text: Just as we have the Richter Scale for measuring perturbations in the earth's crust, I suggest we create an Offendedness Scale to measure the degree of outrage being vented over social matters. The Richter Scale is logarithmic, meaning that small numerical movements on the scale translate into huge increases in the earthquake's power. The Offendedness Scale, however, due to the nature of what it's measuring, will have to be inversely logarithmic. Small changes in the level of offensiveness will be marked by huge increases in the numeric scale. Thus:
  
  The Offendedness Scale
  
  0 - The Cosmic Void
  1 - Life is created
  10 - Sentience arises
  100 - The spoken word is invented
  10,000 - Someone makes a knock-knock joke 
  100,000,000 - Someone makes a blond joke
  10^256 - Irony
  
  Being "deeply offended" occurs somewhere around the 10^256 mark.  Some offensometers are currently recording Prof. Marrus' remarks at that level, although meters calibrated outside the U of T are reading lower.