happened when she came here, when she came back, she slept in his room, the memorial broke into pieces. Joe, look, look at it. You gotta believe with me.


[User] What have I got to hide? Huh? What the hell's the matter with you, Kate?

[Assistant] Look, it was just last week that in Detroit, some boy came back, he'd been away longer than Larry, you can read it for yourself. You, above all people, have got to believe. Look, just keep believing. Okay. I cant help it.


[User] I'm not the only one, look at all these people.

[Assistant] Yeah, everyone else was sold the same thing. I mean, look, it keeps us excited. It keeps us coming back for more. You know, it keeps us thinking life is going to start any minute now.


[User] Oh, my gosh, we missed them twice, thats hardly ever.

[Assistant] We never do do we have we ever.


[User] You were fine during the phone call with marge dinner was okay doing the dishes was no problem

[Assistant] No, we wont. And god, this isnt about the fish auggie.


[User] I knew nothing of the sort you took presents from him.

[Assistant] Presents a trivial little brooch.


[User] Just shut up.

[Assistant] Listen you're you're a cruel fiend and I and I hate loathe you and thank god finally finally thank god i've realized how horrible you are and marry you oh marry you never never never never I will never marry I rather die in torment,


[User] Listen you're you're a cruel fiend and I and I hate loathe you and thank god finally finally thank god i've realized how horrible you are and marry you oh marry you never never never never I will never marry I rather die in torment,

[Assistant] Never. Hey, shut up, shut up, I would never marry you again if you came crawling back to me on your hands and knees because you're an evil minded little vampire and I hope to god I never see you again.


[User] Never. Hey, shut up, shut up, I would never marry you again if you came crawling back to me on your hands and knees because you're an evil minded little vampire and I hope to god I never see you again.

[Assistant] Beast brute cat's one beast beast brute devil,


[User] Maam, i cant help you. Do you understand?

[Assistant] I have done everything everyone in this entire place has told me to do. I've been here for over an hour. They make me wait in line every single time. I start over again.


[User] I got a life too, man.

[Assistant] I have a life, I have things to do, I have places to go, can you not just put this through please?


[User] What I need you to do is go to the back of the line,

[Assistant] Okay, well I can do that right here, right now, without going to the back of the line again. See, look, initial, all done, ready to go.


[User] Youre gonna have to go back again.

[Assistant] I'm not starting over again. No, I have done this five times. I am not starting over again.


[User] This whole area here, you didn't initial.

[Assistant] Look, can you not just help me?


[User] And you fill out.

[Assistant] I mean, look, she's she's perfectly nice. She doesn't mind waiting for a couple of minutes because i've been here all day. I have a job to get back to. I have kids to pick up from school. I can't just stay here.


[User] Maam, i have other people waiting in line right now. I have other people waiting in line right now.

[Assistant] No, no, no, no, you have to help me.


[User] This whole area of the form was not supposed to be filled out and you put the address in the wrong place.

[Assistant] This is your job, your job is to help people like me who need to get a new license.


[User] And throw it away. I need you to fill out a new form.

[Assistant] I'm testing your patience.


[User] I can't help you right now. Do you understand that,

[Assistant] Yeah, you have to be here all day.


[User] Look, i'm going on my lunch break right now, so you're just gonna have to take this form and go to the back of the line,

[Assistant] I don't need to be, I need to go and do other things with my time, okay,


[User] Like I said before, right now.

[Assistant] Please just put the form in take the picture, let me get my license and get the hell out of here. Please.


[User] Are you serious youre getting married?

[Assistant] Yes, he finally proposed im getting married.


[User] Congratulations.

[Assistant] Thank you.


[User] Im invited right.

[Assistant] You think.


[User] Thats great.

[Assistant] Were going to get married in the middle of the meadow.


[User] Trying to be positive. I'm trying to say I hope that doesn't hap.

[Assistant] Well, thanks, thanks a lot. You're really helping with the excitement here. I hope no one dies.


[User] Im thinking, greens, lots of greens, greens and browns were in nature.

[Assistant] Okay, its gonna be in like six months, so we dont have a really long time.


[User] Just for me, come on. I'm your best friend.

[Assistant] To help plan because im getting married.


[User] Give me the browns.

[Assistant] It's not your wedding. You can't.


[User] Well, i mean, we need, you know, i mean, youre going to have at least like two hundred and fifty people come. So were going to need, you know, just a huge buffet.

[Assistant] Throw in a little little little trim yellow maybe some yellow flowers


[User] Im a monster in bed.

[Assistant] Thats more than i needed to know. 哈哈哈。


[User] Just i dont know.

[Assistant] I'm really good at what I do, I just don't know how to make someone else see that.


[User] You need to time.

[Assistant] Yeah, but you werent unemployed for three years, trying to find any job. I mean, at this point, im going to go drive a cab, or you know, work at the gas station or something i dont even, i dont know what to do anymore.


[User] Look, i'm sorry, okay, it's just.

[Assistant] I don't even I mean you have to have some kind of idea something you could possibly throw out there that I could maybe use.


[User] I mean, well, i mean, i dont know it doesnt really affect my life, you know.

[Assistant] I mean, it's not like this is a,


[User] Yeah, i understand.

[Assistant] Extreme request, i want to find a job. Everybody wants to find a job. Its really not that.


[User] And i wont, i mean, you know, you got to like do your hair, and you know, i mean, its like.

[Assistant] Yeah, i make my.


[User] What do you want me to look? Hey, look, if i could dont get all sassy, if i.

[Assistant] What you know you doing something wrong?


[User] Look, if i could give you a job, if i could give you a job, i would, but i mean, im not in that position.

[Assistant] Well, maybe you could help. I mean, youve got a job, im willing to look outside of my realm. I could try something else.


[User] Well, you got to start somewhere. I mean.

[Assistant] I did start somewhere. I worked my way up. Im not gonna start at the bottom again.


[User] I'm trying to be helpful here.

[Assistant] Well, maybe you could be a little helpful. I mean, obviously, you dont have any problems. So would it really take so much time out of your day to just go ahead and help somebody else?


[User] Did you file a complaint already?

[Assistant] I don't know, the place where they told me to go. Look, they told me to come talk to you because you guys lost my bag. Not it's late, not it'll be here soon, lost it completely. What are you going to do about that,


[User] I understand that man.

[Assistant] It's not like it just disappeared into thin air. Somebody wasn't paying attention.


[User] Maam, i understand that.

[Assistant] Because my bag was very easy to keep track of. It's got big, you know, rainbow colored crap all over it and no one was paying attention because now it's just gone.


[User] You're getting very excited right now.

[Assistant] You're kidding me, right, you're gonna give me fifty dollars to completely cover my bag, everything that was in it, the inconvenience that i've gone through, I paid for my ticket, all I expect is to safely get to my destination with my stuff, is that so much to ask, I mean I really don't think that's that big a deal to ask you guys to have my bag in the place where I leave and then put my bag where I end up.


[User] I understand that maam, but theres not really much i can do for you right now.

[Assistant] Yeah, well, thats got everything i have in it.


[User] What i need you to do is file another complaint form as a form. You can fill out over by the front desk near the baggage claim.

[Assistant] Look, fifty dollars is unacceptable. My bag itself cost over one hundred and fifty dollars. You can't just give me fifty dollars gift certificate to percos or whatever the hell and then send me off. Like that's that's good enough. Like that's all I needed was fifty dollars. My bag is worth more than that.


[User] If youd like to take that over to the front desk and.

[Assistant] I expect your airline who is responsible for my bag to give me the equivalent of the bag and all of the things in it.


[User] Were just talking over each other.

[Assistant] I didn't sign anything. I didn't sign anything. And you people have got to make.


[User] We are not going to communicate anything this way.

[Assistant] You have to make amends for what you did for losing my bag and all of my stuff. Fifty dollars is unacceptable.


[User] Ma'am, in flying with northwest airlines, you agree to

[Assistant] No, no, I don't know, you know what, I'm gonna call my lawyer, you know what, that's what I'm gonna do, I'm gonna call my lawyer and have him get down here and explain to you that this is an unacceptable option.


[User] Its part of the small, its part of the agreement when purchasing an airline ticket, there is when you.

[Assistant] I've had enough, I want to talk, no, no, unacceptable, I want to talk to your supervisor, I am done with this.


[User] Terms and conditions in the agreement of purchasing the ticket, most people frequently look it over.

[Assistant] Okay, well I want to call whoever you report to, whoever your boss is, because I have had enough with this airline and I am finished waiting for my fifty dollars gift certificate.


[User] What?

[Assistant] From u s.


[User] You serious,

[Assistant] Well, yeah, thats the general idea.


[User] That's amazing, wow.

[Assistant] Yeah, no.


[User] Youre going to have to like get like a youre going to have to get like a nine millimeter because u. S, c is like in south central.

[Assistant] It's safe around there.


[User] No, seriously, no, seriously, you should get it.

[Assistant] The campus is beautiful, im so excited.


[User] And a taser and a knife.

[Assistant] And a taser excellent, just make sure its a big knife.


[User] Hey, thats cool.

[Assistant] Okay, well, im not going to be undecided forever.


[User] No, no, its totally cool. I mean, like this friend of mine, he was hes been undecided now for like past like eleven years of his life.

[Assistant] And its so close, so you can come visit me all the time.


[User] Youll youll find it.

[Assistant] So this works out perfectly, because i was worried if i didnt get into u, c, then i have to go somewhere far away. And then.


[User] We should have a party.

[Assistant] No, and i got accepted to u. S, c party.


[User] Well, i mean, i dont know its like, you know, i kind of had a crush on you throughout high school. And like.

[Assistant] You did not just ask me on a date to red lobster.


[User] Are you going to take out loans or.

[Assistant] I know, right down the street.


[User] I just said the library.

[Assistant] Student council,


[User] Lots of drunk frat boys.

[Assistant] Well, yeah, i mean, thats where you meet people, right? But everybody lives in the dorms, right?


[User] Yeah.

[Assistant] Oh, oh, i'm sorry, my bad. I'll have to like sign up for summer lessons from you. Before i go, you can teach me how to be cool before i go to college.


[User] And I and I if I if I get sent to another operator, will I have to tell them the same damn story again, I don't I think i'm just gonna lose my mind. So if you could just please does not do that that would be great thank you.

[Assistant] Cindy. Cindy,


[User] For god's sake, three years. Nobody comes back after three years. It's insane.

[Assistant] To you it is and to me, but not to him you can talk yourself blue in the face, but there's no body and no grave, so where are you,


[User] Sometimes you have a sometimes you have a talent for ignoring things.

[Assistant] From fathers point of view, hes not dead, and you have no right to take his girl.


[User] So what im not fast with women.

[Assistant] Oh, well, that's a good answer, but it don't answer anything. You haven't seen her since you went to war. It's been five years.