“If you have any young friends who aspire to become writers, the second greatest favor you can do them is to present them with copies of The Elements of Style. The first greatest, of course, is to shoot them now, while they're happy.”
"I'd like to have money. And I'd like to be a good writer. These two can come together, and I hope they will, but if that's too adorable, I'd rather have money."
“I hate writing; I love having written.”
“There's a hell of a distance between wise-cracking and wit. Wit has truth in it; wise-cracking is simply calisthenics with words.”
“One more drink and I'd have been under the host.”
“I'd rather have a bottle in front of me than a frontal lobotomy.”
"What fresh hell is this?"
"Brevity is the soul of lingerie."
“Money cannot buy health, but I'd settle for a diamond-studded wheelchair.”
“I don't know much about being a millionaire, but I'll bet I'd be darling at it.”
“I require three things in a man: he must be handsome, ruthless, and stupid.”
“Now I know the things I know, and I do the things I do; and if you do not like me so, to hell, my love, with you!”
“Four be the things I'd been better without:
Love, curiosity, freckles and doubt.”
“It serves me right for putting all my eggs in one bastard.”
"If, with the literate, I am
Impelled to try an epigram,
From the poem “Inventory”   (1926): 
 
 Inventory 
 Four be the things I am wiser to know: Idleness, sorrow, a friend, and a foe. Four be the things I’d been better without: Love, curiosity, freckles, and doubt. Three be the things I shall never attain: Envy, content, and sufficient champagne. Three be the things I shall have till I die: Laughter and hope and a sock in the eye. 

Famous Dorothy Parker Quotes