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A highly usable website is one that doesn’t get in the user’s way of achieving their goal. It functions easily and naturally, without presenting any confusion or distractions. While this may seem like a simple concept, it is easier said than done when it comes to designing a usable site. Follow these tips to improve your usability and to please your users.
Understand your user
Before refining your work, it’s important to know who your users are and where they’re coming from. Until you know what they want from your site, you won’t be able to tailor your design to best fit their needs. You can do this by researching your market, conducting polls and looking at what your competitors are doing. Before moving forward, refer to this article on refining your work for your audience, so that you’re continually keeping their needs in mind.
Tip 1: Define a Structure
The structure of your website should be designed with intention and strategy in order to function effectively. Several factors go into a cohesive structure, including:
Creating an intuitive and clear navigational system
While you can always personalize your navigational elements and menus, don’t go against conventions so much that your users get confused by how your site works. Make your navigation clear by defining options and highlighting which pages are currently being viewed.
Developing a visual hierarchy
Show users what is most important on your web pages by using color, placement and sizing to emphasize and group elements. For example, bright colors and bold type attract attention, while smaller and duller elements recede in focus.
One of the most valuable contributions to a solid site structure is consistency. If your users discover that a clickable component is a certain shade of blue and that they can go to the previous page by using a keyboard shortcut, they should be able to expect those functions to extend throughout the site. Make your layout and site parts work together, and your users will easily understand its functionality.
Along the same lines, when looking to layout your secondary elements it’s important to maintain clear consistency. Two of the most common approaches include using grid systems like seen in this minimal music quiz or this cashflow guide. The second common option is enabling different scroll functionality as can be seen is this uniform microsite. Regardless of your approach, make sure that all the elements interact in a consistent flow.
Tip 2: Choose Simplicity Over Complexity
Internet users have come to expect aspects in a website to function in certain ways, like clickable fields, search boxes and navigational consistency. Make common tasks like these easy to carry out by respecting conventions of website functionality. This doesn’t mean that it should look like every other website, but common functions should work the way others do. The least friction between where your users want to go and how they get there, the more usable and easy their experience is.
The same goes for the aesthetic factors of your design. Only use imagery, color and typography that add value to the functionality of your site to remove any possibility of distraction from users’ end goals.
Tip 3: Communicate With Users
Users ultimately want to know that their needs matter to your brand. Allow them to give feedback about their experience with your site, and let them know when changes are made. This allows them to see any progress being made and encourages them to stay engaged.
Another way to communicate is to create a tolerant interface that expects user error. When an error occurs, send messages to your users that inform them of what went wrong and teach them how to correct it. Approaching your design with the expectation that errors will occasionally be made will keep those affected from getting frustrated and leaving your site.
Usability is all about the best way to serve your users. As you make these changes and refinements to your design, always keep your audience in mind so that they know your site was designed specifically for them. They will enjoy positive interactions with your site, and you will gain a following that respects your brand.


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NIKE KD VI ELITE HERO / TURBO GREEN (642838-300) & NIKE KOBE IX ELITE / WOLF GREY (630847-005) - Fictional heroes take on superhuman characteristics in comics, films, books and television. From speed, strength, vision and intellect these heroes rise to the challenge when the pressure's greatest. Kobe Bryant and Kevin Durant are real-life heroes that electrify the basketball universe. The Nike Basketball Elite Series Hero Collection represents the best for the best: footwear designed to the superhuman specifications of Bryant and Durant. Both styles are now in store in limited amounts and online - NIKE KD VI ELITE HERO / TURBO GREEN (642838-300) & NIKE KOBE IX ELITE / WOLF GREY (630847-005)
*Our W4th Vancouver Kobe IX delivery is late, please stay tuned for more info once our product arrives. Toronto has received limited sizing which will be available tomorrow Friday May 9th.
NIKE KOBE IX ELITE / WOLF GREY (630847-005) // $270 // BUY NOW
The KOBE 9 Elite launched last December represents Bryant's most provocative shoe to date - the first Nike Basketball shoe featuring Flyknit. The KOBE 9 Elite Hero sports a wolf grey upper and pop art inspired camouflage on the heel area. Designed by Eric Avar, it maximizes innovation with Lunarlon, dynamic Flywire and carbon fiber throughout, while its ultra-lightweight design enables natural motion.
NIKE KD VI ELITE HERO / TURBO GREEN (642838-300) // $250 // BUY NOW
Maximizing strength and breathability, the KD VI Elite Hero moves precisely and naturally with the foot. Designer Leo Chang's vision to mimic the precision craftsmanship and fine details of a wristwatch are visually revealed in the KD VI Elite Hero. For the first time in a KD signature shoe, this new version boasts a full-length, visible Nike Zoom unit that runs through the entire midsole. This turbo green colored shoe features Flywire technology, reinforced with Kevlar aramid fibers, providing Durant with lockdown support for his versatile style of play.

domain: sports


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A lovely pair of Bronze color Fan Tassel earrings made with silk threads.
The earrings measure 2" wide by 1" long.
The half circle connector is gold plated with a slight texture, the ear wires are 24K gold plated.
24K Gold Plated Ear Wires
2" wide Silk Fans
Gold Plated textured half circle connector
Shipped in a gift box
Tiny 3mm faceted Czech glass beads in a colorful "dipped" pattern on 1" 14k or Sterling silver hoops. NEW colors: Red GreyShipped in a gift box. .
Small floral and beads stud earrings in golden brass with beautiful engraved detail, the ear backs are 14K Gold Plated with gold plated closures. The studs have 3 little bars...
A dainty pair of Dangly waterfall chandelier gemstone earrings, measuring 1.5" long.Made with slightly domed 1" round golden brass connectors and little 4mm Corals, Mountain Jade, Pink Quartz and green...
NEW! Six new colors for Fall 2108!A delightful pair of thin hoops with tiny 3mm faceted Czech glass beads in a colorful "dipped" pattern on 1", 14k thin Gold Filled...

domain: design


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Interviewer: In some cases, widespread muscle and joint pain can point to fibromyalgia. It will not only affect physical pain, but it can involve mental pain as well. Dr. Rudy Gari from Florida Pain Relief Group joins us now, with some help. Dr. Gari, great to have you here.
Dr. Gari: Thanks a lot.
Interviewer: Let’s talk about what causes fibromyalgia in the first place.
Dr. Gari: Sure. So fibromyalgia, we’re not really sure the exact causes of it, but here’s what we do know. So if you break down the word fibromyalgia, fibro means fibrous, and myalgia means muscle, inflammation of the muscles. What we know is that it tends to affect predominantly women, we’re not really sure why it does, but it does. And it involves a process whereby your fibrous tissues and your muscles combine to cause inflammation, and it can be very debilitating in a lot of people. There’s different things that could be done, we know what can help. For example, we know what makes it worse is usually stress, tension, so the treatment for that is relaxation and techniques to lower that threshold.
Interviewer: Is this really common, among a lot of women in particular, that you see?
Dr. Gari: Yes, it’s very common. We have a lot of patients with fibromyalgia, and the way that we treat them is comprehensively, and that involves relaxation techniques, physical therapy. Sometimes we do these things called trigger point injections, and trigger points are actually like little muscle spasms that can develop in patients with fibromyalgia, throughout your body. It’s a pretty simple technique, we just go in there with a very small needle and break up these little trigger points. We also give them medications to help them relax, and we find that with that comprehensive approach, we can give them their life back.
Interviewer: Yeah, I was going to ask you, what kind of reactions are you getting from patients who you’re helping? Because I’m sure a lot of them, for a long time, they weren’t being diagnosed. And they kept saying, or people might have been saying, “Well, are you depressed?”, and they weren’t getting to the heart of what was wrong with them. So we mentioned physical, how it hurts, but how mentally it can be so hurtful, for so many people. So what are you finding from the people that you’re treating with this?
Dr. Gari: Sure, well one of the things that would happen the last…many years ago, the first thing that we tell them is that this pain is real.
Interviewer: And that’s half the battle for so many people, right?
Dr. Gari: Yes, this pain is real, and sometimes I tell patients that, and they begin to cry.
Interviewer: Yeah, because nobody has listened to them.
Dr. Gari: No, this pain is real, this is real pain. You’re having this pain, it’s not just in your head. You’re feeling this, but the good thing is we can help you with this. And that you’d be…it’s almost as if it’s like tons of weight off their shoulders, that somebody understands what they have and that we can do something about it.
Interviewer: Do you see gentlemen at all with fibromyalgia?
Dr. Gari: We do see men with fibromyalgia, not as common as women, but we treat them the same way. This happens in both, it’s not just unique to women, it also affects men.
Interviewer: So apart from finally having somebody listen to them, and saying “Yes, I’m validating that you’re feeling what you’re feeling,” how quickly can people start to feel some kind of relief?
Dr. Gari: I’ve had patients come into the office with significant pain, mostly from trigger points. We do the trigger point injections right in the office, and they come out a different person. You can just look at their face. I wish I could take a picture of their face before and after. So it can be immediate, but that’s just the immediate treatment of the trigger points. We then go more comprehensive with everything else and make it more long-term.
Interviewer: Well, I know this is really encouraging news for a lot of people that are watching right now because fibromyalgia does affect a lot of people, and they’re looking for help. Dr. Gari, thank you very much for joining us today. Florida Pain Relief Group even schedules same day appointments. Be sure to visit their website, floridapainreliefgroup.com, or give them a call right now 844-KICK-PAIN. Doctor, thank you again. We’ll be right back.

domain: medical


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Sure President Obama is busy running the country by day, but at night, the POTUS still finds time to watch a few shows that he and his family make sure to DVR.
Obama opened up to TV Guide about his viewing habits, revealing "I am a big fan of 'Homeland' and 'Boardwalk Empire,' and I think 'The Wire' is one of the greatest shows of all time — and I confess I am an avid watcher of 'SportsCenter.'"
But the President hasn't appointed anyone to be in charge of recording his favorite shows — other than his daughters.
"For the most part, we program our own shows on our DVR, but it wasn't always this way," he says. "Sasha had to teach Michelle and me how to program it because we didn't know how to do it ourselves."
Here's what Obama has to say about his must-see TV:
1. "Parks and Recreation": Obama says the NBC comedy starring Amy Poehler gives him "a good laugh." In March, series co-star Aziz Ansari attended a fundraiser event in New York City and Obama informed him that he has a fan in the White House. "Aziz Ansari ... now this is big because Malia is a big 'Parks and Recreation' fan," the president said at the fundraiser. "So having Aziz here is like the only thing she thinks is worth me doing. I want to thank him for what he said earlier. I know he's backstage, but I just want to say that I have more Twitter followers than you, man."
2. "Modern Family": "Michelle and the girls and I love watching 'Modern Family,'" the President told TV Guide, while the First Lady revealed to Us magazine that she recorded the show "to catch up on after the election."
3. "Boardwalk Empire": "I am a big fan," Obama says of the HBO prohibition-era drama.
4. "Downton Abbey": Michelle Obama has an advanced copy of the show's new season, according to Us magazine.
5. "SportsCenter": "I confess I am an avid watcher of "SportsCenter," Obama told TV Guide, adding "We usually watch it when we're working out. Michelle also likes watching 'The Biggest Loser' because the contestants inspire her."
6. "Homeland": "'Homeland' is my favorite TV show," the Prez told Us magazine of the Showtime hit starring Claire Danes.

domain: news


text:
News: Justice for Ferguson: The...
News: The Michael Brown
Wendy Williams: Craig
Wendy Williams: Anderson Copper...
What's Happening in Ferguson,
Air Restrictions Placed Over
Obama Speaks Out Again on Ferguson
The Town of Ferguson's Long
A Little Party Never Killed Nobody
Video Director of the Year
BET Awards 2012 Winners
We'll Never Forget: Victims of
Video of the Year
© 2014 BET Interactive, LLC, a wholly owned subsidiary of Black Entertainment Television LLC. All rights reserved.


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Beloved children’s author Andrew Clements passed away on Friday, November 29 at the age of 70. The award-winning author of over 80 published books, he is best known for his debut novel Frindle, a middle grade novel about a boy who causes a sensation when he invents a new name for the common pen. With illustrations by Brian Selznick, Frindle was published by Aladdin in 1996 and quickly became a New York Times best-seller. Clements’ popular titles also include Things Not Seen, The Friendship War, No Talking, The Report Card, and the Jake Drake series.
Andrew Clements will be remembered for his books full of humor, empathy, and sharp observations about school life.
On his website, Clements summed up his philosophy on writing and life in poignant style:
“Sometimes kids ask how I’ve been able to write so many books. The answer is simple: one word at a time. Which is a good lesson, I think. You don’t have to do everything at once. You don’t have to know how every story is going to end. You just have to take that next step, look for that next idea, write that next word. And growing up, it’s the same way. We just have to go to that next class, read that next chapter, help that next person. You simply have to do that next good thing, and before you know it, you’re living a good life.”

domain: literature


PDF Archive search engine
Last database update: 08 March at 09:26 - Around 76000 files indexed.
9/18/2015 Citroën Service Technical Documentation FDZINFO_VEHICULE X74457601 VUJNOVIĆ ŽELJKO AC25694132 Vehicle characteristics Vehicle family AS/RP N° Warranty Start Date OPB BER C5 (X7) 13212 CJ 1 0580 06/03/2013 HBDM e2*2001/116*0360*25 General information PRODUCT TYPE COMMERCIAL MARQUE/COMPONENT TYPE VEHICLE FAMILY SILHOUETTE TRIM LEVEL ENGINE TRANSMISSION PAINT TYPE BODY COLOUR INTERIOR TRIM TYPE UPHOLSTERY COLOUR GEARBOX (CHARACTERISTICS) ENGINE (TYPE) OTHER BADGE, " MISC. "
A flexible coupling approved by the engine manufacturer will be fitted between each engine and gearbox.
Exhaust heat shield missing, underside shows use, build-up of grime on gearbox 5 Porsche 911 Type 993 Restoration www.porsche.co.uk/cardiff June 10th - Engine Removal Upon removal of the engine and gearbox it became apparent that all existing tin work around the engine had corroded.
The interior, BMW M2 M Performance is equipped with Alcantara turn fur mater wrapped three-spoke sports multi-function steering wheel, which around the gearbox baffle also into a lot of carbon fiber trim.
/-------- IKE --------\ /-------EWS --------\ Chassis Model Type key Engine Gearbox VIN :
Exhaust heat shield missing, tired looking undeneath, corrosion on front wings 3 Porsche 911 Type 993 Restoration www.porsche.co.uk/cardiff June 10th - Engine Removal Upon removal of the engine and gearbox it became apparent that all existing tin work around the engine had corroded.
Text Text Front axle 2 Gearbox Class Infotable on engine 928 953 966 B12 D03 D0A D0C D0D F212 FS GA HA K10 K11 K14 K99 L M010 M013 M18 Value HB9013A1033115 722696 08 022433 1 A01097271 11 EXHAUST GAS CLEANING WITH EURO 5 TECHNOLOGY CLASSIC/STANDARD EQUIPMENT COC PAPER EURO 5 TECH.
3° 6° LOW WING MOUNT RWS LOW RIDER GEARBOX / LOW WING MOUNT REDWORKSHOP Total Vehicle Weight:
2.5 turns lock to lock TURNING CIRCLE 6.4m WHEELS Design Size Made of Noble designed one piece with polished rims 8.5J x 18in (front), 10J x18in (rear) Aluminium alloy TYRES Make Size Bridgestone Potenza S-03 225/40 x 18 (front) 265/35 x 18 (rear) ENGINE Construction Layout Max power Max torque Power to weight Torque to weight Specific output Installation Bore/stroke Valve gear Ignition and fuel Turbochargers GEARBOX Type All-alloy block and heads 6 cyls in a vee, 2968cc, single turbocharger 290bhp at 5800rpm 290lb ft at 4600rpm 269bhp per tonne 269lb ft per tonne 98bhp per litre Transverse, mid-engine, rear-wheel drive 89.0/79.5mm 4 per cyl, dohc per bank Electronic Water-cooled with air to air intercooler;
The clutch is a series of friction plates in a drum which disengages the drive from the engine to the gearbox and thus the ngine.
Features and benefits • Patented airfoil system includes six airfoils and cuffed winglets that maximize performance and efficiency • Industrial-grade motor and gearbox offers efficient, reliable and durable operation • Weighs less than 145 lb (65.8 kg) allowing for easy positioning and installation • Factory-wired motor and controller cable with optional power cord plug • Perfect for spaces up to 70 x 70-ft (21.3 x 21.3-m) and ceilings as low as 14-ft (4.3-m) • Year-round energy savings, up to 10° cooling effect in hot weather and 1% energy savings per foot of ceiling height in cold weather The unique aerodynamic design enhances both energy efficiency and airflow by eliminating vortex formation at the airfoil tips.
Year built - 2008 Chassis - Lintern / Heyburn hybrid Engine - O'Connor race engines Chev V6 Gearbox - 3 Speed Hq Holden Diff - Ford 9 WHAT WE CAN DO FOR YOU?
Powder Conveying System uses the screw conveyor that is made of high quality steel pipe with excellent rigidity, bi-pitch blades to reduce the compression degree while delivering powder material, high-quality gearbox with heavy duty design, large torque and low noise;
Repeat for rear diff x4 TKR5144 Differential 0-rings f if DOil Grease TKR1325 x4 TKR5144 TKR5145 x4 Grease TKR5145 Differential Shims (6x17mm) x4 TKRBB08165 Ball Bearing(8x16x5mm) Fill with 7000 wt front, 3000 wt rear, to the top of spider gears 4 Bag C TKR1603 TKR5012 Front Gearbox (overview) TKR1222 TKR5575 *TKR5575X (Option) TKR5110 TKR5012 TKR1603 Step C-1 TKR5528 *TKR5028 (Option) TKRBB05114 Note:
Category 2014 Baja Goals Corresponding Items Estimated Cost Frame -Light Weight -Low Center of Gravity -Forward, Neutral, Reverse Gearbox -Gear ratio for 30mph -Custom Live Rear Axle -Custom Front A-Arms -Custom Trailing Arms -Fox Shocks -Custom Rear Wheel Hub -Quick steering Rack -Custom steering wheel -Custom steering wheel shaft 4130 Chromoly $1000 B&S Engine CVT (continuous variable transmission) Bearings, and Cables Chromoly Steel Tubing Aluminum Wheel Hubs $3000 Rack and Pinion Steering Wheel $1500 Master Cylinders Calipers &


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Many of the innovative creations we hear about in the medical field come from well-known manufacturers like 3M and Welch Allyn, which are top name brands at Medical Device Depot. There are plenty of other manufacturers who have not yet made big names for themselves, but they are still doing big things. With this year’s title from the Medical Design Excellence Awards going to a Norwegian company, it is more obvious than ever that manufacturers near and far are contributing to the industry’s exciting growth.
The winner of the Medical Design Excellence Awards went to Krabat AS, which designed a wheelchair for indoor and outdoor use. Among other features, the chair comes with a saddle seat for a better base of support and offers enhanced self-mobility. A few more impressive innovations coming from around the globe include:
- Avita Medical’s ReCell – This is a device that allows clinicians to process a skin sample into a suspension of activated skin cells, called a Regenerative Epithelial Suspension (RES), for treating burns or other wounds.
- Cyfuse Biomedical’s Regenova bio 3-D printer – This uses 3-D modeling software to robotically pick up and place cellular spheroids onto stainless steel needle arrays for tissue or organs.
- InfraEyes’s Veinus – This handheld device helps health-care workers find patients’ veins.
- Pixium Vision’s Vision Restoration Systems (VRS) – While this device may still be in development, it aims to restore sight to blind patients with a working optic nerve.
Keep your eyes on the inventory at Medical Device Depot to get some of the latest and greatest devices once they go to market.


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The most popular newspaper on campus won’t be publishing anytime soon. The UVM Art Department is no longer allowing The Water Tower to use their labs in Williams, where the editors layout the paper. The Department is now saying the lab is for art students only.
It’s not such an easy thing to simply layout the papers elsewhere. The process takes hours and a lot of people.
The Water Tower is currently searching for alternative places, as well as “trying to handle the issue civilly.” With so many levels of bureaucracy to jump through, it might be a while.


Ian Fleming International Airport is a regional airport in Ocho Rios, Saint Mary, Jamaica. Its IATA code is OCJ and is located latitude 18.40 and longitude -76.97 in Jamaica and operates in EST time zone which is the same time zone as Boscobel.Is used primarily for civil, private or non-scheduled commercial flights.
It has one runway that only allow daytime landings, and can support most single engine aircraft, light twins, most business jets and smaller commuter aircraft.
|09/27||3000 ft / 914 m||75 ft / 22 m||ASP||No|
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SSFF ＆ ASIA’s 25th & 20th Anniversary! This year’s theme is “UNLOCK” In hopes of opening the door to the future of cinema【Dates：June 6（Tue）～June 26（Mon）Online Venue April 27（Thu)】
Short Shorts Film Festival & ASIA 2023, accredited by the Academy Awards, will be held from June 6th (Tue) to June 26th (Tue) at various venues in Tokyo and will also start streaming at Online Venue (April 27th~).
This year, SSFF & ASIA is celebrating the 25th anniversary of its International Competition and the 20th anniversary of its Asia-Japan Competition.
Over the past 25 years, SSFF & ASIA has received 107,844 submissions from around the world, submissions from 99,571 directors, and more than 850,000 people have attended the festival. The festival has been held in Japan, United States, Mexico, Myanmar, Malaysia, and Singapore.
While being mindful of the festival community that has cultivated over the years, with our filmmakers and supporters, in hopes to “UNLOCK” a new way of being, SSFF & ASIA will continue to launch a platform that will manage and connect creators and supporters. Such as the “Unlock -Jumping into a New World- Program”, a series of films that depict the life after COVID, and festival’s promotion video contest where audience could vote using NFTs*.
Since the pandemic, we are also having filmmakers visit Japan for the first time in three years.
This year, a total of 5196 films were submitted to the festival from 120 countries and regions around the world. The festival gathered a number of short films that truly reflect the world today, such as a drama that depicts families under the Ukraine and Russia’ s war and an animation film produced by A. We strongly feel that there is a power to “film” to liberate people’s hearts and emotions, even through the changes of technology over time.
The screening lineup for the Official Competition (International, Asia International, and Japan Live Action, Non-Fiction, and Animation categories), which can lead to Academy Award nominations and other selected films, will be announced on April 27 (Thu).
【Short Shorts Film Festival & Asia 2023 Outline】
■Festival President：Tetsuya Bessho
■Period ：June 6th（TUE）～ June 26th（MON）
Online Venue; April 27th (THU）～ July 9th（SUN）
TORQUE SPICE & HERB, TABLE & COURT（Shibuya）、
Futakotamagawa Rise Studio & Hall ,Euro Live,
Omotesando Hills Space O、Akasaka Intercity Conference
Online Venue ※Schedules are varied depends on each venue
■Admission： Free ※some events may be charged
Seats Reservation from April 27
■Official Site： https://shortshorts.org/2023/en/
2023 website opens on April 27
■Organizer：Committee for Short Shorts / Committee for Short Shorts Asia

domain: artistic


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Superfoods: The Food and Medicine of the Future
Format: PDF / Kindle (mobi) / ePub
Superfoods are vibrant, nutritionally dense foods that have recently become widely available and which offer tremendous dietary and healing potential. In this lively, illustrated overview, well-known raw-foods guru David Wolfe profiles delicious and incredibly nutritious plant products such as goji berries, hempseed, cacao beans (raw chocolate), maca, spirulina, bee products, and a host of others. As powerful sources of clean protein, vitamins, minerals, enzymes, antioxidants, good fats and oils, essential fatty and amino acids, and other nutrients, they represent a uniquely promising piece of the nutritional puzzle. Each superfood is described in detail, accompanied by easy and delicious recipes. This accessible guide presents persuasive arguments, based on sound science, for the pivotal role of superfoods in promoting nutritional excellence, health and well-being, beauty enhancement, sustainable agriculture, and the transformation of diet, lifestyle, and planet.
berries 3 tbsp. cacao powder 1 tbsp. cacao nibs 1 tbsp. maca, red maca, or maca extreme 1 tsp. goji berry extract powder (optional, but super energizing!) 1–2 tbsp. sweetener (such as yacon syrup, light or dark agave, or any raw honey) 1–3 cups frozen, organic berries 1 tbsp. hempseed 1 small pinch Celtic sea salt ¼ leaf fresh aloe vera gel (optional) Blend all ingredients in a high-powered blender until smooth. White Chocolate Orange Goji Berry Fudge!
fights fatigue. A cup of this precious drink permits a man to walk for a whole day without food.” When the conquistador Cortez and his henchmen first encountered the Aztecs, the Spaniards were amazed to find a thriving highland metropolis known as Tenochtitlan nestled between the peaks of fifteen mountains, most of them volcanic. At that time, Tenochtitlan (now Mexico City) boasted more than a million residents, making it several times larger than the greatest cities in Europe. Cortez and
powder Melt the cacao butter in a measuring cup in the dehydrator, add to blender with agave, and cashews. Blend till smooth. Stir in a big handful of dried mulberries by hand and then pour the mix into molds. Set in freezer awhile to harden them up. Thin slice into chocolate bars and have The Best Day Ever! $18,000 Cacao Smoothie Recipe by Len Foley Combine base ingredients in a blender: 1 cup warm gynostemma herbal tea 1 tbsp. raw virgin coconut oil 1 tbsp. raw Manuka or
isolate and name all the nutrients found in plants. What we understand about nutrition by listing vitamins, minerals, protein, fats, and carbohydrates on the sides of packages does not give us a complete picture. The common vitamins and minerals that we know of are not the only nutrients that matter. At this point we know of over a thousand vitamins, minerals, amino acids, short-chain sugars, polysaccharides, fats, oils, enzymes, coenzymes, antioxidants, and other substances that contribute to
enhancing the “killing ability” of those cells. Another example: Cytomegalovirus is a herpes-type virus that can cause serious illness in patients treated with immune-suppressing drugs. Mice treated with chlorella extract prior to introduction of this virus survived lethal infection doses. Chlorella extract decreased virus replication in the organs by 58 to 65 percent. The extract increased the activity of gamma interferon, which stimulated natural killer cells to attack the virus. Listeria

domain: food


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As National Eating Disorder Week draws to a close, Burrell Behavioral Health would like to share a few statistics and provide a resource for those struggling with body image and eating-related illness, as well as co-occuring underlying behavioral health disorders.
For those in seek of help, Burrell provider Stephanie Robbins will soon be leading a group therapy session for teens with disordered eating and body image. You can contact her at email@example.com or 417-761-5824 to enroll or for more information.
Additional information can be found on the National Eating Disorder Association's website at https://www.nationaleatingdisorders.org/.
Stephanie Robbins also provided the following statistics to help illustrate the need for education and understanding surrounding this complicated and deadly issue:
Did you know:
- At least 30 million people of all ages and genders suffer from an eating disorder in the U.S.
- Every 62 minutes at least one person dies as a direct result from an eating disorder.
- Eating disorders have the highest mortality rate of any mental illness.
- 13% of women over 50 engage in eating disorder behaviors.
- In a large national study of college students, 3.5% sexual minority women and 2.1% of sexual minority men reported having an eating disorder.
- 16% of transgender college students reported having an eating disorder.
- In a study following active duty military personnel over time, 5.5% of women and 4% of men had an eating disorder at the beginning of the study, and within just a few years of continued service, 3.3% more women and 2.6% more men developed an eating disorder.
- Eating disorders affect all races and ethnic groups.
- Genetics, environmental factors, and personality traits all combine to create risk for an eating disorder.
- 0.9% of American women suffer from anorexia in their lifetime.
- 1 in 5 anorexia deaths is by suicide.
- About half of anorexia patients have comorbid anxiety disorders, including obsessive-compulsive disorder and social phobia.
- 1.5% of American women suffer from bulimia nervosa in their lifetime.
- Nearly half of bulimia patients have a comorbid mood disorder.
- More than half of bulimia patients have comorbid anxiety disorders.
- Nearly 1 in 10 bulimia patients have a comorbid substance abuse disorder, usually alcohol use.
- 2.8% of American adults suffer from binge eating disorder in their lifetime.
- Nearly half of BED (Binge Eating Disorder) patients have a comorbid mood disorder.
- More than half of BED patients have comorbid anxiety disorders.
- Nearly 1 in 10 BED patients have a comorbid substance abuse disorder, usually alcohol use.
- Binge eating or loss-of-control eating may be as high as 25% in post-bariatric patients.
1.Hudson, J. I., Hiripi, E., Pope, H. G., & Kessler, R. C. (2007). The prevalence and correlates of eating disorders in the national comorbidity survey replication. Biological Psychiatry, 61(3), 348–358.
2.Le Grange, D., Swanson, S. A., Crow, S. J., & Merikangas, K. R. (2012). Eating disorder not otherwise specified presentation in the US population. International Journal of Eating Disorders, 45(5), 711-718.
3.Eating Disorders Coalition. (2016). Facts About Eating Disorders: What The Research Shows.http://eatingdisorderscoalition.org.s208556.gridserver.com/couch/uploads/file/fact-sheet_2016.pdf
4.Smink, F. E., van Hoeken, D., & Hoek, H. W. (2012). Epidemiology of eating disorders: Incidence, prevalence and mortality rates. Current Psychiatry Reports,14(4), 406-414.
5.Gagne, D. A., Von Holle, A., Brownley, K. A., Runfola, C. D., Hofmeier, S., Branch, K. E., & Bulik, C. M. (2012). Eating disorder symptoms and weight and shape concerns in a large web‐based convenience sample of women ages 50 and above: Results of the gender and body image (GABI) study. International Journal of Eating Disorders, 45(7), 832-844.
6.Diemer, E. W., Grant, J. D., Munn-Chernoff, M. A., Patterson, D., & Duncan, A. E. (2015). Gender identity, sexual orientation, and eating-related pathology in a national sample of college students. Journal of Adolescent Health, 57(2), 144-149.
7.Jacobson, I. G., Smith, T. C., Smith, B., Keel, P. K., Amoroso, P. J., Wells, T. S., Bathalon, G. P., Boyko, E. J., & Ryan, M. A. (2009). Disordered eating and weight changes after deployment: Longitudinal assessment of a large US military cohort. American Journal of Epidemiology, 169(4), 415-427.
8.Marques, L., Alegria, M., Becker, A. E., Chen, C.-n., Fang, A., Chosak, A., & Diniz, J. B. (2011). Comparative prevalence, correlates of impairment, and service utilization for eating disorders across US ethnic groups: implications for reducing ethnic disparities in health care access for eating disorders. International Journal of Eating Disorders, 44(5), 412-4120.
9.Culbert, K. M., Racine, S. E., & Klump, K. L. (2015). Research Review: What we have learned about the causes of eating disorders – a synthesis of sociocultural, psychological, and biological research. Journal of Child Psychology and Psychiatry, 56(11), 1141-1164.
10.Arcelus, J., Mitchell, A. J., Wales, J., & Nielsen, S. (2011). Mortality rates in patients with anorexia nervosa and other eating disorders: a meta-analysis of 36 studies. Archives of General Psychiatry, 68(7), 724-731.
11.Trace, S. E., Baker, J. H., Peñas-Lledó, E., & Bulik, C. M. (2013). The genetics of eating disorders. Annual Review of Clinical Psychology, 9, 589-620.
12.Ulfvebrand, S., Birgegard, A., Norring, C., Hogdahl, L., & von Hausswolff-Juhlin, Y. (2015). Psychiatric comorbidity in women and men with eating disorders results from a large clinical database. Psychiatry Research, 230(2), 294-299.
13.Berkman ND, Brownley KA, Peat CM, Lohr KN, Cullen KE, Morgan LC, Bann CM, Wallace IF, Bulik CM. Management and Outcomes of Binge-Eating Disorder. Comparative Effectiveness Review No. 160.
Help is just a phone call away.
Call the Murney Clinic, 417-893-7760 (Springfield)
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domain: psychology


text:
Continuing my series of posts of Spain, we stayed in Madrid on the third day, choosing to explore the city a little bit more before we took off for Granada and Seville. Before embarking on my trip, I knew that the obvious tourist destinations for anyone coming to Spain for their first time would be Barcelona and Madrid, for it being the capital of the country. And upon speaking to others, everyone was raving about Barcelona – it seemed like a whole lot more was in store in the northeast than in Madrid. Perhaps the purpose of my trip was different – I wasn’t out to conquer the fantastic sights of the city, but just spend good quality time with my Auntie – and so that said, I really enjoyed my time in Madrid – there was a good amount of historical sites to see, shopping and its sales, although the food was better in Seville, that I’ve got to admit.
I’m pretty much a last minute planner when it comes to possibly anything. I did most of the planning for Spain and marked out the places I had to visit – Casa Hernanz being one of them. With The Royal Palace of Madrid as our end destination for the morning before lunch, we took a stroll through the city. Thankfully, the weather was very forgiving. It was slightly cold – cold enough that you would require a jacket, but also with enough sun. Our first stop was Plaza de Espana. So it gets a little confusing in Spain. Every city that we went to had a Plaza de Espana, so much so, that after a while, my brother and I felt that it almost diminished the importance of the Plaza de Espana in that particular city. So at this one, it features a monument to Miguel de Cervantes Saavedra, a Spanish novelist, poet and playwright. If you get your picture right, it’ll feature two of the tallest buildings in Madrid.
From there, it’s a short 5 to 10 minute walk to the Royal Palace of Madrid. I was really hoping to catch a glimpse of royalty or someone special, wouldn’t that be wonderful. As expected, it wasn’t our day. Even though it might be a tourist site, there were parks and benches just steps away from the Palace, and it was nice to just sit there, take the sights in, especially the clouds, which looked so pretty that it was almost unreal.
We moved onto the Almudena Cathedral, which is also in the area. The Catholic churches here are significantly different from the ones in Singapore – the interiors are so much more elaborate, there were so many statues, and the size of the church was just much bigger. If you’re at Almudena, the focus will definitely be on the statue of Madonna and child, pictured below.
Then we moved on to lunch! It was one of my first meals in Spain after the buffet the day before which wasn’t exactly Spanish – sure they had paella, but I was looking for something a little more authentic. We continued walking, hoping to chance upon a nice restaurant or cafe to dine at. It’s tough navigating anywhere new without a map or GPS. We passed over a few shops as it wasn’t budget friendly – and then, I saw this – Mercado de San Miguel! It was also in my list of places to visit. I get that it might be less authentic and more commercial, but I thought it was a good introduction to Spanish food for a first-timers. Prices weren’t the best – and there were little seats – but it’s all part of the experience isn’t it? Imagine this to be like Fremantle Market in Perth – just that it’s stocked with wine, food and happy people over lunch.
Tummies full, we headed to Cibeles Palace where we heard you could get spectacular views of the city, thanks to a recommendation from a friend. It costs just 2 Euros to head up to the Gazebo, and you get free entry on the first Wednesday of the month! From there, you can also catch a glimpse of Cibeles Fountain, which is probably familiar to all Real Madrid fans. Fans use the area to celebrate after the team’s victories in competitions.
And of course, more walking to do. I was amazed at the amount of energy we had – considering we walked to most places, and would end our day only around 9 or 10 at night. We headed to Retiro Park thereafter, it’s almost like the Central Park in New York City. Buskers around, people rowing their boats in the lakes, children running around, and little kiosks lining the street. I would have loved to spend a little more time here – sit down, read a book, grab some coffee. I think this would make a perfect place for a date too, just saying. We only walked through the Park to get to the train station to book our tickets to Granada and Seville. And even then, the Park is huge, it took us perhaps half an hour to 45 minutes just to pass through.
And to end the day, we went to Parque Europa which took about a half an hour bus ride from town. My Auntie’s friend, who’s been living there for five years or even more, recommended this place. It’s more like a novelty place to go to, basically, it has all the major attractions of Europe in one park, so you could take pictures with the Effiel Tower and lie to your friend that you’ve been there, haha. From what I saw, the Park was deep in the suburbs and would probably be suited to locals, or visitors who have half a day to spend exploring areas outside the city.
Granada up next!

domain: travel


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Both "grave and brave, serious and hilarious"--new poems from a Governor General's Award-winning poet.
How to Avoid Huge Ships, Julie Bruck's fourth collection of poetry, is a book of arguments and spells against the ambushes of age. This is, of course, a pointless exercise ... Read more
Largely written before the current cultural visibility of trans lit, Lyric Sexology Vol. 1 is Salah's prescient contribution to a canon of self-determined literature that explores transness. In this case, the author sidesteps the "I" in the text and instead draws on archives--sexological, ... Read more
Shortlisted for the 2019 Raymond Souster Award!
Finalist for the City of Calgary W.O. Mitchell Book Prize!
Tar Swan is a multi-voiced reckoning that surveys the mythos of the Alberta oil sands with an approach that is both lyrical and experimental. The poems feature four voices: ... Read more
Winner, 2018 League of Canadian Poets Gerald Lampert Memorial Award
Longlisted, 2018 League of Canadian Poets Pat Lowther Memorial Award
Otolith — the ear stone — is a series of bones that help us to orient ourselves in space. In Otolith, Emily Nilsen attempts a similar feat ... Read more
Award-winning Nisga’a poet Jordan Abel’s third collection, Injun, is a long poem about racism and the representation of indigenous peoples. Composed of text found in western novels published between 1840 and 1950 – the heyday of pulp publishing and a period of unfettered ... Read more
Covering Indigenous adventures from Wahpole Island to Northern Saskatchewan to the coast of Vancouver, #IndianLovePoems is a poetry collection that delves into the humour and truths of love and lust within Indigenous communities. Sharing stories in search of The One, or even ... Read more
Power and sex take centre stage in Robin Richardson's formidable third collection, Sit How You Want. Plane crashes and automobile mishaps are the backdrop for female narrators who grapple with terror, anxiety, and powerlessness: "When I say I'm fine I mean the sky has opened ... Read more
Winner of the 2017 A. M. Klein Prize for Poetry
BookThug is proud to introduce a groundbreaking debut collection of poems by Erin Robinsong. In this time of ecological precarity, Rag Cosmology is an urgent invitation to reinvent our modes engagement with the environment we not ... Read more
In her newest collection, Lorna Crozier describes the passage of time in the way that only she can. Her arresting, edgy poems about aging and grief are surprising and invigorating: a defiant balm. At the same time, she revels in the quirkiness and whimsy of the natural world: ... Read more
Carole David's The Year of My Disappearance is a searing, surreal, darkly comic descent into a woman's psyche: as pitiless an assault on her own torments and pretences as it is on those figures lodged in her memory: lovers, strangers, her own mother, Bosch-like apparitions out ... Read more


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Is your company planning for workforce challenges in the coming months? With inflation continuing to rise, a recent survey by the American Staffing Association has revealed that many retirees have decided to continue working and earning an income to supplement their social security earnings and retirement accounts. As a movement currently becoming known as the “great unretirement,” there is a growing number of retirement-aged individuals who have decided to either continue working or re-enter the workforce. Here are some of the reasons why retirees are increasingly returning to the workplace:
Since more employers across the U.S. are offering flexible policies (such as hybrid workplaces or remote work arrangements), many older individuals have found these benefits to be very appealing. Older employees are taking advantage of employment situations that allow them to earn an income while enjoying a better quality of life. From better work-life balance to reduced or eliminated commutes, the older generation is embracing flexibility.
More employment opportunities.
As more retirees have begun re-entering the job market, many employers are turning to older individuals for their experience and expertise to fulfill certain jobs. This has put this generation (baby boomers and older) in a unique position to secure jobs that may have not been an option for them just a few years ago. Retirees are now qualifying for a broader range of positions that allow them to utilize their backgrounds and credentials in various capacities, such as management, training, and supervisory roles.
In addition to financial stability and greater employment options, many retirees are seeking employment as a social outlet. Employers with positive workplace cultures afford older individuals the chance to make a difference in their communities while enjoying meaningful relationships with coworkers, customers, and friends. Older individuals often discover the benefits of being part of a team that values their contributions and provide them with a greater sense of connection and camaraderie.
With the rise of inflation, employers can expect to see an influx of older employees who have chosen to remain in the workforce or seek new employment options. In many ways, incorporating these individuals within your team can enhance diversity initiatives and allow for a more dynamic and forward-thinking workplace.


text:
Picnic At Hanging Rock
Malthouse Theatre and Black Swan State Theatre Group
Lyceum Theatre, Edinburgh
Based on Joan Lindsay's 1966 novel, which is set in 1900, this production takes you back in time to a day of strange events. It's not easy watching and don't expect ends to be tied up.
The story of girls and a teacher disappearing on a school trip has been made famous in print and on film. It deals with the ideas of white newcomers in a wild, strange landscape.
While the horror genre might be more closely associated with film, the stage has long and scary history of thrilling audiences. A tradition by no means dead, with The Woman In Black proving a never-ending hit.
Picnic At Hanging Rock though is not in the same vein as The Woman In Black; it is more subtle and cerebral in the way it strikes fear. In many ways it is more a successor to Priestley's Time And The Conways with its unsettling distortions of time.
The play begins very simply with the five actors as schoolgirls narrating the events of Valentine's Day 1900. They go on to play not only the girls but the many other characters involved. Despite minimal costume changes, these changes are very clear.
The stage is a grey box, starkly lit, claustrophobic and exposed at the same time. The only real attempt to create the untamed wilderness: a large bundle of brush looming in the dark behind the walls of the set.
The production though is far from sparse; it's a very textured production thanks to the script, the cast and slick use of sound and lighting.
Blackouts and brilliant floods of light with the cast and crew nimbly changing the scene, serve to keep the audience on their toes.
The actors play many parts but Amber McMahon and Harriet Gordon-Anderson as male onlookers of the event and Elizabeth Nabben and Arielle Gray as a sadistic teacher and pupil back at the school particularly stand out.
It is an unnerving production flickering between different images and different times. Harsh lighting changes, loud music and sounds, but also silence add to the somewhat alienating feel of piece.
The play is over relatively quickly, but it packs a lot in with short scenes, some just moments, images without dialogue.
I heard some people say that the production could have been scarier. Which is true; there were moments that made the audience jump and they could have easily gone a little further with the shocks.
However I think that would be too easy; more haunting is the weirdness and mystery that the production conveys, true to the original novel.
Reviewer: Seth Ewin

domain: entertainment


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I grown in pain as my head throbs. I shouldn't have smoked on an empty stomach so early in the morning, I lectured myself as I grabbed my head in pain. My head hurt so bad that I could barely eat the yogurt placed in front of me.
The sound of Joan's heels slamming against the floor became noticeably louder as she made her way into the kitchen. Her long blonde hair was curled perfectly. Her black dress was elegant as always, hugging all her curves perfectly.
"Are you okay?" Joan asked as she walked by me.
I continue to grab my head, looking down at the table. "Yeah, I just have a headache."
"Take some IB prophen once you eat." Joan said as she grabbed a coffee cup from the cabinet.
I nod, "Okay." Now if only I could get this yogurt down...
Once Joan filled up her cup with coffee she took the seat two down from me. After a few seconds her eyebrows raised, "Do you smell cigarette smoke?" She asked.
Fuck. My eyes widened and my heart begins to pound in my chest. I continue to stare down at the table, not moving a muscle. I knew that if I looked at her to answer she would read me like a book. "No, why?" I grown, grabbing my head once more.
"It's this kitchen." She looks around the room. "I thought I smell it last night, too. Are you sure you can't smell it? That's probably what's giving you the headache. I know it always gave me head aches."
Awesome. I wanted to slam my head into this granite counter top in front of me. Not only because my head was throbbing, but also because it was just another similarity between Joan and I. "Did you use to smoke?" I ask her, surprised.
I was hoping she would say yes. I would be very surprised, but happy. Given the fact we were so much alike, she would understand my addiction… wouldn't she?
"God no!" Joan exclaimed, scoffing at my suggestion. "One of my ex-boyfriends did. It's one of the reasons why we broke up, actually. The second hand smoke would always give me headaches, especially in the morning."
Who was I kidding? Joan was perfect. Just like most woman like herself, she thought smoking was disgusting and something she would never consider doing. I was stupid to believe we were anything alike on that aspect.
I bit my lip, regretting the first time I had tried it. All it took was one time, trying to fit in, and I was addicted. It wasn't the art of smoking -even I thought it was disgusting. It was the feeling of relieving stress that drove me. Whenever I was stressed or needed to talk, it was there for me.
"Yeah, it is pretty disgusting." I muttered.
Joan nodded, studying me. "If you don't eat, you can't take the medicine." She warned.
"The yogurt is making me feel even sicker." I admitted, closing my eyes.
She stood up, her heels clicking as she made her way across the kitchen. Joan grabs a piece of bread from the bread box, placing the bread into the toaster before she turned around. Even though my eyes were shut, I knew she was studying me.
"I just can't figure out where the smell is coming from." She let out.
I didn't know if this was Joan's way of letting me know she knew, or if she literally thought it was coming from the kitchen. I wished and hoped it was the lather one.
As soon as the bread jumped out of the toaster, Joan picked it up and placed the piece of toast on a plate. After she buttered it with just the right amount of butter, she placed the plate in front of me. "Toast is easier to get down." She explained.
She made a piece of toast for me? Without me even asking? Just like a mom would… It was the little things that made me love Joan. "Thank you." I look up at her and smile, "I really appreciate it."
Joan studied me. "Relax." She said calmly. "It's what I'm here for."
It was amazing how the annoyed feeling I had gotten around Joan yesterday had completely disappeared. Now, the only thing I wanted to do was hug her and call her 'mom'. It had to stop.
I didn't know where the sudden change in emotions had come from. Was it the cigarette that had calmed me, making me less irritable? Or was it the fact that it was the first time a mother figure had volunteered to help me when I was sick? 'It's what I'm here for' played back in my head. She was so sweet and loving that my heart was melting.
"Morning Ladies!" Arthur announced as he emerged into the kitchen.
The happiness in his voice made me cringe. I remain quiet, knowing that my bitchy attitude could not continue. I had made a promise.
"Good morning." Joan muttered before she took another sip of coffee.
Arthur, waiting for a response from me, watches me as he made his way to the coffee pot. You're not getting one, asshole.
"Sutton has a headache." Joan explained to Arthur, covering for me.
I nod, closing my eyes.
I listen to Joan's heels collide with the tiled floor as she made her way to where I was sitting, taking the seat next to me. She placed her hand on my back, sliding her hand up and down in a continuous pattern.
The minute Joan placed her hand on my back I felt comforted, cared for, and loved. It was something I had never felt before from just a simple hand on my back. The emotions began to run through me. Tears began to form behind my eyes.
"Eat something, honey." Joan said as she continued to rub my back.
Hearing Joan refer to me as 'Honey' was just the tip of the ice burg. Her hand on my back mixed with the tone in her voice made me something of an emotional mess. The control over my emotions was completely out the window. I look away from Joan, not wanting her to be able to read me.
I hated that all it took was Joan to just simply touch me and every wall I had ever built came crushing down. It didn't matter who it was, Foster mother and father's, best friends, boyfriends; keeping walls up was second nature to me. But the ability to control and hide my emotions, that I had perfected over the years, was no good when it came to Joan.
I squirmed like a worm, making Joan immediately retrieve her hand from my back. I had literally given Joan the cold shoulder.
You could tell by the look on her face that me rejecting her hand on my back I had offended her. I had absolutely no intention to hurt Joan, but it was the only way I could protect myself from her. Joan was my weakness. And the fact that I had found someone who was, ate at me.
I took a bite of the bread. And another, and another… I needed to get this IB Prophen now. Joan watched me from out the corner of her eye as she talked with Arthur about some meeting Arthur had to attend tonight. I was too busy rubbing my temples and forcing bread down my throat to take in the details. Honestly, I don't think I would have even if my head wasn't burning in my skull.
"Arthur…" Joan interrupts him, her eyes still on me. "Grab me the apple cider vinegar."
I open my eyes to convey the same 'what the fuck' look that Arthur had on his face. Why the hell would Joan interrupt Arthur out of complete no where to get Apple Cider Vinegar? Out of all the things in the world…
Arthur put his hands up as if he wasn't going to ask any questions. He turns around, walking over to the Lazy Suzy where he pulled out a glass bottle. Arthur treads across the kitchen, handing the bottle to Joan.
"As I was saying…" Arthur continued.
Joan didn't even glance at him, she was too focused on the bottle in front of he, and me. She screwed open the top, bringing the bottle towards me. If she wants me to drink that shit, I'm done.
I look at Arthur, his eyebrows meeting as she watched Joan play doctor with a glass bottle of Apple CIder Vinegar in her hand.
"Inhale this through your nose." Joan commanded, holding the bottle up to my nose.
I gave her a look as if she was crazy. Was this bitch high?
"Just do it." Joan said, almost annoyed.
I inhaled, just as she told me to do. I inhaled once more. Each time, more and more pressure was released from my head.
"Better?" Joan asked with a smile on her face as she studied me.
I nod my head in disbelief, "Yeah." I scoff.
Joan's smile widened. "My grandmother used to make me inhale this whenever I got migraines. Each time it'd would work like a charm for me."
And that was one thing I was thankful we had in common. I inhale once more. My headache was practically gone now. "Thank you."
"Don't mention it. I'm just happy it worked." She smiled back at me before looking up at Arthur.
I look up at Arthur too. He had the biggest smile on his face that I've ever seen. It was as if seeing Joan be motherly towards me made him the happiest man alive. Why? Was it because this was a scenario between Joan and I that should have gone down years ago? Maddison, you're not Sutton. Arthur isn't your father and Joan isn't your mother. He probably just finds "motherly" Joan attractive, I remind myself.
"You still need to take IB Prophen, though." Joan said, getting up from her seat next to me. "I'll be back." She said before making her way out of the kitchen.
"Feeling better?" Arthur asked me.
I nod, "Yes, Arthur."
"Dad." He corrected me, smiling.
I nodded, "Yes, dad." I smiled at him.
Even after I gave myself a pep talk to bring myself back down to earth, the 'what if' questions still burned in the back of my mind. I felt as if everything that Arthur did and said was some kind a cryptic message for me to analyze. As if everything was just another clue, set up for me to find.
I dismiss it, knowing I was five thoughts away from being pronounced 'mentally' insane. I take another bite of toast.
Arthur continued to study me with a smile on his face, leaning against the oven. His eye left me the second Joan walked into the room, watching her take the seat down next to me. Joan placed two orange pills in front of me. "Could you get her a cup of water?" She asked Arthur.
Arthur grabbed a cup from the cabinet, filling the cup full of water. He set the glass down in front of me.
I grab the glass and the pills, looking up at both of them. "Thanks guys." Never before had I had adults take care of me like this before. Usually it was me on my own, finding ways to take care of myself. And here I was, having two adults take care of me like I was their own. And as much as I loved every minute of it, sometimes I wish they'd just be mean, just to remind me it wasn't real.
"Don't mention it, Sutton. It's what parents are for." Arthur smiled before he whirled around, making his way to the coffee pot.
And there it was again, another cryptic meaning. It drove me crazy for the past few days, eating at me everyday, from the moment I woke up until I went to sleep. It wasn't possible, was it?
"Okay, well, it's time for me to leave. You coming with me or do you want to go with Arthur?" Joan asked me, getting up from her chair.
It was like the ultimate decision, even though Joan made it sound so simple. I knew that if I were to choose Joan, her face would light up and she'd be happy for the rest of the day. But I also knew that choosing Joan would entitle me to a car ride full of questions. And even though Arthur would most likely ask those questions as well, he wasn't my weakness. He couldn't read me like a book, like Joan could. And last, but not least, I could control my emotions around Arthur.
"I'll go with Arthur." I state. Joan's eyebrows raise as if she was surprised by my choice. I felt bad. Hurting her was not what I wanted to do. "I spent the morning with you." I explain. And what a emotional roller coaster that was...
She nods a few times as if she understood. Joan grabs her coffee from off of the counter before whirling around to kiss Arthur. "I'll see you both there, then."
"Bye Joan, thanks again." I smile brightly.
She just nods once at me before turning around. Joan gave me the cold shoulder as her little way of letting me know that she was hurt by my decision. Joan had spent her whole morning taking care of me and I repay her by choosing Arthur. I just wish I could tell her the real reason why I chose Arthur over her.
"You and Joan were getting so close there for awhile." Arthur started, turning the radio down.
And so the questions begin… I nod a few times, "We still are getting along."
Arthur nodded, removing his eyes off of the road to look at me. "She likes you a lot."
I bit my lip, forcing myself to remain calm. "Good. I like her too." A little too much, actually. I wish I didn't like her. My life would be so much easier if I hated her...
"I know you do. Which is why I found it odd that you chose me over Joan this morning."
I turn to him and smile, "Because I wanted to spend some with you." I said. And thats all it took to make Arthurs face light up. What kind of spy was he?
Wait... the thought dawned on me, was I Arthur's weakness? Was that why he believed anything and everything I told him?
I continue, "I spent the morning with Joan so I wanted Arthur time." How was that for a "fixed" attitude, mother fucker?
And that's all it took and Arthur was putty in my hands. He looked away from the road to smile brightly at me. "Good, I need some Sutton time, too."
The car goes silent for a few minutes. Arthur awkwardly clears his throat. "So, what's going on with you lately? It's not just the change in attitude, you've changed, too."
I bit my lip, thinking of something to tell him that Arthur would believe. "I have just been under a lot of stress lately with everything and I took it all out on you and Joan." I pause, looking at him with the sincerest face I could conjure up. "And I'm really sorry about that."
"All is forgiven, Sutton. I was just making sure you're okay. This morning things have started to feel back to normal, and I'm happy for that. So thank you."
Yeah, you're welcome. I should be getting a mother fucking academy award for this acting. Like seriously. 'And the academy award goes to Maddison for her role as Sutton Campbell.'
"No problem. It was never my intention to be bratty and disrespectful towards you and Joan." I said.
"Again, that's all in the past. I'm just wanting to make sure you're okay."
I nod, "I'm okay now. Especially since my headache is gone."
"I'm glad to hear it." He said, glancing in his review mirror before switching lanes.
Jackson and I begin to run, following the "future" agents in front of us. Within a few seconds I begin to cough. Pain shooting from my chest, fighting for the air in my lungs. My lungs felt as if I was stabbing them with a knife, repeatedly.
I continue to cough, stopping from the jog. Jackson continues to jog with the group, quickly turning around to jog towards me, once he notices that I was gasping for my next breath.
"Sutton, are you okay?" Jackson asked, placing a hand on my back.
I cough once more. "Yeah." I let out, air finally filling back into my lungs.
"What the hell was that?" His eyebrow raised.
"I don't know." I shook my head, lying my ass off. I should have known the cigarettes would do that. Fuck me. "I got to get out of here."
"Do you want me to go with you?" He asked.
I shook my head back and forth, "It's fine. I'm going to go see my dad." I lied, not wanting Jackson to come with me.
He nods, "Okay. You have my number if you need anything. Feel better."
I nod, "Thanks." I said before making my way out of the gym.
I never knew a fountain could be so god damn entraining until now. The way I had been staring at it for the past twenty minutes I probably looked as if I was counting the water drops as they fell of the angles' arm. I gave up at fifty, I swear.
I didn't even know what this room was for anyways, but they had a room similar to this on almost every floor. Why the C.I.A invested so much into garden rooms, I had no idea. I, of course, was on the fourth floor, which just so happens to be Joan's floor.
Joan was who I wanted to talk to right now. She was the first person that popped into my mind to come to. But I couldn't and wouldn't allow myself to. The closest I got to her office was the garden room, on her floor.
My heart begins to pound in my chest as I watch Joan walk past the glass windows. As if on cue she turns her head, spotting me. Joan looks through the window for a second glance before retracing her steps to the door. Even though every fiber in my being told me to run, I remained seated, not moving a single muscle.
Within seconds, Joan takes the seat next to me on the bench. I still managed to not move a muscle, not even to look at her.
"You skipped the farm today." She asked, surprised. "Why?"
I was too busy coughing up a lung. No big deal. I raise my shoulders before letting them fall. "I didn't feel like going."
"Name one time you actually did feel like going." Joan challenged, staring at me as I watched the water fountain in front of us.
She had a point. I never felt like going to the farm. If it was up to me, I'd sit on my ass and watch Grey's Anatomy all day long, curled up in a blanket. I didn't respond, not having an answer strong enough to defend myself.
"What's wrong?" Joan asked, placing a hand on my back.
As soon as she placed her hand on my back, I suddenly had emotions flow through me like a river. I felt…vulnerable? Insecure? Fragile? I didn't know a word to perfectly describe what I was feeling. "Nothing." I finally let out. I was surprised at how controlled my voice sounded despite how uncontrolled my emotions running through me wildly were.
Joan sighed heavily, conveying she knew I was lying through my teeth. I hated that she could read me so well.
"I can feel you internally debating something for the past few days." Joan stated. "What's bugging you?" She ask, skipping the 'how are you' bull shit.
She could 'feel' me internally debating? Is that how she could read me so damn well? Did we share the same brain wave, too? I bit my lip, forcing myself to remain silent.
"Maybe I can help." Joan let out after I failed to respond.
Bitch, you were what I was internally debating on. Trust me, you've done enough helping. "I'm okay." I let out, looking at her for the first time.
Joan shook her head back and forth briefly, "No, you're not."
I suddenly had this urge to wrap my arms around her and cry into her chest like a child. As badly as I wanted to, I knew I couldn't let myself do that. Ever. I look away from her, gathering myself again. I suck in a lung full of air before letting it out, forcing myself to remain calm. I stood up from the bench, "Thank you, though." I said before making my escape.
Joan grabbed onto my wrist. I whirl around to face her.
"When you decide that you do need to talk, because eventually you will, I'm here. Day or night, I'm here." Joan said before letting go of my wrist.
The urge to cry into her came flooding back, stronger than the last time. I needed to leave now, while I still had some form of control over my emotions. "Thank you." I said before walking away swiftly.
And 'thank you' was not even close to what I wanted to say to her. I was more than thankful; I was surprised and overwhelmingly touched. Never before had I had an adult care so much, and try so hard to be there for me. She truly was everything a mother was suppose to be, and that was another problem that ate at me. Another problem I wanted badly to open up and discuss with Joan, but knew I never could.
Joan walked into Arthur's office with two files in her hand. Arthur looks up from the paper on his desk as she approached him. "I can't move any further on Operation Stevenson until you sign this."
"My signature is the last thing needed for that operation." Arthur raised an eye. "What's wrong, Joan?"
She rolled her eyes, shrugging. "Nothing, I just need your signature."
Arthur nodded, letting his wife's denial slide. He rose from his seat, following Joan to the table. She handed Arthur the file and a black pen.
"Something is eating at Sutton and I just wish she'd tell me what it is." Joan blurted.
Arthur dropped his pen onto the counter after he finished signing. He looked up at her, crossing his arms. "Maybe it's something from her past that she is too scared to tell you about."
Joan shook her head back and forth, shooting that theory out of the water. "No, it's something recent. I have a feeling it has something to do with why she's pulling away from me."
"She has only been here for a week and a half." Arthur's eyebrows raised.
"Yes, but a good portion of that week she was put together. I got a good sense of who she is. And towards the end of last week, we were getting along great. Now, it's a challenge just to get her to talk to me for a minute." She took a step closer, "You're one of her favorite people, and I even see her pulling away from you. She has been snipping and talking back to both of us recently, even after we had that talk with her."
Arthur's eyebrows met, "She hasn't snipped at me today."
Joan shrugged. "She did to me." She swallowed hard, "I tried to touch her and she…just…flinched away…"
He stared at her motionless, not knowing what to say.
Joan continued, "And then she even skipped class today."
"Sutton skipped class today?" Arthur asked, surprised.
Joan nodded, "Yes. I found her sitting in the garden room on my floor just a little bit ago. So unless class got over extremely early today, she skipped."
"She is a teenage girl, Joan." Arthur reminded, placing a hand on her shoulder. "They are suppose to snap at their parents, keep secrets, skip school, and go through bi-polar mood swings. Don't read too much into things."
Joan crossed her arms, shaking her head back and forth. "No, something is bothering her. She was begging for my attention, and the second I gave it to her she started to slowly pull away from me." She paused, debating whether or not to state her theory, worried about Arthur would think. "I think she thinks I'm going to leave her or something." Joan raised her shoulders before letting them fall. "I don't know why else she'd pull away."
Arthur raised a shoulder as he nodded. "That's very possible. And if that is the reason, can you blame her? She hasn't lived with the same foster family for more than six months."
She nodded, agreeing with him.
"You're an excellent mother figure. Maybe she is finding herself getting too attached to you and with her past as a warning, she is pulling away as a defense."
"I'm not going to leave her." Joan stated defensively.
A smile appears on Arthur's face. "I know that, but does she? Talk to her."
"I tried to talk with her just a little bit ago." Joan sighed, "She doesn't want to talk."
"Do you want me to talk to her?"
After a few seconds of Joan analyzing her shoes, she looks up at him and nods. "Will you?"
Arthur nodded, "Of course."
The elevator was crowded. So crowded that I almost just turned around and used the next one, but that's when I saw Auggie. I get onto the elevator with a smile on my face, standing right next to him.
He stood straight with a flashlight in one hand and a plate with a piece of cake on it in the other.
Ding. An idea popped into my head. My smile widens. I take the fork from off of his plate and take a bite of the delicious four layer chocolate cake.
"What the…" Auggie said, cocking his head back. "Sutton, put the fork down!"
I laugh, others in the elevator begging to turn around. Some smile, some laughed, but the bitches in the back just glared. I set the fork down.
Auggie laughs with me. "Now that, was an Arthur move. I bet you even have his signature grin on that face of yours, too."
The man next to Auggie nods, "Yep. It's definitely a signature Arthur 'I just stole a bite of your cake' grin."
I continue to laugh. "Do you have any milk I could steal, too? It's a little too rich."
"Do I have any milk for you to steal to wash down the cake you stole from me?" Auggie asked, a huge smile on his face. "Hey Jack, did I just hear her right?"
The man next to him nods his head, "You sure did."
Auggie laughed, "Will someone push three? I got to go get Miss. Campbell over here some milk to help her eat my cake." He announced, raising his voice in a playful manner.
Most of the elevator laughed along side Auggie. The lady in a purple dress, standing next to the elevator door pushes the button. "Sure thing."
Within seconds the elevator door opens, exposing the third floor. Auggie grabs onto my shoulder, following me out of the elevator. "Now, let's go get you some milk so you can help me eat this bad boy."
I smile for one of the first times today. "Sounds like a plan."
I had been sitting here waiting for Joan, watching the hand on the clock slowly migrate to the next tick. Even though it had only been six minutes, it had felt like hours.
Joan emerges into her office. Once she spots me sitting on her couch, her eyes widened as if she had seen a ghost. "What are you doing?" She asked, her eyebrows meeting. "How did you get in here?"
"Waiting for you." I said innocently, "Your assistant told me I could wait in your office until you got back."
Her eyebrow raised, "She told you that you could wait in my office?"
"Yes." I nod, "But I can leave, if you want." I point to the door.
Joan shook her head back and forth, "No, I don't want you to leave. I was just surprised she told you to wait in my office and let you close the door behind you…" She trailed off, a light bulb went off in her head, "It's because you're my daughter."
Hearing Joan declare 'you're my daughter' made my heart drop to my ass. I bite my lip, not allowing it to quiver. "Why would that matter?"
"Because she knew you wouldn't have any reason to steal or go though any files." She waved her hand in dismissal, "Don't worry about it. I'm just not use to it, that's all."
I nod. I didn't know what else to say so I remained silent, watching Joan sort files on her desk. The room became awkwardly silent.
"We will leave in a few minutes." She said, "Just let me put these away."
"It's fine. Take your time." And honestly, I wished she would take all day. I was not looking forward to that awkward car ride home.
"Why did you choose to come home with me today?" Joan asked, breaking the awkward silence between us in the car. The radio silently played in the background.
It wasn't because I wanted to talk… "Because Arthur had a meeting until seven." SHUT DOWN….
"Oh." She let out, keeping her eyes on the road.
I hate hurting Joan. I really did. But I didn't know how else to make her shut up. I couldn't talk to her. And I didn't know how to tell her that without exposing at least a few of my problems to her.
"So, how was work?" I awkwardly ask, trying to start a conversation that had nothing to do with me.
"Fine." She said, almost angrily.
The car went silent once more. Hello awkwardness… The awkwardness resembled the conversation Joan and I first had. It was funny how those conversations felt so long ago when really it was only a week. I strangely felt close to Joan, despite us being so far apart. It was strange.
"So, how was whatever you did today?" Joan asked, practically glaring at me.
I didn't even know how to respond. What the hell did I do today? I successfully coughed up a lung, stared at a water fall, avoided talking about my feelings to Joan, stole a piece of cake from a blind man, and I broke into Joan's office. If you ask me, it was a pretty mother fucking successful day. "It was okay." I said, the car still feeling awkward. "I'm sorry for skipping the farm today."
Joan continued to stare at the road in front of her, not saying a word.
I continue, not knowing what else to do. "I know it's the reason that I am here. And I know it's my responsibility to go, but I had a headache and I just didn't feel like going." I lied. I didn't have the headache any longer and 'didn't feel like it' was irrelevant. I couldn't go. My lungs wouldn't have allowed me too. But how the hell was I suppose to tell Joan and Arthur that?
"I thought your headache was gone this morning after you took the IB Prophen?" Joan challenged, taking her eyes off of the road just to glare at me.
Fuck. Um… "It came back. My migraines are really weird like that."
"U-huh." Joan let out, unconvinced. "If you were to tell me the real truth about why you didn't feel like going, I wouldn't be mad." She paused, lifting her shoulders before lowering them. "And I'm not even mad now. I'm just surprised and disappointed."
Again, I didn't even know how to respond. She used words like 'surprised' and 'disappointed' as if she had been my mother my whole life and had known who I was. How the hell did it 'surprise' her? She didn't even know me… "I'm sorry that I disappointed you."
Joan, being lost for words herself, takes her eyes off of the road to look at me. She studies me momentarily before fixing her eyes back onto the road.
I sigh, sinking into my seat. That was the last time I would try to start a conversation today.
Beep. Beep. My phone begins to move across my bed. I pick up my phone, my face lighting up once I see who it was from. "Feeling better? I missed you today." The text was from Jackson.
I bit my lip, debating how to respond. "Yep, all better…Thanks for asking(: I missed you, too." I texted back, a smile left on my face. I was beginning to really like this boy.
A knock plays on my door. I knew it was Arthur. Joan usually knocked three times or none at all, depending on her mood. "Come in." I invite.
Arthur opens my bedroom door, emerging into my room. "Hey there."
"Hi dad." I said, remembering to call him 'dad'.
Arthur smiles brightly at me, as if hearing me call him 'dad' made his day. "Dinner is ready."
I nod once before standing up from my neatly made bed. I turn my TV off, setting the remote down on my night stand. I turn around to find Arthur standing behind me. He places a hand on my shoulder. "Are you okay?" He asked, "I heard about your coughing attack at the gym today."
What the hell? 'Heard'? Who the hell was talking about it? I nod, "Yeah, I'm fine now. I think I just chocked on my own saliva or something." I shook my head back and forth, "I don't even know."
"I'm glad you're okay." Arthur said, his hand still on my shoulder. "If you have another coughing attack like that again, I'm taking you to the doctor. Okay?"
My eyes widen. "Uh, yeah." I swallow hard. Shit. A doctor examination was the last thing I needed.
Arthur took his hand off of my shoulder. "Now let's go eat before your mother gets bitchy."
I let out a laugh. Yeah, I think we are already too late.
I walk into the kitchen to find Joan no where to be found. There was no food, only the smell left. I follow Arthur into the dinning room. The food, drinks, and plates were already set up. The minute I walk into the room, Joan and I make eye contact. I quickly look away, taking a seat down at the table. It was the first time I had seen her since the awkward car ride, which was hours ago.
"Hi Sutton." Joan said with a smile on her face.
"Hi Joan." I said, smiling back so Arthur couldn't say I had an attitude.
Arthur takes a seat, smiling at Joan and I. "So...what did you two do tonight while I was at the meeting?"
"I haven't seen her since Sutton since we got home. She literally ran into her bedroom when we got home." Joan glared, as if she was saddened by me escaping to my bedroom. Bitch, please…
"What were you doing in your bedroom all night?" Arthur asked, his eyebrow raised.
"Watching TV." I state, leaning over the table to grab a piece of bread from off the light green plate in the middle of the table. It was the only thing that appealed to me right now.
"You're always watching TV." Joan snips at me.
I look up from the bread to glare at her. 'Would you rather me be making a bomb in my room?' I wanted to say, just to shut her up.
"If you watch anymore TV, that brilliant brain of yours will turn into mush." Arthur joked, laughing at himself.
"Don't worry, Arthur. Sutton has school starting Monday. I'm sure she won't have any time to watch TV with all the homework she'll have." Joan said sweetly, glancing from Arthur to me to see my reaction.
Oh yeah, that's right. I let out a sigh. Just one more thing to stress over… I'm going to be a fucking chain smoker by the end of these three years, aren't I? 4 packs a day…? Yep.
"Are you excited for school to start?" Arthur asked, cutting his chicken breast into small little pieces.
I shrug, "Yeah." I decided. "I'm excited to make some friends." Friends who were my own age, who didn't work for the C.I.A, who didn't constantly compare me to Joan and Arthur. Just the thought of that made me smile.
Arthur nodded. "I'm excited to see what you think of Swindell."
"Swindell?" My eyes widened and my mouth dropped. "As in the Harvard of Washington's private schools? As in the school the President's kids attend?"
Joan and Arthur both nod.
"Did you think you'd be going to public school?" Joan raised an eye.
I look awkwardly around the room. "Um…well, I guess I never really thought about it." I bit my lip.
Arthur laughed, "You're the daughter of the DCS. There isn't a chance in hell that's happening."
Oh, yeah…How could I have forgotten? I wanted so bad to roll my eyes but I knew I couldn't allow Arthur and Joan to see it. I continued to smile brightly at them.
"It's where our friend's kids go and they love it." Joan smiled.
Great. Awesome. Fucking Fantastic. There was no way in hell I was going to like this school, I could already tell. It was a school full of rich Senators, Officials, and President's children. I could already see the school now: Gossip Girl on crack.
I continue to flash them the best fake smile I could manage, "I have a feeling I'll love it, too." I said before stuffing a piece of bread into my mouth.
"Why didn't you say anything at dinner about her skipping?" Joan glared. "You can't just let her slide, Arthur, or she will do it more."
"She didn't intentionally skip class today, Joan."
"She didn't?" Joan's eyebrows met.
Arthur nodded a few times. "The coach came and asked me if Sutton was alright. She had a coughing attack in the middle of running today."
"What?" She asked, cocking her head back. "A coughing attack? Was she faking?"
"No." He shook his head back and forth, "According to the coach, it was pretty serious. She ran out before the coach could even check on her. He thought that she had asthma or something."
Joan closed her eyes and shook her head back and forth as a light bulb went off in her head. "Oh, boy…"
"What is it?" Arthur asked, looking for an explanation.
"Nothing, Arthur." Joan stated. "I'll take care of it."
"What, Joan?" He asked, a worried line appeared on his brow. "What are you taking care of?"
She opened up her mouth before she shut it, hesitating to speak. "I think it will just end up much better if I handle this."
Arthur's eyebrows met. "Is she okay?"
"She's fine." Joan nodded.
Arthur nodded, not pushing any further.
"She is just a little more like me than I had originally anticipated." She said under her breath as she walked out of the kitchen.
"So let me get this straight. You got up an hour early just to smoke because it's just social." Joan asked sternly with her hands on her hips.
I stare at Joan blankly, sitting on my bed. Thank god she stood across the room from me. She was just enough distance away that she couldn't hear my heart jumping out of my chest. So this is what they mean by 'between a rock and a hard spot'. This fucking sucked.
"Yes." I mutter, looking down at the ground.
"And that's the story you're going to stick with?" Joan asked, her arms crossed. I couldn't tell if she was mad or calm. Honestly, I don't even think she knew.
"It's the only version of the story." I said, looking up at her.
"U-huh." Joan nods her head unconvinced.
I knew that there was no way I was going to convince Joan that I was only a social smoker. However, I knew that if I could get Joan in a tight spot, she wouldn't further this conversation. "Tell me Joan, do you drink?" I ask her, knowing she did judging from the bottles of Whisky scattered around the house.
"Yes." Joan nods, her eye brows meeting. "How is this relevant?"
"And you just drink socially, right? You know, just a glass a wine or a shot of Whisky once in awhile to blow off some steam?"
Joan crossed her arms, glaring at me as she finally saw where I was going with this. "Yes."
I nod a few times. "But you're not addicted?"
"No, I am not." She shook her head back and forth. "But I am an adult…"
I cut her off, "But you're admitting that you can enjoy something without it being an addiction?"
"Yes." Joan admitted. A worried line appears on her brow. "But I'm worried that yours is an addiction. And even if it's not, you shouldn't be smoking at your age, or any age for that matter. Smoking is not only disgusting, but also very unhealthy. Your coughing attack at the gym today, for example. Or even the headache you had this morning. These are all natural warning signs that smoking is not healthy for you. And if you're not going to listen to me, listen to your body."
"You're right." Everything that came out of Joan's mouth was accurate and rational; I knew that. But the craving was still there. I wish it was that easy, but it wasn't. I nodded my head, "It won't happen again." I lied, knowing the second I became too stressed I would be back to smoking again.
Joan stood motionless in front of me, studying me. "And it should be easy not to smoke again, right? Because it's just social, right?" She challenges me.
I nod, afraid my voice would beg to differ.
"I'm going to need a verbal answer." She raised an eye.
My palms were sweaty and my heart was pacing in my chest. "Yes, it's just social." I lied. And honestly, I was surprised at how put together my tone of voice was.
Joan nodded. "Okay."
Even though the conversation was at a concluding point, I knew it wasn't over. I knew Joan wouldn't let this go this quickly.
Joan took a few steps closer to me until she was inches away. She took a seat next to me on my bed, turning to face me. I look up from my floor to look at her, giving her the 'what do you want' look.
She places her hand on my leg. "Why did you feel the need to smoke this morning?" Joan asked, "And be honest." She encouraged.
Be honest? Even if I was to give her an honest reason, I wouldn't even know where to start? It was the constant comparison between Joan and I. Once I would get used to the fact that we had something in common, another similarity would arise. The amount of similarities between us was so plentiful it was ridiculous. Never before had I had something in common with a foster mother. And here she was, someone I've never met before until now, practically my twin. And to make matters worse, Joan read me better than anyone I've ever met before. And I had this constant urge to tell her everything, hug her, call her mom, and never leave her side. And the worst thing, I couldn't hate her. As much as I tried and as much as I wanted to, it was almost impossible. The urge to know her was still there, constantly eating at me.
And then there was Arthur. Continuously trying to be my father inside and outside the house, as if it was natural. He constantly reminded me to address him as 'dad', even behind closed doors. And every time he spoke I felt as if it was a cryptic message.
But what truly bugged me to the core was the question 'why'? 'Why' did I analyze everything? 'Why' did Joan and I have so many similarities? 'Why' did Arthur try so hard to be my father, even when we were inside the house? 'Why' was Joan able to read me so well? 'Why' couldn't I hate her?
What made Joan and Arthur different than any other foster parents I've had in the past? Was it just because they were the type of parents I've always wanted? Or was it something much more deeper than that?
All of this combined together builded up to one gigantic cluster fuck that made me feel like a bomb, on the verge of explosion. I felt trapped. And honestly, I couldn't fucking handle it any longer.
All of this, I wanted to tell her. To just lay it all out on the table. But I knew if I did, our relationship would forever be ruined. And there were two types of ways it could ruined. On one hand, she could see that I was emotionally unstable and kick me to the curb, seeing that I wasn't stable enough to be apart of the C.I.A. On another hand, she could take it all and help me sort through it, just as she promised she would.
And to be honest, I was scared to expose her to my thoughts and feelings. The emotions I would be exposing to Joan, as I told her everything, would make her my greatest weakness of all. And truth is, I don't think I would be able to handle Joan rejecting me. And that's the thing that bugged me the most. Why the fuck did I even care about what she thought of me? I never cared about what any of my other foster moms thought about me.
Because maybe you're actually Sutton… And as soon as I thought that, my walls came crashing down. The bomb had exploded. Tears began to form behind my eyes. I turn away from her, getting up from my bed. "Because I felt like it." I said, walking across my bedroom, my back turned to her.
"Why did you feel like it?" Joan asked, still sitting on my bed.
I grab my hair brush, combing my hair as I thought up an answer. My back still turned to her, not allowing her to see my face. "Because I wanted to."
The room became silent as she searched for a greater come back. I continued to comb my long brown hair, not looking at her once.
"No, you smoked because you felt like you had to. And you're going to keep smoking until you tell someone what's bothering you. So why don't you just save your lungs the harm and you some stress and tell me now." She said in a slow and calmly manner. "I'm never going to judge you or use anything you tell me against you, I promise."
She was right. I was going to continue smoking. And there was more than one thing bothering me. But as much as I wanted to listen to her, expose my problems to her. I knew I couldn't do it. Ever. "There is nothing bothering me. You're reading too much into it." I lie, hoping she'd believe it.
She never responded, getting up from my bed.
Joan makes her way over to me, pulling me into a hug. She holds me tight. I bit my lip hard, sucking in a breath to force myself to remain calm. Do not cry. You can't cry, I warned myself.
"No matter how hard you try and convince yourself of that, you're problems aren't going to go away until you talk about them." Joan whispered into my ear.
A tear rolls down my face. What the hell was wrong with me? I was a complete and utter emotional mess. It was something I had never experienced until I met Joan.
Joan tries to release me from the hug. I continue to hold her tight, not wanting her to see my face. I attempt to pull myself together as she continues to hold me tight.
I suck in another breath, forcing myself to remain calm as I pull away from Joan. She studies me silently. "When you decide you want to talk, I'm always here."
I nod, "Thank you." I hold my breath, not allowing the tears forming behind my eyes to all.
She studies me once more, reading me like a map. "Good night." Joan offered me a smile before she turned around, making her way for my bedroom door.
"Night Joan." I said under my breath.
Once the bedroom door closed, it was only then that I could breath again. I wondered just how long I would be able to keep hiding my tears and problems from her until I exploded.
Hey guys, thanks for reading!
Now please review and tell me what you loved and hated. Also, what do you want to see happen in the future?
I look forward to hearing from you all :)


I saw the trailer of this British-Indian horror film, while searching for notable horror films of year 2016. The film is titled ‘The Other Side Of The Door’ and the story of the film is based in India and United Kingdom. A mother lost her son in a tragic accident in India. A woman told her about a secret Indian temple where she can have a last interaction with her dead son. The mother was warned not to open the door of the temple but the woman opened the door of the temple and mayhem starts happening in her life after coming back to Britain.
In the film an Indian shaman appears at the woman’s house warning her about the possible danger she has brought with her from that secret Indian temple. The get-up of that shaman is very much inspired from Indian Naga Sadhus. The Naga Sadhus are the ultimate advertisement for living a life that is in sync with all of nature. The western world and the westernized sections of Indian media are obsessed with their nakedness and forget to see them for their amazing grace and powerful existence.
Hollywood horror films are considered way better to Desi Indian horror films, which are notorious for its stereotype content and cheap production values. So watching a mainstream English horror film using the locations and characters of India is quite intriguing. The horror filmmakers from India could take a lesson from this.


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Free Coloring Sheets For Fall October Preschoolers Christmas Flowers Adults Teens Girls
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Coloring. Sunday , December 22nd 2019.
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Lawmaking at speed
A huge triumph for the All-Party Parliamentary Group (APPG) on stalking, and its chair, Elfyn Llwyd.
The prime minister marked International Women's Day by announcing plans to build an updated anti-stalking law, based on its work, into the Protection of Freedoms Bill, which is currently before the Lords. The amendments will go down on Monday.
Of course the devil's in the detail - and both the APPG and other MPs will be looking carefully at what the government proposes. But, wow! In their wildest dreams the MPs who spent months taking evidence from victims of stalking, bereaved relatives of murdered victims, police, lawyers and support groups, might just have hoped for some result in the new legislative programme to be announced in May, in the Queen's Speech.
Now a new law will probably be on the statute book before April is out.
There will be a specific offence of stalking which could attract sentences of up to five years in prison. There will be training on stalking issues for the police, advocacy services for victims and provisions dealing with cyber-stalking (one of the most complex areas) and treatment will be available to try to cure those perpetrators who can be cured.
Lawmakers who normally operate at snail's pace have suddenly turned into Usain Bolt. There will doubtless be e-mails and phone calls flying through the weekend to agree the final details - and it may be that campaigners are not satisfied with the result; we shall see.
But it is impossible to imagine this kind of response to an APPG report in any recent Parliament. Backbench groups pushing legislation tended to be seen as at best impertinent and, at worst, bonkers. So, in its way, this is as impressive a display of backbencher power as anything that has happened since the Commons began to perk up from its 2009 nadir.
And I'm sure that the assortment of APPGs working on issues as diverse as special educational needs, pornography and rail capacity will have taken note.