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TWO AMISH CHOICES
TABLE OF CONTENTS
TWO AMISH CHOICES ONE TRUE LOVE SMALL TOWN CHURCH ROMANCE AMBER & ABEL LOVINA’S HEART
“Unbelievable,” muttered Kate and shoved her gum from one cheek to the other. “Are you sure this is the place?” she asked the cab driver. “Lady, this is the address you gave me, are you coming or going?” They had passed several black horse-driven buggies coming here. And as she glanced through the window past her own reflection towards the large white, two-story house with its wrap-around porch and blue window shutters, she shook her head. Sent, or rather, sentenced, to live with a relative she didn’t know existed until two days ago, was one thing, finding out that this relative was Amish, was a whole new kind of weird. But Judge Mason had made it clear, this was her last chance to redeem herself and stay out of jail. Come to think of it, she had been lucky. If her mom hadn’t been his legal secretary, she would have been locked up a long time ago, but time and time again he bailed her out. What made this time different was that she owed it to her mom to turn over that leaf. Two months ago, while her mom was breathing her last breath after a long battle against cancer, Kate was getting high on drugs, completely oblivious to the fact that her mom needed her. The worst was she only found out three weeks too late that her mom had passed away. The guilt of not being there for her, or even attending the funeral was a wake-up call, and she would do anything to turn back the hands of time just to do things differently. “Lady, I don’t have all day,” muttered the cab driver. “Right, sorry,” she said, blinking away unshed tears and shoved the door open with her foot, “Here, this should cover the fare,” she said and shoved a wad of cash into the cab driver’s hand. “Keep the change.” Despite the trees looking warm and cosy with their red and brown leaves, the autumn air was cool and with each breath a white cloud puffed into the air. She gripped her coat and shoved her collar up to her chin, then reached down and picked up the one suite case she had. She still couldn’t believe her mother was born Amish, or that she had a sister.
She was about to knock on the door when it swung open. “You must be Kate!” She blinked, the woman standing before her was a splitting image of her mother, just a more conservative form. She had the same green eyes, with the slight dust of freckles across her nose and under the white cap ash blond hair, just like her mom. “Hi,” she whispered, “You must be Aunt Rachel?” “Jah, kumme, welcome to Bird-in-Hand. I have prepared a room for you and I’ve put out some clothes for you too.” A frown drew her brows together, “Clothes?” “Jah, for certain I think they would fit just fine.” Kate pulled a face and followed Aunt Rachel up the stairs to the bedroom. Bare The room was plain and the walls bare, besides framed version of the ‘Our Father’ prayer and an old wooden clock on the wall, there was nothing else. The carpet, an olive green colour had seen better days, but it was clean with scatter rugs all over the place. To her left, near the window was a single bed, covered with a patch-work quilt and at the foot of the bed stood a wooden chest, and in one corner of the room was a cabinet with a dish and a jug next to it a single straight-back chair. “Is that what I think it is?” she asked with raised brows. “Oh jah, I suppose it will take time to get used to things. I boil water every morning for you to wash up, but if you prefer to bathe, there’s a small bath out back.” Mortified Kate cringed. How on earth do people still prefer to live as if they were suspended in time? She glanced around, spotting the clothes Aunt Rachel mentioned hanging on a hook against the wall. She may not be able to get around the fact that her hygiene depended on a single dish of water, but there was no way they would subject her to wearing Amish dresses.
“Aunt Rachel, would you mind if I just wear my own clothes?” Her aunt glanced toward the dresses and then offered a smile, “Jah of course,” she said. “But I will leave it here in case you change your mind.” Which I won’t, she thought and then nodded, “No problem, where can I charge my phone?” Her aunt laughed, “I’m sorry dear, I don’t have electricity, you will have to charge it in town, but I would prefer if you don’t use that in my house. That thing is the devil’s gateway.” She had to fight the urge to roll her eyes. No charger, no electricity and no running water, her life was over. “I’ve made some dinner, it will be dark soon, there’s a lantern for when you come downstairs,” said her aunt and then fluttered out of the room. Kate stood frozen in the middle of the strange room. This had to be her punishment for her sins, God, if he even cared, was out for revenge. A while later, lantern in-hand, Kate made her way down the stairs. A malodorous smell of boiled chicken wafted through the air and Kate’s stomach turned, her appetite gone. She hated meat. Three months, that was her sentence, and after that, she could move back to the city and blend into civilisation again. How hard could this possibly be? She thought staring at the plate of food as she sat down. “Let us say grace,” her aunt smiled and held her hands out. Kate, feeling awkward placed her hands in her aunt’s and bowed her head. Unable to make out, or understand a single word, she waited until a familiar Amen was uttered and then opened her eyes. “Please eat, you must be hungerich,” her aunt instructed. No need to guess what her aunt was saying, Kate reached for a piece of bread and then dished up some carrots and peas. “Here, have chicken,” her aunt offered and reached to dish up some white meat.
She shielded her plate with her hands, “I don’t eat chicken.” “Oh dear, if I had known I would have made something different.” “No, it’s fine, I just prefer vegetables.” Gesturing to her plate, she added, “This is perfect.” Her aunt smiled and nodded and an awkward silence hung between them like a draped curtain separating the stage from the audience. Although the house was well maintained, there was no sign of a man living here. Was her aunt married, did she have any children? “Do you live alone?” “Jah, I have been on my own for five years since Abraham passed away.” “Abraham?” “Jah,” she simply said. “And do you have any children?” Her aunt put down her fork and wiped her mouth with a napkin. “Gott did not will for it to be so.” She could have kicked herself for delving into her aunt’s life; it was none of her business and never should be, she wasn’t planning on staying, anyway.
Summer was waning as it made way for the cooler autumn months that lay ahead. It had been three weeks since her arrival in the small Amish town and through her aunt’s begging and pleading she finally agreed to help out at the bakery. On her terms, for one she doesn’t get up at 4 AM to knead bread dough, she doesn’t wear an apron or a funny looking hat and she doesn’t wear Amish clothes. As far as Kate was concerned the locals could love her or hate her, it simply made no difference to her. The day was cooler than usual and Kate tucked her hand deeper into her jacket. Up ahead was the infamous Bird-in-Hand Farmer’s Market. This is where she was supposed to report for duty. She had half expected it to be a bit more rustic, but instead it was an indoor market with separate stalls, selling everything from meat to fresh produce and deserts. What surprised her even more was seeing how many normal people were browsing the stalls and for the first time she didn’t feel like a complete outsider. “Hey you, I’m talking to you!” called a booming voice and Kate stopped to see what the commotion was about. At one of the stalls were a group of guys, Kate counted four, all in their early twenties, and looking like steroid junkies. She knew their type. Big mouths we exploded egos to try to compensate for their intellectual short-comings. She moved closer, curious to see what they were on about. One of the guys, a tall pumped up tattooed guy with short blonde spikey hair, picked up an apple and sunk his teeth into it, taking a huge bite before spitting it out on the ground. One of the others up a pumpkin and laughing he dropped it to the ground where it burst into pieces. “Oops, my bad,” he jeered, and the others laughed. “Please put that back,” croaked the owner. Tall and big enough to take on the bullies, he stood with his shoulders hunched and avoiding eye contact. When he moved to cover his fresh produce with his hands, she noticed the slight limp.
“Or what?” challenged one delinquent. “Please mister, I don’t want no trouble,” whispered the Amish man. Bruno, the guy with the tattoos as Kate dubbed him, slapped the man’s hands away, and he shrunk away from their assault, his eyes blinking in fear. She looked around her at all the other visitors and owners going about their own business, everyone pretending to be oblivious to the obvious abuse. When one of the other bullies picked up another pumpkin to throw on the floor, Kate had enough. Impulsively she grabbed hold of a broom leaning against a nearby stall and stormed the bully. With one swing, the broom collided with the back of his knees and the guy slumped to the ground. “What the hell is wrong with you people?” she shouted, not only at the guy cringing in pain on the floor, but at every other person. Every single person in her immediate vicinity had stopped what they were doing. The surprised looks on their faces irritated her even more. One of the bullies moved and Kate raised the broom over her shoulder, “You take one more step and I’ll shatter your knee caps!” she spat. “Why don’t you go and pick on someone your own size?” She was trembling, more out of anger than fear, but realistically, they could quite easily overpower her if they wanted. Just as she aimed to take a swing at one of them, a loud disembodied voice echoed from behind her. “What is the meaning of this?” The four bullies backed away and scurried through the crowd to the exit and when Kate turned around, she stood face to face with a larger than life Amish man with thunder in his eyes. “Young lady, put down the broom,” he ordered. She lowered the broom and frowned, “They were bullying this man,” she said gesturing to the guy still cowering in the corner of his stall. “Everyone, please continue to enjoy your shopping,” the other man said gesturing with his hands.
Frustrated she muttered under her breath, “Are you just going to stand there and pretend this didn’t happen?” He ignored her and turned to the stall owner. “Abel, vas in der velt?” “Nothing,” he hesitated, “A simple misunderstanding.” “A misunderstanding?” Kate uttered in disbelief, “Those guys were ruining you stall!” The older man with the grey hair turned to her. “This is none of your business.” “Of course it is! And why would you just let them do what they want?” she demanded, turning her attention the Abel. A gentle hand came to rest on her shoulder. Aunt Rachel whispered, “Let it go, he turned the other cheek, just as our Herr Gott commanded.” “Rachel, do you know this girl?” “Yes Bishop, it’s my niece Kate, she’s visiting for a while, I’m sorry for the trouble.” Her aunt pulled her by her arm but she pulled away. “So you just allow people to push you around like that?” “Kate,” implored her aunt, “Now is not the place or the time.” The rest of the day, Kate spent her time working at her aunt’s bakery, something she had no experience in. Feeling completely lost, scared and alone she tried her best to learn the basics, but even sifting flour and dry ingredients provided to be a challenge. “Why don’t you manage the customers?” her aunt suggested. Kate dusted off her flower covered apron and wiped her forehead with the back of her hand. “How would I help them, I have no idea what’s what?” Her aunt smiled softly at her, “One step at a time, you’ll learn.”
One night after dinner, Kate lay in her bed staring up at the ceiling. It’s been two weeks since she used her phone, and with no contact with the outside world and no social media she felt completely deserted. This place was like something out of the Eighteenth Century, candles or lanterns to light up the place, no bath, no indoor toilet, no nothing. She glanced over at the plain blue dresses still hanging behind the door and pulled a face. Tomorrow was Sunday, and she would have to attend church, which means she would have to put on one of those hideous dresses. Tired of lying around, she got up off the bed and walked over to the window overlooking the road side. The streets were completely deserted, she dropped the curtains, and they fell down in front of the window again. With nothing else to do, she pulled here bag out from under the bed. If she was going to stay here for three months, she may as well pack her clothes into the closet; she thought and tipped her bag out. To her surprise, a packet of cigarettes fell on to the bed and with it, her heart thudded I her chest. That’s how it all started. Her mom had warned her against the dangers of addiction when she lit her first cigarette at the age of fourteen, but she wouldn’t listen. Eventually, hooking up with the wrong crowd, cigarettes were no longer enough, and she experienced with different things. Before long she was caught up in this web of drug abuse she couldn’t get out of. Nervously she picked up the packet and flipped the top open. The smell of tobacco prickled her senses and she could almost feel her mouth water. “No,” she whispered, “I’m not going back there again,” and shoved the box back into the bag. But it was easier said than done. As she paced the room, frustrated with her situation, that little box kept drawing her attention. Agitation set in and ignoring the need was near impossible. Eventually, unable to contain herself, she pulled her bag out and shoved the packet of cigarettes into her jacket pocket. Only one, she promised herself and headed downstairs.
“Kate?” Cringing, with her hand resting on the door handle, she turned to face her aunt. “Where are you going, it’s already past nine o’clock?” “I need some fresh air,” she lied. “It’s a bit late to go out, why don’t you come and have some tea?” Her hand wrapped around the packet in her pocket, she shook her head, “No thanks, I’m just going for a walk.” “Alone?” “Yes, why?” “It’s not really good for a girl to go out alone this late.” Kate had to do everything in her power to keep calm. “Aunt Rachel, I’ll be fine, and I’m not Amish, so who will complain?” “But you’re in my house,” protested her aunt. “Because I have no other choice,” she blurted, tugged the door open and shut it behind her. The cool evening air rushed into her lungs and she closed her eyes taking a moment to calm down and then headed to the small wooden gate. She looked up and down the street. With the lack of light, other than the light of the almost-full moon that broke through the trees, it was dark. And although an eerie silence revolved all around her, she didn’t feel panicky or scared. She angled left, in the direction of the market, since that was the only road she really knew, somewhere there had to be a quiet spot where she won’t be seen. A short distance further, next to an old large tree she found a small footpath. Glancing ahead, she could see the winding path clearly, and without a thought, made her way down the path. With each stride conflicting thoughts raided her mind. She didn’t want to fall back into her old habits, but having been thrown into this town, forced to live the life of a nun would drive her insane. But the
further she walked down the winding path, the more she fought against a cascade of rebellious thoughts threatening to take hold of her. By the time she found a quiet spot far away from everything else, she sat down against a large rock and let out a heavy sigh and pulled out the crumpled cigarette box. The moonlight, suddenly felt much brighter, and it felt as if a thousand eyes were pinned on her to see if she would fall from grace yet again. “It’s a beautiful night,” a disembodied, deep timber voice spoke from somewhere behind her and she froze, holding her breath. “Denki,” said the voice, “For today.” Numb with shock, she let out an unsteady breath as her mind raced through everything that happened earlier in the day. Hesitantly she asked, “Are you the farmer from the market?” “Jah, my name is Enoch Muller.” Although she was still apprehensive, not having expected some random stranger to be at the exact spot she picked to commit her personal sin, in the dead of night. Her mind on overdrive she tried to remember if she ever came across any gruesome Amish crimes, but her nerves were shot. Hesitantly she whispered, “Are you the farmer from the market.” “Jah, that’s me. The name’s Enoch, Enoch Muller.” Does she introduce herself, or run back to the safety of her aunt’s home? She wondered briefly. “A lot of the Englischers are good people, but not everyone understands our ways.” Kate swallowed, her brain’s fight-or-flight mode completely paralyzed unable or rather unwilling to breathe a word, she simply sat, clutching the cigarette packet. “This is one of my favourite spots after a long day,” he continued, “Especially when the moon lights up the sky. It brings me peace and draws me closer to Gott.” There was a slight pause, and then a rustle and still Kate didn’t dare to
move or breathe until a shadow fell over her, obscuring the moonlight. “I’m disturbing you, I’m sorry.” Kate pushed herself up from where she sat and dusted her bottom off, “No, you’re not. I’m the one that interrupted you,” she said, “I’ll go.” “No, you don’t have to go,” he said, “It’s nice to have some company.” Clearing her throat she raised a brow, “But I thought you like the peace and quiet.” “I do,” he chuckled, “But I’ve been here for an hour.” Glancing down at her hand, his smile grew, “You trying to sneak around Rachel with those?” Kate could feel the blood rush to her cheeks and quickly shoved the packet into her pocket. “I quit a while ago. I was actually just, well...” she stammered, “I keep it as a reminder.” “You keep it as a reminder of better times?” Cringing inwardly she muttered, “No! Of course not, it’s just a thing we Englisch do to remind us never to make the same mistake again.” “Smoking is a mistake?” “Well, yes, if your name is Kate Thompson. Do you smoke?” Enoch threw his head back and laughed, “Neh, I don’t like the taste of tobacco, but a lot of the others do smoke. We actually have our own tobacco plantation not too far from here.” Puzzled, Kate studied him. “Are you serious?” “Jah, it’s one of our main sources of income.” “Ok, that’s just weird.” He chuckled, “If you say so. Anyway, I’ll leave you in peace now,” he said and then turned and started down the path back to the main road.
Suddenly things were too quiet, and around her it felt as if the darkness was closing in on her. Without a second thought, she hurried after Enoch. “Why didn’t you stand up for yourself?” she asked as she caught up to him. With his hands tucked behind his back he shrugged, “You mean fight?” “Fight, argue, anything to put them in their place, but you just let them walk all over you.” For a moment, Enoch was quiet as if mulling over her question, then she continued, “Or is this all about turning the other cheek?” “Matthew 5:39,” he smiled, “I suppose the bible says you have to turn the other cheek.” Confused, Kate got to the top of the footpath and stopped next to the large tree. “But that’s not the reason, is it?” Enoch stopped, his eyes wandered around and eventually he shook his head, “I wish it were the only reason,” he finally said. “It’s getting late, I’ll walk you home.” This was a very subtle brush-off, and Kate decided not to push for answers. As far as it concerned Amish people, she learned, they had a completely different set of rules and opinions about everyday things. “Don’t bother, I know my way back home,” she muttered. “The name’s Kate by the way.” “Gutte nacht Kate,” he nodded and then turned the other way. She stood and watched him as he strolled away from her. What an odd character, she thought before turning around and heading back to her aunt’s house. Once in the privacy of her room she peeled off her jacket and tossed it aside and irksomely flopped down on the bed. “What just happened?” she muttered. She had gone out there to be alone; just one cigarette was all she needed. But just like that, running into Enoch, she couldn’t or simply put, the craving fled. Even now, there wasn’t even a hint of a need.
Sunday, at church Enoch settled into his usual spot, two rows from the back, but unlike other times, he kept looking over his shoulder. Every time a shadow filled the doorway, his curiosity spiked. He had tossed and turned all night, unable to get Kate out of his mind. Somehow saying a simple thanks to her, didn’t feel adequate, and he had hoped to see her at church with Rachel. As each congregant passed him by, he lost hope. It was almost time for the service to start when a familiar voice drifted from outside. It was Rachel, he would know her voice anywhere, but when Rachel passed him by to take her seat a few rows ahead, there was no sign of Kate. Disappointed he slumped back against the hard wooden pew. The service was long, as always, but he couldn’t remember a single thing that was said. His mind kept drifting to the woman with the chestnut-brown shoulder length hair and deep hazel eyes. As the service drew to a close, and the last Amen was uttered he stood up and turned and the moment he did, he saw her. But it wasn’t at all what he had expected. She was dressed in traditional clothing, from the prayer kapp that hid away her blonde locks to the stockings and sturdy shoes all the women in the community wore. She didn’t look at all like the rebellious girl with the blazing fire and determination that sparked in those hazel eyes, she looked sad and scared. Realizing he was staring openly at her, he tore his gaze away and heat rushed to his face and he hurried out of the church, desperate to feel the cool air against his cheeks. “Enoch!” It was Rachel’s high pitched voice that caught up to him as he hurried over to his buggy parked in front of the church, behind the row of stationary buggies all looking the same. He stopped, took a steadying breath and turned around. Rachel, with Kate short on her heels came barrelling towards him. “Hallo Rachel,” he nodded, hooking his thumbs into his suspenders and avoiding eye contact with Kate at all cost. “Vas is letz?” she asked with marked concern.
“Gutten mariye,” he greeted ignoring her questions, “Vie gehts?” “Ach it’s a gut marye jah,” Rachel smiled. “Where are you rushing to?” Enoch rubbed the back of his neck and shrugged, “I was just going home.” “Nonsense,” exclaimed Rachel, “Come have lunch with us at the haus,” “L-lunch?” he stammered. “Jah, well, I was actually hoping you could have a look at the back door, it seems to get stuck, and shouldering it open every time is painful.” “I see.” Kate’s amused expression and the slight way her lips curved into a sideways smile caught his attention and he glanced down. “I’ll come later, at two jah?” “That’s perfect!” exclaimed Rachel and hooked her arm into Kate’s. Kate glanced over her shoulder and winked, and Enoch felt as if the world would swallow him whole. Just before two that afternoon, he pulled up to the house, a house he had been familiar with for most part of his life, but now, coming here it felt like he was entering a stranger’s home. He took a moment to compose his nerves before reaching for the small wooden box he had spent all night making. He had barely made it up the small path when the door swung open. “I thought you might not show up,” grinned Kate. She was still dressed in the traditional Amish blue dress, but wore no kapp to cover her head. Instead her blonde locks fell like a silver waterfall down over her shoulders. For a brief moment, Enoch reconsidered accepting the invitation. “Aunt Rachel, you win!” she called over her shoulder, before grabbing him by the arm. “She told me you would be here, so we took a bet.” Amused, Enoch smiled, “You took a bet?” “Well not a bet, bet, you know? Just... never mind. She’s in the kitchen; I need to
go get dressed.” He regarded her and a frown drew between his brows, “But you are dressed.” Her expression spoke volumes, “This?” she gestured, waving her hands down over the dress, “Was a once off thing, I prefer my own clothes.” “Ach, well you look nice.” The words were out before he could stop himself, and he instantly regretted it. “What I mean is, you, well, it fits...” “You mean, wearing this I fit in with everyone else by pretending to be Amish?” “Nee, that’s not what I’m saying, I, um, it doesn’t look too bad...” This wasn’t helping, and for reasons only Gott knew, he was stumbling over his own words like a bobbeli learning to speak for the first time. Half panicking he half shoved the small wooden box into her hands. “I made this for you.” A soft expression fell across her face and a smile tugged at the corners of her mouth, causing two tiny dimples to delve deep into her cheeks. She took the box and studied it. “Oh wow, this is a beautiful gift,” she murmured lifting the lid off the box. “I don’t...” “It’s not a gift,” he interrupted her mid-sentence, “A gift would indicate friendship and we can’t really...” “That is nonsense Enoch!” Rachel blurted sticking her head out from the kitchen door, “Of course you can be friends with my niece.” Enoch’s face flushed red, and he cringed inwardly. Ignoring Rachel, he continued, “It’s payment to say thank you for the other day. So now we are even.” The confused yet amused expression on Kate’s face was enough to give him cold feet, but her eyes held him captive. Those cerulean-glass eyes rimmed with thick lashes bore into his soul every time he looked at her. Her eyes were he mirrors to her soul where she harboured all those deep-seated emotions of suffering, loneliness, longing, desire and happiness. Her emotions danced like a flickering
flame igniting emotions he had suppressed for most part of his life. A heated blush crept up into his cheeks—he was staring at her again. “I’m sorry, I can’t stay,” he muttered and spun around, barrelling towards his buggy not daring to look over his shoulder. She was an Englisher, he was Amish—worlds apart to say the least, and the feelings that were smouldering deep down like glowing embers had to be quenched before they turned into a raging fire that might consume his common sense. Dumbstruck, with the small wooden box in her hand, Kate stared after Enoch as he hurried away. Puzzled, not by his sudden departure, but by the strange feeling swirling around in the pit of her stomach like a swarm of bees, she stood and watched until his buggy blended into the night. “Where did he go?” asked her aunt behind her. “Home, I think.” “What a dummkopp,” she muttered, “That boy is so deerich.” Kate had no idea what her aunt was saying, but by the tone of her voice and he way she clicked her tongue, she didn’t need to understand a word. When she turned around she shrugged. “I guess he wasn’t hungry after all.” Aunt Rachel chuckled and shook her head, “He’s hungry all right, but not for food. He likes you.” Blood rushed to Kate’s cheeks and her brows shot up, “That’s absolutely ridiculous.” “Is it now?” “Yes it is.” Her aunt looked down at the little box in her hand and shrugged, “You know in the Amish culture, when a young man gives a girl a gift, it symbolizes a lot more than a simple thank you.”
“What do you mean?” Her aunt simply smiled, “You like him too, I can see it in your eyes.” Shocked by her aunt’s words, Kate snorted, “Now if there’s anything more absurd than some Amish farmer liking me, it’s me liking some Amish farmer.” With that, she placed the small box on the half-moon ball and claw table near the door and fled to her room.
Weeks went by, and every day, Kate would make her way to the market to help out at her aunt’s bakery. On her way she would have to pass Enoch’s stall, but other than an awkward nod or hello, they avoided each other. Even Sundays, he would sit in his usual spot, two rows in front of her, she always arrived after him, and when the service was finished, he would remain seated until she was gone. For most part, Kate was a master at hiding her emotions, but with every passing day, it became near impossible to ignore those tiny flutters that made her heart drum against her chest at the prospect of seeing Enoch. Not only was she strangely attracted to the shy man with the curly blonde hair and striking blue eyes, she was slowly starting to blend in with the rest of the community. Wearing a plain Amish dress was no longer unappealing to her, and somehow, being here gave her a sense of peace. She had been to the occasional quilting session with her aunt, learned how to sew and over and above that, kneaded bread dough like a pro. It was a Wednesday morning, the sky was filled with shades of fluffy grey and dark blue clouds and the air smelled like rain. In the distance the slant of rain could be seen, like brush-strokes from the heavens. She quickened her pace, hoping to reach the market before the downpour. But her hopes were dashed with the first large drops splattering heavily on the ground. Hugging her coat tightly around her and holding on to her kapp she ran. The last thing she wanted was to arrive at the market looking like a drenched cat. Kate had sorely misjudged the condition of the road and as she ran for cover, she stepped on a loose stone. A small gasp left her lips as she stumbled forward, and with arms flailing to break her fall, gravity pulled her down like a magnet. “Oomph!” she cried out as her palms and knees scraped over the gravel. Pinching her eyes shut she bit into her bottom lip she moved to get up, but the moment she put her weight on her foot, a sharp pain lanced through her ankle and into her leg and she sank to the ground. She could cry or scream or throw an epic tantrum right now, but what would it help. She was stranded at least a mile away from the market, and of course, no phone to call for help.
She winced in pain as she pulled herself backup against the base of a large tree. Wearing the thick black stockings made it difficult to see the extent of the injury. She knew her foot wasn’t broken but looking at the swelling already bulging on the outside of her ankle, she could only guess it was a bad sprain. The rain was relentless, and the tree under which she sat, offered little cover from the rain. Several minutes passed before she noticed the dark silhouette of a buggy coming from the direction of the market. Desperately, Kate pulled herself up against the tree, keeping the weight off her foot and waved. Only when the buggy pulled to a halt next to her did she realize it was Enoch. “Kate, what happened?” he called out as he rushed over to her. Drenched, cold and feeling embarrassed, she sighed, “I tripped over a stone, and I think I sprained my ankle.” Enoch didn’t wait or ask for permission, and in one swift motion, he tucked one arm around her waist and the other under her knees and effortlessly lifted her into his arms. “Here, let’s get you out of the rain, I’ll take you home.” “I can’t, aunt Rachel needs me to...” “She sent me to come and find you, and I’m sure she won’t expect you to work in this condition,” he interrupted and lifted her into the buggy. After stacking a few bags around her injured foot to keep it still and elevated, he hopped in next to her. Moments later, Kate was sitting in Enoch’s kitchen, and he was kneeling at her feet. This was not the Cinderella scene she had envisioned. Instead, he had cut away the stocking around her ankle, and had removed her shoe. “You really don’t have to...” she started in protest. “I’m just looking at your foot,” he interrupted and gently lifted her ankle, resting it in the palm of his hand. Despite the searing pain that seemed to have spread from her ankle to her head, she couldn’t ignore the warmth of his hand or the way her heart was drumming against her ribs.
“Enoch, really, I can take care of it myself,” she mumbled. He looked up, and pinned his eyes on hers, “It’s a bad sprain, but I don’t think it’s broken,” he said, “Where else are you hurt?” She swallowed, her insides felt like a thousand tiny fireflies, all burning at once, nestled in the pit of her stomach. The more she tried to convince herself that he was just a concerned human trying to help an injured person, the more intimidated she felt. A few months ago, being alone with a guy, in a kitchen or any room for that matter, would have been the most natural thing in the world, but this was way too intimate on a whole new level. She had grown and actual conscience and her moral meter was shooting sky high. Hesitantly she held out her hands, palms facing up, “I grazed my hands on the gravel trying to block my fall.” Enoch’s expression softened, and as he took her one hand in his to inspect her injury, he smiled, “You should have gone in with Rachel.” “At 5 AM, not a chance!” Enoch rose and fetched a large bowl and filled it with water. Returning to her he placed the bowl on her lap. “Wash your hands.” The moment her hands touched the water, she flinched, “Psssht! That hurts!” she cried and pulled her hands out of the water. “Only for a moment,” he smiled and gently wrapped his hand around one wrist, turned her palm up and with his hand cupped, scooped water poured it over her hand. He did this a few times and then did the same with the other hand. This was not the same guy she had met at the market, who was too cowardly to stand up for himself, nor was he the man who ran from dinner like a shy school boy. The man before her was the type that goes unnoticeable and then suddenly appears, like a shadow in a dark room when the light is suddenly turned on. As she sat and watched him, an unsteady feeling crept into her heart, it was her Gringe moment. All it took was a kind gesture, a friendly smile and a single touch, and from somewhere deep in her chest, she felt it... she felt something and it overwhelmed her with no uncertainty.
With the sudden realisation that swept through her like an out-of-control bush fire she pulled her hands free and grabbed the small towel and pressed it to her palms. Brows drawn together he asked, “Did I hurt you?” “N-no,” she croaked. “I just, this... you...” she stammered. Picking her next words carefully, she breathed, “I never got to thank you for the gift.” The blush in his cheeks hadn’t gone unnoticed but Kate pretended not to see it. Her aunt had told her that gifts from Amish men to Amish women are more than just a thank you; it’s more like a love confession. “I hope you find it useful,” he simpered, averting his attention to cleaning up around them. “Enoch, can you just stand still for one minute?” she pleaded, “You’re making my head spin.” He stopped, bowl of water in hand, and looked at her. The tension was palpable and if he didn’t notice it, she sure did. “I...” [like you, please tell me you like me too], were the words that bounced around in her brain, but instead, she took the route of common sense, “I will leave in a few weeks.” A mask of indifference fell over his face like a shadow, and he turned around to place the bowl of water on the counter. Shoulders hunched he murmured, “Back to the city, I know.” She wanted to go to him, but her ankle and her pride was in protest against her. “I don’t fit in here,” she whispered, but even as those words left her lips, she knew it was a lie. A few weeks ago, she may have felt that way, but over the past few weeks, making new friends, and for once feeling like she was a part of something greater. Accepted by so many despite her short comings, she longed for this to be her home. “Come,” he said turning to face her, “I will take you to our aunt.” This time, he didn’t pick her up and carry her to his buggy; instead he simply let
her lean on him. The earlier warmth and compassion lost. By the time they reached the house, Enoch felt as if his insides were about to explode. Being in such close proximity to Kate was affecting his common sense, and if he didn’t hurry, he might do something they both will end up regretting. He pulled the buggy to a halt, hopped out and came around to the passenger side. “Here, let me help you,” he murmured and as Kate turned and lowered her legs off the side, he cupped his hands around her slender waist and hoisted her down against him. Neither of them said a word, but feeling her in his arms this time around was even more intimate than when he carried her into his house a short while ago. Between then and now, something had shifted between them and it was beyond anything he had ever experienced. And when her eyes tilted up and met his, it took his breath away. “Thank you,” she whispered with her hands resting on his chest. He swallowed against the torrential flood of desire. This close to her, he could see the tiny flecks of gold in her hazel eyes, and map out every single freckle that danced across her face. But it were her lips, soft like that of rose petals and he longed to feel them against his. He could feel it, the magnetic pull between them, and he knew she could feel it too. A few more inches, her breath was already feathering across his lips... “Kate! Oh Kate, I was so worried!” Like a finely rehearsed sidestep, Enoch had caught himself just in time as Rachel’s voice tore through his muffled brain and with one elegant sweep, he lifted Kate into his arms. “Your niece sprained her ankle,” he muttered, unable to look Kate in the eye. Rachel rushed over, “Ach Kate, what on earth have you done?” to Enoch she gestured, “Just lay her down on the sofa; I’ll tend to her injury.” And just like that the moment had slipped past him, just in time for him to come to his sense, and break the spell he was under.
And there she was, in a city she hated, and a place that didn’t want her where people hardly took notice of those around them. It’s been four weeks since she arrived in Harrisburg, committed to starting her new life. But wherever she looked or turned, she saw glimpses of a life she longed for. The bakery on North 3rd Street, reminded her of Aunt Rachel; not so much the shop, but the amazing aroma of freshly baked bread and cookies in the early mornings. Even the Baptist church she visited every Sunday left her with a feeling of wistfulness, despite the move charismatic vibe compared to the Amish church. Then there was the Broad Street Market, her favourite place to visit. Every day, after her shift at the local coffee shop, she would go there for no other reason but to smell the fresh fruit and vegetables. It was her way of clinging to the pleasant memories of the people she had met in Bird-in-Hand, but most of all, of Enoch. Sometimes the memory of him made her smile, other times it made her cry. She should let go, move on and find herself again, but how could she? Her heart conflicted with her common sense, and she was fighting a losing battle. It was just after 9 AM, six-to-nine rush was finally over, and while it was quiet, Kate restocked the display trays with fresh muffins, cakes and on-the-go sweet treats. This was her daily routine and then again at midday when everyone crawls out of their hidden crevices in the concrete jungle for their next caffeine fix. While hunched behind the display cabinet, the doorbell jingled. “I’ll be with you in a moment,” she said without looking up. “Hallo.” The voice that flowed across the counter reached deep into her soul, touching her heart and sending it on an unsteady gallop drumming against her chest. And as she rose from behind the counter, her breath left her in a surprised gasp. “Enoch...” she breathed, afraid he would hear the tremor in her voice. He took a step towards her, reached for his hat and clutched it in his hands in front of him. For a moment, all they did was stare. Kate, unable to move,
swallowed at the lump in her throat and Enoch stood, his cheeks burning red. “I thought...” “What are you...” they both said at the same time and burst out laughing. Kate came out from behind the counter, wiping her hands on her apron, and while she tried to silence her erratic heartbeat, Enoch closed the distance between them. “Kate, I wanted to write to you... so many times...” he started, “But I what I need to say, cannot be said on paper.” She held her breath, her heart beating a million miles a second, “Yes?” she breathed. He took another hesitant step, closer to her, “Your Aunt, well she misses you and I was wondering if you might think about returning to Bird-in-Hand?” It was like an ice bucket challenge aimed straight at her heart. The disappointment at realizing he was here on behalf of her aunt was devastating. She fought to keep her smile intact, but her cheeks felt like they were about to spasm while deep down her joy faded like the twilight on a winter’s day. How could she have been so foolish to think Enoch would be remotely interested in her? She kept her smile intact, grabbed the nearest tray from the counter and stalked over to one table and cleared the empty cups. After a few seconds she set the tray down and spun around to look at him. “Look,” she started, “I miss Aunt Rachel too, but you and I both know I don’t fit in. I’m just not that Amish girl Aunt Rachel hoped I’d be.” Enoch’s brows drew together, “No one expected you to be that Amish girl, or any other girl for that matter. Rachel just misses you that is all.” If he mentioned how much her aunt missed her, one more time, she might actually explode. Irritated, she plucked the tray off the table and stormed past Enoch and muttered, “Send her my love and tell her I will try to visit her soon.” She had just put the tray down, and was desperately fighting back her tears,
when she felt a warm hand on her shoulder and another reach down for her hand. Enoch was standing so close she could breathe him in. And as he slowly turned her to face him, she held her breath. “Kate, I keep trying to convince myself that what I feel would pass, but all I’m doing is lying. Yes, your aunt misses you, but I didn’t come here on her request. I came because every day since you left, I cannot stop thinking about you, and may Herr Gott forgive me, but I yearn for you like I have yearned for no other before...” He continued talking but she could hardly focus. Enoch just confessed to her that he yearned for her. “Y-you can’t stop thinking about me?” she interrupted. Enoch’s mouth curved into a shy smile, and he shrugged, “Jah, it’s the truth.” He looked down at the floor, his hat still clutched in his hands, “I know we are worlds apart, but I can no longer keep this secret in my heart...” Kate opened her mouth to speak, but he held up his hand, “Hear me out,” he continued, “In a perfect world, I could ask you to come home with me, and you would say yes and even consider converting to the Amish faith, but... I know that this,” he gestured with one hand, “This is your life, and as much as I would want you to consider...” “Enoch,” she breathed and hesitantly stepped closer to him, closing the distance between them. “This world, this life, it’s a temporary platform between destinations for me. And I would give this up in a heartbeat if I knew I had a future elsewhere, but I’m damaged goods, and you deserve so much more.” She swallowed at the lump in her throat. She was broken; she had done things in her life she was not proud of and no man should want to be with her. Unexpectedly Enoch reached for her hand, “Who am I to pick up a stone and throw it, if I too have faults? My dear Kate,” he smiled, “If Gott has forgiven you and made you pure again, why would you not accept His forgiveness?” This was all too sudden too much. All her adult life, she had jumped from relationship to relationship, blindly and irresponsibly falling in and out of love, to a point where love eventually faded all together and was replaced by simple
indifference. And now, having this wonderful man, willing to take her as she is, was almost too good to be true. “Please consider it,” he whispered. She looked up at him, desperately wanting to throw herself in his arms and let her heart be free, but her past and her fears wedged her into place. “I need time to think about it,” she blurted, “I... just need some time.” Enoch lowered his gaze and nodded, “I understand, I will leave you to think about it.” Kate worried her lip, and lowered her gaze, unable to look him in the eye. The pain she saw was too much to bear and an awkward silence fell like a veil between them until the doorbell jingled and two women entered. “I should go,” said Enoch as he stepped out of the way. For a moment she wanted to stop him, and make him stay, but she had a job to do, and having customers wait, wasn’t an option. She looked helplessly at him as he put his hat back on, nodded goodbye and left. “Amish men are so odd,” commented one woman and giggled and the other one shook her head saying how they should stick to their own kind of people. And as the two women babbled on about the Amish, Kate couldn’t help the anger that surfaced. “Excuse me,” she said interrupting their conversation. The brunette with the pasted on makeup raised a brow and looked up at her, “Yes?” “Our coffee machine just packed up, I’m afraid I will have to close shop early.” “Are you serious?” exclaimed one. “Yes, unless you want a glass of milk, I can’t help you.” The two women exchanged looks and rolled their eyes, “This is ridiculous.”
“I do apologise, maybe you can come back later,” Kate offered, but deep down she wanted to give the women a piece of her mind. “Come, this place has really gone to the dogs,” muttered one of the women and the both got up and walked out without as much as a goodbye. In that instant, Kate tugged her apron off, tossed it on the counter, called to the kitchen staff, “Tell Mike I won’t be back!” She didn’t have to think it over, there was nothing else to consider. She was in love with Enoch and no matter how she tried to reason, her heart ached for him. She hurried out of the coffee shop, looked left and right, and then she spotted him. Impulsively she ran towards him, “Enoch! Enoch Wait!” she called until he turned around. He stood, waiting until she reached him. “I’ve thought about it,” she breathed. “I want to go home.” “Home?” he asked, tilting his head slightly. “Yes, home, with you and Aunt Rachel and everyone else back in Bird-inHand.” A smile tugged at the corners of his mouth, “Are you certain?” “Yes,” she exclaimed, “If God has forgiven me and made me whole, and you can accept me as I am, I wouldn’t want to be anywhere else.” Enoch smiled, reached for her hand and embraced her, then whispered, “Ich liebe dich, that means I love you.” Kate’s eyes filled with tears, but they were happy tears, and as she buried her head in his shoulder she sighed, relieved. Her home was where Enoch was, and that was all that mattered.
Rachel looked out the window, watching the fierce blizzard swirl around the farmhouse. It had been building for days. Last night, it had intensified so much that her sleep was disturbed. The old house creaked and moaned as the wind picked up. She had risen to her bedroom window, amazed at the snowflakes swirling as if in a vortex. The cold had punctured her skin like a million needles. This morning, it was worse. She watched, anxiously, as her father battled alone through it, securing the animals as best as he could. Two day until Christmas. The world was white, and frightening. Somehow, nature reflected her inner turmoil. She had not been herself, these past weeks. Sighing, Rachel wrapped her shawl tighter around her shoulders. The temperature had dropped, again. The fire roaring in the corner seemed to throw out little warmth. At least they had enough firewood to outlast the storm. How long could the blizzard last? Would Christmas still go ahead? Suddenly, she heard her father shouting outside. What was wrong? She craned her neck to see, but the swirl of white was so intense outside that it was impossible. The front door opened, sending in a blast of snow. It was her father, of course. But as Rachel turned, she was shocked to see two figures with him. Both tall. One was dressed in black, in the typical Amish fashion. The other wore jeans and a huge snow coat, in the English style. Two men, covered in snow, stomping their boots onto the mat. Her father struggled to shut the door against the wind. Then the trio walked into the living room. Rachel gasped. How could this be? For she knew the two men. They were as different from each other as chalk and cheese. As far as she knew, they didn’t know each other. How was it that they were together, in her living room? And worse, stuck together in her living room. For this blizzard was here to stay, at least for today. There was little indication that it would abate. The two men were marooned with her family at their farmhouse. The neighbours were miles
away in either direction. And the roads would be blocked. It was as if they had planned it, but how could they have? Two men. Both known to Rachel. Had God planned it? He knew the decision that she had to make. Had he put both here to make her decide?
The Amish man was Abraham. She had known him forever. She remembered the first time that she had seen him. They had been children, going to school together. Someone had pulled her kapps from behind as she sat at her desk, making her cry. Well, she had only been five years old. But the boy that she had been told to sit next to reached over and gave her his handkerchief. Through her sobs, she had turned and looked at him. “Are you alright?” he whispered, looking at her in concern. She nodded, slowly. Her sobs abated. “I’m Abraham,” he said. “Don’t worry, I’ll look out for you.” And he had. Abraham had been like the brother she had never had. In the playground, he would watch her, making sure she was okay. They rarely played together, but she knew he was always there. Like a guardian angel. They had grown up, as children must. She was always conscious of him in her life. His eyes would shine when he looked at her. A constant, like the moon and the stars in the night sky. Rachel could pinpoint the moment when it had all changed between them. Rummspringa had happened. Rachel had been curious about the world, and travelled to stay with English friends in the city. She had seen so many wonderful things; the English world intoxicated her. Should she stay in her
community, safe and loved, or should she spread her wings wider? What did God intend for her life? She had met him in town, when she had returned. Literally ran into him as she crossed the road to do her shopping. “Abraham!” She had been joyful, to see him again. But he hadn’t smiled back. “Rachel.” He inclined his head, quietly assessing her. “I haven’t seen you for a while. Where have you been?” “Oh, Abraham,” she gushed. Her eyes shone in excitement. “I have been to the city! It was wonderful. So many things to see and do.” He had frowned, slightly. “Jah, it can be exciting,” he had replied. He looked her over. “You’ve changed, Rachel.” “Have I?” She twirled around, inviting his admiration. But it wasn’t forthcoming. His statement hadn’t been a compliment. She felt her excitement puncture slowly. Why was he so disapproving? “Well, it was nice to see you,” she replied. She didn’t smile at him. “I must go, now. Mamm is waiting for me.” He had bowed again, and walked away without a backward glance. And that was it. She hadn’t talked to him much since. A distance that could not be bridged had sprung up between them. She heard that he was courting Eva, a girl they had both gone to school with. She had been sad that they hadn’t remained friends, but philosophical, too. For her world had changed entirely. David, the English man in her living room, had happened. She had met him on rummspringa. He was a friend of the family she had stayed with. She had been shy with him, at first. She hadn’t met many English men. But he had been gentle and sweet with her, asking how she was enjoying the city. Then he had invited her to see the latest exhibition of an artist that was showing at a gallery. She had hesitated, just for a moment. But then she had accepted.
He picked her up in his car, whirling through the city streets. She wasn’t used to cars, and felt quite giddy. They had walked through the gallery together, admiring the paintings. She didn’t know much about art, but David was well informed. He pointed out how the artist had used texture and shading to build the paintings. He knew a lot about the history of art, and the influences in the paintings. She hadn’t said much. It was like she was a sponge, soaking in all the knowledge that was being heaped upon her. It was fascinating, and alluring. Could she become a part of this world? But then, rummspringa had ended, and she had returned home. Her afternoon at the gallery with David acquired the aura of a pleasant dream. She knew it had happened, and that it had been wonderful. But she had not seen him again. Until he had unexpectedly visited her. Mamm had been shocked when she opened the door on the tall English man that day. “Jah?” she had inquired, looking him up and down. “Can I help you?” David had smiled. “Yes, I was wondering if Rachel was here,” he said. Rachel had heard his voice and come to the door, amazed. “It’s alright, Mamm,” she said. “This is David, a friend of the Baileys. I met him on my stay there.” Mamm had raised her eyebrows, but let him enter. David had walked into the house, a bit awkwardly. She had made them coffee; her mother had left them to talk alone in the parlour. Rachel was mystified. Why was he here? It turned out that David had friends in the area, and knew she was close by. “I was wondering,” he said, looking at her carefully, “whether you would like to see the gallery in the nearest town. And then maybe, get a coffee?”
Rachel had considered. She was very fond of David, but he was an Englisher. Would going on outings with him encourage him to think that she might court him? She didn’t even know, herself. It was like she was being pulled in two directions. One path, very clear and obvious – getting baptised into her community, and living the life her family wanted her to. The other path was thorny, and wound into complicated areas – to not be baptised, and so become a part of the English world. Her father had started pressuring her recently about it, to make the choice. He also wanted her to consider marriage. I’m only nineteen, Rachel thought to herself, a bit desperately. Why must I make a choice? But she did. If only she could be like her best friend, Lovina, who was very sure and comfortable about staying within the community. But then, Lovina had courted several local Amish boys, and knew how to talk to them. Lovina wasn’t shy and nervy, like Rachel. Rachel took a sip of her coffee, thinking deeply. David needed an answer. He had sought her out, and besides, it would be impolite to refuse him. And she did like him, very much. “I would love to,” she replied. David smiled. She very much felt like she was on the edge of a precipice, where one wrong step could see her careering into an abyss.
Rachel looked at the two men, frozen from the blizzard. She could feel her mouth open, like a gaping fish. Surprise had rendered her speechless. Abraham spoke first. “You look surprised, Rachel,” he said. “I was travelling along the road when I saw a car broken down.”
“Yes,” David continued, looking at Abraham, “my car suddenly broke down. The electrics I think; the lights were dimming and the radio flickering on and off. Luckily, Abraham happened by and gave me a lift in his buggy.” “But the blizzard caught us, and your farmhouse was closest,” Abraham continued. “So here we are.” Both men looked at her, expectantly. Rachel roused herself. “Please, sit down,” she said. At least her powers of speech had returned. “I will make a pot of coffee, and inform my mother. She is sewing in her room.” Abraham and David sat down, looking at each other warily. You could cut the air with a knife, Rachel thought darkly. They would all just have to make the best of it. At least until the blizzard cleared.
As Rachel made the coffee, she thought back to the week before, when she had gone into town with David to the gallery. It had started out perfectly fine. They had perused the gallery, and Rachel had enjoyed it again. She was getting a stronger sense of art in the English world; was becoming infected with David’s passion for it. Once again, the world seemed to shift and slide for her. She could – if she made the choice – do this all the time. But what of her family? They would be devastated if she decided not to be baptised. Oh, it wasn’t the same as if she left them after being baptised, she knew that. She wouldn’t be shunned. But she would still be forever separate from them. She would be able to see them, but she knew it would never be the same.
Yet, the siren’s call of the gallery beckoned her. A life, perhaps, with this man? Where they could talk about art, view it, travel together? She was getting ahead of herself, of course. She didn’t know how she felt about David. It seemed she didn’t know anything, anymore. The confusion, the push and pull of it, was like a fog within her brain. They had a coffee afterwards, where David had spoken enthusiastically about the exhibition, and the artist. “Would you like to come with me to another?” he asked, his eyes shining. “There is one in the next town starting next week.” “Maybe,” Rachel had replied, frowning. “I’m not sure.” “Didn’t you enjoy today?” he asked quickly. He seemed to really want to hear the answer. “Jah, it was wonderful,” she said. She paused, trying to gather her thoughts. “It’s just that I am confused. I don’t know if it is the best idea, doing this too much. It lures me away from my community.” He nodded, seeming to understand. “But then you can make an informed decision, can’t you?” he pressed. “The more knowledge you have, the more power.” “Maybe,” she replied, sipping her coffee. “Or maybe it is more temptation.” She smiled, then shook her head. “I will let you know, David.” The shop bell rang, and someone walked through the door. She turned to look. It was Abraham. Would he acknowledge her? He barely spoke to her, anymore. It was sad; she remembered when they had been friends. Must everything change? He had seen her. He paused, as if considering if he should approach.
Her heart lifted when he turned in her direction, heading toward the table. “Rachel.” He nodded at them both, his eyes widening slightly as he assessed David. Was he terribly shocked to see her here, having coffee with an Englisher? Would he disapprove? “Abraham,” she said, smiling widely. “It is so good to see you! This is my friend, David.” The men shook hands. Rachel could see David was quietly assessing Abraham, as well. “So,” Abraham said. He shifted awkwardly. “Have you been busy?” “We’ve just been to see the latest exhibition at the gallery,” Rachel replied. “Oh, you would love it, Abraham! Such beautiful paintings.” Abraham nodded, slowly. “I am glad you enjoyed it,” he said. “Well, I must be off.” He tilted his hat, at them both. Then he turned to the counter, to order what he had come in for. “An old friend of yours?” asked David. “One of my oldest,” answered Rachel, a little sadly. “But we have drifted apart, lately. He doesn’t want to be friends with me anymore, it seems.” She looked down at her coffee, biting her lip. “Well, he doesn’t deserve you, then,” said David, reaching out to put his hand over hers. She stared down at his hand, covering her own. Was it seemly, especially in public? But she didn’t move it. And it was at that moment that Abraham turned back to them. He frowned, looking at their hands. She could feel tension zip through his body, making him stand straighter. Almost as if he were about to pounce. She quickly removed her hand, blushing. What must Abraham think of her?
The moment seemed to stretch on, forever. David locked eyes with Abraham, who stared him down. Tension filled the air. Eventually, Abraham had broken it. He had simply turned and walked out of the shop, not looking back. Rachel’s eyes filled with tears. She couldn’t bear him thinking badly of her. But what could she do now?
And now they were both sitting in her parlour, awaiting coffee. Life was strange, Rachel reflected as she picked up the cups and took them into the waiting men. Her father had re-joined them, and was in the process of throwing a log onto the fire. It hissed and crackled as it fell, shooting out sparks up into the chimney. Inside, all was warm and bright; outside, the world had turned to white, a swirling vortex of snowflakes. The old house creaked and groaned under the pressure. Rachel looked at the candles adorning the windows. The Christmas baskets, that had been prepared for the elderly in the community by her mother, were sitting on the floor, awaiting delivery. Would they be able to deliver them, now? It was only two days until Christmas. Rachel’s heart constricted at the thought that those baskets would not get to their recipients in time. Abraham was still sitting, staring at the fire and chatting with her father. David had stood up, and was looking out the window. He was frowning. “It doesn’t look like I’ll be making it home for Christmas,” he said, a little sadly. Rachel walked up to him, smiling. “It might clear,” she said, staring out. “I have seen blizzards suddenly blow themselves out. You might still make it.” She pondered the thought of spending Christmas away from her family. She simply couldn’t imagine it. She pictured
them all gathered, eating a huge roast chicken with gravy and all the trimmings, just like they always did. Afterwards, there would be pie. Christmas was about family. She shuddered. If she decided not to get baptised, she would no longer be a part of it. She couldn’t bear the thought. She could feel Abraham’s eyes on her. Was he disapproving of her, again? Why had he suddenly decided that he didn’t like her anymore? It was so perplexing. To have been so close to him, for so long. They made stilted conversation as the day wore into the night. Her mother made up the spare bedrooms, and eventually they had all retired for the night. Rachel breathed a sigh of relief; she was glad to have escaped. In bed, she pondered further. Eventually she turned to her bible, seeking comfort. A verse from Proverbs leapt out at her: “Trust in the Lord with all your heart, and do not lean on your own understanding. In all your ways acknowledge him, and he will make straight your paths.” She reflected. Perhaps there was her answer. She had been trying so hard to solve the dilemma, on an intellectual level. Perhaps she needed to stop thinking, and start trusting God. If she calmed her mind enough, he would lead her where she was supposed to go. She needed to stop fighting so hard. She sighed, frowning. In the confusion of the two men staying unexpectedly, she had forgotten to get herself a glass of water before bed, as was her habit. She got up, sliding on her slippers and dressing gown, padding quietly down the stairs. She had just turned on the tap and was filling the glass when she heard a sound behind her. She turned. David was standing there, looking at her. Rachel instinctively tightened the belt on her dressing gown. This wasn’t good; she was in her night attire, and didn’t have her prayer kapps on. He shouldn’t see her like this. She took the glass, smiling slightly at him as she walked past him. He grabbed her arm, making her turn around to face him. “David,” she said, under her breath. “What are you doing? You are hurting me.”
In response, he gripped her arm tighter, pulling her against him. The glass wobbled precariously in her hand. She didn’t like the way that he was looking at her, not at all. What had suddenly come over him? “Rachel, I want to kiss you,” he said. Her eyes widened, in horror. “No,” she whispered. “It’s not proper. This is my home, and you must respect our rules. I don’t know how I feel about you, David. I know I like you as a friend.” He let go of her arm, suddenly, so that she stumbled backwards. Water spilt from the glass, slopping onto the floor. “I should have known,” he hissed at her. “You’ve been leading me on, all this time. Don’t act innocent.” “I have not!” she replied. The accusation stung her. “You wanted to spend time with me, as a friend. That’s what we’ve been doing. I never led you to believe anything else!” He looked at her, witheringly. Then he turned and walked out of the room. She leaned against the kitchen bench, breathing heavily. What had just happened? She couldn’t believe it. This was David, who had been nothing but kind and tender with her. Where had this sudden anger toward her come from? What had she done wrong? Her eyes filled with tears of confusion and hurt. She had wanted to be part of the English world, had been dipping her toes into it. It had seemed expansive, full of things she wanted to explore. But this...this was a side of it, that she didn’t like at all. Was there truth in David’s accusations? She had no idea. She was used to her community, where things progressed slowly and in sequence. Perhaps things were done differently in the English world. How would she know, after all? Shaking slightly, she slowly walked back upstairs to her bedroom, climbing into bed. She had asked God for an answer, to lead her to decide. Perhaps, he had done just that.
But the fact remained: how on earth was she going to face David, in the morning?
Rachel stared out the window the next morning, breathing a sigh of relief. The blizzard was over. They were no longer stuck in the house. She walked outside, grabbing her basket as she went. She needed to collect the eggs. Half of her hoped that David would be gone by the time she got inside. She didn’t think that she could look him in the face, again. Contradictory thoughts raced through her head, chasing each other. On the one hand, she felt anger toward him. How could he have done what he did? But on the other hand, she felt like she must have done something to provoke it. Something that she had no awareness of. Her eyes filled with tears, again. It was better that she remain out here, amongst the hens. She didn’t think that she could trust herself around anyone. She might burst into tears at the slightest thing. The girls had not laid very many, of course. They never produced much, in winter. She could have completed the chore quickly, but she lagged. She heard a noise, behind her. Her heart was gripped with fear. It wasn’t David, was it? But no. It was Abraham, walking up to her. “Gutentag,” he called. “Gutentag,” she called back. She could feel her voice shake. She needed to get herself together. “You are taking your time,” he said, frowning as he looked in her basket. “Not many, today.” He paused, looking at her. “I just wanted you to know, your friend David has left. He said he was in a hurry, and couldn’t say good bye to you.” Abraham frowned. “He was acting strangely, or stranger than he usually acts, at
any rate.” Rachel’s eyes glimmered with tears. She bit her lip. Don’t say anything, she told herself fiercely. “Rachel,” Abraham said, softly. “What is wrong?” She sat down, abruptly. Abraham sat down beside her. “It’s nothing,” she said, wiping her eyes with the back of her hand. “I’m just being silly. I slept badly last night.” He said nothing, just let her catch her breath. But his eyes narrowed. “Rachel,” he said. “Look at me.” She turned her face, reluctantly, toward him. “What did he do to you?” he whispered. “I’ll go after him, this minute.” “No!” She reached out, laying a hand on his arm. He looked down at it. “Then tell me what is wrong,” he said. “It’s just a misunderstanding,” she said. “David thought...that there was an expectation in our friendship. I had to tell him there wasn’t. He wasn’t happy – that is why he left this morning, so abruptly. He obviously didn’t want to speak to me.” “What happened? Did he hurt you?” His face was dark. She laughed, a little tremulously. “Oh, no,” she whispered. “Not physically, anyway. He hurt my feelings, but that’s okay. I should have known better.” “What are you talking about?” He said, frowning. “Known better than what? Rachel, the only thing that you should have known was to stay away from that man. I know you think that I don’t like him just because he’s English, but it’s not that. I could tell what kind of man he was, straight away. He was trying to take advantage of you.” Rachel hung her head. The tears that had been threatening spilled over.
“Don’t cry, Rachel,” he said, gently. “I can’t bear it, to see you like this.” “What can’t you bear?” she cried, suddenly. “Why do you even care? You haven’t been my friend in a long time, Abraham. Why should you suddenly decide what is good for me, and what isn’t? Friends don’t treat each other like this. Friends are there for each other, through thick and thin.” Abraham’s hands balled into fists. “I couldn’t watch it,” he said, slowly. “I couldn’t watch what you were doing. Toying with the English world. I thought you were going, Rachel. I thought you were making the decision to leave our community, and it made me so sad.” He took a deep breath. “And then, when I saw you hanging around with him.” He spat the word, as if it was something distasteful. “I knew straight away what kind of a man he was. But you had stars in her eyes, talking about art and life away from here.” Rachel got to her feet, grabbing the basket. “Well, isn’t that nice,” she said. “I would never have done that to you. Friends are supposed to be there for each other, regardless of what is happening in each other’s lives. But you aren’t a real friend, are you, Abraham? You are one of those fair weather variety, only around when the going is good.” “How can you say that?” His voice was raised. “I have always been there for you, looking out for you when we were at school! I have been a better friend to you than most. The only time I have turned away from you was when I thought you were leaving me!” He was panting. Rachel felt tears welling, again. What was the point of this? They couldn’t communicate, anymore. They had grown so far away from each other. It was sad, but it couldn’t be mended, obviously. “The blizzard has cleared,” she said. “I think you need to leave, Abraham.” She walked past him, refusing to look at him. No, she had no idea of anything, anymore. She had lost two people who she had thought were friends. One of them she had been losing for a while, anyway; it had been a band aid she had been frightened to rip off, for fear of the pain. But in the end, she got the pain anyway. The other was a quick pain that would keep
hurting, for a while at least. There was no avoiding pain, that was obvious. You might try to dodge it, walk around it, or ignore it, but it would follow you, whether you liked it or not. She prayed silently as she walked. She had been full of confusion about her life, and what she would do. At least now, one path was gone. She would not be keen to experience the English world, again. She was out of her depth, and besides, the incident with David had made her realise how dear her world was to her. She didn’t want to lose it; not now, not ever. She would talk to her father. She had made her decision; she wanted to be baptized into the faith. She thought of Abraham. No, he hadn’t followed her. She knew he wouldn’t. He had made his choice, a long time ago. And she didn’t want to be friends with someone, anyway, who couldn’t accept her for herself. The good sides of her, as well as the bad. It was all for the best.
Rachel sat beside her best friend Lovina. It felt good to re-connect with her. She hadn’t seen her in a long time, since she had been busy with David. The two girls were inside, next to the blazing fire. The roads had finally opened, and Christmas had come and gone. Lovina had called around to Rachel’s house to deliver her Christmas present. Rachel’s eyes shone when she ripped open the small present. In her lap was a handmade crocheted rug. Rachel threw her arms around her friend. “Thank you,” she whispered, tears in her eyes. She hadn’t lost all her friends. “You’re welcome,” Lovina said, smiling. She had already opened Rachel’s
present to her, a knitted scarf. It was wound around her neck. “You can take it off, you know,” Rachel said, gesturing to the scarf. “It must be hot wearing it inside!” The two girls laughed. Then Lovina looked at her friend. She could tell something was bothering her. “How is David?” she asked, gently. It was as she thought. At the mere mention of the name, Rachel bristled and blushed. “What happened, Rachel?” Lovina took her friend’s hand. “Oh,” Rachel tried to smile. “We had an argument. He thought something that wasn’t true about me, and didn’t believe me when I told him he was wrong. It doesn’t matter.” “I thought that might be the case,” said Lovina, looking at her friend tenderly. “Dear Rachel, you are so shy and unsure around men. Sometimes, they misunderstand things. Especially in the English world, or so I have been told.” She paused, looking at Rachel. “Have you made a decision? Do you want to stay in the faith?” “I do,” answered Rachel. It felt like a weight was lifted off her shoulders, just saying the words. She felt lighter, somehow. Yes, the incident with David had been the catalyst, but it was more than that. God had shown her all that she stood to lose if she embraced the English world. As far as Rachel was concerned, the price was far too high to pay. “I am so happy,” said Lovina. She clutched Rachel’s hands, tears in her eyes. “I don’t know what I would have done without you. And I know that I am not the only one who feels that way, Rachel.” “What do you mean?” “I am talking about Abraham.” Lovina looked at her friend, gauging her reaction. “He has been so troubled, watching your forays into the English world.”
Rachel scoffed. “I think you are mistaken, Lovina. Abraham doesn’t care for me, any longer. He made that very clear after the blizzard. He was never a real friend.” “Rachel, how can you be so dense?” Lovina looked at her friend, her eyes widening. “It’s because he is a real friend that he was so concerned! But there is more to it than that. I think he has stronger feelings for you, Rachel.” “What?” Rachel looked at her friend as if she had just started talking in another language. She shook her head, vigorously. “No, you are mistaken. If he felt that way about me, why wouldn’t he have told me? And why would he just cut me off?” “Because he was hurt, Rachel,” Lovina replied. “He thought you were rejecting our faith and him, in the process. It was too much for him; he felt like he had to turn away completely.” Lovina glanced sideways at Rachel. “That’s what I believe, anyway.” “No, you are wrong,” said Rachel, frowning. She stood up. “I might just get a glass of water,” she said. She walked to the kitchen, thinking deeply. Lovina’s words were swimming around in her brain. They made no sense to her. It was as if her world had tilted sideways. Could it be true? And how did she feel, if it was? Abraham had been a constant in her life, as stable as the sun and the moon in the sky to her. She had assumed that he would be there, forever. It had hurt her immeasurably when he had withdrawn from her. As if the sun had dimmed, and the moon had stopped shedding its luminescence. As if her world had stopped.
At least her parents were happy. That was something. Rachel had told them her decision to join the faith, and they had been overjoyed. “We were so worried about you,” said her mother. “We thought there was a strong chance that you would join the English world.” She had clasped her daughter’s hands, her eyes full of tears. Her father had nodded, pleased. “I always knew you would make the right decision,” he said. “Rachel, the world is full of wonders. But your place is here, with us. I am glad that God has shown you the right path.” She was feeling a bit better about the incident with David. She accepted it for what it was, and that she had misjudged him. She had been swept away by the world he offered, for a little while. It was as simple as that. Now that she had made her decision, everything was clear. Except, maybe, what had happened with Abraham. She realised that she loved him. She always had. But he had turned away from her, so there was no hope for them, now. If only she had realised sooner. Maybe they might have had a chance. Rachel walked to the end of their property, thinking deeply. She was happy that she was going to be baptised, but she was also sad. Sad for a lost love, that had never developed. She heard a noise behind her, and turned around. The snow was still deep; although the sky was clear, she hadn’t expected anyone else to be out here. A dark figure loomed before her. She had to blink twice, thinking that she had conjured him from her imagination. For in front of her was Abraham. Yes, it was really him. “Rachel.” He walked toward her, not smiling. “Your mother told me you were out here, taking a walk.” He paused, struggling for words. “I need to talk to you. I feel that you have misunderstood me, and I can’t stop thinking about it.”
She looked at him, snowflakes brushing his dark winter overcoat and black hat. Her heart swelled. If she could stand here, like this, forever, just looking at him, she would be happy. “Abraham.” She stared into his eyes. Was it possible? Were Lovina’s words true? Abraham sighed, deeply. “Will you walk with me?” “Of course,” she said. They turned and started walking, together. She glanced at him sideways, trying to judge his mood. But he was still silent, gathering his thoughts. Eventually, he stopped and turned. “I know it is useless,” he blurted. “But it doesn’t matter to me, anymore. I have tried for so long to stop feeling this way. I know that you don’t feel the same way. But I can’t deny it. I have to at least tell you.” Rachel’s heart stopped, just for a moment. Her breath caught on the cold wind. “Rachel, I love you,” he said, his eyes pleading. “I have loved you forever, and I will never stop loving you. I haven’t told you, because I saw that you weren’t ready. You needed to go off and explore the world. I was trying to give you space, to find yourself.” “Oh, Abraham,” she gasped. “I had no idea. I was so hurt when you refused to be my friend, any longer. I just couldn’t understand.” “It hurt me too much,” he whispered, “to see you. Knowing that I loved you. And then when you started seeing David, I thought that was it. There was no chance at all.” He paused, taking a deep breath. “I wanted to respect your decision. Even though I knew that he didn’t deserve you.” Rachel’s eyes filled with tears. “Abraham,” she whispered back. “I was confused. I wasn’t sure where I belonged. But I have made up my mind, now. My place is here, in our community.” He smiled, for the first time that day. It was beautiful to her. “I am so glad,” he
said. “And my place is with you,” she continued, facing him. “I am sorry it has taken me so long to realise it. I love you, too, Abraham. I always have, and I always will.” His smile spread wider across his face. His eyes glimmered with tears. “It is more than I hoped for. I can’t tell you how many times I have dreamed of this moment.” He paused. “Rachel, will you be my wife?” The tears that had been threatening spilled over. “Oh Abraham, nothing in this world would make me happier,” she breathed. Her heart was overflowing. It had taken her a while, to get here. To find her place in her community, and realise her love. But it had been worth it, the journey. She wouldn’t take back a moment of it; not the soul searching, or the confusion. She wouldn’t even take back what had happened with David. Because it had all led her here, to this moment. As God had planned, all along. THE END
THE AMISH WEDDING SEASON
Chapter One Wedding season. Every year it came and every year it sent a fresh wave of pain through the heart of Anna Harshbarger. Weddings were supposed to be joyful events, full of excitement as couples looked to the future but, for twenty-oneyear-old Anna, they only brought to mind the pain of the past. Sitting at the desk in her bedroom, Anna stared out the window and took a ragged breath. She was trying to spend her Sunday afternoon composing letters to her cousins in Pennsylvania, but her mind continued to wander to the church service that morning and the couple that was announced as engaged. It had been two years since Anna had stood up in church with her boyfriend, Amos, and listened as the preacher announced their engagement. Those had been happy times – but the happiness had ended far too quickly. Anna had built up so many hopes and dreams, only to have them completely smashed and her heart left to suffer in the process. Glancing down at the paper where she had started a letter, Anna noticed that the page was smeared with the tears that had started running down her cheeks. Grabbing the paper up, she wadded it into a ball and threw it in the trash can. She would wait to write her letter...she had no news to tell anyway. She had no husband of her own to brag on, no children with naughty antics to recall, no farm reports, and no exciting news about adding onto a house. Anna had absolutely nothing of her own. Leaning her head against the oak desk, she sobbed, trying to muffle the sound by covering her mouth. “Amos,” She whispered between her sobs, “Why did you ever leave me?” Anna had spent that year happier than any other. She had met Amos Yoder at a young people’s picnic while visiting a near-by Amish community. He was more charming than any other man she had ever known. Days after meeting, he was already declaring his love to her, sending her constant tokens of his affection along with sweet poems and letters. In hindsight, Anna could see that things had moved forward much too quickly. She had allowed herself to get caught up in a romance that accelerated before
either of them had time to think. When Amos asked Anna to marry him, they had only known each other for two months. Immediately after announcing their engagement in church, Anna could see a change in Amos. He suddenly became more distant and would go days without even speaking to her. Anna tried to convince herself that things would be fine once they were married and completely threw all her energy into planning the wedding. The morning of the wedding, everything was prepared and in place...everything, that is, except Amos. He never showed up to the wedding and Anna was left alone with nothing but shame and a broken heart. Closing her eyes, Anna tried to brush the memories out of her mind. No matter how much it hurt not to have a family of her own, she would never go through the possibility of the same pain again. She would not let another man hurt her, no matter what.
“Mommy! Mommy, help me!” Ben Eicher sat up straight in bed. Stumbling to his feet, he hurried to his little girl’s room. Lilly was sitting up in bed, her body shaking as she wrapped her arms around her knees. In the light of the moon, Ben could see tears running down her cheeks. “Lilly,” Ben hurried to her side and sat down on the edge of the bed, “Ach, child, everything’s alright.” Reaching out, he wrapped the four-year-old in his arms and pulled her tiny body close to him. “Daed...” Lilly’s voice was shaky as her tears continued to pour down her cheeks, soaking his nightshirt, “I dreamed about Mamm. She was in the water and it was covering her face. She needed help. She needed someone to come save her. She kept calling out for us, but we wouldn’t go to her. Daed, we have
to go find her now. We have to help her.” Words wouldn’t come to Ben; instead, he just pulled the little girl tighter against him, wishing for all he was worth that he could make things better for her. Pushing back, Lilly looked up into his face, her brown eyes pleading with him, “Daddy, can we please go see her? Please, Daddy! Please!” Ben slowly nodded his head, “Lilly, I will see about that tomorrow. For now, you just have to go to sleep. You’ve got to get your rest.” Lilly’s lips puckered up in a frown, but she slowly nodded her head. “Sing to me, Daddy,” she whispered, leaning her head against his chest, “Sing me songs like Mommy used to sing.” Laying her head back against her pillow, Ben sang to his little girl until her tears finally subsided and she drifted off to sleep. Taking a deep breath, Ben let it out slowly. Carefully pulling himself to his feet, he made his way back to the empty bed in his room. In the darkness, he closed his eyes and tried to sleep, but found himself invaded by miserable thoughts. It had been a year since Lizzy had left home. Initially, Ben had hoped that she would come back once she had her fill of the Englischer world...but now, he realized it was impossible. Lizzy’s choices had put a wedge between them that could never be removed. Their life together was over and, even if he was to kill himself trying to make things different, they could never again be together. “God,” Ben whispered into the darkness, “I know that I haven’t been living the way that I’m supposed to. I know that I’ve made terrible choices...but does Lilly have to suffer forever for my mistakes?” Reaching up to wipe away at his tears, Ben took a ragged breath. Maybe he’d gone too far – maybe it was impossible for life to ever be made right. Chapter Two Sunday morning church services were generally a pleasant time for Anna. She enjoyed the feeling of community as she gathered with the other Amish believers and let her heart soak up the message that the preachers delivered from the
Bible. However, all pleasant feelings associated with church were now overshadowed by the loneliness of listening to new wedding engagements announced every Sunday morning. The misery of sitting through the church service, dreading to see another happy couple step forward made Anna feel almost nauseous. That bright Sunday morning was no different. Anna sat through the service in total sorrow. Rather than paying attention to the message or the people around her, she found herself staring at her hands which were folded in her lap, silently praying that she could make it through the service without getting sick. “Why Lord?” She found herself whispering to herself, “Why did you allow me to go through so much pain? Why did you bring Amos into my life? I feel like I’m completely ruined for anyone. I can never bring myself to love again and I will be alone forever. I simply don’t think anyone can change things for me...not even you, God.” Beside her, Anna’s sister Beth leaned close to her ear and asked, “Are you okay?” Anna nodded her head, bracing herself for the worst as the preacher wrapped up his message. “I now have a wonderful-gut announcement to make,” his words caused Anna to close her eyes and tightly grip the edge of the hard wooden pew. “We have a new family in our community!” Preacher Joe continued, “I’d like everyone to meet Ben Girod and his daughter Lilly.” Anna let out a sigh of relief, thankful not to be faced with greeting another happy young couple. Opening her eyes, she looked up to see a strange Amish man stand and face the congregation; at his side stood a little blonde haired girl with huge blue eyes. Anna found her attention drawn to this handsome new-comer and, even when he sat back down, it was hard for her to look away. With dark brown hair, brown eyes, and a strong chin, it was obvious that Ben was a fine figure of a man. But something about Anna’s attraction went deeper than simply his appearance. Looking at him, it almost seemed that she could sense a common bond that connected their very souls.
“Anna, Anna,” The sound of Beth’s voice brought Anna back to her right mind and alerted her that everyone was starting to file out of the church for a community picnic. Walking with her family, Anna felt her heart leap when her daed stopped to talk to the man the preacher had introduced as Ben Girod. “Hello there!” Mr. Harshbarger said with a smile, throwing a hand in Ben’s direction, “I’m Levi Harshbarger. It’s good to have you in the community.” It was easy to see that Ben wasn’t good with meeting new people as he shifted his weight from one foot to another awkwardly. Anna noticed his little girl stood close to his side, certainly not a fan of strangers either. “It’s good to know you,” Ben finally announced as he reached out to take her father’s hand for a shake, “I just moved here last week and I only know one or two families.” “What kind of work do you do, Ben?” Anna’s father asked. “Mostly roofing work,” Ben explained, reaching down to give his daughter a reassuring pat on the head. “Oh, that’s good!” Mr. Harshbarger said with a smile, “We’ve got a bad leak in our kitchen, but I haven’t had a chance to work on it yet. Would you mind coming by to check on it sometime soon?” Ben was quiet for a moment and then glanced down at his daughter, “I could come tomorrow morning, but I’ll have to find someone to watch her...” “Ach, no problem there!” Anna’s daed insisted, “I’ve got two daughters still at home – they can watch out for her.” Slowly, Ben agreed that he’d come to look at the roof the next day. Rather than staying to eat with the community, he excused himself, explaining that he needed to get on home. “Ugh,” Beth whispered to Anna as the girls followed their parents out of the house where church had been held and into the yard for a delicious meal of homemade potato salad and fried chicken, “I’m sorry, but I don’t look forward to
having Ben Girod around our house! I’ve seen happier men at funerals.” Anna tried to smile, but could hardly force it. Deep in her heart, Anna recognized something about Ben that mirrored herself. Rather than dreading to see him, Anna was frightened to realize that she actually looked forward to meeting the handsome stranger once more. “Anna Harshbarger!” She muttered to herself as she scooped a pile of gooey potatoes onto her plate, “Have you lost your mind? And just after you swore you’d never look at another man again.” But, despite scolding herself, Anna still kept counting down the hours until she would once again be able to steal a glance at Ben. Chapter Three True to his word, Ben arrived at the Harshbarger house early the next morning. Anna and Beth had just finished with the breakfast dishes and had started on a new quilt to sell at the market in town. When Anna heard Ben’s buggy pull into the yard, she felt her heart leap and quickly peered out the window. Anna’s daed met Ben at the front door. “Come on in,” Mr. Harshbarger invited, opening the door a bit wider. Standing close at Ben’s side was his little daughter. The child was wide-eyed and looked terrified as she struggled to stand closer to her father and wrapped her arms around his legs. “Anna, come here!” At the sound of her name being called, Anna took a deep breath and stood up from the quilting frame. Suddenly, she found herself feeling overwhelmed by an uncomfortable awkwardness as she made her way across the floor. “Anna, you remember Ben Girod from church,” Her father’s words caused Anna to look up and give a nod. Ben nodded back and Anna couldn’t help but notice his gaze rested on her, “He’s going to be looking at our roof and I need you to
keep his little girl occupied while he’s busy.” “Lilly,” Ben leaned down to talk to his child, “I’ve got to work. You can go play with this nice lady while I’m busy.” The child’s face clouded over and tears threatened to pour down her cheeks, “No, Daddy, don’t leave me.” Lilly looked so pitiful, Anna’s heart was moved with compassion. Bending down to the little girl’s level, Anna whispered, “If you want, we can go out to the barn and see the new kittens. Would you like that?” Reaching up to wipe at her tears, Lilly slowly nodded her head. Abandoning her sewing, Anna took the child out to the barn where they looked at the newborn kittens, hunted for eggs, and made a fort out of hay bales. Although Lilly was shy and sad initially, she quickly changed as she started to have fun. Ben surprised them both when he interrupted their game of hide-and-go-seek. “I’m done for now,” he told Anna, giving her a tap on the shoulder as she leaned forward to look in an empty horse stall. Raising his voice, he called out, “Lilly, time to go home!” Lilly climbed out from under a blue tarp and started to shake her head, “No, Daddy, please, not yet! I’m having so much fun!” To Anna’s surprise, the little girl ran to her side and flung her arms around Anna’s waist, “I’m having fun,” she continued to plead, “Can’t I stay longer?” “We’ll be back tomorrow,” Ben informed her, “I’ve got to finish up once I buy some supplies. If Miss Anna wants to play with you more then, she can.” Lilly started to wipe tears from her eyes but obediently went to the house to wash her hands and get ready to start home. Anna found herself feeling completely ill-at-ease alone with Ben in the barn. “Thanks for spending so much time with her,” Ben finally announced as he took the toe of his boot and scrapped a line in the barn’s dirt floor, “Lilly’s been
having a rough time of it lately. She’s had too much loss for a girl her age. She misses her Mamm...this was good for her.” Anna could only nod. She wasn’t sure what had happened to Ben’s wife, but was happy to have helped the sweet little girl. Watching them drive away, Anna found herself anxious for the next day so that she could once again see Lilly...and Ben. Over the next few days, Ben continued to work on the house and brought Lilly with him. Anna realized that she was becoming far too attached to the child. Something about the little girl’s presence filled a void that Anna didn’t even realize was in her heart. Surprisingly enough, Anna couldn’t seem to keep her eyes from glancing in Ben’s direction either. Watching him working on the top of the house, she found herself admiring his strong work ethic and desire to make every detail perfect. “I’ve got to go into town to get some nails,” Ben announced one morning as he crawled down from the ladder, “Lilly, do you want to come with me and get some ice cream?” Glancing at Anna, Lilly called back, “Can Anna come too? I only want to go if Anna can come!” Ben smiled and slowly nodded, “If she wants to come along she can.” Anna instantly felt uncomfortable as Lilly grabbed her hand and pulled her toward Ben’s buggy. “Ach, Lilly,” Anna mumbled, “I’m not sure if I should go...” Lilly smiled, “Everyone loves ice cream, Anna. Come on...my daed will pay!” Climbing onto the buggy seat, Anna made sure that the little girl was positioned between herself and the handsome man who was working on their house. While Anna had seen a lot of Ben from a distance, she had not had many chances to talk with him or learn much about his character. While he had always seemed distant, uncomfortable, and sad, it all changed as they traveled down the
road together. The entire trip Ben pointed out animals in the weeds alongside the road, told stories from his childhood, and made both Anna and Lilly laugh at his silly jokes. During their time in town, they stopped at the ice cream store and got delicious chocolate cones, and then made a quick run by the hardware store. Full of ice cream and exhausted from the trip, Lilly fell asleep on the way back home, leaving Anna and Ben completely alone. To Anna’s relief, conversation continued to come easily as they talked about Ben’s plans to renovate the house he had recently purchased, different people within the community, and the school that Lilly would start once she turned seven-years-old. There was something about Ben that melted the ice on Anna’s heart. She couldn’t ignore the fact that he looked at her with a certain softness in his eyes. Obviously, she wasn’t the only one who was feeling a good share of attraction. “Why did you decide to move here?” Anna asked. Ben clucked his tongue at the horses, “After all that happened, we needed a change. I hoped moving would make it possible to start over fresh.” Anna reached out to stroke a strand of hair that was peeking out from beneath the sleeping little girl’s black prayer bonnet. “Tell me about Lilly’s mother,” Anna asked softly, “What happened to her?” Ben took a deep breath and shook his head slowly, “That’s a part of the past I don’t really want to talk about...Let’s just say that she and I both made a mess of things. Now she’s gone forever.” Anna had so many questions she wanted to ask, but she wasn’t sure if Ben would appreciate hearing them. It felt so good to have a man by her side...a man who was looking at her like she was valuable and treating her like he truly found her important. If she pushed him to talk about something he wanted to keep secret, perhaps he would leave her like Amos had left. “Fair enough,” Anna finally conceded. “What about you?” Ben took a turn asking, “Surely you’ve had men in your life
before. I can’t believe a pretty girl like you hasn’t had her share of beaus by now. Why aren’t you married?” The words stabbed Anna like a knife. Suddenly, she found herself feeling uncertain and anxious to change the topic. If Ben realized that she had been jilted at the alter, he might realize that she was defective and unimportant. Anna shifted her weight uncomfortably on the bench and shrugged, “I’m like you, Ben – I’d rather not talk about my past. You’re not the only one who has a secret to keep.” Ben nodded his head, “I suppose that’s fair enough, too.” They both laughed and Ben took a deep breath of the fresh spring air, “Well, I suppose I’d better get you on home. It’s too late to finish the roof tonight, but I can probably wrap it up tomorrow.” Something about the words brought a fresh sense of pain to Anna’s heart. The idea of having Ben gone seemed so terrible. “Anna,” Ben was silent for a minute before he finally said, “I have enjoyed today. And I’ve enjoyed working at your house. I...would you be willing to think about continuing to see us after my work there is finished?” For years, Anna had sworn that she would never consider falling in love with another man; however, as soon as the question was out of Ben’s mouth, Anna quickly exclaimed, “Yes!” Completely unknown to Anna, Ben had practically held his breath through their entire trip into town. Realizing that the roofing job was almost finished had been awful. Over the past few days, he had felt his heart getting constantly more and more soft toward Anna; watching her play with his little girl and the way that Lilly had grown to love the Amish woman had started to melt down the walls he thought were safely established around his emotions. After their fun trip to town, Ben realized that he didn’t want to let Anna go. Of course, he would have to eventually, but not yet. Chapter Four
Ben hadn’t been joking about continuing to see Anna. As soon as the roofing job was finished, he offered to take her out to dinner along with Lilly at a fancy restaurant in town. Over the next few weeks, they continued to see each other frequently. Although Anna truly enjoyed Ben’s company, the closer they grew to each other, the more uncomfortable she began to feel. Each time they were together, she looked for signs that he truly did care about her. When he seemed distracted or distant, her feelings were instantly hurt; however, when he showed signs of tenderness, Anna discovered that she was even more ill-at-ease as she dreaded falling in love only to be jilted once again. “When’s he coming again?” Beth asked as she and Anna worked together in the barn one afternoon. Anna gave a shrug, trying to appear as if she didn’t understand the question, “Who?” Beth tossed a handful of straw in her sister’s direction and laughed, “Anna, you’re so silly. Ben, of course! You’re out with him all the time. When is he coming back?” Anna took a deep breath as she spread some fresh straw out in one of the calf pens, “He said we’d go out riding tonight.” “Ach,” Beth let out a happy sigh, “I feel like my sister may not become the old maid of the community after all! And here I thought that I’d have the chance to get married first!” Listening to Beth’s happy chatter brought a strong heaviness to Anna’s heart. Setting her pitchfork aside, Anna leaned back against one of the large posts in the barn and took a deep breath, “I’m not sure about any of that, Beth...” She let her voice trail off as she noticed her younger sister’s happy smile turn into a frown. “Anna?” Beth bit down on her lower lip and made her way to Anna’s side, “What are you talking about? Anna slowly shook her head, wishing that she had kept her thoughts to herself.
“Don’t you care for Ben?” Beth asked, putting her hand on Anna’s shoulder. Suddenly, Anna felt her eyes start to fill with tears, “Oh, Beth, of course I do! Each day we spend together, I find my heart softening more toward him. I love him so much. The idea of spending life without him is misery to me.” Beth threw her hands up in surprise, “Then what’s the problem?” Anna shook her head and grabbed for her pitchfork, suddenly anxious to get back to work and push her miserable thoughts aside. Stopping in the midst of her work, Anna turned back to her sister and announced, “I think he’ll leave me, Beth.” While it felt good to get her fears out in the open, it felt like she had released a floodgate of emotions. Anna felt her chin start to quiver and hot tears ran down her cheeks. “Sister, surely you don’t think Ben is like that!” Beth exclaimed. Jutting out her lower jaw, Anna looked at her little sister and boldly announced, “I didn’t think Amos was either.” Beth opened her mouth and then closed it. Obviously, she was unsure of what to say. There was nothing to say, Anna reasoned to herself. Amos had left her – it only made sense that, if she was not important to him, she wouldn’t be important to Ben either. By the time that Ben arrived that afternoon, Anna was almost sick with worry. Talking to Beth had made her feel worse than ever. It seemed that speaking her fears aloud made them all the more likely. For the first time since they started going out together, Ben came without Lilly. Not having the little girl along made Anna feel ever more uncertain. Climbing up on the buggy seat beside Ben, she wondered if this was a sign that he was ready to end their developing relationship. “Lilly is staying with one of the neighbor girls,” Ben explained as Anna settled down at his side, “I thought we could use some time to talk together.”
Anna nodded slowly, suddenly feeling sick at her stomach. As they started out the driveway and onto the country road, conversation seemed to come slowly. Ben took Anna into town where they picked up a hamburger at the local diner. Although it was obvious that Ben had wanted to spend time alone with Anna, he said nothing out of the ordinary; instead, he slowly began to drift into familiar topics such as things that Lilly had done that day and a funny story about one of his new calves. While Anna breathed an internal sigh of relief that he wasn’t heading into unpleasant territory, the fact that he wanted to discuss something private with her put her on pins and needles. When Ben finally took her home, Anna could contain her curiosity no longer. “What did you want to talk about?” She finally asked, her bluntness surprising to her own ears. Glancing in Ben’s direction, she saw a softness in his eyes that leveled out some of her fears. Ben cleared his throat, obviously nervous. “Anna,” Ben took a deep breath before he went on, “My Lilly needs a mom. Except for me, she’s all alone in the world and, as a roofer, I spend a lot of my time doing dangerous jobs. If something was to happen to me, she would be totally by herself. I know that you’re not keen on getting married after...whatever happened in your past, but I also know that you need a place of your own.” Anna looked down at her hands and began rubbing them together. She thought she knew what Ben was getting at, but she wasn’t sure if she wanted to hear it – not this way. “There aren’t very many women my age who aren’t already married or at least seeing someone,” Ben announced, “And I don’t have any faith in younger girls to take gut care of Lilly. I trust you, Anna. Would you consider marrying me?” Anna swallowed the lump that was forming in her throat. All her hopes of ever finding romance with Ben Eicher seemed to suddenly fall apart. He didn’t love her – she was just the solution to a problem.
Slowly, Anna nodded her head, “I guess it’s something to think about. How soon do you need my answer?” Ben gave a shrug as he looked out across the fields, “I dunno...would a week be long enough?” Getting down from his seat, Ben hurried to help Anna to the ground so she could start the short walk to her parent’s house. “Ben,” Anna sighed deeply and looked up into his eyes, trying to hide the pain that she felt in her heart, “I don’t need to wait. You’re right, I need a place of my own. I’ll marry you.” Giving a slight nod, Anna forced a smile, “I’m very tired, so I’d better get inside. Goodnight.” Taking a deep breath, she bit down on her lip and started up the walk, trying her best to contain her emotions until she was safe in her own bedroom. As he watched Anna walk away from his buggy, Ben felt his heart sink. He had planned for the night to go so much differently. Although he knew that their relationship was new and a proposal was truly premature, he had hoped that Anna had at least started to care about him as more than a friend. Ben had seen the doubt in Anna’s eyes. Sure, she had agreed to marry him, but it was with the same enthusiasm that one would agree to a root canal. He had hoped that maybe she was starting to develop feelings for him but her lack-luster acceptance of his proposal proved that wrong. “She’ll leave you, Ben,” he heard a teasing voice play through his mind, “She’ll be just like Lizzy. She already doesn’t care about you...what are things going to be like once she actually knows you?” Shaking his head, Ben climbed back onto his buggy and started the journey toward his home and little girl. Asking Anna to marry him had been a mistake, and now he found himself unsure of how to make his wrong right.
Chapter Five Anna spent her night crying into her pillow. Ach, if it hadn’t been bad enough to be the only one without a boyfriend, this had to be so much worse! Over the past few weeks, Anna had started to care so much for Ben; she found herself thinking about him throughout the day and dreaming of a time when he might come to develop even the smallest feelings for her. Now, her tiny ray of hope had been shut out. Ben had only pretended to be interested so that he could find a mother for his daughter. The fact that she was still unlovable broke a part of Anna’s heart. The next day, Ben didn’t come to see her. When he finally came by two days later, it was simply to check on the roof to make sure it was still sturdy after a hard rain. “Ben’s here!” Her father announced. Anna was standing at the sink, washing some breakfast dishes. While a part of her wanted to run out and see him, she restrained herself and stood her ground. If he wasn’t going to see her, she wasn’t going to throw herself at him either. She’d made a fool of herself with Amos – she wouldn’t be doing that with Ben! By the time Anna was done with the dishes, her daed was leading Ben into the kitchen. “Anna,” Mr. Harshbarger spoke up, “Could you get Ben some sweet tea? I’m sure it’s hot up there on that roof!” Anna nodded slowly and hurried to fill a glass with ice at their cooler. When she returned with the drink, she passed it to Ben without even looking at him. “Thanks,” Ben muttered before he continued talking to her father about the roof. Was this how Ben was going to treat her now that they were engaged? He’d hardly speak to her! Anna shook her head to herself and reached up to wipe a tear away from her eye. It reminded her so much of Amos and the way that he
had acted after she accepted his proposal. Ben’s behavior was more than Anna could take. She excused herself quickly and hurried outside to feed the chickens. Standing in the Harshbarger’s kitchen, Ben felt his heart grow heavy when Anna quickly left the room. He already felt uncomfortable enough to be there and Anna’s behavior made things even worse. If he had questions before, it was obvious now: Anna wanted nothing to do with him. The kindest thing he could do would be to quickly break off their engagement before it could cause even more pain. It would be better to end things now than to wait until they were announced in church. After telling Mr. Harshbarger goodbye, Ben made his way to the chicken coop where Anna was tossing feed on the ground. Just looking at her broke Ben’s heart. She was so beautiful. Ben had hoped that she had grown to care about him but, the more time that passed, the more he realized that was impossible. “Hello there,” he managed to whisper around the lump in his throat. Anna looked up from her work in surprise and gave an awkward nod. “Anna,” Ben shook his head and kicked at a clump of dirt on the ground, “What I asked the other day...well, it was ridiculous. I’m sorry I even brought it up. I don’t know what I was thinking. Obviously, things would never work out. I think it is best if we just forget I ever talked about that, and stop seeing each other.” The words had been hard to get out. Ben looked down at his boots and swallowed hard. “Yes,” Anna finally announced, “I think that would be best too.” With a slow nod, Ben whispered “Goodbye” and started toward his buggy. As soon as Ben was out of sight, Anna left the chicken pen and hurried upstairs to her bedroom. Her tears were flowing freely and she didn’t even try to stop them. Slamming her door shut behind her, she threw herself across her bed and
buried her face in her quilted comforter. “Anna,” she could hear Beth’s voice outside her bedroom door. “Go away,” Anna whispered, but Beth didn’t listen; instead, she opened the door and walked into the room. Anna pulled herself into a sitting position and began wiping furiously at the tears on her cheeks. “Anna,” her sister sat down beside her and put an arm around her shoulders, “What has happened? Did you and Ben fight?” Anna shook her head, “No...no fighting,” she managed to sob, “We just broke up. He said it was over and I said okay.” “Are you really going to just let Ben get away from you?” Beth asked in surprise, “Ach, you’re a strange one, Anna! I’ve always been able to tell that you love him...but he probably can’t! Why won’t you just admit it to him?” Anna shook her head sadly, “I can’t stand to be jilted again, Beth! If that happened, I think it would just kill me. You don’t know what it’s like to be left standing at the alter...the shame and the heartache and the disappointment. When that happened, everything in my life felt like it was crashing down around me. I’m just now starting to pick up the pieces...I can’t do it again.” Beth took a deep breath and sighed, “Anna, you’re tricking yourself if you think you’ve been getting better. For the past two years, I’ve watched you caught up in this maze of misery...and only when Ben showed up did it start to look like things were going to change. He put a spark back in your eye, Anna! I watched you fall in love with him, but I’ve also watched you work hard to try to hide it. Maybe the poor man simply doesn’t think you care.” Anna rolled her eyes, “Beth, you’re full of craziness....I practically threw myself at him!” Beth raised an eyebrow, “Truly? Anna, at any point did you truly make him feel confident that you cared? Or were you too busy trying to protect yourself from pain?”
Her sister’s words suddenly cut deep. Beth was right; Anna realized that she had been so busy trying to keep herself from being injured by Ben, that she had never thought that she might be hurting him. “Talk to him, Anna,” Beth pleaded, “Just take a few minutes to talk to him! Ach, we both know you’ll regret it forever if you don’t!” Slowly, Anna nodded her head. She wasn’t sure how she could find the strength, but it was time to stop hiding. Chapter Six Anna took Beth along with her to watch Lilly while she talked with Ben. When they pulled their buggy up to his small house, Anna felt like she would lose every bit of nerve she possessed. Ben came to the front door, total confusion spread across his face. “Anna!” Lilly exclaimed, running out into the yard to meet them, “Anna, I’ve missed you so much!” Anna took the little girl in her arms and hugged her. “Play with Beth for a while,” she whispered to the child, “I’ve got to talk to your daed.” Lilly reluctantly lead Beth out to the barn to look at the calves. “Anna...” Ben’s voice trailed off slowly, “I’m not sure...” “We need to talk,” Anna said with a sigh, “Can I come in?” Ben stepped back, allowing her into the kitchen. “Ben,” Anna sat down at one of the chairs and took a deep breath, “You once asked me why I wasn’t married. The answer is simple but it hurts to talk about. I was supposed to get married, but my beau ran off the day of our wedding. I swore to myself that I’d never let another man into my life....and then you came along. Ben, I’ve come to care for you. My sister tells me that I’ve been cold and distant...I understand if you don’t want to marry me, but you need to understand why I act the way that I do.”
It was in the open now. Anna let out a deep breath and sat back in her seat, suddenly feeling like the weight of the world was off her shoulders. Ben had eased down in a chair across from her. He looked down at his hands and slowly whispered, “Anna...it’s not that I don’t care for you....” “Then what is it?” Anna asked, suddenly feeling angry. “I’m scared!” Ben exclaimed, slapping his hand against the table-top, “Ach, you’re not the only one who got jilted. Lizzy...my Lilly’s mamm....the same thing happened with her. After five years, she left me and found another man....along with a life away from everything we had together.” Anna’s eyes got large, “What do you mean?” Ben ran his hands through his hair and closed his eyes in mixed shame and pain, “I have made some stupid mistakes, Anna. Up until the last year, about all my choices were stupid, to be honest. Lizzy was a wild girl from our community who couldn’t seem to keep her feet in the Amish ways. From the time we were kids, I was fascinated by her. She represented everything exciting in my life. Growing up, she would constantly manage to run away from the community...sure, after a few months, she would come dragging back home, but she was as wild as a deer. I wanted her to love me, Anna. We started courting at the young peoples’ gatherings. I’m afraid that things went much too far much too fast. Lizzy became pregnant soon after we got together. I wanted to get married – everyone in our community expected it, but Lizzy could hardly stand the idea. She never wanted to be tied down to anyone or anything. Since we were both teenagers and neither of us had been baptized into the faith, no one could make us do anything – we were still on our rumspringa. For a while, I ran away with Lizzy and we lived together in the Englischer world. But once Lilly was born, I knew I wanted her to grow up in the faith, even if I wasn’t living it. Lizzy and I moved back to the Amish community and continued to live together but never got married. The Bishop would try to talk us into getting married and settling down, but there was no convincing Lizzy and, since we weren’t members of the church, we had no real rules to live by.” Anna felt like her eyes were so big, they might just jump right out. The words that Ben was saying came as such a surprise. “When did you marry her?” She finally asked.
Ben shrugged his shoulders, “We never did get married. It was a terrible life. I knew that things needed to change, I knew that I needed to get right with God, but I wasn’t sure how when I was living so opposed to his ways. Over the years, Lizzy would leave me a lot. She’d run off to the Englischer world again and leave me alone with Lilly for months on end. The last time, she ran away for good.” Ben took a deep breath and looked down at his hands, “She got a new boyfriend that wasn’t raised Amish. She moved into his apartment. I went to try to talk to her so many times, but she had changed...in my heart, I realized that she would never come back home. It became obvious that she was gone for good when she had a baby with her new boyfriend. She went to the court and signed Lilly over to me. I’ll never forget standing in that courtroom after she signed the papers. Here she was, the girl who I had loved since I was a boy, and she came to my side to tell me that things were over for good.” “When Lizzy left for good, I realized it was time to make a change. I went to the church leaders and I apologized. I got baptized into the faith and totally changed my ways. I moved Lilly to this area so that we could have a fresh start.” Ben looked down at his hands and started absentmindedly picking at a fingernail, “Since I had never actually been married to Lizzy, the bishop decided that I could go on and live my life as a single father...and get married if I ever wanted.” Daring to look up at Anna, Ben whispered, “I never thought I would want to. I truly thought that women were a thing of the past for me.” “And yet...you asked me to marry you,” Anna managed to say. Looking into Ben’s eyes, it was hard to imagine why he had even asked her. After all that he had gone through, all of his terrible mistakes and the consequences of his bad choices, it would seem that a relationship would be something he would want to avoid. “You changed something in me,” Ben managed to say, his voice sounding shaky, “You brought back what I thought was gone for good. I felt love in my heart once more...but, after so much happened, I wasn’t sure what to do. I was so worried about getting hurt, I kept doing stupid things.” Anna laughed and nodded her head, “Ach, me too!” Their eyes met and Anna found herself feeling embarrassed but also full of joy. Reaching out to take her hand in his own, Ben whispered, “I don’t think we need
to get married any time soon. Obviously, we’ve got a lot of hurt between us that needs to be resolved. But, I don’t want to run from my feelings any longer.” “I don’t either,” Anna admitted, tears of joy beginning to run down her cheeks. “I love you, Anna Harshbarger.” “And I love you!” Reach out to embrace one another, the two people that never thought they would experience love let the ice melt from their hearts as they basked in its healing glow. It would take time to work through all the hurt that they had endured, but together they would see a day when they felt free to love each other completely.
One True Amish Love
It was a beautiful spring day, and Lovina Miller could not have been happier. Her younger sister Sarah, walked alongside her as they admired the creation around them. This particular path through the woods behind their house brought only good memories to Lovina’s mind. “Do you remember the first time we walked this path, Sissy?” Lovina looked at her sister with a smile on her face. “It’s been awhile since you’ve called me that.” Sarah smiled in return. “Yeah, but you are my Sissy and sometimes... I realize I’m too hard on you.” Lovina waved her hand dismissively. “Don’t you worry about it. As the oldest child, I do have more responsibility.” She winked at Sarah, who simply shook her head. They were on their way to their favorite hiding spot to meet their best friend Rachel Schwartz. The three had been inseparable practically from birth, as both sets of parents like to spin the stories. Lovina’s favorite had to be the one where her parents had to pry the girls away from each other the first time they met because, even at the young ages of 4, 3, and 2, they were already the best of friends. Being in a small Plain community like theirs, there was no need for a lot of friends. Living in an agrarian society ensured their free time was limited to anytime after the sun went down and the winter months. Lovina and Sarah’s father had to make sure they knew how to run everything however, because they were the only children to Josiah and Rebekah Miller; naturally one of them would inherit the farm when Josiah passed on. He seemed to think it would work better if both of them knew how to properly care for the farm, and since neither of them cared much, they concurred with his decision. The Schwartz family, on the other hand, turned their rather large house into a small inn for a few travelers and tourists to use in the event they needed a place to stay overnight. Because of this fact, Rachel’s family had to deal with some backlash from having electricity and the few amenities that came with that, but her parents were very strict about using the power and when. Mr. Schwartz made it very clear that electricity was only for the English visitors and the duration of their stay and nothing more. The business seemed to explode overnight, so Rachel seemed to be more pressed for time in the recent months.
Even though the women were now busy making their respective livings, there was one thing Lovina, Sarah, and Rachel promised they would always do no matter how busy life got or how upset they would get at each other. That one thing was to meet in the woods in their favorite clearing and simply reconnect. Sarah had made a valid point when she compared them reconnecting to why people should reconnect with God regularly: if you don’t do it, your relationship will suffer. In the almost 15 years the women had been friends, they never once missed their weekly get-together. This time seemed to be different though. Rachel was usually the late one, but Lovina and Sarah had been sitting there for almost 20 minutes and still had not heard anything. Finally, something rustled and they heard footfalls. A few seconds later, Rachel emerged from the darkness of the woods, breathless but glowing. “Hello, sisters!” Hugs were passed around before Lovina pointed out that Rachel was glowing. “Oh, yes. Isaac Fisher has some English family in from out of town, so I was helping them get set up and then Isaac wanted to talk for a bit—” “What did you talk about?” Sarah cut her friend off. If there was one thing the Miller sisters fought over and discussed more than any other, it was the state of Isaac Fisher and who might end up taking his hand in marriage. “Well, I don’t know...” Rachel suddenly seemed hesitant to share details as she deflated a bit. “Just normal, everyday stuff I suppose. We don’t see each other very often.” “Did he talk about anyone in particular?” Lovina felt the hair on the back of her neck raise in excitement. “Other than his family of course.” “Well, no.” Rachel looked her sister-friends in their faces. “I’m sorry, sisters. I know you both like him, but he seems very content to continue being single.” “Maybe, but I’m not content just stay single.” Sarah threw her hands up. “I’m 17, Lovina’s 19, and you’re 18! We should be married or at least engaged at this point!” “Now, now, Sarah,” Lovina consoled her sister as they sat on a felled log and Rachel sat on the other side of Sarah.
“No, you want him just as badly as I do, Sissy! We need to figure something out before we tear each other apart.” Lovina sighed and looked at Rachel. “How old is he?” “He’s going to be 20 in June.” “Lovina,” Sarah heaved a sigh. “You can’t use the fact that he’s closer to your age to prove that he’s the man for you. Even you know age has nothing to do with it.” The heated conversation continued for a while longer and eventually Rachel slowly stopped contributing. There was no reason to keep goading one or the other sister when even she wanted to date Isaac. The truth of the matter was, Isaac had seemed to be showing more interest in Rachel as of late: coming to the Schwartz’s inn at least once a week, getting to know Rachel’s father, and just the day before she overheard him talking to Rachel’s mother while both of them thought Rachel was upstairs out of earshot. Normally two adults having a conversation about another adult wouldn’t strike Rachel as the reason that Isaac might be interested in her, but combined with the other factors, it gave Rachel a lot to think about. When the three friends parted ways that day, Lovina and Sarah had made up by discussing the best way to determine which one of them would be better suited for Isaac Fisher and why. Rachel simply let them talk; she wasn’t about to burst their bubble with something that might simply be a fantasy. She only hoped that if Isaac did have feelings for her, they were strong enough to withstand the beauty and persistence of the Miller sisters. Weeks went by and none of the women heard from Isaac, not that it mattered much. With the summer months coming, every available adult was putting in their time and effort to make sure their respective families and the community at large had plenty to eat. This particular season had been dry for the community, so they pooled together resources to pull water from the nearby river and created an irrigation system. It was crude but it served the purpose. Although the Schwartz’s inn had electricity, they chose not to have running water available since the reason many Englishers visited was to experience as much of the Plain lifestyle as possible. It was at this point that Lovina, Sarah, and Rachel morphed their weekly get-
together into time that they would gather water for their homes. The river had started to run low already and the calendar had only passed into June. There hadn’t been much rain despite the fact that the whole community prayed for it. The three women decided they should keep their time focused on their families and livelihoods until the sky broke its dry spell. It was also a way for them to dispel rumors that they might be shirking their responsibilities if they all returned to their homes with at least one jar of water. On this particular day in June, Lovina and Sarah began telling Rachel of the problems they had encountered just in the past week. “Oh Rachel, you wouldn’t believe it,” Lovina sighed as she pulled another precious scoop of water into the large jar that she and Sarah had brought. “Because of where we’re positioned in the community, not only do we get less water, but we also get a lot more sun. Our father went to the town committee and asked them for permission to move just the garden, but they simply told him he would have to construct something to put over the plants.” Rachel was quiet the whole time, and when she had finished filling her jar, she began to leave. Sarah stopped her with an observation. “You know, you’ve been awfully quiet these last few weeks. And not just about the woes of your family’s business, which I’m sure is doing just fine thanks to the electricity you use. I’ve noticed whenever we talk about Isaac Fisher, you seem to get really quiet and try all you can to leave the conversation. Why is that?” Rachel felt her cheeks flush and was glad she was facing the other direction. She composed herself to the best of her abilities, turned to face her best friends, and replied, “Because honestly, I’m interested in him too. I can’t keep it from you two, but at the same time you both want him. I just want us all to have a fair chance at this guy, but obsessing over him isn’t going to help anything. Especially now that our community is in danger because of the lack of rain.” She paused for a breath before continuing. “If we’re all really honest with ourselves, would our relationship ever be the same if Isaac Fisher picked one of us? I think we would be better off if Isaac Fisher picked none of us. So yes, I have been quiet lately. There are a lot of things to think about... and I don’t want to take one thing more lightly than another.” Before the sisters could say anything more, Rachel picked up her jar of water and left. She had said all she was going to for one day. She just prayed their relationship would be able to withstand any and all obstacles pertaining to men.
After Rachel left, Lovina and Sarah continued talking. “I think Rachel and Isaac already have a thing,” Sarah conjectured. “Maybe,” Lovina conceded. “But would that be such a bad thing? It might be better if neither of us date Isaac and we simply pass him off to the next highest bidder... so to speak.” “First, I don’t appreciate the fact that you just made it sound like we were at an auction, trying to be sold off. Second, I have never known you to be a quitter, even in the matter of men.” With Sarah’s jar finally filled, she stood upright and placed a hand on her hip. “I don’t understand why you just don’t say something to her.” “Why would I need to be the one to say something? She’s your friend too!” “But she listens to you, Sissy! That’s why I would prefer that you talk to her.” Lovina scoffed as she placed her jar on her shoulders. Sarah followed suit. “Look Sarah, even if Rachel does have some attraction to Isaac, she’s done an amazing job of hiding it. Why don’t we just decide who’s actually going to date the man and carry on with our lives?” Sarah sighed. “I hope you’re right about Rachel not being into him.” Home was still out of sight when they noticed that the air was thick with smoke. They looked at each with a note of worry and picked up their pace. When they arrived at their house, the first thing they saw was the fire just on the edge of their property and Josiah was trying desperately to stop it from crossing the line. Lovina ran over to Josiah. “How can I help?” Josiah looked at her, worry etched into his face. “Grab a few essential items from the house, collect your mother and sister and get out of here!” “I won’t leave you!” But Josiah was hearing none of it. “There’s not much we can do to stop it, but I can hold it off until everyone is safe.”
“Promise me you’ll get out of the danger zone as soon as you can.” Josiah looked at Lovina a moment and nodded. “I love you, my child.” They embraced only a moment before Lovina ran inside to help her mom and sister pack. Within minutes, people from all over town were coming by to help quell the fire, but it was too late. It had begun to take over the Miller’s farmland. The men fought the fire to keep it from reaching the house, but a gust of wind picked up. Soon, embers turned into flames and began to lick at the wood in the house. By the time any Englisher firefighters showed up, the Millers no longer had a home or any kind of livelihood. Rachel showed up and invited them to stay at the inn for as long as they needed. The Schwartzes put them in the largest bedroom they had. They still needed to make money and the Millers were grateful for any help they could get. Rachel normally wasn’t the type of girl to take advantage of a bad situation, but when it came to Isaac Fisher, she wasn’t opposed to doing some crazy things. It didn’t help that both of her parents wholeheartedly approved of him and told her as much any chance they could. Lovina and Sarah didn’t spend a lot of time at the inn because they were finding work in different areas of the community. Thanks to Josiah, their skill set was different than most women so they had a harder time doing the jobs that most women actually did to raise funds. Since they were gone a lot and Isaac would come visit while they were gone, Rachel was able to spend more and more time with her long-time “crush”... as the Englishers would call it. However, Isaac wasn’t there to see her on this particular day, for this day was his birthday. No, Isaac Fisher wanted to invite everyone in the community to his birthday celebration. “I have something special planned for everyone tonight,” he announced at the inn, just as he had announced in the town square earlier. “We have been through so much as a community. It’s time that we stand together and show the world what we’re made of. There will be festivities tonight at the church at sundown. Please try to be prompt.” He held Rachel’s gaze for an extra beat before heading out the door to make the announcement wherever else it might need to be made. There were a few Englishers staying at the inn and even they were intrigued as
to what might occur at this special birthday party. No one was more excited about what might be happening than Rachel’s own mother. Lovina and Sarah noticed it when they returned from the field that evening. “Did you hear Isaac Fisher’s announcement?” Rachel asked after realizing how crazy her mother might seem to them. They both shook their heads. “Well, he’s having a birthday celebration tonight and says he wants to try to give back to the community in some way. Mama is really excited because,” Rachel looked at her mother and lowered her voice to a whisper, “she thinks Isaac is going to ask to court me tonight.” At first the sisters seemed concerned until eventually Lovina started laughing, then Sarah. Pretty soon, even Rachel’s mother was laughing and she had no idea why. “Aww, it’s so nice to see the three of you, still as inseparable as ever.” Mrs. Schwartz gave the three of them a hug before forcing them to wash up and prepare for the special evening at the church. When the friends arrived at the party less than an hour later, things already seemed to be in full swing. “We’re not... late, are we?” Sarah asked, unsure of what was going on. “Even if we are, he specifically said 6.” Rachel would never have a hard time remembering anything Isaac told her, she was sure of that. “Ah! If it isn’t the three people I wanted to see!” Rachel spun at the voice, but instantly knew it belonged to Isaac. “You all look lovely tonight.” He kissed each of their hands, but seemed to hold Rachel’s a second longer, or so it seemed. Lovina and Sarah must have noticed it as well because they gave Rachel a dirty look. Isaac took no notice of the civil war about to ensue; he simply ushered them all to a place of prominence at the head table and clapped his hands to get everyone’s attention. “Listen up, everybody! Our guests of honor have arrived, and tonight is all about them. First of all, let’s welcome Lovina and Sarah Miller.” Cheers and applause came from everywhere. “These hard working, young women don’t care what it takes to make sure their family is provided for. I’m not sure how many of you are aware of this, but these young women have been working out in the fields for
hire since their field and house burned by the fire two weeks ago. Tonight, I wanted to take a few moments and honor them... as well as give them some of what I have to help their family get back on their feet.” He handed them a small box, but Rachel already suspected they would find money in there. Lovina took the box and opened it since Sarah seemed to be in too much shock to do anything. Lovina slowly undid the bow at the top and removed the lid. She saw what was in there, and went to reach for it before Isaac stopped her. He whispered something in her ear and she gasped as tears filled her eyes. “Thank you” was all she managed to get out. “Let the record show,” Isaac said with a dramatic flare. “That I gifted her with a rather large amount of money. Seeing as how she and her family have had problems, I did what I know to do to help out.” There was more cheering and applause before he quieted the crowd again. “And here, ever by their side, is the beautiful Rachel Schwartz. We all know the story; they practically had the same mother.” There was some laughter. Rachel was unsure of what Isaac was doing, but she smiled and played along. “For all the years of faithfulness, of being by their side, and of showing me what true love really looks like...” Isaac pulled a small box out of his pocket and got down next to Rachel on one knee. “Thank you.” He opened the box to reveal a small locket. Rachel gasped, but looked at Isaac confused. “You’re not usually one for the dramatic,” she whispered, though just about everyone in the clearing could hear her. Isaac smiled and shrugged. “You make me do crazy things.” Then he stood, pulled the locket out and placed it around her neck. “Let the record show that I gave Rachel Miller my greatgrandmother’s locket because I believe she’s worth it...” he looked at Rachel. “And my grandmother would be proud that I have chosen you.” Rachel couldn’t breathe. Did Isaac really just say that? Was this his way of asking her out? Why didn’t he just ask? She couldn’t just say yes! What about Lovina and Sarah? She suddenly felt light-headed as she forced herself to look at her friends. What she saw would have made any other girl rip the locket off and run away forever.
Lovina and Sarah both looked as though they were hurt and upset about the fact that Rachel didn’t simply come to them sooner. Rachel had spent her entire life with them, naturally they would understand, but instead she had told them that she would stand aside while they tried to vye for Isaac Fisher’s affection. “I guess everything you said that day really was a lie,” Sarah spat and removed herself with as much dignity as was possible. Isaac had been talking up to that point, but none of them heard what he had said and it wasn’t until Sarah left that Isaac realized something was amiss. “Uh, let the party resume!” He quickly threw everyone back into the celebration, and Rachel was glad that all eyes were no longer on her. She had yet to actually inspect the locket, but she didn’t want to come to terms with the fact that Isaac chose her and no one else. Looking at the locket would make it all too real. Lovina moved closer to Rachel. “Why didn’t you tell us this would happen?” Rachel looked at her best friend. “You think I knew about this? Trust me, if I knew this would happen—” “I’m not talking about the party, Rachel!” Lovina hissed through her teeth. “I’m talking about your affections for Isaac and his for you! You had to have known that was going to happen!” She slid out of her seat and followed her sister into the night, leaving Rachel feeling more alone and more scared than she had ever felt. “What was that all about?” Isaac queried as he watched Lovina leave. “Sometimes life doesn’t go the way people expect it to. For once, it worked out in my favor, but my friends simply aren’t happy for me.” “Then they’re not really friends.” Rachel spun her head toward Isaac. “They are my best friends.” “I don’t doubt that, but why are they your best friends? Because you’ve never had any other close friends? Because they’ve proven time and again that they’re for you? Or because you all have the same life story and you might as well be actual sisters?”
Rachel was starting to see where Isaac was going, but she didn’t like the direction. “Can we not talk about them as if they’re abusive?” “Aren’t they? Rachel, I’m not dumb. I know you’ve had an interest in me for a long time. It wasn’t until very recently that the Miller sisters started to show some interest in me as well. I watched you continuously reject my advances because you knew that they were into me. Would that have gone differently if you didn’t know? Or better yet, if they were really, truly friends?” “God’s Word says, ‘Greater love hath no man than this—’” Isaac stopped her. “I know what the Bible says. I’m not asking the Bible, I’m asking you.” Rachel looked at him for a long moment. “The reason I did what I did was because I love them, and I want them to be happy. If you can’t see that, then maybe you’re the one who needs to reevaluate your friends.” Before Isaac had a chance to respond, Rachel stormed off in the same direction as her friends, half in hopes that she could find them to apologize and half in hopes that she didn’t. She wasn’t sure her heart could take anymore surprises. The only place she knew to go where she wouldn’t be bothered was the secret get-together place. The sun had gone down over an hour before, but that didn’t stop Rachel. On more than one occasion she had to make that trip in the dark, and it came back to her with ease on this particular night. She heard sniffles as she approached the clearing, but knew she had made enough noise that they already knew she was coming. “Go away!” Yep, they heard me alright, she thought to herself. “I just want to talk.” “What is there to talk about? Isaac clearly loves you more than me or Sarah. What’s the point of even trying?” Rachel had stopped short of the clearing. In the small amount of moonlight, she
could just make out the silhouettes of Lovina and Sarah. The youngest was resting her head in her sister’s lap while the oldest looked as though she was waiting to start stoning Rachel. The only difference was she didn’t actually have any stones to throw, and Rachel was glad for that. “Look, there’s no way to undo what was done—” “You’re right. There’s not!” Sarah sat up and seemed to see straight through the darkness. She made eye contact with Rachel. “Clearly Isaac has chosen you, so now you have to make a choice. Us or him?” “What? How can I make that kind of—” “It doesn’t matter,” Lovina stated flatly. “We need you to either break up with him or never see us again.” “Well that’s kind of hard to do when you currently live with me.” “Oh, you’ll see us... but this will be the last time we ever talk to you, talk about you, or talk for you. We will no longer be your friends. So make your decision. You have 24 hours.” “24 hours!” Rachel moved into the clearing. “You can’t do that! At least give me three days!” Lovina and Sarah looked at each other and smiled. “There’s the Rachel we know and love,” Sarah stood and spanned the small clearing in two steps. “We will give you three days, but only because you asked for it. Choose wisely. Your future is determined by who you marry, you know.” “Now get out of here. We prefer you went to bed first tonight. We have some talking to do.” Rachel spun on her heel, feeling as though she had been played. Unfortunately she had no evidence to support the theory, so she continued walking until she reached home. As soon as she made it to her bedroom she closed the door, locked it, and wept bitterly. Back at the clearing, Lovina and Sarah were entrenched in conversation. “Can you believe the nerve of that woman? I can’t believe we called her our
friend!” Sarah was livid and would find any excuse to murder something... which she did by destroying the ends of the log that the friends would sit on for reprieve. “Do you really have to be so violent to get your point across?” Lovina asked as she continued to sit on the log. “Why do you always have to be the one that has everything figured out? Why can’t you just be upset for once?” “I am upset,” Lovina replied quietly. “But I’m more upset that we might be missing out on one of the greatest adventures of Rachel’s life... and we’re bringing her down just because we don’t agree with what happened. This isn’t us, Sarah. We’re adults for crying out loud!” “No,” Sarah retorted. “Rachel is just as much responsible for her actions as we are. Why didn’t she tell us? She could have redirected us so many times!” “But she didn’t.” Lovina stood. “Sarah, I think Rachel didn’t say anything for a reason. I think she really wanted to give us a fair shot at dating Isaac.” “I feel like they’ve both liked each other for as long as I can tell.” “Well, I don’t know about him, but I know she has been crazy for him for a long time... but she said she had gotten over it.” Lovina was pacing now, and thinking of different possibilities. “Maybe she was just being the good friend that we’ve always been told she should be.” Sarah threw up her arms. “Well we’ve been doing a poor job of that then, haven’t we?” Lovina nodded, still thinking. “Come on, let’s go get some sleep. We can talk about this tomorrow.” Rachel woke up more tired than when she fell asleep. In fact, she didn’t even remember falling asleep. The weight of sadness pushed on her chest, making it hard to breathe. Last night could have been the best and worst night of her life. What good would it be to have a husband but lose your friends? Or what good would it be to have friends, but remain single for the rest of your life?
These are the questions that plagued Rachel’s mind before she even made it to the washroom that morning. She ran into Lovina in the hallway, but she was already dressed. “What time is it?” Rachel asked groggily. “The sun has been up for a few hours... are you okay?” Lovina’s face twisted into concern for her friend. “I’m fine. I was just given the ultimatum to give up one future for another.” Rachel tried very hard to rein her tongue in, but once she started she found the words flowed extremely easily. “Because I can’t have a husband without my best friends, but my best friends want the only man that I’ve ever really loved. I did what I thought was right, but all it did was get me into this mess where now it seems as though everyone hates me.” Tears were flowing down both women’s faces as Sarah emerged from the Miller’s room. “No, Rachel. We don’t hate you. We love you, and we want what’s best for you.” All three of them were now standing in the hallway. Sarah continued, “I acted very poorly last night and I’m sorry. It was never my intention to pull you away from what makes you happy... it was just... so hard for me to accept the fact that we all happened to like the same man.” She chuckled wryly. “Our entire livelihood burning down didn’t help any.” Lovina and Rachel both smiled at that and Lovina concurred. “We love you, sister. You’ve had your eye on Isaac since first grade; we’re not going to take that away from you now.” Sarah added, “And you don’t have to give one up for the other. Lovina and I had a long talk last night and we realized... I was kind of being hard on you. We were so sure that one of us would end up courting him, and then you showed up almost out of nowhere and steal him away.” She laughed. “But life doesn’t always work out the way we plan.” “No, I should be sorry,” Rachel began. “I should have told you guys that I never really got over Isaac or that he had started to show interest in me. I mean, we’re sisters after all. I should be willing to share everything with you! But when you both started talking about him like you were interested, I didn’t want to disappoint you. I was even willing to step away if one of you could actually win his heart.”
“Is that why you all ran away last night?” The three friends jumped and spun at the new voice. There was Isaac Fisher, standing at the top of the stairs, arms folded with a smirk on his face. “Isaac!” Rachel exclaimed. “How long have you been there?” He laughed. “Long enough to know that you three really need to work on your communication skills. Though I do admire your willingness to admit when you’re wrong and the way you are now fixing the problem.” The women looked at each other and giggled. “You know, I’ve actually known for a while that you all were interested in me. I’m not naive. In fact, I would be lying if I said you were the only three interested in me in this entire community.” He gave them a knowing look and more giggles ensued. “Why did I pick Rachel? Why did I do it the way I did? Because I wanted you all to know that I knew what was going on. I wanted you all to know what was going on, and since it was my 20th birthday, I figured why not. Also, I did want to help out the Miller family since your family has been a huge help to this community. It’s only right that the community should not only be made aware of the situation, but also work on doing better at taking care of our people.” He continued, “All three of you are extremely beautiful women and any man who isn’t smart enough to see that it’s not just an outward beauty isn’t deserving of your love. But Rachel has won my heart with her soft voice and caring heart.” He looked around at the hallway and lowered his voice. “Because anyone who can deal with a noisy Englisher is definitely a winner in my book.” It had been three months since Isaac confronted Lovina, Sarah, and Rachel in the hallway of the Schwartz family inn. The community had in fact come together to help the Miller family with gifts of money, time, and love. In the short months since the fire, the community had managed to build a new house for the Millers and they were able to move in before the weather started to get too cold. Since it was almost harvest time, the family were to be paid in the food that the Miller sisters helped to harvest as well as extra dishes and fruits and vegetables that the community pooled together to supply for them. As for Isaac and Rachel, their relationship blossomed much faster than most in
the community thought it would. What they didn’t know was that the community’s newest couple had been working on their relationship long before they were ever considered to be dating. Lovina and Sarah were the only people outside of the Schwartz and Fisher families that really knew the depth of Rachel and Isaac’s relationship. The three friends continued their weekly get-togethers, but after a while, they began including Isaac too. He was certainly not a lady, but he was now accepted as part of the family. “I’m glad Lovina and Sarah let me hang out with you ladies,” he mentioned on their short walk back to Rachel’s house. “Me too. It was nice to see that they can be adults sometimes. It’s funny, that even without a lot of Rumspringa going on, we still feel as though we’re not fully adults. It’s like we forget just how old we really are.” “Yes, the next generation and the like.” Rachel raised an eyebrow at him. “‘And the like’?” Isaac laughed. “I guess that’s something I used to hear a lot. ‘Gotta be a good example for the next generation!’ I just added the ‘like’.” Rachel now laughed. “Wow, you’re so smart, Mr. Fisher. Maybe I should reconsider my stance with you.” “On that note,” suddenly Isaac dropped to one knee. She heard rustling coming from the woods, but ignored it. Was that her parents coming from the house? She never took her eyes off of Isaac because she was afraid she might miss the most important moment in her life. “Rachel Grace Schwartz, I have asked for your father’s blessing to have your hand in marriage. I love you, and always have loved you, since the day we met. Would you do the honor of making me your husband?” Rachel was so touched by the way he said everything, she couldn't even get the word “yes” out, so she nodded excitedly. Tears fell from her eyes faster than she could register that they were falling. She couldn’t see what Isaac was holding, but it looked like another small jewelry box.
“Put it on,” she finally managed. As soon as she felt the ring slip on her finger, she threw her arms around her one true love and whispered into his ear. “I love you, my darling. And I will never let you go.” He pulled her back long enough to look into her teary eyes and he kissed her hard on the lips. “I promised myself I wouldn’t do that,” he mentioned after they broke away from each other. “If you hadn’t, I would have,” she half-laughed, half-cried. Suddenly, as if they were pushed in front of a waiting mass of people, sound seemed to explode around them and everything came back into focus. People were cheering, some were crying, many were coming over and giving slaps on the back to Isaac and hugs to Rachel. This really was a dream come true.
SMALL TOWN CHURCH ROMANCE
“YOU WILL GO TO HELL. THE POWER OF CHRIST COMPELS YOU. THE POWER OF CHRIST WILL SAVE YOU IF YOU BELIEVE IN HIM. THE POWER OF CHRIST WILL KEEP YOU FROM HELL. GET YOUR ACT TOGETHER AND BELIEVE IN GOD.” Sara was a little freaked out. Okay . . . Sara was really freaked out. “So my cousin is a pharmacist and she can totally sneak me some Valium for this guy,” Miranda, next to her, whispered in her ear. Sara only went to church because it was routine. That wasn’t to say she wasn’t a pretty good Christian; she never killed anybody and she didn’t eat meat on Fridays. Sometimes she prayed before she went to bed, and she never said the Lord’s name in vain. Well. She tried not to. “Look at that vein that bulges in his neck,” Sara whispered to Miranda. “Watch it burst,” Miranda said smugly. Sara tried not to smile. No one in the congregation was okay with Pastor Henry being a total freak show. In fact it was completely surprising that their old pastor, Pastor Samuel, had picked him for his replacement at all. The young guy was new in town, and seemed to be totally normal, but how did he pass the job interview? Sara imagined Pastor Samuel in Boca or wherever he was, having a good laugh about his little practical joke, before informing all of them that the real Pastor would start next Sunday. “He's kind of cute,” Callie, from the other side of Miranda, said. “Gross,” Sara and Miranda said in unison. Pastor Henry didn't hear any of this. “DO YOU THINK WHAT YOU ARE DOING IS OKAY? DO YOU REALIZE JESUS DIED FOR ALL OF YOU AND ALL YOU DO IS DISOBEY THE WORD OF GOD. REAL CLASSY. REALLY REALLY CLASSY. JUST YOU WAIT. JUST YOU WAIT FOR THE
GLORIOUS DAYS OF REVELATION! YOU KNOW THE RIVER? THE TOWN RIVER? I WANT YOU ALL THERE TOMORROW AT SUNSET! THERE I WILL REPENT YOU OF YOUR SINS AND YOU WON’T ROT IN HELL LIKE YOU SHOULD!” “Pop,” Miranda whispered. “TO QUOTE REVELATION: BUT THE FEARFUL, AND UNBELIEVING, AND THE ABOMINABLE, AND MURDERERS, AND WHORE MONGERS, AND SORCERERS, AND IDOLATERS, AND ALL LIARS, SHALL HAVE THEIR PART IN THE LAKE WHICH BURNETH WITH FIRE AND BRIMSTONE: WHICH IS THE SECOND DEATH! AVOID THE SECOND DEATH MY PARISHIONERS. AVOID THE SECOND DEATH AND FIND JESUS IN YOUR HEART. MEET ME AT THE RIVER AT SUNSET. THE RIVER AT SUNSET. BE THERE OR ROT IN HELL!” After church, everyone usually met in the hall for coffee hour. The girls did as not to say no to free food, but they noticed the crowd was a little thinner than usual. “I wonder if he's gonna keep screaming?” Miranda asked, helping herself to a donut. “It was kind of hot,” Callie said. “You're weird. You two deserve each other in hell.” The girls were then interrupted by the presence of Miss Hattie: the church clerk who was as wide as she was tall . . . and she was pretty tall. She plowed right between the group and helped herself to two donuts. “Hey, girls!” she said, the natural volume of her voice set to “loud”. Her church dress that she wore every week was a dusty rose color with bright blue flowers and purple polka dots, her gray hair set in curls around her face. “Hey, Miss Hattie,” the three said in unison. “Isn’t it nice that even though your parents are dead all you girls still come to
church?” She smiled brightly. “Our parents aren’t dead,” Callie said, acknowledging herself and Sara. “And my parents have been dead my whole life.” Miranda had lived with her aunt and uncle since she was a baby. “Oh.” It was clear that Miss Hattie’s memory was evading her, but she would never admit it. She smiled, and the girls noticed a streak of lipstick on her front teeth. “Well, anyway, we like to see young folk in the congregation.” “Is that why Pastor Samuel appointed a young minister?” Sara wondered. If anyone was going to spill the details on the parish’s opinion of Pastor Henry it was going to be Miss Hattie. Miss Hattie pursed her lips. “Well, now, you see I told Pastor Samuel that appointing a woman wouldn’t be a bad idea. You know Rose Becker? Her daughter Lucy has just gotten her license or whatever they call it and she’s a wonderful preacher, has a presence, and she’s not too pretty so following the word of God might be able to find her someone. Anyway, I suggested to Pastor Samuel to appoint Lucy, and did he listen to me? Nope! He just appointed Henry, and I gotta say girls, he’s a bit too aggressive for my liking.” The girls nodded in agreement, and Sara was grateful Callie didn’t mention how cute she thought he was. Before the conversation could progress, Pastor Henry was next to them. Close up, Sara noticed he wasn’t a bad looking guy. He had dusty blonde hair, brown eyes, and nice features. He didn’t look the least bit scary at all up close. He didn’t even having the vein popping out of his neck. “Hello,” he said. Even his voice was quiet. “I’m just trying to go around and meet everyone.” “Well, you already met me,” Miss Hattie said, clearly offended. “Yes, Miss Hattie, I have met you.” He even smiled, and Sara noticed it was a nice smile. “And you are all . . ? “Calliope Calavant,” Callie said. She completely made that up. Her real name
was Callie Smith, but whenever she was meeting a new guy she liked to sound exotic. “Miranda,” Miranda said. “I don’t have a last name.” Sara decided that since they were in a church she should be honest. “Sara Clevenger,” she said. “Nice to meet you.” “Nice to meet all of you.” Henry nodded. “I hope to see you all at the river tomorrow night. It really will be a fun time.” “Can you promise that?” Callie asked. The other two rolled their eyes. “Yes,” he laughed, but Sara noticed that Henry was looking at her when he said it. “I can promise that.” The girls went to brunch like they usually did on Sundays, and then Sara rushed home. Her mother had just left for work, picking up an extra shift at the bar she worked at, which meant her father was alone. He couldn’t be that way for too long. “Hey dad,” Sarah said. Her father, Bill, was sitting in the recliner watching TV, his wheelchair next to him. He was dressed in his usual sweatpants and black Tshirt, his mouth open slightly as he looked at his daughter. He smiled. “Did you eat lunch yet?” Bill managed a little nod. He couldn’t speak. He had ALS, a diagnoses that tore Sara’s family apart emotionally, but they still managed to stay together. Sara moved back home while her mother worked more to help take care of her dad. “Are you comfy?” Sara asked, but then proceeded to fluff the pillow behind his back a little more. She looked at the TV. He was watching the baseball game, so at least he was actually entertained and not faking it for the amusement of his wife. “Are you OK?” Sara asked. Bill looked at her, and nodded. Sara couldn’t help but smile at her father. “Okay,” she said.
Henry lived in the rectory next to the church. He never had to pay rent and it was well lined so it was never too cold. He liked making a fire and drank tea every night while doing his Bible readings. As he read that night, his mind flicked back to church. He knew his methods were extreme, but his favorite pastor had the same approach and where he grew up everyone loved the way that he preached. He wasn’t sure how the new church felt about it, however. They all looked a little scared. He then thought about Sara. The other two girls she was with were pretty, but there was something about her that really stood out to him. Maybe because she didn’t have that pinched look on her face like Miranda, or because she didn’t immediately try to jump in his pants like Callie. She was calm, and polite, and . . . beautiful. He wasn’t too sure about the meeting at the river the next day, but he was positive that she would show up. She did look interested when he mentioned it . . . unless he totally imagined that she did. Henry looked out the window, wrapping his fingers around his warm tea cup and watched as the sun began to set. His street had the most perfect view of the horizon. He wondered if Sara liked sunsets. Henry shook his head, and hoped that she would show up to the river. He hoped that she would like it. He hoped the whole town would. That night, after Sara had put Bill to bed, her mother Nancy came home, finding Sara in the kitchen doing dishes. Nancy was a woman that aged too quickly. Having a dying spouse would do that to you. She was still pretty though, with blonde hair like her only daughter, and blue eyes. She worked hard at the bar, and made pretty good money. She needed to to take care of Bill. “Hungry?” Sara asked. “I made Dad scrambled eggs. I could whip you up some.” Nancy collapsed at the table and shook her head. “I ate at work. How did he do?” Sara bit her lip. “He didn’t eat much. He tried to, but I don’t think he was that hungry.”
Nancy nodded, not bothering to hide how unbelievable exhausted she was. “How was church? The new preacher started today, didn’t he? “He wants to dunk us all in the river to repent us of our sins,” Sara said, dropping the plate she was holding as the water suddenly got really hot. She turned down the dial and braved to pick it up again. “He’s pretty crazy. He screamed the entire time instead of just giving a normal sermon. It was really uncomfortable.” “He probably just doesn’t understand the way we are used to things.” Nancy always tried to sympathize with things that were generally not well liked. Her favorite animal was the opossum. “Or he’s crazy,” Sara laughed. “I want you to go to that river dunk thing tomorrow,” Nancy said. “Just give it a try. It’s important we support members of the community. That church has helped us out so much since your father got sick, it’s the least you could do.” Sara didn’t want to argue with her mother. She didn’t want to go, but she knew that if it was important to Nancy than it should be important to her. She decided not to ask Miranda and Callie if they were going too. She didn’t want to get laughed at. At seven o’clock the next evening, Henry waited by the river. It was the main water source in town, leading right into the reservoir. He figured the river would be a good place for the re-baptism of the congregation. He loved water. He loved its healing spirit. He hoped everyone else would too .No one was there yet, but he realized that “sunset” was a bit of a vague time. Maybe everyone else did not read the same solar clock he did and would be there in a little bit. He checked his watch. 7:01. At quarter after, he checked his watch for the umpteenth time. No one was there yet. Henry could feel his smile begin to fade. 7:30, the sun was beginning to be a peachy color, and night was beginning to overtake the sky when he heard the car pull up. It parked on the grass, and the driver got out. It took him a second to realize it was Sara, and suddenly it did not matter that no one else in the congregation had showed up to the baptism.
“Pastor Henry,” she said. “It’s just Henry.” She nodded. “Henry.” “Sara.” “Are you going to scream at me while you dunk me in the river, or is it completely okay if I just go about and do this myself?” He felt a little uneasy. “I can give you a blessing,” he said. “And I promise I won’t scream.” She took off her shirt, and while the motion caught him off guard, Henry realized that she was wearing a one piece bathing suit. She stripped off her jean, and stood on the grass, curling it under her toes. He then took off his pants to his swim suit, and hesitated about his shirt, before realizing that it really didn’t matter, then took it off. He was happy that for the first time in his life he was actually in somewhat good of shape, then realized how wrong it was of him to be thinking like that when he was about to baptize someone. Him and Sara walked toward the river. He dunked his foot in, and realized the water was just a little bit warmer than ice. This would be quick. Sara, meanwhile, did not hesitate. She plunged right in, under the water, the light current not swaying her a bit. She resurfaced, and slicked her wet hair off her face with her hands before smiling. “Was that too premature for a blessing?” she asked. “No,” Henry replied, awing at how beautiful she looked in the sunset. “It’s better just to go right in,” she explained. “Otherwise you’ll be shivering. This way your body gets used to it.” Henry supposed she was right. He hadn’t swam since summer camp when he was a kid; and even then he barely ever did. He was too busy reading a book to socialize with the other kids. Henry had never been much of a people person, even as a child. He turned to the church and his faith and the pastor who taught him so much, and only then was he able to find any comfort in himself.
Henry decided to just go for it, and dove right into the icy water, feeling it seep through his skin and freeze his veins. When he came up for air, he gasped, and then registered that Sara was laughing at him. He stood up, and shook his hair, before saying, “How the hell did you do that?” “Did you just say hell?” she mused. “I’m human, you know,” he muttered. Sara grinned. “Okay, so this baptism or whatever . . . let’s just do this.” Henry nodded, then waded through the water so that he was standing right next to Sara. “I do this for you. I do this for your soul.” She nodded, and maybe he was imagining it, but she seemed to be staring at him. “I’m going to dip your head in the water now.” She was treading in the shallow water, and he held her forehead as she dipped her hair under the water. He tried not to run his fingers through her hair. He tried to be professional, as he recited: Living and Loving Father, I praise and thank You with my heart for the liberation You have given me from the clutches of sin and Satan. By Your death on the Cross of Calvary, You have put my old life with its sin and judgment to death forever, and endowed me with a new life that is abounding with joy. Father, I commit this Baptism Day into Your most precious and loving hands. I believe that by Your crucifixion on the Cross, my old self was rendered powerless and I was freed from all sin. You were raised from the dead that I too may live a life victorious and overcoming all evil. Father, this day, I rededicate myself to live in You and live a life for Your glory. I remember the day when I was baptized and washed off all my sins. Lord, it is Your grace that I must be counted worthy to be called Your child. Help me to keep Your commandments. Renew my strength this day that I may be strong in faith and increase in zeal. Preserve me for the glorious day of Your coming. I believe Your Word which says, “He who has begun a good work in you will
complete it until the day of Jesus Christ.” Let this day be the beginning. Lead me into greater spiritual depths even in the coming days. In Jesus’ precious name I pray. Amen. Henry traced the cross on her forehead with his thumb. “Amen,” he whispered again, and then gently helped Sara lift her head up. They locked eyes for a second, and that was when Henry noticed his hand was around her waist. Sara noticed too, but she did not try to stop it, in fact she felt like it should be there. “So I’m not going to hell?” she whispered. “No way,” he whispered back. Before he could acknowledge that it was happening, he was kissing her, or was she kissing him? They were kissing each other, and behind them the sun officially set. The darkness over came the river, and noticing that their visibility was waning, Sara and Henry stopped before getting out of the river. Henry did not know what to say to her, other than a slew of apologies that was normal for him to spurt out in this type of situation. However, instead, he noticed she was smiling and said, “Was that okay?” Sara laughed. “That was fine.” She realized she didn’t bring a towel, so she put her clothes on over her soaking wet bathing suit. Henry put on his shirt, and then felt a little awkward about the situation. Even though kissing Sara was better than he imagined, he realized then he really did not know her at all, and to her he was just the screaming preacher. “I’m sorry.” His familiar words came out of his mouth. “I kissed you,” she said, giving him a weird look. “I thought I kissed you?”
They were quiet for a second, and then both laughed. Sara didn’t expect any of that to happen, except for maybe the fact that she would be the only one to show up for the baptism ritual by the river. Flushed, and feeling happy for whatever reason, she went home to shower, and then proceeded to get ready for a night out with Callie and Miranda. They all met at their favorite restaurant outside of town, where on Mondays the cocktails were half price after nine. Miranda wore a low cut sweater, and Callie an even tighter one. Sara tried not to smile to broadly when she sat down at the table. “Who did you lay?” Callie asked. “No one,” Sara muttered, taking a sip of the martini her friends had already ordered her. She knew how the others felt about Henry, and since she didn’t know if she really liked him yet she figured she should maybe keep the events of the evening to herself. “Boring.” Miranda rolled her eyes. They all ordered a variety of appetizers, and the conversation as usual took a turn to talking about hot men. A little tipsy, Sara tried her best to keep her mouth shut, but eventually she was dying with curiosity. “Henry is pretty hot,” she said. “Pastor Henry?” Callie asked. “Hell yeah.” “Nope.” Miranda winced and shook her head. “Absolutely not. Nuh uh. No way.” “I think I like him,” Sara said, and then she slurped her martini instead of looking at her friends for their reactions. When she deemed enough time had passed, she dared a glance, and saw both of them with their mouths wide open, not unlike a fish above water. “Don’t do it!” Miranda warned. “Don’t!”
“Think of your father!” “Think of the women and children!” “He’s CRAZY!” “ABSOLUTELY insane!” “Even Miss Hattie didn’t like him!” It was clear that Miranda and Callie were getting hysterical. Around them, other people in the restaurant began to stare, and Sara was getting more and more uncomfortable. She was not expecting this much of an outburst. “Okay, okay!” Sara held her hand up to silence them. “Keep your pants on. I won’t do anything about it.” Although her friends looked relieved, deep inside Sara felt a little hurt. She tried not to imagine kissing Henry for the rest of the reason, but she found it really hard not to. Henry was sitting in his office the next day writing a sermon when he heard the knock on the door. “Come in,” he said. The door opened, and he didn't bother to look up, figuring it was just Miss Hattie, when a familiar and beautiful voice said, “We need to talk.” He looked up and saw Sara there. She was wearing a dress, her hair tied back, and even though she wasn't dripping wet in the sunset she was still beautiful. Henry thought she may be too good to be true. “Sara,” he said. “Come in.” She did, which he took as a good sign. He was glad he cleaned off his desk that morning; he didn't want her thinking he was a slob. Sara sighed. “We have to talk . . . about your preaching.” “You don't like it?” he asked. “You're a little . . . aggressive,” Sara said, and then she bit her lip. “It's scaring all of your friends.”
“You're scared of what your friends think?” Maybe Sara was one of those shallow girls that Henry had known growing up. He couldn't help but feel a pit of disappointment form in his stomach. “My friends . . . the town . . .” Sara winced. “You're just so different from Pastor Samuel. He was gentle and sweet and at first I thought that maybe the aggressive and angry, brimstone and fire speech was just what you were, but after what happened at the river . . . you're a nice guy, Henry. You're kind and charming and the person who baptized me and the person who was screaming Revelation were not the same person.” “Pastor Samuel knew what he was hiring,” Henry said, feeling a little angry. “He knew what my style was and he liked it and when I was hired . . . he knew what he was getting.” “We don't know if it was a joke though.” Sara regretted it the moment she said it. Henry, meanwhile, did not know her well enough to figure that out. He stood up and pointed to the door. “I think you should leave.” “Henry . . .” “Now.” She stood up and made her way to the door. Before she left though, she turned around and said, “I really liked the kissing, by the way. I really like you.” And with that, she left, and Henry was more confused and hurt than ever. Sara cried in the car on the way home, to get it out of her system before she saw her father and she had to be strong for him. She wiped her face, and reapplied her mascara, before going inside the house. Her father was sleeping in his wheelchair in the kitchen; the warmest room in the house because of the sunlight that swallowed the room through the big bay window. She decided not to disturb him, and made herself a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. As she ate, she watched her father. His chest was rising and falling slowly; he was still breathing. She knew she only had months more with him, and dreaded the moment when his chest would no longer rise and fall and he
would be nothing more than a memory. His disease was always fatal, and there was nothing she could do about it but enjoy the time she had left with him. When she was done eating, Bill opened his eyes. “Hey, Dad,” she said. He tried to smile. “I think I might have done something stupid. When her father was functional, the two were close. Now, however, since he could not spill all of her secrets to the world, Sara found herself telling him everything that was on her mind. Since he could smile and sometimes shake his head, it was a sort of effective way of communication. It made her feel better at least. “I kissed the pastor.” Bill opened his eyes wider. “Not Pastor Samuel. Pastor Henry. The new pastor. He's young, and kind, and super socially awkward . . . he's a really great guy. I can tell. But he's a yeller. He screams about Satan and he wanted to dunk everyone in the river to repent their sins and . . . no one likes him. No one. Not Miranda or Callie or Miss Hattie . . .” Bill didn't say anything, or even react. “I don't know what to do, Dad.” Suddenly, Sara thought her father was choking. He started making noise, and she ran over to him, but Bill tried to push her aside as best as he could. She stopped, and looked at her father, and his eyes widened a little more. “Give,” he stammered. “Him. A Ch-ch-chance.” Sara teared up: her father hadn't spoken in over a month. “Dad?” He coughed a little, and then swallowed, and nodded., then smiled. “Give him a chance?”
Bill nodded. If it had been any other person besides her father, who had used all of her strength to tell her that, she most likely would have ignored it. “Okay,” Sara nodded, still teared up. “I will.” Henry thought a lot about what Sara had told him, and as much as he did not want to listen to a woman and do what she told him to do, he also had to take in account what was best for his congregation. He arranged a meeting with Miss Hattie and, just like Sara had told him, she agreed that his sermons needed to die down a little bit. Henry called up Pastor Samuel, who said that hiring Henry was not a joke, but he hoped that he would learn his lesson and arrange his sermons to be friendlier. He also wished Henry luck with Sara, and hoped the best for him. Henry spent the last few days of the week to write Sunday's sermon. He hoped Sara and the rest of the congregation would like it. On Sunday, he dressed in his robes, and began the service. He spoke quietly, but not too quiet, and tried not to let his nerves get the best of him. He tried not to look at Sara too much, but there she was: sitting in the second row with her wretched friends, a small smile on her face the entire time. Then, it was time for the sermon. Again, he spoke quietly, and firmly, and then when it was close to an end, he said, “I am new in town. I am a new preacher, and you are a new community. As many of you know Jesus was a stranger in many lands amongst his travels, and although his methods weren't as . . . extreme . . . as mine, he did get some ridicule. But there were also those that gave him a chance, and those who helped him become well known and lead him down the road for him to help him save us. I want us all to grow as a community and to become followers of Jesus and God together, so today, I propose that after service we all go down to the river and pray together, and wash away all of our sins and start a fresh. A new community. A new start. And now, I want to pray: Great Redeemer and Father of all nations, I humbly come before your throne and offer my thanks and praise for all that you have done to bless us, your people. Please let me know you and be aware of your daily presence in my life. Forgive me, dear Father, when I haven't been a suitable place for your grace and name to dwell. Thank you for redeeming me from the sin that once entangled
me. Guard my heart and rescue me from the deceptive lies of the evil one. In Jesus' name, and I say his prayer, Our father, who art in heaven, hallow by thy name, thy kingdom come, thy will be done, on earth as it in in heaven. Give us this day our daily bread, and forgive our trespasses, as we forgive those who trespass against us, and lead us not into temptation, but deliver us from evil, for thine is the kingdom and the power and the glory forever. Amen. “Amen,” the congregation echoed after him. When Henry lifted his head from prayer, he saw Sara smile at him. After church, Henry skipped the coffee hour, and went right to the river. He did not expect anyone to come, but he figured maybe it would be okay. He had prayer and, he hoped, he had Sara. She showed up first, a couple minutes after he did. She brought a blanket. They laid it on the grass and sat next to each other, finding calm in watching the river gently roll by. They didn't talk for a moment, but then Henry realized she was holding his hand. “A week ago, I never would have expected this,” Sara finally said. “Me either.” “A week ago, I never thought that I would be falling in love with you.” Henry looked at her, and the two of them locked eyes. She smiled, and he felt like he could kiss her, but then the sound of a car came, pulling up. He didn't know the names of the people coming towards them, but he knew they were members of the church. He stood up, breaking away from Sara, to greet them. When he extended his hand they took it, and that was a good sign. Soon, more and more people showed up. Some brought food. One brought a portable grill. It wasn't the type of baptism Henry was expecting, but he found himself helping the guy set it up and helped make burgers for everyone. A few kids brought frisbies. Some people swam in the river. Miranda and Callie even showed up and, although Miranda's stare was still uncomfortable, Henry took it as a good sign that she was there. Eventually, after everyone had eaten, Henry took them all into the river. He instructed everyone to get into pairs, and they would do this twice, each time one
person holding their partner up as he read them the prayer of baptism and helped them wash away all of their sins. The entire congregation of roughly 100 people paired up and waded into the river, and he blessed them with the same prayer he blessed Sara: Living and Loving Father, I praise and thank You with my heart for the liberation You have given me from the clutches of sin and Satan. By Your death on the Cross of Calvary, You have put my old life with its sin and judgment to death forever, and endowed me with a new life that is abounding with joy. Father, I commit this Baptism Day into Your most precious and loving hands. I believe that by Your crucifixion on the Cross, my old self was rendered powerless and I was freed from all sin. You were raised from the dead that I too may live a life victorious and overcoming all evil. Father, this day, I rededicate myself to live in You and live a life for Your glory. I remember the day when I was baptized and washed off all my sins. Lord, it is Your grace that I must be counted worthy to be called Your child. Help me to keep Your commandments. Renew my strength this day that I may be strong in faith and increase in zeal. Preserve me for the glorious day of Your coming. I believe Your Word which says, “He who has begun a good work in you will complete it until the day of Jesus Christ.” Let this day be the beginning. Lead me into greater spiritual depths even in the coming days. In Jesus’ precious name I pray. Amen.
At the end, most of the people continued swimming when Sara noticed another car pulling up, squeezing in between two other cars that had unevenly parked on the grass. She thought . . . but it couldn't be. Nancy was pushing Bill toward the river before she knew it, and Sara couldn't
help but smile. Her father had not left his house in a long time, and it was truly a miracle that he was strong enough to be able to at all. “Henry,” Sara said to him. “I want you to meet my father.” The two walked toward Bill. Sara introduced Henry to her parents, and Bill smiled at the pastor. “You have a beautiful daughter,” Henry told him. Bill smiled wider. “And honestly . . .” Henry blushed a little. “I think I'm falling in love with her.” Bill struggled, but a moment later, he was able to lift his hand enough for Henry to grab it. The two men shook hands, and around then a congregation celebrated becoming even closer together.
AMBER & ABEL
Milan, Italy “No! No! No!” Amber cried, throwing her hands up in dismay. “How did this happen? How could this happen?” The others in the hung their heads in unison, no one willing to accept the blame for the most recent catastrophe. “Giuliana is to wear the taffeta number, Gia the silk and Corina the leather and lace. Who screwed this up? Come on, speak up. Time is money, people!” Again, only mollified silence met the designer’s question. Amber stifled a groan, knowing that she would not get an admission from the group. “Never mind now,” she sighed. “Twenty minutes to curtain. Get the models redressed at once. Keep an eye on the rotation! It’s simple reading! It’s not that complicated!” A chorus of “yes ma’am” filled her ears and she spun to deal with the next mishap as someone shoved a clipboard in her face. It doesn’t matter how many years I’ve been doing this, I have yet to see a fashion show go as planned. It was not for lack of excruciating planning of course. Every detail had been mapped to the last second months in advance and yet inevitably, someone impetrative would call in sick or a top investor would want to bring his six grandchildren backstage. Invariably, a model vomited on the runway or a makeup artist and hair stylist got into a fist fight. It was what kept Amber’s blood pressure skyrocketing and her heart rushing in her ears. “Amber! Amber, you have an urgent phone call!” Her assistant, Dana appeared, holding out one of the three cell phones she carried but Amber waved her away.
Every phone call was an urgent phone call. It was an occupational hazard. “Not now, Dana. Can’t you see we’re T minus nineteen minutes?” “Amber, you need to take – “ “Dana! I am up to my ears in disasters right now. Can you please deal with whatever it is? Is that not what I pay you the big bucks for?” For a timeless second, a hush seemed to fall over the bustling backstage and inexplicably, Amber felt the hairs on her arms raise as she lifted her head. She looked at Dana who shook her head quietly. “What is it?” Amber breathed. “What happened?” Dana visibly swallowed, lowering her kind, brown eyes through the lenses of her glasses. She extended the phone further. “It’s your mother.” And Amber’s world stopped. Brooklyn, New York “I’m looking for Leah Colville,” Amber told the nurse. She drummed her fingers anxiously on the counter as the woman punched in the information and nodded. “Room 717,” she announced. “Just follow that hallway to the end.” Amber barely heard the last words as she flew down toward her mother’s room. It was slightly ajar and she pushed it open, her stomach flipping nervously. “Mama?” she called softly. “Mama, are you awake?” “Amber?” She hurried inside the semi-private room, sliding the separating curtain aside.
Leah was the only one in the room but Amber knew that could change at the drop of a hat. Oh mama, why didn’t you say anything? Her breath caught in her throat as she stared at her one virile mother, sunken in the bed, her face as white as the sterile sheets in which she lay. Amber threw herself into her mother’s arms gently. “Oh mama,” she whispered. “Why didn’t you tell me it had gotten so bad?” Leah made a dismissive sound with her tongue. “You are a busy girl, Amber. The last thing you need is your old, sick mom crying in your ear about chemo treatments and hair loss. It’s nothing you haven’t heard a million times before.” Tears filled Amber’s grey eyes but she hid them. “I am never too busy for you,” she scolded tenderly. “How long have you been like this?” Leah sighed. “Three weeks. The doctors are shocked I’ve hung on this long, kitten. It’s only a matter of time...” A stunning bolt of guilt almost brought Amber to her knees. How could I not have known for three weeks? What kind of daughter am I? “Don’t talk like that!” Amber cried. “You’re not going to...” She trailed off as her voice caught in her throat. “Shh, kitten. Don’t cry now. We have both known that I have been living on borrowed time for a long while. God has been gracious enough to let me see you become successful and now I can go to the other side knowing you are secure.” Amber pursed her lips together, squeezing her mom’s frail body.
“But I need you to do something for me,” the older Colville woman continued and Amber raised her head. “Anything, mama. Tell me what you need.” Leah studied her beautiful daughter’s face for a long moment, reaching up to stroke her short, layered hair. “Two things actually.” Amber stared at her expectantly. “First, when I die, I need you to go to Pennsylvania and find my sister, Ruthie to let her know I’ve passed.” Amber stared at her uncomprehendingly. “Your sister Ruthie?” she echoed. “Since when do you have a sister Ruthie?” Leah offered her a weak smile. “I have always had a sister, kitten.” Amber waited for her to elaborate but Leah seemed to have lost her strength suddenly. “I’m tired, Amber,” she murmured. “I would like to rest now.” “Yes, mama, of course,” Amber replied, sitting up. “I will be right here when you wake up.” Leah patted her daughter’s hand and smiled lovingly. “The second thing I would like you to do it grow your hair long again. I miss those golden locks of yours.” Amber forced a smile through the tears in her eyes. “I will do that mama. I will grow my hair and find Aunt Ruthie in Pennsylvania.”
Leah nodded slowly, her eyes growing heavy. “Just Ruthie, not Aunt Ruthie. You can find her in Eden, Pennsylvania. Ruthie Miller.” Amber watched with a trembling chin as her mother’s eyes fell closed knowing that it was the last time she would ever see them open again. Eden, Pennsylvania Amber looked at the woman embarrassed. “I’m afraid I don’t know much more than what I’ve already told you,” Amber admitted, wishing away the clerk’s scornful scrutiny. “My mother asked me to find her sister here in Eden and I have no idea where to start.” The clerk gave her a look which was half bemused, half annoyed but she turned back to her computer. “Ruth Miller,” she sighed, shaking her head. “There has to be at least two dozen here and that’s only the ones we have one record.” Amber blinked and stared at her. “This is city hall, isn’t it? Why wouldn’t you have them on record? Do you have a lot of illegal immigrants here?” Amber’s question was sincere but the clerk’s expression turned sardonic. “You really are not from around here, are you?” Amber swallowed her annoyance and forced a smile. “No, ma’am. I am not. That is why any help you can give me would be greatly appreciated. Why would you not have someone on record?” “This is Amish country, honey.” Amber suddenly felt foolish and she grinned sheepishly. “Of course. Well, can you see if any of the Ruth Millers you have there have a
sister named Leah?” The clerk’s red eyebrows rose almost to her hairline. “Ruth and Leah Miller? Are you kidding me? You’re definitely looking for an Amish family, sweetie.” “That can’t be,” Amber said shaking her head. “My mom wasn’t Amish.” “Well, I can check but if it quacks like a duck...” Again, her fingers flew over the keyboard and she raised an eyebrow. “I have two Ruth Millers with a sibling named Leah.” She scrawled their telephone numbers onto a piece of paper for her. “But I wouldn’t get your hopes up, honey,” the clerk told her as she held out the sheet. “My guess is that your Ruth Miller is somewhere in the countryside.” Amber stared at her helplessly. “What do I do then?” “If neither of these women is who you’re seeking, I would start combing the districts.” Amber opened her mouth to ask what that meant but the older woman seemed irritated enough. She closed her mouth and vowed to find someone else to help her find answers. Instead, she thanked her and hurried out of the building, into the windy autumn day. As she stood on the steps, looking down at the phone numbers in her hands, a memory flittered through her mind. She had been about four years old and her mother pulled a long dress from a hope chest at the foot of the bed.
It had been just after Amber’s father had died and Leah had been so melancholic, digging through old photos and keepsakes. “That’s an old dress, mama,” Amber said, looking at the homespun fabric in awe. “It is, kitten, yes,” her mother agreed. “Would you like to try it on?” “Yes please!” Amber cried and Leah had laughed, slipping the too large garment onto her small daughter. The older Colville dug into the chest and removed a small white cap, placing it on the base of Amber’s head. “You look like a proper Amish girl now, Liebchen.” “What is an Amish girl, mama?” “Greta!” The voice was loud and almost directly in her ear, smashing her reverie into a million pieces. Startled, Amber turned to look. An Amish man stood behind her, his green eyes alight with hope as she met his stare. “Greta, you’ve returned!” he said excitedly. “When did you come back to Eden?” Amber shook her head. “I’m sorry,” she said kindly, still awed by the green of his irises. “You have me confused with someone else.” To her surprise, his brow furrowed and he scowled slightly. “Are you playing a game?” he asked gruffly, his eyes narrowing. “You don’t need to worry; I won’t tell anyone I have seen you.”
Amber’s eyes widened and she wondered if she was in the middle of a gag. She looked around for cameras but nothing seemed out of the ordinary. “I really am sorry,” she said again, continuing down the steps. “You have me mixed up with someone else. My name isn’t Greta.” She hurried away before he could respond, leaving him staring after her. As she made her way toward the street where her rental car waited, she glanced back uneasily at the attractive man, her heart racing. That was strange, she thought, sliding into the driver’s side. But as she pulled away from the curb, she wondered if it was less strange and more fate. Perhaps that man was God’s way of telling her that she would find her long lost aunt inside the Amish community after all. I guess it’s time to start combing the districts, Amber thought wryly. Whatever that means. She could not help but take one last peek at the man in her rear-view as she drove away. He remained standing on the steps, staring after her as if he expected her to return. I hope he finds Greta, she thought wistfully. He certainly seems to love her. “Abel, who was that?” Levi demanded, rushing up the steps of city hall to meet his brother. He peered in the direction which the car gone. “Apparently no one,” Abel muttered as he watched the small sports car zoom away from the center of town. “From where I stood, it looked to be Greta Shetler and – “ “It was not,” Abel snapped, cutting off his brother before another word could leave his lips. Levi eyed him warily.
“You seem upset,” he commented. “Hasn’t that woman done enough damage to you without having you pine for her?” “Let’s not speak about her,” Abel said between clenched teeth as he hurried down the steps. “We have errands to run.” Levi chuckled dryly. “Well whoever she is, I would not mind seeing her again,” Levi commented. Abel paused to give his brother a scathing look. “She is an Englisher,” he retorted. “You would do well to stay away from her.” “Why? Are you interested?” Levi mocked. “And I thought you were going to die longing for the shunned and shamed beauty of the district.” “You are speaking nonsense now, Levi,” Abel chided. “If you can’t speak normally, don’t speak at all.” Abel didn’t have to look over to know his brother was leering at him. It seemed everyone in town had been ogling him since the day Greta had run off with the Englisher, leaving him at the altar after declaring she was pregnant with the Englisher’s child. And now she was back, pretending that she did not recognize him. It was just another slap in the face after her ex-communication, almost two years earlier. Has she come back to humiliate me further? “Who was she if not Greta?” Levi demanded, obviously unwilling to leave the topic alone. “You know you should not even be speaking her name,” Abel snapped. “I don’t know who that woman was.” “Then why did you run after her if you don’t know her?” Abel was growing angry with his brother’s interrogation.
“Let us go our own way today. We can accomplish more that way.” Without permitting Levi an opportunity to answer, he rushed away, trying to leave his brother in his wake along with the painful memories of Greta. After finding a quiet spot to park her car, Amber picked up her cell phone. She tried both the phone numbers given to her by the clerk at city hall but as the woman had predicted, neither was the woman Amber sought. Now I have to venture from district to district, she realized. She was not looking forward to the task; it seemed daunting but she knew she could not rest until she had honored her mother’s wishes. Instinctively, she reached up and touched her hair. It had already begun to grow out some in the two months since Leah’s passing and Amber was determined not to touch it. As she drove the rental into the outskirts of Eden, the lush Pennsylvania hills fell into a smaller settlement of land and soon, she could see that she was inside the Amish district. Almost immediately, a feeling of peace overcame her and she had to stop the car to admire the almost surreal beauty of the landscape around her. She grabbed for her cell phone, snapping pictures as the horizon as the sun began to set over the lolling dales. Suddenly, she heard the clopping of hooves as a wagon approached and Amber lowered her camera, watching in awe as a horse and cart ambled toward her. In the front, a man and woman dressed in traditional Amish attire rode primly and Amber offered them a nervous smile, not knowing if she would be received with distain. To her relief, they both returned her beam and the man slowed the beast. “Are you lost, miss?” he asked politely and Amber shook her head.
“No...well maybe,” she replied sheepishly. “I stopped to take a picture of the beautiful landscape but...” She trailed off, suddenly embarrassed. “I am afraid I’m on a bit of a wild goose chase,” she confessed. They peered at her with curious eyes. “Are you looking for someone’s home?” the woman asked. “Perhaps we can direct you.” Amber opened her mouth to answer and then closed it. “This is going to seem ridiculous,” she muttered. “But I am looking for a woman named Ruthie Miller. Do you know her?” The couple seemed slightly amused by the question and Amber was beginning to realize that was going to be a common response to her inquiry. I wonder what it would be like to live in a place where everyone knew everyone else? I imagine there is a sense of security that accompanies that knowledge. “I fear that we know several women by that name, miss. Can you tell us anything else about her?” “She had a sister named Leah but they have been estranged for – “ Suddenly, Amber found it difficult to speak and she swallowed quickly as her voice broke. “Have you had supper, miss?” the woman asked quietly. “Our farm is not far from here. It would be our pleasure to have you as our guest.” Amber looked up, terrified and shook her head. “Oh no, I couldn’t,” she gulped. “But thank you.” The man smiled. “It is considered very rude to refuse a supper invitation in Amish country,” he informed her and Amber could see he was teasing her but all the same, she found
herself nodding. “That would be lovely,” she breathed. “Thank you.” “You may follow us,” the woman said, smiling. Amber nodded and allowed them to pass before jumping back into her car. What lovely people, she thought, her heart warming. The man on the steps of city hall had made her nervous and so far, he had been the only interaction she had with anyone in their culture. But he did have lovely green eyes. Amber steered the Chrysler into up the long drive of the pretty farmhouse, keeping a safe distance behind the kind strangers. Slowly, she exited her car, suddenly aware of how strange was what she was doing. Would I ever accept such an unexpected dinner invitation from random strangers in New York or Milan or Paris? Of course not. So why am I doing it here? The answer was obvious; it felt right. She was nowhere near any major city, designing clothes and fighting with stage hands or arguing with models. It was like she had entered another world, another planet even where Amber Colville didn’t exist and she was just a lost little girl, looking for the last family relation she had left in the world. Does my Aunt Ruthie have children? Maybe I have cousins out there. Or should I say, in here. “Come along, miss. It’s growing cold without the sun shining down on us,” the woman urged. “My name is Amber,” she volunteered as she was led into the house. “Amber Colville.”
The wife smiled and nodded. “That is a lovely name. I am Beth and that is my husband, Jeremiah Troyer.” “Pleased to meet you, Mr. and Mrs. Troyer,” I said politely. She smiled softly. “We do not use such formalities here. You may call us Beth and Jeremiah,” she said softly. Amber blushed lightly and nodded. “Only if you call me Amber,” she agreed. “Please, come and sit. Our boys should be along shortly. They have been commissioned with supper as Jeremiah and I were in town today.” “I see,” she said, nodding. “But you are farmers?” “Yes,” Beth replied. “We grow wheat and barley. Our boys have recently acquired chickens but between you and I, Amber, I am rather fearful of their pecking beaks.” Amber chuckled with Jeremiah. “There is no shame in having fears, Beth,” her husband said, reassuringly. “I am certain even the English have fears.” Amber’s smile broadened. “Oh yes,” she assured them. “More fears than I care to admit.” A sudden warmth flowed between them as they stood in a comfortable silence. “Come along inside,” Jeremiah said, shooing them from the foyer. “I will see about some cider. It is cooling in the shed. Abel just made a fresh batch.” “He’s a good boy, our eldest,” Beth murmured but Amber noticed a dark cloud cross over her eyes as if something occurred to her.
She stared at Amber, her mouth parting slightly. “Is something wrong, Beth?” Amber asked, immediately concerned by her change of disposition. The older woman shook her head. “I will help Jeremiah with the cider. The barrel can be difficult to manage. Please, sit by the fire until we return.” She was gone before Amber could reply and she was abruptly filled with a small fission of alarm. That was strange, she thought but she was ashamed of her suspicion. Things are just done differently here than they are in the city. There’s nothing strange about it. “Mamm! Daed?” She turned her head as a man called out, poking his head into the sitting room where Amber had sunk into a wing chair. He seemed to freeze as he looked at her. “Hello,” Amber volunteered. “I’m Amber Colville. Your parents have invited me for dinner.” A small smile appeared on the young man’s lips and he stalked toward her, extending his hand. “Levi Troyer,” he announced. “You were in Eden today, were you not?” Surprised, Amber nodded. “Yes, I was at city hall, looking for information.” Levi’s eyebrow raised. “What sort of information?” he asked curiously, placing himself into the chair facing her.
Amber swallowed and shook her head. “It’s not really important,” she said quickly. “I would rather not get into it right now.” Levi’s blue eyes narrowed slightly. “I can be a wonderful source of information,” he told her. “If you ever feel like talking.” His meaning was unmistakable and Amber found herself amused and slightly intrigued by the forward speaking man. “Thank you,” she replied, laughing. “Perhaps after dinner. It’s not a very cheerful supper conversation.” “Levi, why did you leave me alone to finish supper. I have – “ Amber turned toward the doorway again and her jaw dropped. “Wh -what is she doing here?” the man gasped, looking accusingly at his brother. Levi jumped to his feet, grinning. “It appears as thought Mamm and Daed have invited her over for supper. Amber, this is my brother, Abel.” Cautiously, Amber rose to her feet, unsure of how Abel would react to her as she recalled their previous encounter. “Hello Abel,” she said quietly. “Pleased to meet you.” She wasn’t sure if she should extend her hand or not but she found herself once more staring into his impossibly green eyes as if hypnotized. He did not immediately respond and Amber felt her heart sink slightly as he continued to stare at her. “Forgive my brother,” Levi interceded. Amber turned questioningly to him. “He seems to think you look like someone he knew once a long time ago,” Levi offered and Amber nodded slightly.
“I never said that,” Abel grumbled but Amber felt that his gaze betrayed his words. He could not seem to pull his irises from her face as if trying to memorize every feature. “There you are,” Beth said, hurrying into the front room, a concerned expression on her face. She held out a glass for Amber. “This is apple cider from the Bachman’s orchid,” she told Amber, smiling briefly. The older woman seemed to sense the tension in the room. “I see you have met our sons, Abel and Levi,” she continued as Amber accepted the cup. “What have you made for supper, boys? I am sure our guest is as hungry as your father.” “What did the doctor say, Mamm?” Abel asked suddenly, diverting his attention to his mother. Beth’s face turned pale and angry. “Abel, that is hardly an appropriate question to ask before visitors. Go tend to supper,” she snapped with a harshness Amber was sure was not customary. Abel seemed contrite but he disappeared, bowing his head somewhat shamefully. Amber felt a spark of apprehension in her stomach as she cast Beth a sidelong look. Why did she go to the doctor? Is she ill? Does she have cancer like mama? Amber bit on her lower lip and tried to push the image of her mother from her mind but it was more difficult than she wished. “Are you all right, Amber?” Beth asked, her brow furrowing deeper as she watched the blonde’s face crumble. Amber tried to nod but a tear escaped her and slid down her cheek. “I’m sorry,” the younger woman told the others, quickly wiping the streak from her face. “I recently lost my mother and I was just thinking of her. Forgive me for my display.”
Beth and Levi made a commiserating noise. “Levi, go help your brother and leave the women to talk,” Beth ordered. Levi rose without protest, leaving them alone in the front room. “It is difficult to lose a parent,” Beth said comfortingly. “I have lost both of mine.” Amber sighed. “I am so sorry, Beth. My father also died when I was very young.” Beth leaned down to pat her hand soothingly and Amber found the gesture heartwarming. I am a perfect stranger to her and yet she feels the need to comfort me. This place is like a television program. This isn’t real life. This is a place where daughters would know that their mothers have been dying for weeks, not off running fashion shows in Italy. “Supper is ready, Mamm, Amber,” Levi called from the dining room and the women rose to join the others at the dinner table. “We pray before eating, Amber. You are not required to join us,” Jeremiah told her as she took a seat across from the Troyer brothers. “I would be happy to join in your prayer if you’ll have me,” Amber replied. She pretended not to notice the look of appreciation shared by the family as she hung her head. Jeremiah lead the prayer in Pennsylvania Dutch but Amber could catch some of the key words from the time she had spent in Munich. “You still have not told us what you are doing in our district, Gre – ah, Amber,” Levi piped up after they had loaded their plates with meat, vegetables, potatoes and bread. Beth and Jeremiah looked up sharply while Abel’s jaw tightened. “Were you going to call me Greta also?” Amber asked, her eyes widening. Levi
seemed embarrassed. “You do bear an uncanny resemblance to her,” he confessed. “I did not notice,” Beth interjected, eyeing her older son. “Nor did I!” Jeremiah agreed and there was a finality in his tone. It was clear that the subject was to be dropped and Amber did not want to push the issue. Nevertheless, she was fascinated by the fact she might have an Amish twin. “I have come here looking for my mother’s sister but I’m afraid I don’t have much to go off. I don’t even know if I’m looking in the right spot but my mom only told me about her before she died.” Beth looked up and smiled. “We told Amber we would happily help her find her aunt but we would need to narrow the search somehow.” “What is her name?” Amber was surprised it was Abel who asked the question. “Ruthie Miller. Her sister, my mother, was Leah.” The table fell silent as the family appeared to rake their memories. “Well, I can think of four women by that name. One is far too young to be your aunt, one is much too old and the other two have lived in the district all their lives without a sister named Leah,” Jeremiah volunteered, chewing his fried steak pensively. “Have I forgotten someone?” “No...I do not believe you have,” Beth replied. She gazed at her boys. “Any suggestions?” Levi shrugged his shoulders. “As Amber has said, there is no guarantee that this Ruthie Miller is from this district. Perhaps I could take her to the neighboring districts tomorrow and we
could investigate further.” He beamed at her and Amber smiled back but she could not help her gaze from falling on the older Troyer brother. He seemed to glower into his plate, unspeaking. “That would be lovely,” Amber said reluctantly, realizing that Abel was not about to volunteer his help. Is he always so brooding or is it because I remind him of this Greta? “It’s settled then. Tomorrow I will take you in search of your aunt!” Levi said jovially. Amber could not help but notice that he gently jabbed his brother in the ribs and she wondered if she hadn’t put herself in the middle of a sibling rivalry. Abel could not sleep and he lay on his back, arms folded across his chest. “I can feel you breathing fire over there, Abe,” Levi called mockingly through the dark. “Why are you so upset?” “I’m not!” Abel denied but Levi only laughed. “Why don’t you just admit that you want to take Amber on her search tomorrow?” “I do not,” he replied hotly but as he said the words, he knew they were a lie. He couldn’t seem to get over the remarkable likeness Amber shared to Greta. It was as if Gotte had sent him a chance to get things right with Greta. That’s ridiculous. They are two different women. If Levi wishes to waste his time with an Englisher, let him do it. “You truly are a fool,” Levi sighed, sitting up. Abel turned his head to scowl at his brother in the moonlit room. “You would know a fool to see one, brother,” he snapped. “Stop talking and let me go to sleep.”
Levi groaned. “I only offered to take Amber tomorrow because I knew you wouldn’t. You will pick her up at her hotel in Eden and take her.” “I will not!” Abel was insulted at the idea of stealing his brother’s date. “She has agreed to go with you, not me.” “But she wants to go with you,” Levi insisted. “She could not stop staring at you all through dinner. Didn’t you notice?” Abel had not. “Of course you didn’t notice. You were too busy sulking about Greta to notice the lovely woman yearning for you to look at her. I think Amber is Gotte’s way of telling you that it is time to move on.” “What do you know?” Abel growled but in his heart, he felt a sliver of hope. Is he just telling me that because he believes I have spent too much time pining over Greta or did Amber find me interesting? “I know that if you don’t act on this opportunity, I will give you no more second chances. I will pursue Amber myself.” Abel didn’t answer but his heart sank at his brother’s words. Maybe this is a sign from Gotte. What harm can it do to take her tomorrow? Amber felt a spark of happiness when she saw Abel at the reins the following morning in front of the Eden Resort and Suites. “I hope you do not mind that I have come in my brother’s place,” Abel said, somewhat gruffly but Amber was already learning that it was shyness, not rudeness. “I am very happy it was you,” she replied earnestly, catching his eye. A shiver coursed down her spine as he helped her onto the wagon and they made their way out of town toward the districts.
She found herself studying his handsome profile, taking in the fine shape of his nose and delicate bone structure. “I hope that you will not be disappointed,” Abel told her as they started their ride in silence. Amber glanced at him in surprise, thinking that he had caught her staring at him. She blushed and shook her head. “I’m not disappointed in the least,” she replied, lowering her eyes. He shot her a sidelong look and gave her a lopsided smile. “I meant that I hope you find your aunt,” he explained. Amber turned bright red and cleared her throat in nervousness. “Of course,” she muttered, doubly ashamed. She had almost forgotten the reason for their drive as if they were merely on a date. Focus on the task at hand, she told herself. Soon, they were in one of the neighboring districts and Abel proved to be a wonderful guide, finding a minister to question almost immediately. They did not find anyone to match their description in the first two districts they visited but as they made their way into the third, it was growing late in the afternoon and Amber was growing disheartened. “I’m beginning to think this is a lost cause,” Amber confessed as they searched for the home of the deacon as directed by a young girl playing hopscotch. Despite her mounting disappointment, she could not shake the idyllic beauty of their community. I would give it all up to live here, she thought as they found Deacon Roth tending to his herb garden. “Hello, Deacon,” Abel called. “I am Abel Troyer and this is my friend, Amber.
We have some questions for you if you have a moment.” The deacon looked up and nodded, smiling welcomingly. “Of course,” he agreed. “What can I help you with?” “Deacon, have you a Ruthie Miller who lives here? She would be in her forties or fifties with an estranged sister named Leah?” The elderly man’s mouth parted and he stared at Amber for a long moment. “Indeed,” he murmured. “Are you Ruthie’s daughter?” Amber shook her head. “No...I am Leah’s daughter,” Amber replied, glancing nervously at Abel. “Do you know them?” The man nodded thoughtfully. “Of course, I remember Leah. She never was baptized. She fell in love with an Englisher and married him when she was nineteen or so.” Amber nodded excitedly. “Yes! Alexander Colville. That was my father,” Amber gushed. “Is Ruthie still here?” “No, child. Ruthie was married to a man named Samuel Miller but he died in a terrible accident not two years after the wedding. That was about a year after Leah had left the district.” Amber found her palms sweating and she wiped them on her jeans. “Where did she go? Did my aunt leave the community too?” The deacon chuckled. “No, no. She eventually remarried and moved on to another district.” “Nearby?” Amber pressed, her excitement mounting.
I’m so close to finding your sister, mama! She thought, her heart racing. “Yes, two districts across.” Abel’s face turned confused. “Closest to Eden?” he asked and the older man nodded. “But that’s our district,” Abel murmured. A look of understanding crossed his face. “Who did she marry when she moved?” he asked. The deacon thought for a long moment, digging into the depth of his swiss cheese memory bank. “Ah yes. David Shetler. As far as I know, they still live there but I confess, I am out of touch sometimes,” Deacon Roth chortled. Abel’s face turned grey. “Do you know these people, Abel?” Amber asked excitedly. “Do you know where I can find them?” He looked at her, his face aghast. “Yes,” he whispered. “I know them. They are Greta’s parents. You are Greta’s cousin.” The ride back to Eden was long and quiet as Abel tried to gather his thoughts. To his relief, Amber did not push him to speak as if she could sense he needed the quiet. Is this a cruel joke? Sending me a cousin of the woman who broke my heart? One who looks so much like her? But as they continued the journey back, Abel suddenly realized that he had been blinded by Amber’s outward appearance. True, she looked like Greta with the solemn grey eyes as sunny blonde hair but how similar were the two really?
Greta could not seem to run away fast enough, sacrificing her own values to do so while Amber embraced her mother’s home and heritage in tribute. Greta was selfish and hurtful while Amber was kind and loving. Greta was gone and Amber was right there beside him, waiting for him to speak, to make the next step. “It is getting late,” he finally told her. “I don’t think it is wise to interrupt your aunt at this hour although I am certain she will be happy to see you, regardless of the time.” Amber nodded but he could see the sadness in her eyes. “That’s fine. I can find my own way there tomorrow,” she replied, trying to sound cheerful. “But I appreciate all your help.” She turned her head quickly but he knew it was only so he wouldn’t see the tears in her eyes. He paused, searching for the next words to say. Opening his mouth, his perfectly concocted statement flew into the air. “I am hungry,” he said instead. Amber turned to glance at him. “You’re hungry?” she repeated. “Oh.” She wasn’t quite sure what to make of the statement. “Me too,” she replied suddenly. Their eyes met and they smiled. “May I buy you dinner, Amber?” he asked her sweetly. “Like a date?” she teased. His smiled faded and he nodded solemnly.
“Exactly like a date,” he replied. END
Chapter One Lovina Miller took a deep breath as she reached up to pull a piece of laundry from the clothesline and put it in the basket at her feet. Above her head, a pair of bluebirds danced through the bright June sky, reminding her that summer was quickly approaching. Summer. It was a time full of fresh starts and new beginnings. Looking across the yard, Lovina watched David Yoder working with one of her brothers. Together, the two young men were struggling with their task, trying to break her daed’s new horse. Ach, just watching David sent a thrill of excitement through Lovina’s heart. Although she had known him most of her life, there was something about him that could still put a spark inside of her, giving her the feeling that they had just met. Growing up, Lovina had always dreamed of marrying David. It had just seemed natural to her. With their two houses located side-by-side, they had spent all of their childhood hours playing together in the creek that wound between their properties and climbing the big apple tree like little monkeys. Lovina had decided early on that she and David would grow old together, spending their adult days raising babies and making a life within their Amish community. Now that Lovina had turned eighteen-years-old, she felt like she was stuck in the midst of a waiting game, simply counting down the hours until David came forward to begin their relationship together. Smiling to herself, Lovina basked in the realization that, as an adult, it was now time to watch her childhood dreams start to unfold. “Danki for the help, David!” Lovina heard her father call out from the barn and looked up in time to see David waving goodbye to her family as he started across the yard. Lovina felt her heart go aflutter when, rather than take the path back to his own
parents’ house, David veered closer to her own home and made a bee-line right for the clothesline where she was working. “Gut afternoon, David!” Lovina called out, her voice seeming somewhat weak to her own ears. Watching him come closer, Lovina couldn’t help but marvel at how handsome her childhood friend had become. With a head-full of dark red hair and sparkling blue eyes, David had always looked like a cheerful storybook character; however, as he aged, he grew tall and muscular, his boyish looks transforming into that of a good-looking man. “Hello there, Lovina,” David called back, rolling down his sleeves as he walked along, “I tell you, that horse of your daed’s nearly got me down this time!” Lovina smiled as she pulled a pair of her brother’s pants off of the laundry line and tossed them in the basket, “I guess we should consider ourselves glad to have such a good horse-breaker living so near-by.” To her surprise, David’s face suddenly seemed to darken. Taking a deep breath, he reached up and put one hand on the clothesline, “Actually, Lovina, I wanted to talk to you about that.” Although Lovina had hoped that David would want to talk to her alone, she could already tell that his news wasn’t going to be what she had wanted to hear. “Lovina,” David looked out across the fields, “Ever since you had your birthday, I’d been hoping...” his voice trailed off and he gave a shrug, “Well, nothing I’d hoped for is going to work out this summer.” Standing up taller, he announced, “My uncle from Indiana wrote telling about the need for a good horse-trainer in his community. I agreed to go help for the next three months...I’ll be home in time to help my dad get started on the harvest.” Lovina felt her heart drop in her chest. The idea that David would leave had never entered her mind. Even though it was only for three months, it felt like it might as well be three years. “Ach, Lovina, don’t be so sad,” David reached out and placed his hand on her arm, “I’ll be back – I promise. Kentucky is my home...I sure don’t have any plans to run off for good.”
Something about having his hand on her arm made the pain a little more bearable. Looking up, Lovina met David’s tender gaze with her own. “When I come back...” David took a deep breath and kicked at a clump of grass with his foot. It was strange to see him so uncomfortable – David was usually one to be bold and daring, willing to say whatever was necessary. “When I come back, I hope we can spend more time together,” David managed to say, “Seems like we’ve grown apart over the years, and I’m ready for that to end.” Lovina couldn’t stop the smile that spread across her face, “And maybe not be climbing trees this time?” She added. David laughed, “Of course we’ll be climbing trees again!” He teased. Growing more sober, he lifted his hand and ran it gently across her cheek, “I’ll see you in three months, ‘Vina.” Three months. As she watched him walk away and back to his parents’ farm across the creek, Lovina took a deep breath and tried to still her thumping heart. Three months was a long time – she was just glad that she had those tender moments to cling to during the summer that stretched out before her. Chapter Two Taking a deep breath, David watched out the passenger window as the driver he had hired took him farther and farther from his home in Kentucky and on toward his Uncle Amos’ house in Indiana. “Are you nervous about leaving home for so long?” David’s paid driver, Mr. Simpson asked, as he flipped his turn signal on and proceeded toward Uncle Amos’ house. David shook his head and laughed, “Ach, no, not nervous.” “Anxious to get away from your parents?” Mr. Simpson asked with a chuckle. “No, nothing like that.” David assured him, “Just glad to be helping my uncle and the people in his community.”
Leaning his head back against the headrest of the seat, David closed his eyes and thought about Mr. Simpson’s question. Was he glad to be getting away from his parents? Although he had been quick to assure his driver that wasn’t he case, David wasn’t so certain himself. To be completely honest, David wasn’t a bit sorry to be leaving for the summer. While he had always loved his home and his family, David relished the chance to get away. Since David had been a little boy, he had always known what was expected of him. He was going to settle down, buy a piece of property close to his parents, and marry Lovina Miller. It wasn’t a bad plan at all, but it seemed so boring and dull. Deep in his heart, David had always dreamed of excitement and adventure. Maybe his trip to Indiana would finally provide him with a chance to enjoy his freedom before he settled down for good. David’s driver took him straight to Uncle Amos’ house, helped him unload his bags, and then left him to head back to Kentucky. Uncle Amos and his entire family were happy to welcome David to their home. Uncle Amos explained that everyone in the community could use his horse breaking services and that they would be bringing their horses to his house so that David could train them. Uncle Amos also said that, during David’s spare time he could help the family out in the dry goods store they had located in a small shed next to the road. “I’ll take you out to the store now, so that I can show you what kind of work you can do out there.” Uncle Amos suggested once David had put his clothes away in the spare bedroom. Leading David across the yard, Uncle Amos explained, “Of course, I will pay you for helping in the store...and you can also have all the money for training the horses.” David shook his head, “Ach, that’s too much, Uncle Amos. I’m happy to have the chance to help out.” Uncle Amos chuckled and reached out to give David a slap on the back, “Now, now, don’t go talking like that. I’m sure a handsome young man like you should be saving back to buy a nice farm and making plans for the future. I’d dare say
that some pretty girl back home has caught your eye.” David gave a shrug, not too anxious to think about his future, “Nothing set in stone just yet.” The graveled lane ended and the two men found themselves standing side-byside outside of the dry goods store. Reaching out, Uncle Amos pushed the door open, revealing a building with shelves full of baking supplies, canned goods, and some craft items. “Hannah!” Uncle Amos called out, as he led David through the small building, “Hannah!” “I’m over here,” a soft voice returned. Turning the corner around one of the shelves, they found a young Amish woman on her knees, busy stacking bags of flour. “Hannah, I want you to meet my nephew, David,” Uncle Amos announced, “David, this is Hannah – she is my wife’s cousin and she’s helping us out in the store this summer.” Hannah pulled herself to her feet and turned to stare up at David with large, blue eyes. Wisps of dark hair had escaped her prayer kapp, making a sort of halo around her face. Just looking at her, David felt his heart give a leap. She was so unexpectedly beautiful in a dark, mysterious way. “Gut to meet you, David,” Hannah replied timidly. “David is likely to be helping out in the store when he isn’t working with the horses,” Uncle Amos explained. Giving David a pat on the arm, he motioned toward the back room, “Come on, I want to show you where I store the bulk supplies.” As David followed his uncle, he had a hard time even listening to what was being said. His mind was still mesmerized by the beautiful and timid young lady he had just met. David could hardly wait to get to know and learn more about Hannah.
Lovina sat on the edge of her bed, looking out across the fields of farmland through her bedroom window. Knowing that David was no longer in the house next-door left a hollow emptiness in Lovina’s heart. In her eighteen-years, she had never gone a summer without seeing David. Lovina tired to imagine what her sweet friend was doing at that moment. Did he realize how much she was thinking of him? Did he miss her at all? Lovina closed her eyes and took a deep breath, “Dear God,” she whispered into the darkness, “Please, bring the man that I love back to me.” Chapter Three David carefully guided his uncle’s buggy down the road. It was only his second day in Indiana and work was already starting to pick up; however, Uncle Amos had sent him to town to pick up some nails for a woodworking project he was doing in the barn. The summer afternoon sun shone down on David and the warmth of the breeze put a smile on his face. David was enjoying his time away from home and, although he had not had many opportunities to spend time with Hannah, he had hopes that would change eventually. The buggy suddenly took a lung, pulling David out of his thoughts. “Woah, boy! Woah!” David pulled tightly on the reigns, unsure of what was happening to the buggy. Carefully guiding the horse to the side of the road, he jumped down from his seat and looked over the situation. Something was wrong with the front buggy wheel. Grabbing a hold of it, David gave it a wiggle, trying to determine if it could keep going. Pulling off his straw hat, David slapped it against his leg in frustration. He couldn’t get to town on that wheel and he didn’t think he could make it back to his uncle’s house either. The clipping of oncoming horse hooves made David stand up straighter and wave desperately at the approaching buggy. The driver was a single Amish man. As soon as David caught his attention, the
other driver pulled his buggy to the side of the road behind David. “Hi there!” David greeted with a smile as he watched the other Amish man get off his buggy and start toward him, “Boy, I sure am glad to see you!” Sticking out a hand, he announced, “I’m David Yoder. I’m staying with my Uncle Amos Yoder – you probably know him.” The stranger nodded and simply said, “I’m Luke Christner.” Taking a deep breath, he walked over to the buggy and squatted down to inspect the wheel. “Looks like this is busted good,” he announced, pushing his hat back on his head and reaching up to wipe some sweat from his brow. David groaned, “I was afraid of that.” Standing to his feet, Luke continued, “I’m afraid you shouldn’t drive it any farther than just a few feet or you’ll end up wrecking or destroying your entire buggy.” With a slight smirk, Luke added, “Lucky for you, this is my parents’ drive right up ahead. And I just happen to work on buggies for a living.” David’s eyes got large and he let out a huge sigh, “Oh, gut! Do you think that you could help me out?” Luke nodded, “Sure thing. Just lead your buggy down to my workshop. I’ll have her fixed up in just a bit.” True to his word, Luke had the buggy wheel fixed within an hour. David stayed by the young man who had rescued him and worked to fill him in on all the details about his life, his home, and his family. Luke, who seemed to be more reserved, was happy to listen and donate very few details of his own. “How much do I owe you?” David asked as Luke put the repaired wheel back on his buggy. Luke gave a shrug as he secured the wheel in place, “Nothing. Consider it a welcome present. Maybe you can help me with one of my horses one day this summer.” “Ach,” David raised an eyebrow, “I can’t let you do that. I took some time you
could have been working on other projects...” Before he could finished, Luke started shaking his head, “No, no you didn’t,” he assured David as he stood up straight, “Honestly, I didn’t have any other work for today.” Sighing deeply, he announced, “As badly as we need a horse trainer in this area, we do not need any kind of buggy work. Jobs around here are scarce, David. I was glad to help.” David pondered Luke’s statement for a moment. As an idea entered his mind, a broad smile spread across his face, “Listen, Luke! You may not be needed here, but you sure would be in my community! How would you feel about going to Kentucky to spend the summer with my family? It would sure help them out while I’m gone, and you could earn money doing buggy repairs and carpentry work!” Luke was silent, obviously studying David’s suggestion. Finally, with a shrug, he announced, “Jah – I don’t see why that wouldn’t be great. Danki, David.” The entire plan made David’s face light up like that of a little boy. Grinning from ear-to-ear, he grabbed his new friend’s hand in a shake and started making plans to get Luke back to Kentucky. Chapter Four Lovina reached up to wipe some sweat from her forehead as she took a break from chopping weeds out of the row of green beans. Despite all her hard work, the weeds were quickly starting to overtake the plants. David had now been gone two weeks, and Lovina had yet to hear anything from him. His absence made her sad and she wished for all she was worth that she would receive a letter. Glancing across the field toward his house, she thought of all the times they had snuck away from their chores and played together instead. To her surprise, Lovina saw a young man approaching her. Could it be...? Lovina’s heart dropped as he drew closer. Although she had hoped that it was David, she instantly realized that her eyes had been playing tricks on her. This stranger was even taller than her dear childhood friend and slightly thinner.
“Hullo,” Lovina called out as he continued to draw closer. “Hullo,” the stranger returned, his voice deep and almost mysterious, “Are you Lovina Miller?” Lovina stood up straighter and adjusted her prayer kapp, “That would be me. Do I know you?” The stranger shook his head, “No, you don’t.” Now he was so close that Lovina was able to get a good look at him. This strange Amish man looked to be in his early twenties, but he seemed more mature. His brown hair was so dark it was almost black, and his eyes a dark color chocolate. Just looking at him made Lovina take a deep breath of surprise. Ach, it was hard to remember a time that she had ever seen such a gut-looking man! “I’m Luke Christner. I know your friend, David, and I’m staying with his family until he returns.” Glancing toward her house, Luke asked, “Is your daed at home? The Yoders told me that he has a construction crew and I’d like a job.” Lovina felt so out of sorts, she wasn’t sure what to do. Looking down at her bare feet, she tried to gather her composure. Taking a deep breath, she said, “Nee, my daed isn’t home from work yet, but we’re expecting him any minute. If you’d like to wait in the house, my mamm can give you some fresh lemonade and cookies.” Luke glanced from the house back to Lovina and then shrugged, “If you don’t mind, I’ll just stay out here. Looks like you could use some help.” Grabbing for an extra hoe, Luke set to work, removing the pesky weeds from among the rows of bean plants. There was something about Luke that made Lovina feel uncertain about everything. He was a good help in the garden, but she certainly would have felt more at-ease without him. On the other hand, she dreaded him leaving once her father got home from work. Just being near him made her feel things that she had never experienced – she found herself overwhelmed by a sort of giddiness that sprung up from deep within. Although Lovina had always been a talker, she suddenly seemed almost speechless. “You don’t have to do this,” Lovina assured him.
Luke simply set his jaw and turned to look at her with his brooding, dark eyes, “I don’t have to...but I want to.” Lovina felt weak in the knees, as if she might keel right over. Taking a deep breath, she tried to stead herself. Suddenly, she found herself a little glad that David was going to be gone for the summer. As quickly as the thought flitted through her mind, she pushed it away; however, just the realization that she could think such a thing left Lovina questioning everything about the future. David washed his hands in a pail of water that had been set out by the barn, preparing himself for the evening meal. Inside the house, Aunt Miriam was putting the finishing touches on a pot of homemade chili with the help of three of David’s cousins. True to Uncle Amos’ word, in the time that David had spent in Indiana he had already been so busy, he hardly had time to even think about being at home. Wiping his clean hands on a towel, David glanced across the acres of land that his uncle owned. There, in the glowing darkness of the evening, he could make out the form of a young woman walking near the pond. Hannah. David had learned to recognize her from a distance. Even though it would be hard to distinguish her from any other Amish woman from so far away, David could pick Hannah out because she was always alone. It seemed like she carried an air of sadness with her, wherever she went. Taking a deep breath, David stepped out of the barn and started the short walk to the pond. “Hi there,” David called out as he drew near to Hannah. The young woman looked up at him and gave a sad smile. “What are you doing?” Hannah gave a shrug and pulled her black shawl tighter against her shoulders, “I
just felt like a walk,” she explained. David stepped up next to her side, “It must be sort of lonely to walk all alone.” Hannah shrugged again, “I’m used to being alone.” David thought over his childhood and how little time he had ever spent just to himself. There were always siblings to play with, other Amish children to enjoy at events, and Lovina. Lovina had always been there for him. Just the thought of his old friend’s name sent a nagging sense of guilt through his mind. Hadn’t he promised Lovina that, when he got home, things would be different? Hadn’t he promised that they would spend time together? So, what was he doing, trying to get closer to Hannah? “David...” Hannah’s soft voice brought him out of his thoughts, “Are you all right, David? I’ve never seen you so solemn and quiet.” David looked up at her in surprise, his face breaking out in a broad grin, “Oh, jah, I’m fine. I was just thinking is all.” “I didn’t know you were able to do that...you know, think without saying what was going through your mind.” Although Hannah’s words were haughty, David looked up in time to catch a teasing smile cross her lips. It was the first time he had ever seen her smile and, something about it made him want to see it a thousand times more. “Maybe it’s too much time around you,” David suggested, “Because I don’t think you ever say anything much at all.” Hannah’s tender smirk turned into a broad smile and David was, once again, captivated by her charm. Reaching out, he gently took her elbow in his hand, “Would you do me the honor of letting me walk with ya tonight?” Hannah was silent for a moment, studying David for all that he was worth. Finally, she nodded slowly and said, “Jah – I suppose that might be nice.”
Chapter Five Just as David had predicted, it was easy for Luke to find work in Kentucky. He not only spent his afternoons working on buggies in the Yoder’s empty shed, but also joined the carpentry work crew lead by Lovina’s father. Lovina wasn’t exactly sure how it happened, but it seemed that she and Luke were constantly thrown in the paths of one another. Lovina tried to convince herself that it was merely a coincidence, but she had to admit that it was more than that. The longer David was gone, the less she was thinking about him and the more she was thinking about Luke. When he wasn’t busy with work, Luke frequently dropped by to help Lovina in the garden; although he wasn’t a talker, there was something about his calm attitude that left Lovina yearning for more time with him. One evening, Lovina baked a plate of her famous homemade ginger snap cookies and decided to take a few across the creek as a thank you for Luke’s help in the garden. Knocking on the shed door, she cautiously pushed it open, cheerfully announcing, “Hello! Luke! Are ya in here?” “Jah, I’m here,” Luke replied. There he was, standing next to a work bench with a busted buggy wheel laid out in front of him. “Hi there!” Lovina greeted him, suddenly feeling unsure of herself and terribly bashful, “I thought I might bring you something.” Placing the plate of cookies on the work table, she watched Luke eyeball them before picking one up and putting it in his mouth. “It’s just a thank you for all the help you’ve been giving me,” she explained. Luke raised his eyebrows and nodded as he swallowed, “Danki – they’re very good. You’re a good baker, Lovina.”
Lovina felt her heart skip a beat with his compliment. Looking at the work he was doing, she added, “Looks like you’ve got quite a few talents of your own.” Reaching for another cookie, Luke gave a shrug, “I keep busy for sure....but that’s a good thing. I’m always thankful for the money.” Leaning back against the table, Lovina studied him in the growing darkness, “Saving back for a farm of your own?” Luke stared straight at his work and shook his head, “No. I’m going to give my money to help out my family. I have no need of a place of my own.” “Don’t you ever hope to get married and have a family?” Luke shook his head slowly, “I’m afraid all of my dreams are gone. I plan to be alone forever.” His words broke Lovina’s heart. Although he tried to sound resolved, it was easy to hear the pain in his voice. “Ach, Luke,” she managed to whisper with a smile, “Don’t say that. You never know what might happen.” Luke took in a deep breath and then let it out slowly. Looking up to meet Lovina’s eyes, he studied her for what seemed minutes before asking, “What about you? Do you think that you could ever love someone like me?” His question took Lovina by such surprise that she almost fell over. Her eyes growing large, she looked down at the floor, her heart flooded by a million different emotions. “I...I...Luke...” Lovina’s voice was trailing in every direction but her words were making no sense at all. “Lovina,” Reaching out, Luke put his hand on top of hers, “Would you consider going with me to the singing after church this weekend?” It felt like Lovina would not be able to breath, so many decisions were running helter-skelter through her mind. Almost a surprise to herself, she heard her voice say, “Sure. I don’t see why not.”
Although David had been staying busy with the horses, he still managed to make some time to help out in the store. With a beautiful girl like Hannah there, he had to find time to spend with her. One afternoon they had received a large order of supplies and were hurrying to put them on the shelves before it would be too dark to see, even by the glow of the lantern. “Ach, this is a job!” David grumbled as he hurried to put some bags of flour in their place on a shelf, “Of course this would just happen to be the night that Uncle Amos and his entire family went visiting...leaving you and me to do all the work.” Hannah smiled and shook her head, “David, you complain so much. I don’t mind the work. Work keeps me busy...work keeps my mind off of...other things.” Suddenly interested, David looked up in surprise. Maybe he would finally have a chance to hear some of the secrets that were hidden away behind this mysterious girl’s sad blue eyes. “What other things?” David asked. Hannah shrugged as she ran her fingers over a bag of sugar, “Disappointments...heartbreaks...bad decisions.” Hannah went silent, assuring David that he would hear no more of her story, but then she surprised him when she went on to clear her throat and say, “I had a boyfriend...a fiancé even.” As the words came pouring out of her mouth, it was easy to see that they were tearing her apart. Hannah closed her eyes and continued, “But things didn’t work out. We were engaged but...well, I was filled with so many uncertainties. I called off the wedding before it was even announced in church. I didn’t mean to end everything with him – I just needed more time to think. But I’m afraid he took it as an outright rejection. And now, I’ll never have a chance with him again,” Hannah reached up to wipe away the tears that were threatening to overwhelm her, “Ach, David, it almost breaks my heart to talk about it. I have destroyed all my chances for happiness.”
Looking at her in the light of the lantern, her face clouded over with pain and tears gathering in her eyes, David felt totally broken for her. Pulling himself to his feet, he stood up straight and stepped closer to her, putting a hand on her thin shoulder. “Hannah,” he whispered her name with all the tenderness that he had been storing in his heart, “Dear Hannah...you still have a thousand chances for happiness.” Reaching up, he took his thumb and brushed a tear off of her cheek. Hannah took a deep breath and let it out slowly. Looking at him in surprise, she simply whispered, “Danki, David.” Then she squared her shoulders and announced, “Let’s get back to work.” Chapter Six Over the next few days, David and Hannah had little time to spend together. He looked forward to ever chance he had to see her. Although their friendship had not had time to progress, David felt confident that over the rest of the summer he could easily earn himself a special place in Hannah’s lonely heart. One afternoon, David had finally found a chance to work in the dry goods store alongside Hannah when one of his cousins came rushing into the shed with a letter in his outstretched hand. “David,” the little cousin called out, “You got some mail!” Taking the letter, David quickly recognized the handwriting as that of his younger sister, Lydia. Ripping the seal open, David pulled out the letter, unsure why his teenage sister would even take the time to write him. Dear David, I don’t want to bother you while you’re gone, but I need to let you know something important. I’ve always thought that you and Lovina had something special together, although I’m not sure if you had any kind of plans for the future or an agreement. While you’ve been gone, Lovina has taken a spark to the very man you sent here to work – Luke Christner. Seems like they’re seeing each other almost every day and last night I overheard him invite her to the singing
Sunday night. She agreed to go with him. I don’t mean to stick my nose in where it doesn’t belong, but I know that you were always sweet on Lovina and just thought you should know. Your sister, Lydia “Ach,” David read over the letter and then reread it again, his heart suddenly dropping into his stomach. Lovina – with Luke? A multitude of emotions suddenly assailed David. He found himself so frustrated, almost angry at Luke for stealing his girl. How dare Luke go to David’s own home and try to take the woman he loved away from him? David was hurt, so hurt, by Lovina’s decision to move forward with a relationship with someone else. But, worst of all, David felt incredible guilt and sadness. Deep in his heart, David realized that it was his own fault that Lovina and Luke were growing close. In all the time that David had been in Indiana, he had never taken the time to even write his childhood sweetheart a letter – he had just always taken for granted that she would be there for him when he returned. While he had been busy pursing a friendship with Hannah, he had never thought that Lovina might be looking at someone else. Reaching up, David rubbed his hand across his face, trying to gather his wits and decide what to do next. “What is wrong, David?” Hannah asked softly as she stepped up next to him. David balled his free hand up into a fist, fighting the urge to destroy the letter he had just received. Passing it to Hannah, he quickly explained, “I don’t know how to tell you this, Hannah, but Lovina...well, she and I have always been friends. I don’t mean to have led you astray in any way because I have liked you since the day we met but this...” David couldn’t go on. Hannah took the letter in her own hands and read it slowly, her eyes growing large as she went over the message again and again.
“David,” she managed to breath softly, “What are you going to do?” David brushed his hand through his hair as memories of Lovina ran across his mind, “I don’t know. I just don’t know.” Turning, he gave the floor a hard kick with the toe of his boot. “David,” Hannah took a deep breath and shook her head slowly, “I hate to say this, but you know that we aren’t meant to be together. No matter how happy we might have both been to pretend...it just isn’t so. You have made my summer much more enjoyable...but it’s time to get back to our real lives.” David looked down at his feet. He wanted to fight her words; he hated the idea of giving Hannah up completely. But, when he thought of his dear Lovina...he knew that he couldn’t live without her. “Go to her, David!” Hannah exclaimed, “Go to Lovina and let her know that you love her.” Taking a deep breath, David nodded his head, “I’ll go call a driver right now.” Chapter Seven David sat in the passenger seat of the truck, half-heartedly listening as his driver talked incessantly during the long trip back home. Looking out the window, David watched the scenery slowly change from the flat Amish country of Indiana to the rolling hills of Kentucky. With each mile that passed, it seemed that David got even more nervous about his future with Lovina. When he first started home, he had been certain that she would be glad to see him but now...well, the closer he got to her, the less sure he became. Maybe she had truly fallen for Luke and she wouldn’t want to even see him. Maybe David had blown his one and only chance for true love with the only girl he ever truly cared for. Lovina had just filled up a bucket of water and got down on her knees to scrub the kitchen floor with a scrub brush when she heard a truck pull up in the front yard.
Ach, Lovina thought to herself as she plunged her hands down into the soapy water, Daed must have visitors. It was Saturday afternoon and Lovina found her mind plagued with thoughts of Luke and their upcoming date. Although she truly enjoyed spending time with him, there was something about agreeing to go on a date with him that put her mind entirely in a tizzy. As much as she liked Luke and was attracted to him, Lovina battled thoughts of David – it seemed so sad to be turning her back on their relationship with each other. But, she reasoned to herself, when she thought back on it, she and David had never had a true relationship. Sure, he had always been a good friend to her, but it seemed that was all things were to ever be. Since he left for Indiana, she had not heard a word from him and, as sad as she was to admit it, she was starting to wonder if he would ever come home at all. “Lovina.” The voice seemed to come out of no where. Lovina looked up in surprise, wondering if she was truly hearing a person or if it was her own imagination. There, standing in the doorway to the kitchen, was David himself. “David!” Lovina managed to breathe as she struggled to pull herself to her feet, “Oh, David...is that really you?” In an instant, David had bridged the space between them. He came right to her side, nearly knocking her bucket of soapy water over in his hurry. “Lovina,” David managed to say, somewhat louder this time, “Lovina...” he seemed to want to say more, but acted as if he couldn’t find the words. Reaching out, he grabbed Lovina and gathered her into his arms. To Lovina, everything felt like a crazy dream. Pressed firmly against her old friend’s body, all thoughts of Luke vanished from her mind as she let David hold her like a little girl. “Lovina,” David pulled back only long enough to kiss her on the mouth, “Lovina, I have been a total moron. I am so sorry!”
“David,” Lovina managed to say as she tried to catch her breath, “David...what has happened?” David stepped back as he struggled to gather his composure. Reaching up, he wiped away at tears that threatened to overtake him. “Lovina,” he reached out and held her hands in his own, “I have been so ignorant. I left home, anxious to find adventure and experience new things...and I almost lost the one thing that means the most to me in the world – you.” Lovina felt her heart start to melt as David poured out his soul to her, “Lovina, I love you. I love you more than I ever realized. I thought that Uncle Amos was giving me a chance to experience adventure but I think it was actually the good Lord allowing me the opportunity to realize how much I love you. Please, Lovina...I don’t want to wait any longer. Say that you will marry me!” There had never been anything that Lovina wanted more. In that instant, it felt like all of her hopes and dreams were finally coming true. Luke. The name entered her mind suddenly and it felt like the life was drained right out of her. Oh, but hadn’t she already led him to believe that she cared for him? Hadn’t she already agreed to go out on a date with him this very weekend? “David,” Lovina squeezed her dear friend’s hands tightly as she looked for the right words to share her news, “David. I have been a foolish girl.” “And I have been a foolish man,” David was quick to add. Lovina smiled and shook her head, “Perhaps we’ve both been foolish...” Her words were cut short as the sound of an approaching vehicle brought them both from their thoughts. Glancing out the window, they watched together as a strange car stopped in front of the house and let out a passenger. David felt his heart sink when he saw the visitor who was getting out of the strange car.
It was Hannah. David thought that she had understood. What was she doing...following him all the way to Kentucky of all places? Hadn’t she been the one who had said that their relationship wasn’t going to work and even pushed him to return to Lovina? What was she doing here now? David battled the urge to run forward and stop her before she could get to the house. Turning to Lovina, he struggled to find the words to explain what was surely about to come. “Lovina...” he hurried to say, “While I was gone, I was an idiot. I hate telling you this more than you will ever know, but I got involved with a girl from Indiana. We never started to court, but we were heading in that direction when I heard that you and Luke had begun a relationship....” As the words poured from his mouth, David watched Lovina’s face turn ashen and then red with shame. “You already know about Luke?” She managed to whisper. David nodded his head, “That was the wake-up call I needed. That was what I needed to bring me back home. I never want to risk losing you again, Lovina!” Lovina started to wipe tears away from her eyes, “David, I don’t want to lose you either! But what you heard is true. Luke and I have grown close and are on the verge of starting a relationship. I was so foolish, David, but I was afraid I had lost you and now I don’t know what to do...” In the other room, they could hear a knock on the front door. Wiping at her eyes, Lovina hurried to go open it with David trailing close behind. When she opened the door, Hannah was standing on the front porch, a determined look in her blue eyes. “I need to talk to David,” she announced, looking from Lovina to David. “David,” she took a deep breath, “I need to go to your house...I need to see Luke.”
Luke? David was more confused than ever. Cocking his head to one side, he tried to understand where this strange twist came into play. “You don’t have to look far,” the deep voice of Luke spoke out and they all turned in surprise to find that he had come up on the porch and was standing just out of view. “Hannah,” as he said the name, his voice seemed to fill with a strange sort of pain. “Ach, Luke...” Hannah looked down at her black shoes as if she couldn’t hold his gaze, “I have been wanting to talk to you.” Luke shook his head sadly, “I can’t imagine what we would have to say to each other now.” “Luke...you know that I am a very shy girl,” Hannah said in a shaky voice, “And I have let my fear get the better of me far too many times. I almost let it destroy what we had together. But Luke...I can’t let that happen.” David’s eyes got large as he realized that Luke must be the ex-beau that Hannah had told him about. “I love you, Luke,” Hannah announced resolutely, “I love you and I still want to be your wife...if you can ever find it in your heart to have me.” David watched Luke and held his breath, hoping that he would agree. Stepping forward, Luke reached out and took Hannah in his arms, “I love you too, Hannah!” He exclaimed as he cupped her face in his hands, “I have always loved you and I always will.” Turning to look at Lovina, he quickly tried to explain, “Lovina, I hope that you understand...” Lovina smiled broadly as she wrapped her arms around David’s waist, “It is fine, Luke. I think that things are exactly the way that they are supposed to be!” Epilogue Standing together at the kitchen sink, Lovina and David watched as a group of children played outside in their front yard.
“Look at those crazy things,” Lovina muttered as she noticed her daughter trying to climb a tree. “Just like us when we were little,” David announced. Lovina looked up at him and smirked, “Jah – and I think our little girl might have a crush on the neighbor boy, as well.” David and Lovina had now been married for ten years and had three children of their own. It had been a double wedding shared with Hannah and Luke, who decided to move to Kentucky so that Luke would continue to enjoy a steady stream of work. David and Lovina had built their house behind his parents’ place and, to their surprise, Hannah and Luke had bought a piece of farm land right across the creek. Their children played together and it wouldn’t be any surprise if someday those same children would grow up to marry one another. David smiled broadly and gathered his wife up in his arms. “I’m glad I went to Indiana that summer,” he announced as he reached out to push a strand of her brown hair back from her face, “Because that summer showed me how much I need you in my life.” Bending over, he gave her a gentle kiss. Life truly was as David and Lovina had always imagined it – and they were happier than they ever could have guessed possible.

domain: literature