text: Can we really listen to the opinion of someone who stated that a pedal powered booze cruise is the "best of Portland?"  It appears as though you have the cultural taste of a Midwestern tourist, and you're just trying to hit a word count to make a few extra dollars until your parent's recharge your prepaid bank card.  Writing pro tip: Don't say something is perfectly fine, then also attempt to smear it.
  
  Also, I fucking love that rhinoceros, and how dare you attempt to undermine it.