THE VOICE OF THE CUT

title: Director Doom's Megaphone

wielder: Director Doom

lore_whisper: We do it again until it is legendary.

text: THE VOICE OF THE CUT (Director Doom's Megaphone). Wielder: Director Doom. A battered chrome skull-shaped megaphone with clapperboard teeth along the bell rim, glowing cyan fracture lines across the metal casing, twin analog dials on the handle, dented from frantic production shoots. Origin: Forged from the first director's clapperboard shattered on a cursed midnight set. Power: Amplifies voice commands into binding set directions that force actors, lighting, and physics to obey the director's call. Weakness: Cannot whisper or apologize; battery overheats when repeating take commands consecutively. Lore: "We do it again until it is legendary.". Full artifact and weapon card: 3D showcase hero render, material and angle insets, annotated stat blocks, 1:1 square.


THE RIBBON LASSO

title: Captain VHS's Magnetic Whip

wielder: Captain VHS

lore_whisper: Be kind and rewind before it snaps.

text: THE RIBBON LASSO (Captain VHS's Magnetic Whip). Wielder: Captain VHS. A coiled lasso of shimmering 1/2-inch brown-black magnetic videotape, glowing with faint phosphor tracking lines, braided into a heavy whip with an RCA gold-plated connector handle. Origin: Unspooled from the sacred master tape of an unreleased 1980s direct-to-video blockbuster. Power: Entangles targets and replays their most embarrassing past memories across glowing phantom scanlines. Weakness: Loses structural integrity near strong magnetic fields and begins to unbraid under extreme heat. Lore: "Be kind and rewind before it snaps.". Full artifact and weapon card: 3D showcase hero render, material and angle insets, annotated stat blocks, 1:1 square.


THE PIXEL VEIL

title: Madame Glitch's Glitched Stole

wielder: Madame Glitch

text: THE PIXEL VEIL (Madame Glitch's Glitched Stole). Wielder: Madame Glitch. A vintage 1940s evening stole woven from datamoshed pixels, shifting between soft faux-fur texture and neon-cyan compression artifacts, emitting faint scanline static smoke. Origin: Scraped from an uncompressed digital broadcast signal corrupted during a solar storm. Power: Drapes the wearer in perceptual camouflage, rendering them as a glitching silhouette immune to tracking and targeting. Weakness: Emits an unmistakable dial-up modem chime whenever it phases through physical walls. Lore: "Do not adjust your television set darling.". Full artifact and weapon card: 3D showcase hero render, material and angle insets, annotated stat blocks, 1:1 square.


THE BUTTER STAFF

title: Popcorn Puppeteer's Scepter

wielder: Popcorn Puppeteer

text: THE BUTTER STAFF (Popcorn Puppeteer's Scepter). Wielder: Popcorn Puppeteer. A polished brass confectionery cane topped with an ornate glass orb filled with liquid golden butter and dancing popped kernels, adorned with velvet carnival ribbons. Origin: Crafted from the brass concession counter rail of a haunted 1920s vaudeville cinema. Power: Sprays slick streams of boiling theater-grade butter and summons autonomous swarms of razor-sharp popcorn marionettes. Weakness: Slick handle causes frequent grip slips unless the wielder wears powdered cotton gloves. Lore: "Fresh hot extra butter on every single row.". Full artifact and weapon card: 3D showcase hero render, material and angle insets, annotated stat blocks, 1:1 square.


THE NITRO IGNITER

title: Stuntman Eternal's Fire Glove

wielder: Stuntman Eternal

lore_whisper: No stunt doubles on this take.

text: THE NITRO IGNITER (Stuntman Eternal's Fire Glove). Wielder: Stuntman Eternal. A heavily charred leather gauntlet reinforced with steel stunt-wire rigging, copper fuel conduits, and an exposed sparkplug trigger mechanism pulsing with persistent yellow-orange flame. Origin: Salvaged from the burning wreck of a rocket-bike crash that broke thirty world stunt records simultaneously. Power: Generates controlled explosive shockwaves and blankets the wielder in a protective sheath of non-fatal stunt flame. Weakness: Constantly consumes oxygen, leaving the user lightheaded after prolonged firefights. Lore: "No stunt doubles on this take.". Full artifact and weapon card: 3D showcase hero render, material and angle insets, annotated stat blocks, 1:1 square.


THE POISON QUILL

title: The Critic's Star Pen

wielder: The Critic

text: THE POISON QUILL (The Critic's Star Pen). Wielder: The Critic. An oversized vintage fountain pen crafted from obsidian and cracked star-glass lenses, tipped with a blackened steel nib constantly weeping caustic acidic ink. Origin: Carved from the desk of a notoriously ruthless film reviewer whose single-paragraph pan cancelled a studio franchise. Power: Writes glowing 1-star verdicts onto reality itself, corroding armor and dispelling magical illusions with blistering critique. Weakness: Renders the wielder completely unable to offer genuine praise without coughing up ink. Lore: "Pedestrian derivative utterly uninspired.". Full artifact and weapon card: 3D showcase hero render, material and angle insets, annotated stat blocks, 1:1 square.


THE SKATE CHRONOMETER

title: Miss Rewind's Loop Wheels

wielder: Miss Rewind

lore_whisper: Hit rewind and try that turn again.

text: THE SKATE CHRONOMETER (Miss Rewind's Loop Wheels). Wielder: Miss Rewind. A retro four-wheel quad skate chassis fitted with glowing cassette-spool polyurethane wheels, laced with braided copper tracking wire and a miniature tape counter gauge. Origin: Assembled in a midnight roller-rink built directly over a chronal rift in 1977. Power: Allows the skater to skate backward through time in 15-second loop bursts, dodging incoming hazards before they occur. Weakness: Requires constant forward or backward momentum; coming to a complete stop instantly resets the temporal anchor. Lore: "Hit rewind and try that turn again.". Full artifact and weapon card: 3D showcase hero render, material and angle insets, annotated stat blocks, 1:1 square.


THE COCONUT RESONATOR

title: The Foley Ghoul's Sound Box

wielder: The Foley Ghoul

text: THE COCONUT RESONATOR (The Foley Ghoul's Sound Box). Wielder: The Foley Ghoul. Two petrified half-coconut shells connected by resonant silver acoustic wire, lined with miniature condenser microphones and brass tuning screws. Origin: Harvested from the props department shelf of a classic silent-era swashbuckler film. Power: Clapping the shells together unleashes deafening galloping sonic concussions that shatter concrete and deafen foes. Weakness: Damp environments muffle the acoustic resonance, reducing output damage by half. Lore: "Clip clop galloping straight toward your doom.". Full artifact and weapon card: 3D showcase hero render, material and angle insets, annotated stat blocks, 1:1 square.


THE ARC BEACON

title: Projector Prophet's Holy Lens

wielder: Projector Prophet

text: THE ARC BEACON (Projector Prophet's Holy Lens). Wielder: Projector Prophet. A heavy industrial hand-lantern housing a blinding carbon-arc projection bulb, fitted with rotating colored gel filters, brass cooling fins, and scripture engraved along the frame. Origin: Dismantled from the central carbon-arc projector of the Grand Cathedral of Cinema. Power: Projects an inescapable beam of concentrated luminescent truth that blinds foes and exposes disguised entities. Weakness: Requires carbon rods that burn down rapidly, requiring manual replacement every few minutes. Lore: "Let the beam reveal what you hide in shadows.". Full artifact and weapon card: 3D showcase hero render, material and angle insets, annotated stat blocks, 1:1 square.


THE KAIJU MONOCLE

title: B-Movie Baron's Glass of Scale

wielder: B-Movie Baron

text: THE KAIJU MONOCLE (B-Movie Baron's Glass of Scale). Wielder: B-Movie Baron. An oversized gold-rimmed jeweler's monocle fitted with thick convex bottle-green glass, held on a heavy brass watch-chain, etched with miniature cityscape crosshairs. Origin: Discovered in the prop trunk of a 1950s rubber-suit creature feature director. Power: Distorts perspective so the wearer perceives towering buildings as miniature cardboard models, granting colossal crushing strength. Weakness: Narrow field of view creates a massive blind spot on the wearer's left peripheral side. Lore: "Everything looks deliciously crushable from up here.". Full artifact and weapon card: 3D showcase hero render, material and angle insets, annotated stat blocks, 1:1 square.


THE SPLICER BLADE

title: The Sequel's Repaired Edge

wielder: The Sequel

text: THE SPLICER BLADE (The Sequel's Repaired Edge). Wielder: The Sequel. A long trench-knife made from a sharpened guillotine film slicer, handle wrapped in yellow electrical tape and silver duct tape, blade etched with repeated take numbers. Origin: Constructed from spare scrap parts in the props warehouse to replace an expensive lost hero weapon. Power: Cuts directly through incoming kinetic attacks, cleanly splicing the enemy's attack animation out of the timeline. Weakness: Duct tape grip degrades with heavy usage, requiring frequent mid-combat re-taping. Lore: "Not the original but twice as desperate.". Full artifact and weapon card: 3D showcase hero render, material and angle insets, annotated stat blocks, 1:1 square.


THE TORCH SONG MIC

title: Cinema Siren's Silver Condenser

wielder: Cinema Siren

text: THE TORCH SONG MIC (Cinema Siren's Silver Condenser). Wielder: Cinema Siren. A vintage 1940s chrome pill-style condenser microphone suspended in a glowing circular shock mount, surrounded by faint drifting musical staff lines and spotlight dust. Origin: Recovered from the flooded orchestra stage of the sunken Queen of the Silver Screen lounge. Power: Captures vocal melodies and projects hypnotic acoustic shockwaves that charm listeners into a dreamlike trance. Weakness: Extreme acoustic feedback screams through the mic if placed directly in front of stage monitors. Lore: "Sing the song that makes the curtains fall.". Full artifact and weapon card: 3D showcase hero render, material and angle insets, annotated stat blocks, 1:1 square.


THE GUILLOTINE SHEARS

title: The Editor's Frame Trimmer

wielder: The Editor

text: THE GUILLOTINE SHEARS (The Editor's Frame Trimmer). Wielder: The Editor. A massive pair of surgical-grade steel editing scissors with razor-honed bevels, handles wrapped in numbered 35mm negative strips, dripping with luminous splicing cement. Origin: Inherited from the chief cutter of a legendary studio that trimmed two hours off a masterpiece overnight. Power: Snips physical space in half, instantly severing connections between targets and deleting incoming projectile frames. Weakness: Requires two-handed operation to make precise cuts, leaving the wielder momentarily unguarded. Lore: "Every extra second is fat that must be cut.". Full artifact and weapon card: 3D showcase hero render, material and angle insets, annotated stat blocks, 1:1 square.


THE CELLULOID SCYTHE

title: Reel Reaper's Final Frame

wielder: Reel Reaper

lore_whisper: Fade to black on cue without exception.

text: THE CELLULOID SCYTHE (Reel Reaper's Final Frame). Wielder: Reel Reaper. A tall polearm featuring a curved scythe blade made from razor-sharp hardened 70mm acetate film, spinning film-canister counterbalance at the base, adorned with black usher braid. Origin: Forged in the final booth at the end of the last projection shift on opening night. Power: Reaps the final frame of any ongoing scene, instantly terminating buffs, spells, and stamina from opponents. Weakness: Acetate blade is highly flammable when exposed to open studio pyrotechnic flames. Lore: "Fade to black on cue without exception.". Full artifact and weapon card: 3D showcase hero render, material and angle insets, annotated stat blocks, 1:1 square.


THE SLATE MALLET

title: The Blooper's Outtake Clapper

wielder: The Blooper

text: THE SLATE MALLET (The Blooper's Outtake Clapper). Wielder: The Blooper. A war-mallet fashioned from a giant wooden film clapperboard attached to a boom-pole handle, half wireframe-rendered with neon tracking dots flashing along the hammer face. Origin: Slammed shut over five thousand times during the most disastrous comedic outtake in film history. Power: Striking the ground causes reality to corpse, triggering hysterical uncontrollable laughter and stumble-glitches in all nearby foes. Weakness: Has a 1-in-6 chance of backfiring and tripping the wielder in slapstick fashion. Lore: "Take ninety-nine and still cannot keep a straight face.". Full artifact and weapon card: 3D showcase hero render, material and angle insets, annotated stat blocks, 1:1 square.


THE GHOST BEAM TORCH

title: Matinee Man's Usher Light

wielder: Matinee Man

text: THE GHOST BEAM TORCH (Matinee Man's Usher Light). Wielder: Matinee Man. A classic heavy-duty brass usher flashlight with knurled grip and maroon enamel trim, bulb emitting a focused cone of ethereal lavender-cyan light filled with floating ticket stubs. Origin: Carried by the head usher of the Grand Majestic during the legendary 1939 midnight premiere run. Power: Illuminates invisible spirits, hidden traps, and ethereal entities, guiding allies safely through absolute darkness. Weakness: Draws battery power from D-cells that drain rapidly when focusing the beam into high-intensity spotlight mode. Lore: "Please keep your seats until the house lights come up.". Full artifact and weapon card: 3D showcase hero render, material and angle insets, annotated stat blocks, 1:1 square.


THE CRESCENDO BATON

title: The Score's Lightning Wand

wielder: The Score

text: THE CRESCENDO BATON (The Score's Lightning Wand). Wielder: The Score. A slender conductor's baton made of crystalline quartz and silver wire, vibrating with continuous electric sparks that form floating musical clefs and sixteenth notes in the air. Origin: Used to conduct the triumphant world premiere recording of a symphonic sci-fi film overture. Power: Directs orchestral thunderclaps and sonic crescendos with a flick of the wrist, knocking back armies with symphonic blasts. Weakness: Requires rhythmic timing; off-beat swings result in weak fizzling sparks instead of full thunder. Lore: "Build the volume until the concert hall trembles.". Full artifact and weapon card: 3D showcase hero render, material and angle insets, annotated stat blocks, 1:1 square.


THE SPOOL REVOLVER

title: Drive-In Django's Reel Blaster

wielder: Drive-In Django

text: THE SPOOL REVOLVER (Drive-In Django's Reel Blaster). Wielder: Drive-In Django. A single-action six-shooter revolver where the cylinder is replaced with a miniature spinning 35mm film reel, long blued-steel barrel, bone grips carved with drive-in speaker poles. Origin: Customized by a projectionist gunslinger who patrolled the dusty desert drive-in borders at sundown. Power: Fires high-velocity light-tracer rounds that project split-second blinding film scenes into the target's eyes on impact. Weakness: Must be manually re-threaded with fresh celluloid rounds after every six shots. Lore: "Fastest draw this side of the midnight double feature.". Full artifact and weapon card: 3D showcase hero render, material and angle insets, annotated stat blocks, 1:1 square.


THE PLOT BRIEFCASE

title: The McGuffin's Golden Cargo

wielder: The McGuffin

lore_whisper: Everyone wants what is locked inside.

text: THE PLOT BRIEFCASE (The McGuffin's Golden Cargo). Wielder: The McGuffin. A vintage brown leather courier briefcase with reinforced brass corner brackets and dual combination locks, leaking an intense warm golden glow from every seam. Origin: The mysterious central prop of every noir thriller ever written, whose actual contents remain unrevealed. Power: Forces all nearby individuals to desire and pursue the briefcase above all other rational goals, creating chaotic tactical distractions. Weakness: Opening the briefcase reveals absolute blinding emptiness that breaks the hypnotic obsession. Lore: "Everyone wants what is locked inside.". Full artifact and weapon card: 3D showcase hero render, material and angle insets, annotated stat blocks, 1:1 square.


THE CURTAIN SCROLL

title: The Credits' Final Roll

wielder: The Credits

text: THE CURTAIN SCROLL (The Credits' Final Roll). Wielder: The Credits. An endless vertical banner scroll made of woven black velvet fabric, embroidered with shimmering silver thread listing millions of production crew names, mounted on obsidian rollers. Origin: Unfurled from the highest rigging of the main stage as the final reel spun down on closing night. Power: Shields against all incoming damage by rolling a wall of impenetrable text across the battlefield, granting peaceful closure. Weakness: Can only be unfurled when a battle has entered its concluding phase. Lore: "And special thanks to all who stayed till the very end.". Full artifact and weapon card: 3D showcase hero render, material and angle insets, annotated stat blocks, 1:1 square.