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nonsequitur | [SPEAKER] NARRATOR [LINE] T-REX IN "THE RULES" [SPEAKER] T-REX [LINE] Today I'm going to play by my own rules! [SPEAKER] T-REX [LINE] And luckily for me, these rules clearly stipulate that I can stomp on whatever I want! [SPEAKER] T-REX [LINE] Playing by my own rules is fun! [SPEAKER] T-REX [LINE] Why, I think I'll pla... |
real | [SPEAKER] NARRATOR [LINE] T-REX IN "THE RULES" [SPEAKER] T-REX [LINE] Today I'm going to play by my own rules! [SPEAKER] T-REX [LINE] And luckily for me, these rules clearly stipulate that I can stomp on whatever I want! [SPEAKER] T-REX [LINE] Playing by my own rules is fun! [SPEAKER] T-REX [LINE] Why, I think I'll pla... |
nonsequitur | [SPEAKER] T-REX [LINE] Maybe I have been too hard on prenups. In a sense, they're sort of a Love Validater, right? [SPEAKER] NARRATOR [LINE] PRENUPTIAL AGREEMENTS: WELL, MAYBE THIS IS THE DEAL [SPEAKER] T-REX [LINE] Because if you have a prenup that says, "Wow, NOBODY'S getting rich off this marriage", then it's clear ... |
real | [SPEAKER] T-REX [LINE] Maybe I have been too hard on prenups. In a sense, they're sort of a Love Validater, right? [SPEAKER] NARRATOR [LINE] PRENUPTIAL AGREEMENTS: WELL, MAYBE THIS IS THE DEAL [SPEAKER] T-REX [LINE] Because if you have a prenup that says, "Wow, NOBODY'S getting rich off this marriage", then it's clear ... |
nonsequitur | [SPEAKER] T-REX [LINE] Life is too friggin' fragile! And when I say "life", I mean life in general, but really, I mean my life in particular. [SPEAKER] T-REX [LINE] Too. Friggin'. Fragile! [SPEAKER] T-REX [LINE] I'm a big guy, so I eat a lot - WHICH IS FINE, except that it increases the chance that I starve to death! A... |
real | [SPEAKER] T-REX [LINE] Life is too friggin' fragile! And when I say "life", I mean life in general, but really, I mean my life in particular. [SPEAKER] T-REX [LINE] Too. Friggin'. Fragile! [SPEAKER] T-REX [LINE] I'm a big guy, so I eat a lot - WHICH IS FINE, except that it increases the chance that I starve to death! A... |
nonsequitur | [SPEAKER] T-REX [LINE] You know what I'm tired of feeling? [SPEAKER] GOD [LINE] EMOTIONS [SPEAKER] T-REX [LINE] Pain! [SPEAKER] T-REX [LINE] (Emotions too.) [SPEAKER] T-REX [LINE] But seriously, guys! Why do we need pain? [SPEAKER] T-REX [LINE] It hurts! [SPEAKER] T-REX [LINE] And you can't turn it off. It's like a pho... |
real | [SPEAKER] T-REX [LINE] You know what I'm tired of feeling? [SPEAKER] GOD [LINE] EMOTIONS [SPEAKER] T-REX [LINE] Pain! [SPEAKER] T-REX [LINE] (Emotions too.) [SPEAKER] T-REX [LINE] But seriously, guys! Why do we need pain? [SPEAKER] T-REX [LINE] It hurts! [SPEAKER] T-REX [LINE] And you can't turn it off. It's like a pho... |
nonsequitur | [SPEAKER] T-REX (THINKING) [LINE] Hey, it's Utahraptor! Wait - IS that Utahraptor...? Oh my God! It's... IT'S.... [SPEAKER] T-REX [LINE] Dromiceiomimus, you won't believe who I just met! [SPEAKER] DROMICEIOMIMUS [LINE] Who? [SPEAKER] T-REX [LINE] FUTURE UTAHRAPTOR! I'm serious, I saw him! He looked like Utahraptor, bu... |
real | [SPEAKER] T-REX (THINKING) [LINE] Hey, it's Utahraptor! Wait - IS that Utahraptor...? Oh my God! It's... IT'S.... [SPEAKER] T-REX [LINE] Dromiceiomimus, you won't believe who I just met! [SPEAKER] DROMICEIOMIMUS [LINE] Who? [SPEAKER] T-REX [LINE] FUTURE UTAHRAPTOR! I'm serious, I saw him! He looked like Utahraptor, bu... |
nonsequitur | [SPEAKER] T-REX [LINE] Utahraptor was so wrong about performative utterances yesterday! [SPEAKER] GOD [LINE] HOW WRONG WAS HE [SPEAKER] T-REX [LINE] So! He was so wrong. [SPEAKER] T-REX [LINE] And I only realized it after he left! [SPEAKER] T-REX [LINE] A leader declares war on television, then that's war, regardless ... |
real | [SPEAKER] T-REX [LINE] Utahraptor was so wrong about performative utterances yesterday! [SPEAKER] GOD [LINE] HOW WRONG WAS HE [SPEAKER] T-REX [LINE] So! He was so wrong. [SPEAKER] T-REX [LINE] And I only realized it after he left! [SPEAKER] T-REX [LINE] A leader declares war on television, then that's war, regardless ... |
nonsequitur | [SPEAKER] T-REX [LINE] I have a new life goal: to become a hairdresser! [SPEAKER] T-REX [LINE] Scratch that: to become the BEST HAIRDRESSER EVER! [SPEAKER] DROMICEIOMIMUS [LINE] But T-Rex, um, you and I don't really have -- [SPEAKER] T-REX [LINE] Before you go any further, let me clarify that I'll be a hairdresser for ... |
real | [SPEAKER] T-REX [LINE] I have a new life goal: to become a hairdresser! [SPEAKER] T-REX [LINE] Scratch that: to become the BEST HAIRDRESSER EVER! [SPEAKER] DROMICEIOMIMUS [LINE] But T-Rex, um, you and I don't really have -- [SPEAKER] T-REX [LINE] Before you go any further, let me clarify that I'll be a hairdresser for ... |
nonsequitur | [SPEAKER] T-REX [LINE] The Temple of Artemis was one of the Seven Wonders of the World. It was this really big temple, you guys! But it was burned down. Arson! [SPEAKER] T-REX [LINE] Arsonist's name was Herostratus! [SPEAKER] T-REX [LINE] And the ancient Greeks would be TOTALLY PISSED that I just said that! They were s... |
real | [SPEAKER] T-REX [LINE] The Temple of Artemis was one of the Seven Wonders of the World. It was this really big temple, you guys! But it was burned down. Arson! [SPEAKER] T-REX [LINE] Arsonist's name was Herostratus! [SPEAKER] T-REX [LINE] And the ancient Greeks would be TOTALLY PISSED that I just said that! They were s... |
nonsequitur | [SPEAKER] T-REX [LINE] Computers have gotten way better in recent years. A new computer can beat a moldy old one from twenty years ago! [SPEAKER] T-REX [LINE] FACT. [SPEAKER] T-REX [LINE] Wouldn't it be great if rhetoric had evolved in the same way? I could have this hyper-evolved speaking that could convince anyone to... |
real | [SPEAKER] T-REX [LINE] Computers have gotten way better in recent years. A new computer can beat a moldy old one from twenty years ago! [SPEAKER] T-REX [LINE] FACT. [SPEAKER] T-REX [LINE] Wouldn't it be great if rhetoric had evolved in the same way? I could have this hyper-evolved speaking that could convince anyone to... |
nonsequitur | [SPEAKER] T-REX [LINE] I've noticed that some songs are quite good at evoking memories and moods. If I listen to a song I haven't listened to since high school, suddenly I am back in high school again! [SPEAKER] T-REX [LINE] METAPHORICALLY. [SPEAKER] T-REX [LINE] So hey, time for an experiment where I am the subject! F... |
real | [SPEAKER] T-REX [LINE] I've noticed that some songs are quite good at evoking memories and moods. If I listen to a song I haven't listened to since high school, suddenly I am back in high school again! [SPEAKER] T-REX [LINE] METAPHORICALLY. [SPEAKER] T-REX [LINE] So hey, time for an experiment where I am the subject! F... |
nonsequitur | [SPEAKER] NARRATOR [LINE] GREGOR MACGREGOR COMICS [SPEAKER] T-REX [LINE] That name is totally made up. It was made up by a Scottish Enthusiast. [SPEAKER] T-REX [LINE] I'm just sayin'. [SPEAKER] T-REX [LINE] Anyway, Gregor MacGregor was this explorer guy in the 1800s! [SPEAKER] T-REX [LINE] In 1820 he sailed from the Mo... |
real | [SPEAKER] NARRATOR [LINE] GREGOR MACGREGOR COMICS [SPEAKER] T-REX [LINE] That name is totally made up. It was made up by a Scottish Enthusiast. [SPEAKER] T-REX [LINE] I'm just sayin'. [SPEAKER] T-REX [LINE] Anyway, Gregor MacGregor was this explorer guy in the 1800s! [SPEAKER] T-REX [LINE] In 1820 he sailed from the Mo... |
nonsequitur | [SPEAKER] NARRATOR [LINE] COMICS IN WHICH T-REX HAS DEVELOPED SUPER HEALING POWERS, WHICH ALLOW HIM TO RECOVER FROM ANY INJURY ALMOST INSTANTLY [SPEAKER] T-REX [LINE] I wonder if today is a lovely day to go on a walk! [SPEAKER] T-REX [LINE] Hey! It IS a lovely day to go on a walk! [SPEAKER] NARRATOR [LINE] ANYWAY T-RE... |
real | [SPEAKER] NARRATOR [LINE] COMICS IN WHICH T-REX HAS DEVELOPED SUPER HEALING POWERS, WHICH ALLOW HIM TO RECOVER FROM ANY INJURY ALMOST INSTANTLY [SPEAKER] T-REX [LINE] I wonder if today is a lovely day to go on a walk! [SPEAKER] T-REX [LINE] Hey! It IS a lovely day to go on a walk! [SPEAKER] NARRATOR [LINE] ANYWAY T-RE... |
nonsequitur | [SPEAKER] T-REX [LINE] ...ummary and in conclusion, that's how "in medias res" works! THE END. [SPEAKER] NARRATOR [LINE] LITERARY TECHNIQUES COMICS [SPEAKER] NARRATOR [LINE] today's technique: IN MEDIAS RES [SPEAKER] T-REX [LINE] Dromiceiomimus. [SPEAKER] DROMICEIOMIMUS [LINE] T-Rex. [SPEAKER] T-REX [LINE] Utahraptor. ... |
real | [SPEAKER] T-REX [LINE] ...ummary and in conclusion, that's how "in medias res" works! THE END. [SPEAKER] NARRATOR [LINE] LITERARY TECHNIQUES COMICS [SPEAKER] NARRATOR [LINE] today's technique: IN MEDIAS RES [SPEAKER] T-REX [LINE] Dromiceiomimus. [SPEAKER] DROMICEIOMIMUS [LINE] T-Rex. [SPEAKER] T-REX [LINE] Utahraptor. ... |
nonsequitur | [SPEAKER] NARRATOR [LINE] DIFFERENT WAYS TO MEET NEW PEOPLE TO DATE [SPEAKER] NARRATOR [LINE] a comic for dudes and ladies who are newly single and who are like, man, SCREW THIS [SPEAKER] NARRATOR [LINE] METHOD 1: TAKE UP SPORTS! [SPEAKER] T-REX [LINE] You can meet people at sports! [SPEAKER] NARRATOR [LINE] I GUESS [S... |
real | [SPEAKER] NARRATOR [LINE] DIFFERENT WAYS TO MEET NEW PEOPLE TO DATE [SPEAKER] NARRATOR [LINE] a comic for dudes and ladies who are newly single and who are like, man, SCREW THIS [SPEAKER] NARRATOR [LINE] METHOD 1: TAKE UP SPORTS! [SPEAKER] T-REX [LINE] You can meet people at sports! [SPEAKER] NARRATOR [LINE] I GUESS [S... |
nonsequitur | [SPEAKER] T-REX [LINE] I have begun to receive insulting spam messages: really vitriolic ones! [SPEAKER] T-REX [LINE] Ant there's not even a product to buy! [SPEAKER] T-REX [LINE] It's like - it's this one spammer who got SO PISSED that nobody was enlarging their penis anymore that he just went off the deep end. And n... |
real | [SPEAKER] T-REX [LINE] I have begun to receive insulting spam messages: really vitriolic ones! [SPEAKER] T-REX [LINE] Ant there's not even a product to buy! [SPEAKER] T-REX [LINE] It's like - it's this one spammer who got SO PISSED that nobody was enlarging their penis anymore that he just went off the deep end. And n... |
nonsequitur | [SPEAKER] T-REX [LINE] Guess who had a bike accident yesterday morning! If you guessed "Shit! T-Rex?" you are correct!! [SPEAKER] T-REX [LINE] Also, you shouldn't swear! [SPEAKER] T-REX [LINE] But it was me. I was biking and a dog darted in front of me and I guess it turns out I'm not a guy who will run over a dog! I'l... |
real | [SPEAKER] T-REX [LINE] Guess who had a bike accident yesterday morning! If you guessed "Shit! T-Rex?" you are correct!! [SPEAKER] T-REX [LINE] Also, you shouldn't swear! [SPEAKER] T-REX [LINE] But it was me. I was biking and a dog darted in front of me and I guess it turns out I'm not a guy who will run over a dog! I'l... |
nonsequitur | [SPEAKER] T-REX [LINE] I wonder what someone studying my life for a FUTURE BIOGRAPHY would think about me. What does it mean that I spend so much time doing the things I do? [SPEAKER] T-REX [LINE] And what if they got the analysis wrong? [SPEAKER] T-REX [LINE] What if they saw my interest in smooching as indicative of ... |
real | [SPEAKER] T-REX [LINE] I wonder what someone studying my life for a FUTURE BIOGRAPHY would think about me. What does it mean that I spend so much time doing the things I do? [SPEAKER] T-REX [LINE] And what if they got the analysis wrong? [SPEAKER] T-REX [LINE] What if they saw my interest in smooching as indicative of ... |
nonsequitur | [SPEAKER] NARRATOR [LINE] T-REX HAS WRITTEN A NEW STORY! [SPEAKER] T-REX [LINE] Yes! It's about a guy named "Clarke Kente"! His name is CLOSE to Superman's secret identity, but legally and creatively distinct. [SPEAKER] T-REX [LINE] And then in my story Clarke's looking for a girlfriend! [SPEAKER] T-REX [LINE] And then... |
real | [SPEAKER] NARRATOR [LINE] T-REX HAS WRITTEN A NEW STORY! [SPEAKER] T-REX [LINE] Yes! It's about a guy named "Clarke Kente"! His name is CLOSE to Superman's secret identity, but legally and creatively distinct. [SPEAKER] T-REX [LINE] And then in my story Clarke's looking for a girlfriend! [SPEAKER] T-REX [LINE] And then... |
nonsequitur | [SPEAKER] T-REX [LINE] As of today, I am officially living in the future! [SPEAKER] T-REX [LINE] That's because as of TODAY, I am the proud owner of a robot! [SPEAKER] T-REX [LINE] His name is Breadmatic 5000 and he's great. His specialty? Baking friggin' bread! [SPEAKER] DROMICEIOMIMUS [LINE] That's not a robot, T-Rex... |
real | [SPEAKER] T-REX [LINE] As of today, I am officially living in the future! [SPEAKER] T-REX [LINE] That's because as of TODAY, I am the proud owner of a robot! [SPEAKER] T-REX [LINE] His name is Breadmatic 5000 and he's great. His specialty? Baking friggin' bread! [SPEAKER] DROMICEIOMIMUS [LINE] That's not a robot, T-Rex... |
nonsequitur | [SPEAKER] NARRATOR [LINE] The Woman Who Woke Up As A Man [SPEAKER] NARRATOR [LINE] by T-Rex [SPEAKER] NARRATOR [LINE] Once upon a time there was a woman who woke up as a man! That's her. Pretty tough, right/ Frig! [SPEAKER] NARRATOR [LINE] Anyway she woke up as a totally tough dude, stepping on houses like they were to... |
real | [SPEAKER] NARRATOR [LINE] The Woman Who Woke Up As A Man [SPEAKER] NARRATOR [LINE] by T-Rex [SPEAKER] NARRATOR [LINE] Once upon a time there was a woman who woke up as a man! That's her. Pretty tough, right/ Frig! [SPEAKER] NARRATOR [LINE] Anyway she woke up as a totally tough dude, stepping on houses like they were to... |
nonsequitur | [SPEAKER] T-REX [LINE] Guys, I'm sorry to be the bearer of bad news, but, well, here we are. I should just say it. [SPEAKER] T-REX [LINE] Bingo is totally suboptimal and inefficient! [SPEAKER] T-REX [LINE] Check it out: replace the caller with a computer, and you make the bingo numbers get called like a billion times f... |
real | [SPEAKER] T-REX [LINE] Guys, I'm sorry to be the bearer of bad news, but, well, here we are. I should just say it. [SPEAKER] T-REX [LINE] Bingo is totally suboptimal and inefficient! [SPEAKER] T-REX [LINE] Check it out: replace the caller with a computer, and you make the bingo numbers get called like a billion times f... |
nonsequitur | [SPEAKER] T-REX [LINE] If you want to know what life on Earth was like yesterday, there's like a billion people you turn to! MORE, probably! Probably more. [SPEAKER] T-REX [LINE] But if you want to know about life 6 million years ago, there's only a handful of fossils! [SPEAKER] T-REX [LINE] And it would be TOTALLY RAD... |
real | [SPEAKER] T-REX [LINE] If you want to know what life on Earth was like yesterday, there's like a billion people you turn to! MORE, probably! Probably more. [SPEAKER] T-REX [LINE] But if you want to know about life 6 million years ago, there's only a handful of fossils! [SPEAKER] T-REX [LINE] And it would be TOTALLY RAD... |
nonsequitur | [SPEAKER] T-REX [LINE] I have filled out change of name forms for Utahraptor! I have done this because I am a good friend who likes to make surprises. [SPEAKER] T-REX [LINE] From now on, Utahraptor will be known only as "Utahraptore"! [SPEAKER] T-REX [LINE] The added "e" gives him an exotic Spanish flair. Utahraptore... |
real | [SPEAKER] T-REX [LINE] I have filled out change of name forms for Utahraptor! I have done this because I am a good friend who likes to make surprises. [SPEAKER] T-REX [LINE] From now on, Utahraptor will be known only as "Utahraptore"! [SPEAKER] T-REX [LINE] The added "e" gives him an exotic Spanish flair. Utahraptore... |
nonsequitur | [SPEAKER] T-REX [LINE] People like different songs because they have different tastes in music. This I concede. [SPEAKER] T-REX [LINE] However! [SPEAKER] T-REX [LINE] I still think there could be One Perfect Song! [SPEAKER] T-REX [LINE] I think someone, some day - let's say, ME - might sit down and write a song that is... |
real | [SPEAKER] T-REX [LINE] People like different songs because they have different tastes in music. This I concede. [SPEAKER] T-REX [LINE] However! [SPEAKER] T-REX [LINE] I still think there could be One Perfect Song! [SPEAKER] T-REX [LINE] I think someone, some day - let's say, ME - might sit down and write a song that is... |
nonsequitur | [SPEAKER] T-REX [LINE] If you drop something heavy on your foot, your first instinct is likely to scream in pain. [SPEAKER] T-REX [LINE] Dudes and ladies! This is not such a useful reaction! [SPEAKER] T-REX [LINE] Screaming doesn't fix the problem, it just draws attention to your bruisey foot. And when your scream is f... |
real | [SPEAKER] T-REX [LINE] If you drop something heavy on your foot, your first instinct is likely to scream in pain. [SPEAKER] T-REX [LINE] Dudes and ladies! This is not such a useful reaction! [SPEAKER] T-REX [LINE] Screaming doesn't fix the problem, it just draws attention to your bruisey foot. And when your scream is f... |
nonsequitur | [SPEAKER] T-REX [LINE] Hey God, you know on Star Trek, when sometimes they go back in time? [SPEAKER] GOD [LINE] YEP [SPEAKER] T-REX [LINE] It interferes with my ability to enjoy the show! [SPEAKER] GOD [LINE] OKAY [SPEAKER] T-REX [LINE] Seriously though. It ruins my suspension of disbelief! [SPEAKER] T-REX [LINE] The ... |
real | [SPEAKER] T-REX [LINE] Hey God, you know on Star Trek, when sometimes they go back in time? [SPEAKER] GOD [LINE] YEP [SPEAKER] T-REX [LINE] It interferes with my ability to enjoy the show! [SPEAKER] GOD [LINE] OKAY [SPEAKER] T-REX [LINE] Seriously though. It ruins my suspension of disbelief! [SPEAKER] T-REX [LINE] The ... |
nonsequitur | [SPEAKER] T-REX [LINE] You know those guys who have been hiccuping for 70 years or whatever? I'm glad I'm not one of those guys. [SPEAKER] T-REX [LINE] Hiccuping forever is this weird sort of... forced immortality! [SPEAKER] DROMICEIOMIMUS [LINE] But I thought you were all about going down in history, T-Rex? [SPEAKER] ... |
real | [SPEAKER] T-REX [LINE] You know those guys who have been hiccuping for 70 years or whatever? I'm glad I'm not one of those guys. [SPEAKER] T-REX [LINE] Hiccuping forever is this weird sort of... forced immortality! [SPEAKER] DROMICEIOMIMUS [LINE] But I thought you were all about going down in history, T-Rex? [SPEAKER] ... |
nonsequitur | [SPEAKER] NARRATOR [LINE] T-REX HAS BEEN INVITED TO ANOTHER WEDDING. [SPEAKER] T-REX [LINE] Yes! I know what that means... [SPEAKER] T-REX [LINE] Ill-advised hookups!! [SPEAKER] T-REX [LINE] It's the wedding experience! You get some single people together who think life is a race, and then you convince them THROUGH THE... |
real | [SPEAKER] NARRATOR [LINE] T-REX HAS BEEN INVITED TO ANOTHER WEDDING. [SPEAKER] T-REX [LINE] Yes! I know what that means... [SPEAKER] T-REX [LINE] Ill-advised hookups!! [SPEAKER] T-REX [LINE] It's the wedding experience! You get some single people together who think life is a race, and then you convince them THROUGH THE... |
nonsequitur | [SPEAKER] T-REX [LINE] I am a man who, when he is at an all-you-can-eat restaurant, will restrict what he eats based on his peers. I don't know when to stop, so I rely on the verbal and non-verbal cues of my dining mates to tell me when I'm full! [SPEAKER] T-REX [LINE] I call this condition "Appetite Asperger's"! [SPEA... |
real | [SPEAKER] T-REX [LINE] I am a man who, when he is at an all-you-can-eat restaurant, will restrict what he eats based on his peers. I don't know when to stop, so I rely on the verbal and non-verbal cues of my dining mates to tell me when I'm full! [SPEAKER] T-REX [LINE] I call this condition "Appetite Asperger's"! [SPEA... |
nonsequitur | [SPEAKER] T-REX [LINE] So, SOMETIMES, archeologists find things that don't belong in their geological contexts: shells where there were no oceans, that sort of thing. And there's lots of explanations like "maybe an animal ate it and pooped it out, GROSS." [SPEAKER] T-REX [LINE] But sometimes these objects are found wit... |
real | [SPEAKER] T-REX [LINE] So, SOMETIMES, archeologists find things that don't belong in their geological contexts: shells where there were no oceans, that sort of thing. And there's lots of explanations like "maybe an animal ate it and pooped it out, GROSS." [SPEAKER] T-REX [LINE] But sometimes these objects are found wit... |
nonsequitur | [SPEAKER] NARRATOR [LINE] DINOSAUR COMICS ASKS: IF YOU COULD GAIN ANY SENSE, WHAT WOULD IT BE? [SPEAKER] T-REX [LINE] A sense of FUTURE sight! Dudes! [SPEAKER] T-REX [LINE] I could look around and say "In ten minutes it's going to rain!" [SPEAKER] T-REX [LINE] But then the downside is that if I saw a car accident, I'd... |
real | [SPEAKER] NARRATOR [LINE] DINOSAUR COMICS ASKS: IF YOU COULD GAIN ANY SENSE, WHAT WOULD IT BE? [SPEAKER] T-REX [LINE] A sense of FUTURE sight! Dudes! [SPEAKER] T-REX [LINE] I could look around and say "In ten minutes it's going to rain!" [SPEAKER] T-REX [LINE] But then the downside is that if I saw a car accident, I'd... |
nonsequitur | [SPEAKER] T-REX [LINE] Time for a funny joke, everyone! Alright? Alright. [SPEAKER] T-REX [LINE] Okay, so this man gets into a car accident and wraps his car around a telephone pole! [SPEAKER] T-REX [LINE] And there's this passer-by who is, um, passing by, and he happens to see it. He rushes over to the crumpled car... |
real | [SPEAKER] T-REX [LINE] Time for a funny joke, everyone! Alright? Alright. [SPEAKER] T-REX [LINE] Okay, so this man gets into a car accident and wraps his car around a telephone pole! [SPEAKER] T-REX [LINE] And there's this passer-by who is, um, passing by, and he happens to see it. He rushes over to the crumpled car... |
nonsequitur | [SPEAKER] T-REX [LINE] Why am I here? [SPEAKER] T-REX [LINE] Good question! [SPEAKER] T-REX [LINE] Am I here to fulfill some higher purpose? How can that be, if I remain completely unaware of it? [SPEAKER] T-REX [LINE] It appears that there is some aspect of myself that craves a meaning - any meaning - to my actions. [... |
real | [SPEAKER] T-REX [LINE] Why am I here? [SPEAKER] T-REX [LINE] Good question! [SPEAKER] T-REX [LINE] Am I here to fulfill some higher purpose? How can that be, if I remain completely unaware of it? [SPEAKER] T-REX [LINE] It appears that there is some aspect of myself that craves a meaning - any meaning - to my actions. [... |
nonsequitur | [SPEAKER] T-REX [LINE] I think we can all agree that as a popular culture shifts with time, there were some years that were great and there were some years that were way terrible. [SPEAKER] T-REX [LINE] For example! [SPEAKER] T-REX [LINE] Everyone knows that the 1920s were awesome ultimate fun times (on account of flap... |
real | [SPEAKER] T-REX [LINE] I think we can all agree that as a popular culture shifts with time, there were some years that were great and there were some years that were way terrible. [SPEAKER] T-REX [LINE] For example! [SPEAKER] T-REX [LINE] Everyone knows that the 1920s were awesome ultimate fun times (on account of flap... |
nonsequitur | [SPEAKER] NARRATOR [LINE] SCIENCE IN THE YEAR 65,000,000 [SPEAKER] T-REX [LINE] What will science be like in the year 65,000,000? Friends! I am here to tell you: many amazing advances will be made! [SPEAKER] T-REX [LINE] Think of how far we've come in just the past one hundred years! [SPEAKER] T-REX [LINE] And the pa... |
real | [SPEAKER] NARRATOR [LINE] SCIENCE IN THE YEAR 65,000,000 [SPEAKER] T-REX [LINE] What will science be like in the year 65,000,000? Friends! I am here to tell you: many amazing advances will be made! [SPEAKER] T-REX [LINE] Think of how far we've come in just the past one hundred years! [SPEAKER] T-REX [LINE] And the pa... |
nonsequitur | [SPEAKER] NARRATOR [LINE] COMICS WITH A SUDDEN CHANGE IN GENRE [SPEAKER] T-REX [LINE] Today is a good day I think for lavishing praise on people! [SPEAKER] T-REX [LINE] Is this perhaps the ultimate secret to popularity? [SPEAKER] NARRATOR [LINE] SHORTLY: [SPEAKER] T-REX [LINE] Hello little Dromiceiomimus! You are cert... |
real | [SPEAKER] NARRATOR [LINE] COMICS WITH A SUDDEN CHANGE IN GENRE [SPEAKER] T-REX [LINE] Today is a good day I think for lavishing praise on people! [SPEAKER] T-REX [LINE] Is this perhaps the ultimate secret to popularity? [SPEAKER] NARRATOR [LINE] SHORTLY: [SPEAKER] T-REX [LINE] Hello little Dromiceiomimus! You are cert... |
nonsequitur | [SPEAKER] T-REX [LINE] Guys! I have some bad news! [SPEAKER] T-REX [LINE] I don't think I'm cut out to be a law-abiding member of society!! [SPEAKER] T-REX [LINE] When I see illegal billboards my instinct is not to call the city and register a complaint - my instinct is to tear it down! And when I see a jerk sitting ... |
real | [SPEAKER] T-REX [LINE] Guys! I have some bad news! [SPEAKER] T-REX [LINE] I don't think I'm cut out to be a law-abiding member of society!! [SPEAKER] T-REX [LINE] When I see illegal billboards my instinct is not to call the city and register a complaint - my instinct is to tear it down! And when I see a jerk sitting ... |
nonsequitur | [SPEAKER] T-REX [LINE] Every book is written by an author. [SPEAKER] T-REX [LINE] Is this TRULY the worst form of racism? [SPEAKER] DROMICEIOMIMUS [LINE] Well, I can't say that I follow you T-Rex [SPEAKER] T-REX [LINE] Every book is written by SOMEONE, right? My point is that the SYSTEM - the MAN - is set up so that an... |
real | [SPEAKER] T-REX [LINE] Every book is written by an author. [SPEAKER] T-REX [LINE] Is this TRULY the worst form of racism? [SPEAKER] DROMICEIOMIMUS [LINE] Well, I can't say that I follow you T-Rex [SPEAKER] T-REX [LINE] Every book is written by SOMEONE, right? My point is that the SYSTEM - the MAN - is set up so that an... |
nonsequitur | [SPEAKER] T-REX [LINE] I have come up with an excellent way to celebrate Hallowe'en: a date auction! [SPEAKER] T-REX [LINE] Featuring: me! [SPEAKER] T-REX [LINE] And since it's Hallowe'en, the prize is NOT ONLY a date with me (T-Rex!) but it's a HELLA CREEPY date with me (T-Rex!). I'll arrive two hours early, stand per... |
real | [SPEAKER] T-REX [LINE] I have come up with an excellent way to celebrate Hallowe'en: a date auction! [SPEAKER] T-REX [LINE] Featuring: me! [SPEAKER] T-REX [LINE] And since it's Hallowe'en, the prize is NOT ONLY a date with me (T-Rex!) but it's a HELLA CREEPY date with me (T-Rex!). I'll arrive two hours early, stand per... |
nonsequitur | [SPEAKER] T-REX [LINE] I am a man who says "Frig" a lot, on account of how it's part of my irresistible charm. But guys, it turns out there's a Norse goddess named "Frigg"! She's Odin's wife! [SPEAKER] T-REX [LINE] Best. Life. Ever. [SPEAKER] T-REX [LINE] See, Dromiceiomimus, I was going to say "best goddess ever," but... |
real | [SPEAKER] T-REX [LINE] I am a man who says "Frig" a lot, on account of how it's part of my irresistible charm. But guys, it turns out there's a Norse goddess named "Frigg"! She's Odin's wife! [SPEAKER] T-REX [LINE] Best. Life. Ever. [SPEAKER] T-REX [LINE] See, Dromiceiomimus, I was going to say "best goddess ever," but... |
nonsequitur | [SPEAKER] T-REX [LINE] You know what? Maybe Leibniz is right and we're all doing pretty okay. maybe this IS the best of all possible worlds! [SPEAKER] T-REX [LINE] Except for the fact that ice cream costs more than vegetables! [SPEAKER] T-REX [LINE] And except for the fact that WAY more people on the face of the planet... |
real | [SPEAKER] T-REX [LINE] You know what? Maybe Leibniz is right and we're all doing pretty okay. maybe this IS the best of all possible worlds! [SPEAKER] T-REX [LINE] Except for the fact that ice cream costs more than vegetables! [SPEAKER] T-REX [LINE] And except for the fact that WAY more people on the face of the planet... |
nonsequitur | [SPEAKER] T-REX [LINE] Whenever I think of the phrase "good to the last drop" I think of the friggin' Maxwell House Coffee. [SPEAKER] T-REX [LINE] I don't even drink coffee! [SPEAKER] T-REX [LINE] They have lexicalized the phrase AND associated it in my mind with their stupid branding! [SPEAKER] T-REX [LINE] And if som... |
real | [SPEAKER] T-REX [LINE] Whenever I think of the phrase "good to the last drop" I think of the friggin' Maxwell House Coffee. [SPEAKER] T-REX [LINE] I don't even drink coffee! [SPEAKER] T-REX [LINE] They have lexicalized the phrase AND associated it in my mind with their stupid branding! [SPEAKER] T-REX [LINE] And if som... |
nonsequitur | [SPEAKER] T-REX [LINE] I've made the Best Conceptual Hallowe'en Costume EVER this year! Check it out: [SPEAKER] T-REX [LINE] I'm someone from the past! [SPEAKER] DROMICEIOMIMUS [LINE] Neat! So you're wandering around being all agog at electricity and airplanes and stuff! [SPEAKER] T-REX [LINE] No no, sorry, I should ha... |
real | [SPEAKER] T-REX [LINE] I've made the Best Conceptual Hallowe'en Costume EVER this year! Check it out: [SPEAKER] T-REX [LINE] I'm someone from the past! [SPEAKER] DROMICEIOMIMUS [LINE] Neat! So you're wandering around being all agog at electricity and airplanes and stuff! [SPEAKER] T-REX [LINE] No no, sorry, I should ha... |
nonsequitur | [SPEAKER] T-REX [LINE] While riding my bike yesterday and making a TOTALLY LEGAL move from the side of the road into traffic so that I could make a left-hand turn, this car dude honked at me! [SPEAKER] T-REX [LINE] So I flipped him off. It was BICYCLE ROAD RAGE! [SPEAKER] T-REX [LINE] It was insane. I never get road ra... |
real | [SPEAKER] T-REX [LINE] While riding my bike yesterday and making a TOTALLY LEGAL move from the side of the road into traffic so that I could make a left-hand turn, this car dude honked at me! [SPEAKER] T-REX [LINE] So I flipped him off. It was BICYCLE ROAD RAGE! [SPEAKER] T-REX [LINE] It was insane. I never get road ra... |
nonsequitur | [SPEAKER] T-REX [LINE] Someone who doesn't vote is CLEARLY super chumpy. But, ON THE OTHER HAND, someone totally uninformed who votes anyway is ultra chumps too! [SPEAKER] T-REX [LINE] An interesting conundrum! [SPEAKER] T-REX [LINE] So let's take it to extremes: if voters were SO UNINFORMED that they were effectively... |
real | [SPEAKER] T-REX [LINE] Someone who doesn't vote is CLEARLY super chumpy. But, ON THE OTHER HAND, someone totally uninformed who votes anyway is ultra chumps too! [SPEAKER] T-REX [LINE] An interesting conundrum! [SPEAKER] T-REX [LINE] So let's take it to extremes: if voters were SO UNINFORMED that they were effectively... |
nonsequitur | [SPEAKER] T-REX [LINE] I'm worried that I'm putting on weight. [SPEAKER] T-REX [LINE] I'm worried that I'll grow to be a fat dinosaur! [SPEAKER] T-REX [LINE] It's not that I'm suddenly eating more, I think, it's that my metabolism is slowing down - so the food I eat is going straight to my trendy hips! [SPEAKER] T-REX ... |
real | [SPEAKER] T-REX [LINE] I'm worried that I'm putting on weight. [SPEAKER] T-REX [LINE] I'm worried that I'll grow to be a fat dinosaur! [SPEAKER] T-REX [LINE] It's not that I'm suddenly eating more, I think, it's that my metabolism is slowing down - so the food I eat is going straight to my trendy hips! [SPEAKER] T-REX ... |
nonsequitur | [SPEAKER] T-REX [LINE] Today I will be a patron of the ARTS. Yes. That is a classy thing to be. [SPEAKER] T-REX [LINE] Women LOVE patrons! [SPEAKER] T-REX [LINE] They love 'em! [SPEAKER] T-REX [LINE] Hey Dromiceiomimus, have you noticed the arts lately? I have, and as a patron, I find them to be very engaging AND ar... |
real | [SPEAKER] T-REX [LINE] Today I will be a patron of the ARTS. Yes. That is a classy thing to be. [SPEAKER] T-REX [LINE] Women LOVE patrons! [SPEAKER] T-REX [LINE] They love 'em! [SPEAKER] T-REX [LINE] Hey Dromiceiomimus, have you noticed the arts lately? I have, and as a patron, I find them to be very engaging AND ar... |
nonsequitur | [SPEAKER] NARRATOR [LINE] UTAHRAPTOR HAS GOTTEN LIFE INSURANCE! [SPEAKER] T-REX [LINE] Yes! Because if he dies, then the money that shows up will make us say, "Perfect! This is exactly as much as I valued that guy!" [SPEAKER] NARRATOR [LINE] AND HE'S NAMED T-REX AS HIS SOLE BENEFICIARY! [SPEAKER] T-REX [LINE] WHAT?! [S... |
real | [SPEAKER] NARRATOR [LINE] UTAHRAPTOR HAS GOTTEN LIFE INSURANCE! [SPEAKER] T-REX [LINE] Yes! Because if he dies, then the money that shows up will make us say, "Perfect! This is exactly as much as I valued that guy!" [SPEAKER] NARRATOR [LINE] AND HE'S NAMED T-REX AS HIS SOLE BENEFICIARY! [SPEAKER] T-REX [LINE] WHAT?! [S... |
nonsequitur | [SPEAKER] T-REX [LINE] I fear that I've lost something... something important! [SPEAKER] T-REX [LINE] Something I'll never get back again! [SPEAKER] T-REX [LINE] Something that was very special! Something that I guess part of me thought I'd always have with me! Something that I'd tried to hold on to, but lost nonethele... |
real | [SPEAKER] T-REX [LINE] I fear that I've lost something... something important! [SPEAKER] T-REX [LINE] Something I'll never get back again! [SPEAKER] T-REX [LINE] Something that was very special! Something that I guess part of me thought I'd always have with me! Something that I'd tried to hold on to, but lost nonethele... |
nonsequitur | [SPEAKER] T-REX [LINE] You know what's freaky? Ghost ships! Ships sent sailing and found drifting weeks or months or years later, and EVERYBODY'S GONE. [SPEAKER] T-REX [LINE] Totally spooky, dudes! [SPEAKER] T-REX [LINE] I think what I love best about them is their aloneness: how everyone aboard was basically removin... |
real | [SPEAKER] T-REX [LINE] You know what's freaky? Ghost ships! Ships sent sailing and found drifting weeks or months or years later, and EVERYBODY'S GONE. [SPEAKER] T-REX [LINE] Totally spooky, dudes! [SPEAKER] T-REX [LINE] I think what I love best about them is their aloneness: how everyone aboard was basically removin... |
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