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116 | don't even get me started | Narrator: THE SPECIAL MEAL an exercise in frustration
T-Rex: Today is a good day I think for preparing a special meal!
Narrator: based on a true story
T-Rex: I'd better go gather the ingredients!
Narrator: LATER:
T-Rex: I can't find ANY of the ingredients I need!
T-Rex: What the hell? It's not like I'm looking for some... | |
117 | dooooooooooomed | T-Rex: After the success of my role of "Tony", the hard-living mechanic, I have won another role!
T-Rex: This play is more abstract, for you see...
T-Rex: I play "Religion"!
T-Rex: I am faith, trust, and hope! I am the profound belief in a power larger and more important than ourselves.
T-Rex: I am truth and beauty!
T-... | |
118 | a t-rex and a utahraptor are arguing about god | Narrator: SCIENCE VS RELIGION round one
T-Rex: So the Utahraptor's playing Science to my Religion, eh?
T-Rex: This means war!
T-Rex: Science will wither in the face of my sense of community and sharing!
T-Rex: How can Science hope to compete with my gifts of enlightenment and hope? I bring nothing less than inner peace... | |
119 | send your responses to uncle_art@insaneabode.com | Narrator: SCIENCE VS RELIGION round two
T-Rex: Stupid Science, thinking it has all the answers to all the questions!
T-Rex: Wait! That's it!
T-Rex: I can win this by asking the big questions, the important unanswerable questions that Science doesn't have an answer to!
T-Rex: "Why are we here?" "What is our purpose?" - ... | |
121 | originally the bottom 3 panels were going to be blank | Narrator: COMPRESSED COMICS COMICS
Narrator: today's comic: UNDERSTANDING COMICS by scott mccloud
T-Rex: Comics are words or images juxtaposed in deliberate sequence!
Narrator: THE END
Narrator: COMICS WHERE THE PUNCHLINE IS
Narrator: "NO THANKS, CHUCKLES"
Utahraptor: Want to help me move in to my new apartment?
T-Rex:... | |
122 | good heavens! | T-Rex: Today is a good day I think to become a famous author!
T-Rex: To that end, I will write a novel!
T-Rex: It will be about a young man who wakes up one morning to find himself transformed into a giant insect-like creature!
T-Rex: I will call my book, "The Metamorphazoid".
T-Rex: The story ends when the young man, ... | |
124 | the t-rex is out of touch | T-Rex: I wonder, is there an essential "feminine", one that trancends histories and cultures?
T-Rex: Similarly, could I myself be the essential "masculine"?
T-Rex: Why, I believe I could! What am I besides the real, true essence of "male-ness", the invariable and fixed properties which define masculine for now and fore... | |
125 | the whole freakin' system is out of order | Narrator: T-REX IN "THE RULES"
T-Rex: Today I'm going to play by my own rules!
T-Rex: And luckily for me, these rules clearly stipulate that I can stomp on whatever I want!
T-Rex: Playing by my own rules is fun!
T-Rex: Why, I think I'll play by my own rules from now on!
Utahraptor: Stop it!
Utahraptor: T-Rex, you can't... | |
126 | introduce this into your vocabulary, please | T-Rex: I'm really looking forward to the little soirée I've got lined up for tonight...
T-Rex: Party at my house!!
Narrator: LATER...
T-Rex: Hey, are you still in for tonight?
Dromiceiomimus: I'm sorry, T-Rex, but something came up. But say "hi" to everyone for me!
T-Rex: Oh, that's too bad. Well, some other time!
Utah... | |
127 | for felicity and evlyn payton tayler | T-Rex: I am tired of things not getting done my way.
T-Rex: Therefore, I am going into politics!
T-Rex: As a politician, I will have power and influence! Things will get done, and they will get done my way! Finally, I will be the person making all the important decisions!
Utahraptor: T-Rex, we live in a democracy of di... | |
128 | what a kidder | Narrator: T-REX IN "THE SEARCH FOR GOD"
T-Rex: Today is a good day I think to find God!
T-Rex: Are you in this house, God? I am looking for you! Come out come out whereever you are!
T-Rex: Ready or not, here I come!
Utahraptor: When people say they are looking for God, they do not mean it literally!
T-Rex: How do you m... | |
129 | if something happens on july 30th 2215 they're gonna find this comic and it will BLOW THEIR MINDS | Narrator: COMICS FROM THE FUTURE
T-Rex: Who can forget the events of July 30th, 2215?
Dromiceiomimus: Their significance cannot be overstated.
Narrator: THE END
Narrator: COMICS FROM THE
Narrator: FUTURE
Narrator: a reprise
Utahraptor: Who can forget the events of July 30th, 2215?
T-Rex: Their significance cannot be ov... | |
130 | there's a story behind THAT | T-Rex: Believe in yourself, and you can do anything!
Narrator: PLATITUDE COMICS
T-Rex: I also enjoy:
T-Rex: "Wow, that's VERY good for a first try!"
T-Rex: and
T-Rex: "Just do what you think is best!"
T-Rex: I also like "I do love you... as a friend!"
Utahraptor: That's not a platitude!
T-Rex: What?
Utahraptor: It's no... | |
131 | notice how even if you skip to the last panel, the mystery is not spoiled? | Narrator: A MYSTERY COMIC
T-Rex: ...ninety-eight, ninety-nine, one hundred!
T-Rex: Ready or not, here I come!
T-Rex: Where are you, Utahraptor? Are you hiding in this house? Come out come out wherever you are!
T-Rex: No?
T-Rex: Where could you have gone?
T-Rex: Are you hiding beneath this woman? No?
Utahraptor: I found... | |
132 | that didn't help at all! | T-Rex: Why am I here?
T-Rex: Good question!
T-Rex: Am I here to fulfill some higher purpose? How can that be, if I remain completely unaware of it?
T-Rex: It appears that there is some aspect of myself that craves a meaning - any meaning - to my actions.
Utahraptor: If you feel so aimless, why not create your own meani... | |
133 | and we're just the two dinosaurs for the job! | Narrator: COMICS WITH SUDDEN CHANGES IN GENRE
T-Rex: Today is a good day I think for lavishing praise on people!
T-Rex: Is this perhaps the ultimate secret to popularity?
Narrator: SHORTLY:
T-Rex: Hello, little Dromiceiomimus! You are certainly a nice colour this morning!
Dromiceiomimus: Oh! Well, thank you!
T-Rex: Thi... | |
134 | just plain wasting my money! | T-Rex: I'm worried that I'm putting on weight.
T-Rex: I'm worried that I'll grow up to be a fat dinosaur!
T-Rex: It's not that I'm suddenly eating more, I think, it's that my metabolism is slowing down - so the food I eat is going straight to my trendy hips!
T-Rex: That's why I'm vowing to get out and get exercise ever... | |
135 | the last panel would make a good email signature line | T-Rex: I fear that I've lost something... something important!
T-Rex: Something I'll never get back again!
T-Rex: Something that was very special! Something that I guess part of me thought I'd always have with me!
T-Rex: Something that I'd tried to hold on to, but lost nonetheless!
T-Rex: Something-
Utahraptor: Knock i... | |
136 | this last panel would also make a good email signature line | T-Rex: What is the point of going to sleep? I'm just going to wake up again!
T-Rex: Wait! I'm a genius!
T-Rex: With my nights freed from the chore of sleep, I will become unstoppable! I'll have an extra eight hours to plan and scheme!
T-Rex: I will stop sleeping right away! Tonight!
T-Rex: Who knows what the future hol... | |
137 | mom did WHAT? | T-Rex: Where do babies come from?
T-Rex: An excellent course of inquiry!
T-Rex: Solving this mystery will put to rest many of the niggling mysteries of my creation! I will finally have an "origin story"!
Utahraptor: You want to know where babies come from?
T-Rex: I do!
Utahraptor: Are you sure? It's pretty... biologica... | |
138 | 'once again?' | T-Rex: I was thinking about my grade-school days last night, and I realized I couldn't remember most of the people who were in my classes!
T-Rex: I've forgotten pretty much everyone who didn't go on to the same high school as I did!
T-Rex: This has raised some pretty profound questions for me. First off, it seems evide... | |
139 | this illustrates why you should never listen to a talking utahraptor | T-Rex: If I want to know for sure who I am, I have to find out if I'm the same person when I don't have all my memories. I need to contract amnesia!
T-Rex: Time for a severe non-penetrative blow to the head!
T-Rex: But I'll have to be careful about this. I want TEMPORARY amnesia; I don't want to end up not remembering ... | |
140 | they are the two best things to be | Narrator: AMNESIA:
T-Rex: I can't remember a thing about myself!
T-Rex: Therefore, I will use deduction to determine my role and place in society!
T-Rex: Judging by this well-conditioned body - including thighs - and coupled with what I feel intuitively to be an impressive intellect, I can be one thing and one thing al... | |
141 | he's got you there! | T-Rex: I think I'll go for a walk today!
T-Rex: Uncanny! It's as if I'm seeing the world for the first time!
T-Rex: This amnesia has given me the wide-eyed innocence of a new-born child!
T-Rex: I'm filled with wonder and awe at the most casual display of nature's beauty!
T-Rex: Look at that house! Incredible!
T-Rex: Ev... | |
142 | obviously in the parallel universe he didn't forget to shower | T-Rex: Shoot! I forgot to have a shower this morning.
T-Rex: That's funny, because I smell fine!
Dromiceiomimus: That's funny, because you never seem showered whenever I see you.
T-Rex: That's funny, because I don't seem to recall soliciting comments!
Utahraptor: That's funny, because you always voice every single thou... | |
143 | i'm considering this to be character development | T-Rex: I have discovered several advantages to having amnesia!
T-Rex: For instance: being able to forget things and having nobody blame you!
Narrator: SHORTLY:
Dromiceiomimus: T-Rex, did you remember my birthday today?
T-Rex: Sorry, I forgot!
Dromiceiomimus: Oh well! You have amnesia, so I guess that's OK.
Utahraptor: ... | |
144 | he's really getting into it! | Narrator: A MAN WALKS INTO A BAR explained
T-Rex: Many jokes begin with this line. It is called the "set-up", and is analogous to establishing-shots in films or first paragraphs in essays.
T-Rex: It alerts the audience that what follows is likely to be a short story with a humourous climax!
T-Rex: What is the attractio... | |
145 | seriously, dude! that's awesome! | T-Rex: I feel odd.. as if my amnesia is wearing off!
T-Rex: Uncanny! All my memories are flooding back in a torrent of life history!
T-Rex: I remember this tiny house and car! I liked to step on them regularly! Like so!
T-Rex: And I remember you, Dromiceiomimus!
T-Rex: Do I ever!
T-Rex: And I remember this tiny woman! ... | |
146 | we all have an enthusiastic dentist | T-Rex: Today is a good day I think for going for - oh shoot!
T-Rex: I forgot about my dentist's appointment!
T-Rex: Damn damn damn. I can't call now and reschedule because I'll have to admit that I forgot entirely.
T-Rex: Then I'll probably have to explain that I had amnesia and the dentist will think I'm crazy.
Utahra... | |
147 | my dad did this ALL THE TIME | Narrator: T-REX IN:
Narrator: DIFFERENT WAYS TO SAY "NO"
T-Rex: I have compiled a list of different ways to say "no"!
T-Rex: One way is to shake, or nod, your head, depending on which culture you're in!
T-Rex: Another good way is to suck in air through your teeth. This indicates a severe problem with whatever is being ... | |
148 | aww | T-Rex: I have taken the aesthetics and beliefs of the romanticism movement and adopted them for my own!
T-Rex: I now emphasize my own subjective experience as visionary and trancendental!
T-Rex: I no longer value piety or virtue, or constancy (or consistency), or even the search for scientific truth! I only value my ow... | |
149 | it's true, it is far too specific a stereotype | T-Rex: I have been secretly working on my first novel!
T-Rex: I call it, "Love and the Dead-Eyed Stoolie!"
T-Rex: The exclaimation mark belongs inside the title. It is that exciting a novel!
T-Rex: It stars a T-Rex as a hard-boiled detective, and a conniving Utahraptor as the Dead-Eyed Stoolie!
T-Rex: A "stoolie" is so... | |
150 | it is awesome when somebody is singing the same song you are | T-Rex: Dear, when you smile at me,
T-Rex: I heard a melody!
T-Rex: It haunted me from the start!
T-Rex: Something inside of me...
Utahraptor: ... started a symphony!
T-Rex and Utahraptor: "Zing!" went the strings of my heart!
T-Rex (punchline): That was awesome!
| |
151 | boo | Narrator: THE MOVING COMIC
T-Rex: I have a friend...
T-Rex: Let's call him "Ryan"!
T-Rex: Anyway, "Ryan" moved to a new city this weekend. He loaded up all his books into his car, but when he arrived, they were soaked!
T-Rex: Ruined.
T-Rex: PULP.
T-Rex: I understand he was pretty upset about this.
Utahraptor: Oh well!
... | |
152 | really, don't let it bother you at all! | Narrator: ADVENTURE COMICS!
T-Rex: Oh boy!
T-Rex: Today is a good day I think... for an ADVENTURE!
Narrator: THE END
T-Rex: What? But I never got to go on my adventure!
T-Rex: God damn it!
T-Rex: This makes me so angry!
Utahraptor: Me too!
T-Rex: Why are you angry?
Utahraptor: I was hoping your adventure would take you... | |
153 | dinosaurs shouldn't read sue grafton | T-Rex: Well, my screenplay for "(A)bort, (R)etry, (M)urder?" didn't work out. Nobody wanted to produce it! So, I have started a new screenplay, based on the Structured Query Language for databases!
T-Rex: It's called...
T-Rex: "UPDATE bodies SET status = 'DEAD'"!
T-Rex: It's about a database administrator for a large c... | |
154 | 'i just thought i'd drop in!' he shouts, descending | Narrator: EXCITEMENT COMICS
T-Rex: Today is a good day I think to find some excitement!
T-Rex: Hmm... stomping this house is kind of exciting, but it's a more familiar feeling - like getting served a favourite meal. It's good, but I know how it's going to end. I think I can do something more exciting.
T-Rex: Well! Stom... | |
162 | the t-rex is acutely aware of the ironies in his own life | T-Rex: I have noticed that eating different foods has different physiological effects on myself. There must be some 'balanced diet' that maximizes the agreeable effects of such nourishment!
T-Rex: With this in mind, I have created... the Nutrinomicon!
T-Rex: The Nutrinomicon divides foods into four different 'groups'. ... | |
163 | the alternate ending panel had the t-rex just standing there, speechless with outrage | Narrator: FILMIC TECHNIQUES COMICS
T-Rex: Oh boy!
T-Rex: I believe I'll offer some advice on employing everyday filmic techniques!
T-Rex: To begin: when filming, you always want to stay on one side of the action. This is because if you suddenly start filming from the OPPOSITE side of the action, it will appear to be re... | |
164 | try to keep up! | T-Rex: When you spend your time talking to a T-Rex...
T-Rex: Everyone's a winner!
Narrator: SOON:
T-Rex: Hello, Dromiceiomimus. Would you care to have a little chat, perhaps?
Dromiceiomimus: Gosh, I'm sorry - I was just on my way to the grocery store. Some other time, OK?
T-Rex: Oh, OK.
T-Rex: Well that neither proves ... | |
165 | see? it says right here: 'fire insurance' | T-Rex: What's the deal with people who quote other people all the time?
Narrator: PEOPLE WHO QUOTE OTHER PEOPLE ALL THE TIME COMICS
T-Rex: Anyway, I'd better get on with my day!
Narrator: THE END
Narrator: 'T-REX, YOUR HOUSE IS ON FIRE!'
Utahraptor: T-Rex, your house is on fire!
T-Rex: I know! I'm trying to collect on ... | |
166 | it was pretty neat | Narrator: JOY COMICS
T-Rex: "Joy"?!
T-Rex: Who uses the word "joy" anymore?
T-Rex: "Happy", sure - but outside of a religious context, is anything described as "joyous" anymore?
T-Rex: Besides weddings, I guess. And childbirths.
Utahraptor: Maybe you're too old and cynical and embittered to believe in things like joy, ... | |
167 | specifically, he's glad that nobody knows he's fantasized about being of the opposite gender and of dating his best friend | T-Rex: I wonder what life would be like if I were a woman!
T-Rex: I wonder!
T-Rex: [starts daydreaming]
[T-Rex's daydream]
T-Rex: Hello Dromiceiomimus! Do you want to go shopping for women's underwear? We are after all both women!
Dromiceiomimus: That is true! I see no reason why we both couldn't go out and buy some wo... | |
168 | re-read it using a sarcastic tone the whole time for a second, more illustrative comic | Narrator: SARCASM COMICS
T-Rex: What if people can't tell when I'm being sarcastic?
T-Rex: This is a serious question! What if in the past, when I assume somebody has picked up on what I took to be obvious sarcasm, they took me at face value?
T-Rex: Oh my God! The misunderstandings would be legion! This is a huge conce... | |
169 | i stole most of the dialogue for this comic off the messageboard! (thanks joey and justinpie and vituperator, i stole your words!) | T-Rex: I just found out that a hurricane is expected to hit this area!
T-Rex: More specifically, the area including my house!
T-Rex: A category one! We hardly ever get actual hurricanes here!
T-Rex: I am the EXCITED one.
T-Rex: In fact - more like category fun! This is going to be awesome!
Utahraptor: Aren't you afraid... | |
170 | that's right, he should | Narrator: T-REX IN: "COMPUTATIONAL LINGUISTICS"
T-Rex: Computational linguistics is the study of computer-based language processing!
T-Rex: A major area of computational lingistics is that of "ambiguity resolution". It turns out that many things people say in a language - English, for example - can have more than one m... | |
171 | that's why no pictures allowed at MY wedding | T-Rex: I received an invitation via the post last night! A very exclusive invitation...
T-Rex: ... to a wedding!
Dromiceiomimus: Who's getting married?
T-Rex: A friend of mine! She's getting married to a woman she met four years ago!
Dromiceiomimus: Wow!
Utahraptor: Ooh! Ooh! Can I be your guest for the wedding?
T-Rex:... | |
172 | why are THEY nervous? | Narrator: AT THE WEDDING
T-Rex: Being at my first wedding is exciting, but also makes me nervous!
T-Rex: Dromiceiomimus! What are YOU doing here?
Dromiceiomimus: It turns out MY sister knows your friend's bride! Small world!
T-Rex: Yeah, small world!
Utahraptor: T-Rex! The wedding is about to start!
T-Rex: Oh man! How ... | |
173 | today's last panel is ANOTHER good email signature line! especially if you're a businessman/woman!
Imagine:
In conclusion: all evidence points to the fact that, despite misgivings, we must begin to consider utilizing 'coop-etition' and start workin | Narrator: AT THE RECEPTION:
T-Rex: Well, the wedding went off without a hitch!
T-Rex: Ha ha, not counting the slang meaning of 'hitch' of course!
T-Rex: What did you think of the wedding, Dromiceiomimus?
Dromiceiomimus: I promised myself I wouldn't cry, but I cried! It was a beautiful wedding. Are you going to see the ... | |
174 | people as impressionable as he should be careful what they read | T-Rex: This marriage has gotten me thinking about monogamy.
T-Rex: I did some research!
T-Rex: I found a book called "The Ethical Slut"!
T-Rex: Basically it gives advice for having loving polygamous relationships. A lot of it makes sense! Like say your girlfriend has a best friend, and they go out one night. You're hap... | |
175 | nintendo is also the coolest! | Narrator: COMICS WITH EMBEDDED FASHION ADVICE
Narrator: PART ONE
T-Rex: Man, did you see what that Triceratops was wearing at the film last night?
Dromiceiomimus: Yeah, he has really bad fashion sense!
T-Rex: You said it!
Utahraptor: Did you see him last weekend?
T-Rex: No, what was he wearing?
Utahraptor: Well, let's ... | |
176 | they were going to call it 'dinobore' comics originally, but 'dinosnore' came through at the last second | Image description: The comic is in greyscale, and characters have rectangular speech balloons
Heading: Paleontology Phunnies Dept.
MAD writers: Once in a long while we come across a comic strip that is so mind-bogglingly bad, we can't help but wonder why it isn't already extinct! It's time for a MAD look at...
Heading:... | |
178 | the utahraptor is not too upset because he got to eat all the food himself | T-Rex: Today is Thanksgiving Day!
Narrator: THANKSGIVING DAY COMICS
T-Rex: I'm excited! I always look forward to all the food you get to eat during Thanksgiving!
T-Rex: My favourite is mashed potatoes! I've left extra room in my stomach for mashed potatoes!
Dromiceiomimus: But, T-Rex, Thanksgiving was -
T-Rex: Sorry to... | |
179 | wait a minute! these aren't real photographs! | Narrator: T-REX IN:
Narrator: "THE WHITE LIE THAT SPIRALED OUT OF CONTROL"
T-Rex: I stayed at home last night and watched a movie!
T-Rex: But as to not appear nerdy, I told everyone that I went out "clubbing"!
Narrator: PRESENTLY:
Dromiceiomimus: How was the club, T-Rex?
T-Rex: It was great! I had a great time dancing ... | |
181 | seriously, where the heck did he go? | [Utahraptor's daydream]
T-Rex: I've come up with some patently absurd ideas that I will pontificate upon, only to annoy the Utahraptor!
T-Rex: I just bet I do this because I'm bored!
[Utahraptor's daydream]
T-Rex: I'm probably jealous of him too!
T-Rex: Probably!
[Utahraptor's daydream]
T-Rex: Not that I'd ever tell hi... | |
182 | hey, it's my birthday too! | T-Rex: Today is a good day I think for increasing the integral count of my age!
Narrator: BIRTHDAY FUNNIES
Narrator: FUNNY 1:
Dromiceiomimus: I didn't know today was your birthday! Happy birthday!
T-Rex: Thank you!
Dromiceiomimus: Were any famous men or women born on your birthday?
T-Rex: Nope, only little babies!
Narr... | |
183 | he'd forgotten about that | T-Rex: Ahh, another relaxing day for me, T-Rex, the king of the dinosaurs and the dinosaur of kings.
Narrator: T-REX IN: "THE DANGERS OF HUBRIS"
Narrator: a cautionary tale
T-Rex: And yet, my mighty heart is troubled.
T-Rex: What is left for me to do? I am king of all that I survey! I am the dominant creature on the pl... | |
184 | he had thought that chicks would dig a guy who could point out flaws in their reasoning | T-Rex: Well, that's another house gone. I seem to be going through houses like other people go through -
T-Rex: um
T-Rex: - some manner of disposable goods!
Dromiceiomimus: Do you think this might be the result of all the bad house-related karma you've earned by stomping on other people's houses every day?
T-Rex: I don... | |
185 | i originally had a comic about cuttlefish: the sentient cephalopods
but they are just too damn freaky | T-Rex: I'm opening up my own detective agency!
T-Rex: I'm going to solve MYSTERIES!
T-Rex: Hello, Dromiceiomimus. Do you have any mysteries you'd like solved?
Dromiceiomimus: Well, not right now, but tell you what, T-Rex: if any come up, you'll be the first person I'll call!
T-Rex: Excellent!
Utahraptor: I've got a mys... | |
186 | they live in a small town where everybody knows everybody else's birthday, and also their grandfather's birthday | T-Rex: I heard it was somebody's birthday today...
T-Rex: My grandfather's!
T-Rex: Wow, that's exciting! I wonder who'll be at the party tonight?
T-Rex: Will there be cake?
T-Rex: I'll show off my balloon-animal-making skills!
Utahraptor: T-Rex, you missed his birthday! It was days ago!
T-Rex: What?
Utahraptor: Yeah, t... | |
187 | his costume would be a confusing mix of signals | T-Rex: Hallowe'en is coming up!
T-Rex: Which means, of course, that I had better get started working on my costume!
T-Rex: 2 years ago I went as a ninja! That was awesome, because I got to hit people with my ninja stick!
T-Rex: Last year I was a bear!
T-Rex: That was not so awesome.
Utahraptor: Working on costume ideas... | |
188 | we used to play like this when we were kids | T-Rex: I need to have the best costume ever this Hallowe'en!
T-Rex: But I don't want to do something that's been done before!
Dromiceiomimus: How about a spooky mummy?
T-Rex: Lame.
Dromiceiomimus: A puppy?
T-Rex: Lame!
T-Rex: I know! I'll go as a robot!
Utahraptor: A robot?!
T-Rex: What's cooler than a robotic T-Rex?
T... | |
189 | they just sort of hang there | T-Rex: Maybe I'll dress up for Hallowe'en as a Utahraptor!
T-Rex: That's a great idea!
T-Rex: Then I'll be able to walk up to his friends and insult them!
T-Rex: They'll think it's he who is the one who is insulting them!
T-Rex: I could wear this costume ALL THE TIME.
T-Rex: Then it's decided! I will be a Utahraptor fo... | |
190 | that's one impressive epitaph | T-Rex: I just realized that if I transformed what people say to me into something I want to hear, I will only hear things that appeal to me!
T-Rex: Genius!
T-Rex: I should have thought of this years ago!
Narrator: THE DIFFERENCE BETWEEN WHAT IS TRANSMITTED AND WHAT IS RECEIVED an allegorical comic and comic allegory
T-... | |
191 | i submit to you that nobody would want to live in a world with such a language! | T-Rex: I have been thinking about what the Utahraptor said yesterday, and by extension the ambiguity allowable in language!
T-Rex: Take the Bible, for instance!
T-Rex: There's a text passed down for hundreds of generations, translated, re-written, re-edited.
T-Rex: Even if you don’t assume that it’s the Word of God, th... | |
192 | see also: the story where a hen baked some bread and none of the other farm animals would help her so she ate it all herself while the others STARVED | Narrator: FABLES TOLD IN SUCH A WAY AS TO APPEAL TO THE GREED OF THE READER IN AN ATTEMPT TO GET HIM OR HER TO ACT MORE MORALISTICALLY COMICS
Narrator: Once upon a time:
T-Rex: Everything I have is mine, and mine alone!
T-Rex: If other people want to use what's mine, they will have to get their own.
T-Rex: There's only... | |
193 | that's the kind of story that should wait until at least a second date | Narrator: HOW TO MEET NEW PEOPLE
T-Rex: Meeting new people can be fun!
T-Rex: It can be tiring if you are meeting a lot of new people at once, however. Here are some tips on how to meet lots of people at once:
T-Rex: • Wear something that will identify you and make you easy-to-remember! I recommend a "crazy" scarf or a... | |
194 | is he making finger-quotes?!? | T-Rex: So...
T-Rex: Polygamy!
T-Rex: I've discovered that the problem with researching this sort of thing (polygamy) (the subject of which I'm speaking) is that everybody has an agenda!
T-Rex: It's like vegetarianism: all you hear is from the militant extremes ("Meat is Murder!" "Vegetarians are Sissies!") and it's har... | |
195 | it's true, he's not married to it | T-Rex: I've discovered something exciting!
T-Rex: Writing free-form poetry is easy, if you just write whatever pops into your head!
T-Rex: Observe!
T-Rex: radiantbox
T-Rex: [the first word is written such that the letters form a '\' shape, the other words are raising in a '/' shape] falling up to heaven
T-Rex: The end!... | |
196 | this is more 'educational' than 'funny' | Narrator: RECIPE COMICS
Narrator: today's recipe:
Narrator: CHICK PEAS IN COCONUT MILK
Narrator: CUT AND SAVE!
T-Rex: Tonight is a good night I think for having Chick Peas in Coconut Milk for dinner!
T-Rex: I believe I will combine in a saucepan 2 cups of canned chick-peas, drained; 1 tomato, chopped; 4 whole cloves; 2... | |
197 | nope! it's SOCIETY! | T-Rex: I think it's time for me to get out and meet some fine new ladies!
T-Rex: Fine new SEXY ladies!
T-Rex: Any fine new sexy ladies, please identify yourselves to me!
T-Rex: I will be pleased to seduce you after introductions have been made!
T-Rex: I am the strapping young T-Rex stomping on things!
Utahraptor: You c... | |
198 | MUCH LATER: 'I shall become a bat!' | Narrator: COMPRESSED ORIGIN STORY COMICS
Narrator: Today's origin story: BATMAN
T-Rex: Well, I'm perfectly content!
T-Rex: I may be a bit idle, a bit unfocused, but at least I haven't had a night where all sense left my life! That's for darn sure!
T-Rex: Incidentally, criminals are a superstitious, cowardly lot!
Utahra... | |
199 | he's always looking out for c.k. | Narrator: COMPRESSED ORIGIN STORY COMICS
Narrator: Today's origin story:
Narrator: SUPERMAN
T-Rex: I am the last son of the doomed planet of Krypton!
T-Rex: Found, adopted, and raised by the kindly Kent couple, who could not have a child of their own, I was taught about Truth, Justice, and the American Way!
T-Rex: As I... | |
200 | from deep philosophical questions to jokes about funnybooks in 200 installments | Narrator: COMPRESSED ORIGIN STORY COMICS
Narrator: Today's origin story:
Narrator: GREEN LANTERN
T-Rex: "Green Lantern"?!
T-Rex: I'll be honest, I haven't read any Green Lantern comics. He's got that power ring right? And he can make giant green fists with it?
T-Rex: And robot suits?
T-Rex: Can he make robot suits some... | |
201 | the best part of etymologies is that usually nobody really knows, so the best story wins! | Narrator: COMPRESSED ORIGIN STORY COMICS
Narrator: Today's origin story:
Narrator: THE PHRASE "BALLS TO THE WALL"
T-Rex: Many people assume the origin of this phrase has to do with testicles!
T-Rex: In fact, it's quite the opposite. The phrase originated with pilots of fighter planes!
T-Rex: The "balls" in question ref... | |
202 | where did that come from? | Narrator: COMPRESSED ORIGIN STORY COMICS
Narrator: Today's origin story:
Narrator: YOUR SENSE OF DISENCHANTMENT
T-Rex: Your sense of disenchantment comes from a realization that the world is not as you believed!
T-Rex: People lie and get away with it. Murders go unsolved! There are people who only interact with you bec... | |
203 | they could talk about their feelings | T-Rex: I had the strangest dream last night...
T-Rex: It was crazy!
T-Rex: Or at least, I think it was crazy. I don't remember much of the dream: all I remember is waking up and thinking "Wow, what a crazy dream!"
T-Rex: I wonder what could have happened?
T-Rex: Oh well!
Utahraptor: That's it? That's all you have to sa... | |
204 | they're just standing around then WHOOPS | T-Rex: "Garden path" sentences are those that trick you into thinking that they will mean one thing, but then as you read more of the sentence, that meaning is shown to be false!
T-Rex: For instance: "The horse raced past the barn fell"!
Dromiceiomimus: Why, that sentence is senseless!
T-Rex: Aha, my friend, so it woul... | |
205 | alternate punchlines: 'oh well!', 'interesting!', 'i'm high right now!' | Narrator: HAPPINESS COMICS
T-Rex: Many philosophical systems seem predicated on increasing happiness, either for yourself, or more globally!
T-Rex: I wonder, is happiness such a valid goal?
T-Rex: Furthermore, if I had a machine that I could press a button on, and it would make me happy - perfectly content, indistingui... | |
207 | it's the 'but also' that gets you | Narrator: COMICS
Narrator: IN WHICH A POINT IS EFFECTIVELY PROVEN BY ANALOGY
Narrator: BUT ALSO
Narrator: COMICS IN WHICH THE READER LACKS SUFFICIENT CONTEXT BY WHICH TO MAKE THE POINT CLEAR TO HIS OR HER SELF.
Utahraptor: Well look at it this way, T-Rex! What's more important in a song: the words or the music?
T-Rex: ... | |
208 | there's that punchline | T-Rex: Suddenly I feel as if my future is full of new choices, new directions!
T-Rex: My choices are mine to decide!
T-Rex: But yet, I feel troubled. If I make some change in my life, what of those I leave behind?
T-Rex: I am happy here, but I know I won't be happy if I stay here forever. Leaving becomes a bitter-sweet... | |
209 | this House resolves that pirates with sufficiently awesome ships are great | T-Rex: I wonder, what's the best thing that could happen to me today?
T-Rex: Maybe I could win the lottery!
T-Rex: Or maybe when I stomp on this house, it will crack open to reveal treasure! Gold doubloons!
T-Rex: PIRATE'S doubloons!
Utahraptor: How come all your fantasies involve you becoming fantastically rich?
T-Rex... | |
210 | awww | Narrator: PERSONAL REVELATION COMICS
T-Rex: Forget it! I'm sick of everybody acting like they know what's best for me!
T-Rex: From now on, I'm doing what I feel like, when I feel like doing it!
T-Rex: And today, I feel like stomping on a house full of people I don't know, and then I think I feel like finding a loose wo... | |
211 | shakespeare punchlines comics | T-Rex: I have thought of the perfect prank to play on the Utahraptor! I will confide in him personal stories about my youth...
T-Rex: ... stories that, it turns out, are false!
T-Rex: That way, years down the road, if he ever chances to mention one of these stories, I will be able to say, "Got you!"
T-Rex: He'll say, "... | |
212 | holy i'd watch out if i were Michael R. Sandy, professor of geology at the University of Dayton! | T-Rex: Brrr... it's getting cold out!
T-Rex: This means that winter is coming!
T-Rex: Luckily, as a warm-blooded being, this cold weather means little to me!
Utahraptor: That's a matter of some debate!
T-Rex: Oh?
Utahraptor: Yes, some would argue that you are in fact a cold-blooded being!
T-Rex: Who'd say that?
Utahrap... | |
213 | it is an open question among the awesome dudes of the day | T-Rex: I have been thinking, and I have come to the conclusion that it would be pretty sweet to be called as a witness in some sort of murder trial!
T-Rex: Pretty sweet indeed, my friends! Pretty sweet indeed!
Dromiceiomimus: Why do you think it would be so great to be called as a witness in a murder trial? Do you want... | |
214 | THIS should have been called 'depression comics' | Narrator: OBJECTIVISM COMICS
T-Rex: Everyone (including me) is an end in himself: not a means to an end for others!
T-Rex: This means that I should exist for my own sake, neither sacrificing myself to others, nor sacrificing others to myself! The pursuit of my own rational self-interest, and happiness, is the highest m... | |
215 | all we can do now is lick our wounds and OH GEEZ | T-Rex: There are a lot of problems in the world! Someone ought to do something.
T-Rex: Wait a second!
T-Rex: I'M someone!!
T-Rex: Okay Dromiceiomimus, I'M going to do something about all the problems.
Dromiceiomimus: Great attitude, T-Rex! And I'm sure people already working on problems will appreciate the help. Which ... | |
216 | because otherwise, he would have done it | Narrator: LOGICAL FALLACY COMICS PRESENTS:
Narrator: "THE MIDDLE GROUND"
T-Rex: This fallacy is when you assume that since a position is between two extremes, it must be right!
T-Rex: It seems to occur because often, this IS the case. For instance, eating a moderate amount of food is better than eating to excess, or ea... | |
217 | those would be a damn creepy letters to get! | T-Rex: I was asked by a friend of mine how he could tell his sweetheart that he loves her in a new, exciting way! He's worried that he's said the same old thing too often, and that it's getting stale.
T-Rex: I assured him that there are infinitely-many ways to say "I love you"!
T-Rex: For instance, you could say "I lov... | |
218 | c'mon, don't tell me you didn't see it! | T-Rex: Last night it occured to me that an evening at the theatre would be a delightful distraction!
T-Rex: However, when I arrived, they were out of tickets!
Narrator: "THE STORY OF MY LIFE"
T-Rex: It's the story of my life!
Dromiceiomimus: What does that mean, "story of my life"?
T-Rex: It means that that one inciden... | |
219 | that's not even the real title of the book: the real title goes on for eleven more words.
alternate alt-text: 'have fun trying to guess which page!' | Narrator: DINOSAUR COMICS PRESENTS:
Narrator: "ONE PAGE FROM 'ON THE ORIGIN OF SPECIES' BY CHARLES DARWIN"
T-Rex: Any variation which is not inherited is unimportant for us.
T-Rex: But the number and diversity of inheritable deviations of structure, both those of slight and those of considerable physiological importanc... | |
220 | it's just plain not a sandwich! | T-Rex: I think it would be nice if I gave presents to people, once a year! Furthermore, it would be nice if I did this on a set day.
T-Rex: I will call this day "Dinosaur Present Day, Featuring T-Rex"!
T-Rex: Dromiceiomimus, did you know that Dinosaur Present Day, Featuring T-Rex, is coming up?
Dromiceiomimus: How can ... | |
221 | 'i will do this using capitalism' would look pretty good on a t-shirt | T-Rex: I need to think of awesome presents to get all my friends!
T-Rex: Then I'll go out and buy these gifts! I will do this using CAPITALISM.
T-Rex: Dromiceiomimus, if you could have anything in the whole world, what would you want?
Dromiceiomimus: Peace and love and joy and hope and truth and beauty.
T-Rex: Really? ... | |
222 | perhaps, everybody's motivation behind christmas? | T-Rex: I've decided that despite the commercialism of the season, I will still be giving out presents to all my friends!
T-Rex: However, I will achieve this by sneaking into their houses and leaving the presents there!
Narrator: SHORTLY...
T-Rex: Dromiceiomimus, I think you should examine your house carefully tomorrow ... | |
223 | is it classy to give a painting of yourself as a gift? | T-Rex: Dinosaur Present Day, Featuring T-Rex, has been a complete success!
T-Rex: People even gave ME presents! It was awesome!
T-Rex: Thank you so much for the little gloves, Dromiceiomimus!
Dromiceiomimus: Well thank YOU for the chocolates, T-Rex! They were very nice.
T-Rex: Nice chocolates for a nice lady!
Utahrapto... | |
224 | sometimes i imagine he and mom fight about me at night | T-Rex: Today I am excited! Today I did not forget my dentist appointment!
T-Rex: Today I will be the one to impress my dentist with my personal oral hygiene!
T-Rex: I spent an hour this morning making sure that my teeth were sparkly clean. I practiced in the mirror saying "Of course I floss after every meal", "Of cours... | |
225 | you heard me! everybody dies! | Narrator: COMICS IN WHICH THE MAIN CHARACTER IS TIRED OF PUNS AND SO EVERYBODY DIES
T-Rex: I wonder what the longest word in the dictionary is!
T-Rex: Dromiceiomimus, do you know what the longest word in the dictionary is?
Dromiceiomimus: Hmm... is this a riddle? Is the answer "longest"?
T-Rex: Ha ha, no, this isn't a ... | |
226 | i take it back, puns are awesome | Narrator: THE HISTORY TEACHER
T-Rex: Many hundreds of years ago, things were done in different ways!
T-Rex: Many things were more primitive. All of the modern conveniences you take for granted did not exist!
T-Rex: People died at a younger age.
T-Rex: Travel was harder and took much longer!
Utahraptor: T-Rex, your hist... | |
227 | i really like how the t-rex's smile came out in the last panel. you can tell they're such close friends that they can tease each other like this. | Narrator: NEW YEAR'S RESOLUTIONS
T-Rex: New Year's Resolutions are used to make changes in your life!
T-Rex: Classically, one would make private resolutions and endeavour to carry these out over the new, unblemished year. However, this tradition has changed over time!
T-Rex: People now choose to announce their resoluti... |
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